RE: Do your friends & family know? (Full Version)

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MsCameron -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/6/2004 8:31:08 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD

I want to say to anyone that is not *OUT* that you must be sure that you
are not only ready to be Outed so to speak but that those around you also
are ready for such a thing. Our Lifestyle is still not acceptable in many places
and Outing of such a thing can mean things like troubles with child posession,
job security, lost freindship and osting of the general public in your area. So
be sure that you are totally secure in your decision and have a support group
in place to get you over the humps your Outting causes. I am always here to
talk about such issues.......that is if there are no HURRICANES around... JMO


Wise advise :)

I've known 2 people that have lost custody of their children and another that was fired from their job after confiding in a co-worker who complained to management.

Be sure you can deal with the repercussions if the "outing" does not go warm and fuzzy.
Just because you think it should be accepted does not mean it will be.

MsC



SentForu -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/6/2004 8:43:14 AM)

NO, none of my friends around here know. My mom, would have a fit. I do have kinky friends who know and understand. But, they're not friends I grew up with. I do have a very close friend of many years. I told her just a little about it, and got the wierdest look...lol. Some people, just can't understand an interest in the lifestyle. Go figure...



dixiedumpling -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/7/2004 3:28:40 PM)

My online "family" knows I'm kinky. My spouse knows. Have a couple of r/t friends who are into this, too. None of my family are aware of my sexual desires. I've never had a family relationship where I talked of my sex life with my relatives. Parents are both deceased. I'm tempted to tell one of my bowling partners. She and I have conversations that include talking of our sex lives, but she is the only vanilla (assumption on my part) I've ever seriously considered telling.

I've told this before and won't go into a lot of detail, but a year ago went on a road trip with 4 other women. One told of overhearing a session taking place in the next cabin at a state park. The reaction was as one would expect. "Oh, how horrible!", "What perverts.", "She's being abused!" I just sat there and said NOTHING.

What's strange is that most people, that I've chatted with online, find BDSM exciting and fun and "normal". Most everyone else follows the party line of "domestic abuse". Maybe it's like gay people... I know them, I just don't know that I know them.



tymegagme -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/7/2004 4:09:17 PM)

no, no family knows. conservative people they most definately are. plus, they see me as a take-charge, leader-type person. they'd never understand!



subhubc -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/23/2004 12:25:12 PM)

Her friends know, her sister knows, and I think my sister knows. Yes, I have to put up with the occassional teasing. Recently, she has told me that she has a strong desire from more to know, I am not ready to go there yet, but she say it is "inevitable" like so many things that have evolved through this relationship. Im just not ready, its becoming an issue.



phoenix52 -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/23/2004 7:26:49 PM)

my close friends know that i am "kinky", but they do not know i am a 24/7 sub. i do not think they would be surprised, however. It is just a private part of my life and it has never come up.

my sister once indicated that she has sub tendencies, i am not sure how far her and her husband take that. once again, she knows i am kinky but not 24/7. i would not be against her knowing, but because i know her, i could totally see her being judgemental about it... and i don't need any more family tiffs. [8|]



ShadeDiva -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/23/2004 8:08:03 PM)

Yeah folks know.

Im an open book, pretty much lol.

~ShadeDiva



ropeadventures -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/27/2004 1:50:34 PM)

Maybe I'm not so hard-core... but this for me BDSM is like a sexual position.... So who would tell their friends and family that they used the missionary position twice, doggy style once and did positions 1 to 18 in the Kamasultra last week.....?


To me, its an intimate, personal thing so why tell other people.....?


I can shock enough without this... :)



MasterSamsslave -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/27/2004 7:26:59 PM)


[:D]
my Master has one vanilla friend who knows, and i have 2 vanilla friends who know.......and they dont judge U/us for who W/we are. W/we are not with these friends on a daily basis, so it's probaly easier for them not to judge U/us.my Master thinks my sisters may have some idea, but i have not come out and told them as of yet.

[image]local://upfiles/74564/1A8B99F38E62487FA6B5EA0DA2A87EE5.gif[/image]



Jasmyn -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/27/2004 8:04:52 PM)

I was interviewed for a film length documentary about Dominatrices operating in Auckland, NZ in 2000; a shortened version was edited to air on one of our major TV networks two years later. Up until then My son and one brother knew to what extent I was involved in BDSM and a few other family members knew I had an interest in it but not that it was all encompassing in My life. Being the youngest of 14 children I decided to let fate's hand fall and chose not too tell any of them the documentary was airing bar one sister I told about it two minutes before it was to begin. To My surprise they have all been incredibly supportive and My involvement is no longer an issue...to the point the carpenters and engineers in the family have offered to build B&D furniture if I need it.

The only person who doesn't know is our 80 year old Dad and I have made it clear to everyone that I don't wish him to know as it is not something he needs to comprehend at his age...but if he was 50 and had all his faculties about him I'd tell him in a second...I think he would completely understand.

Only one brother had a real issue with it when he saw the doco, but hearing that a few family already knew about My interests and that I had been doing it for over six years kind of took the indignancy out of his sails.

A funny story though.... when I first put Myself out as a Pro Dom My son was attending a local high school and it was parent-teacher interviews time. I raced into town to place My first advert and purchased a new cellphone to take B&D calls and got to the school feeling on top of the world. My first interview was with his English teacher. Introducing Myself I sat down and she fell overself telling Me how she had grave concerns for A but didn't know how to tell Me or whether due to the 'Privacy Act' she even could.

After much too-ing and fro-ing I told her to hurry up and tell Me...if there is something concerning about My son then I *need* to know! A hundred and one thoughts running through My head she finally spills. He had left his English book in class and without a name on the front of it she had to open it too find out who it belonged too and a loose leaf page fell out that contained information about Bondage Parties and SM ...I just about fell over laughing but contained Myself thinking eek how the fark to do I deal with this.

She called the Principal over, luckily he was at the time My son's rugby coach and we got on well, but he too showed concern over what was found written on this paper and that perhaps I needed to keep an eye out for A and the friends he was associating with.

I agreed it was concerning, but at 16 - 17 years old and with the internet the way it was I was not concerned if My son was beginning to explore his sexuality, infact I saw it as healthy and as it was an out of school problem then they should not concern themselves with it either...then in a moment of genius picked up his school report throwing it down on the table with a sharp slap and told them I found the fact he had missed five of his seven mid year exams as been more concerning and could the school please explain themselves! Why are their students not attending exams and why are parents only finding out weeks later when the school reports were out and it was too late to address?

The incident of the bondage paper was never mentioned again ;)

Jasmyn




Jasmyn -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/27/2004 8:10:33 PM)


quote:

a loose leaf page fell out that contained information about Bondage Parties and SM ...I just about fell over laughing
+ meant to add.... knowing instantly he must have picked up something I had been writing on and that he wasn't attending B&D parties ...lol if he was I wanted to know where!! ;)



Dryon -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/28/2004 1:32:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ropeadventures

Maybe I'm not so hard-core... but this for me BDSM is like a sexual position.... So who would tell their friends and family that they used the missionary position twice, doggy style once and did positions 1 to 18 in the Kamasultra last week.....?


To me, its an intimate, personal thing so why tell other people.....?


I can shock enough without this... :)



pretty much my views exactly. In my family its known that you do it (anything sexuall) but you keep with who,how,how many times,props,ect.... to yourself. The only people who need be concerned with it are the ones who are actually involved. I give everyone this respect in that (while I am curious as a cat) thier business is thier business my business is my business and anything learned no matter what judgements are made should at the very least not be spread unless it is spread by the person who is actually involved and I expect the same respect. Granted I realise this is giveing most people way to much credit to actually have common cutisy and decencey (as I view it) but I am not going to insult or offend those who do by pretending they are children and dont really need to know all the facts just yet since "they are so obviously not ready to deal with it/or don't know thier own minds" by hideing who/what/how I am it is there for anyone to find out but you not only have to ask questions you have to know the right questions to ask [;)]



my appologys but this required me to add something once sat back and looked at it for those of you who's "private life" involves the public eye or public places and such all I know to say on that is different strokes for different folks (not very original I know) but at the same time if you take your life into public dont be surprised at what the "public" might have to say or do about it and please be responsible enough that you choose a time/place where the children have no chance of becomeing involved be they yours or someone elses who just happen to think that playing in the same bit of park you like "playing" in was a good idea again sorry for this add on but thats just my $.02



sting516 -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/28/2004 3:55:26 AM)

While i don't think my family knows...i also think they suspect something...if they asked me...i might tell them...depending on who it is...not something a parent needs to know...but if my sister or someone i thought had tendencies asked, i might share...generally though, i don't think it's any more their business than their sexuality is mine.

sting



scarletrose -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/28/2004 6:28:16 AM)

I have not told anyone but i do think some suspect. I have to agree that my sexual needs and preferences are meant to be kept between myself and those i meet in this lifestyle. However i am very close to my mother and if she ever questioned me on things that she may notice about me, i would NEVER lie to my mom :)



MsHoney2you -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/28/2004 8:35:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sting516

While i don't think my family knows...i also think they suspect something...if they asked me...i might tell them...depending on who it is...not something a parent needs to know...but if my sister or someone i thought had tendencies asked, i might share...generally though, i don't think it's any more their business than their sexuality is mine.

sting


I read the above with interest. You see, once it became known among my siblings (there are 7) what my interests were I was accused as being sick, a deviant, disgusting... I took this for a while, let them get that through their systems and answered their questions honestly. One night My issue came up again and I had just about had enough. It was time to SHOW them what they were talking about, SHOW them just how dangerous what I did was. You see, thoughts are much stronger than realities in more than just BDSM. Fear of the unknown is a tremendous force.

I went to the trunk of my car, reached in and pulled out a couple of items of my special interest. Asked my youngest brother (32 yrs old at that time) to stand and remove his shirt. I then introduced him to something 'pokey' when rolled one direction and 'grabby' when rolled on the skin in the other direction (aka Garden Weasel, great fun). That got his attention. Then came the flogger. A wonderful, heavy flogger. After running the soft leather against the skin on his back, holding it under his nose for him to smell the leather, then lightly flogged him with the tips, then a little harder, he cried out "Stop, stop". I was at a loss. Why? I certainly was not hurting him!

His comment was, "Stop, you are giving me a woody and your my sister!"

So, NOW they know some of what I do. and have a better appreciation for it. All are anxious to come to a play party, some already have, and to learn more. After 'coming out' to my family, including cousins, their information was shared. I have a submissive first cousin who gave birth to two dominant children, one male, one female. I have an older sister that is Mommy to an adult baby, a younger brother that is submissive (now in more ways than before) to his very dominant girlfriend and is the proud new owner of the flogger his sister (me) introduced him to. Can you say genetic?

I do NOT include my siblings in anything sexual I do, but I encourage them to play safely, will teach them all I can to help them enjoy themselves in as healthy a way as possible.

It's ok to be different, and ok to be related to the 'different' folks too!

Ms Honey



erath -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/28/2004 12:57:47 PM)

My family are probably the last people I would tell. They have the most capacity to make me feel absolutely terrible about it if they dissaprove.

At the same time, I don't think they would be the most judgemental over it, and would seem to be very accepting. But I can't and won't take that chance.



ShazadiHaven -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/28/2004 1:50:59 PM)

RiotGirl... some of us are born-again Christians... and some of us don't "preach" at people at all... some of us just answer your questions when we are presented the opportunity to do so. I've never shoved religion down anyone's throat, but I will defend my beliefs. Yes, I'm new to this, but I won't sacrifice my relationship with God over it. And I don't think that God has a problem with my liking spankings and being tied up, or even having something pierced. I believe God looks at our heart. Where is your heart at with God?



kiki blue -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/28/2004 5:59:04 PM)

All my friends know, some of my family know, I'm pretty sure my mother does, though I haven't brought it up with her, some folks at work know.

I'm not hiding anything, but I'm not advertising either.



bottominwa -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/28/2004 6:35:26 PM)

Master is second generation full on lifestyle family...all the kids but one who lives iwth his cats...totalyl other story lol, are in the lifestyel in one form or another. As are Masters parents who have been married since Moses was born lol. The girl's parents are bona fide bikers and pretty much get the drift, but don't want all the gritty details. Both sets of parents knew each other well and ran in similar circles so her fathers only question to her when she announced her engagemnt was "You know their all, off...right?" lol.

Friends, all of Masters friends know pretty much everyone He works with knows, He is quite outspoken and hides next to nothing, on occasion it has struck some the wrong way, we had one super christian private at our house for dinner with a group of people who made a point of coming into the kitchen to tell me it wasn't right that He made me call Him Master...lmao.

Now as for this girl's friends, ifd they ask she tells them. But it is next to impossible to be invited to Our home and not know, so pretty much everyone who comes into Our home knows. And absolutely anyone We went to high school with knows because of Master's families "reputation" lol.

Interestingyl enough she is getting to the point she really doesn't want to deal with anyone who she can't be herself around...so the few people who were "friends" mostly very vehement feminists she went to college with, well they just have grown away so to speak over the years.
sabrina King

House of King



realophelia -> RE: Do your friends & family know? (12/28/2004 7:17:29 PM)

quote:

Not sure if this has been addressed before, but i am interested if any in the lifestyle have told their friends or family about it, and if so what reaction did you receive?


I told one very close friend about my lifestyle. She wasn't judgemental but we have drifted apart since. For whatever reason.

As far as family, I only have my kids. My 19 year old knows that my Master is married (and has met his wife). But none of them know we are M/s. I can't really see myself ever telling them, either.

This doesn't mean I put on an act in front of them. I do defer to Master in their presence, at times. I also occasionally sit on the floor at his feet. This is sort of my base personality, however, and they really don't seem to think too much of it.

Yours truly,
Ophelia



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