Whose responsible?

Whose responsible? (Full Version)

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aleshaDreams -> Whose responsible? (7/23/2006 4:25:58 PM)
I observe community chat conversations where personal information is being slung like arrows at personalities within the community, which in effect is causing rifts to divide the community either by people such as myself not wanting to be involved, others that are turned off of something that could possibly be a wonderful enhancement to their lives, there is a growing and intense negativity growing amoungst the local community. Sure enough many of the participants are members and/or have some association with the the local executive that arranges for public events etc. What I see is a rift that is driving good people away from something that could be more of a positive experience. And the negatives that just can not deal with their personal issues in private and are bringing it to the public forums are creating an anomosity amounst people. For me it is absolutely fustrating, as in some instances I wish to be a positive addition to the community but find such drama driving me further and further away to the point that I wonder what the point is. When is it necessary for the executive to step in and say enough is enough, as these negatives feel they are responsible for screening who is an active participant in the community but only in accordance to singling who ever does not kiss their *ass of course. How long do we watch with a blind eye? A small part of the reason for me coming in this direction aka the lifestyle was what i percieved as some sort of cohesion in a community through roles people felt, feel and/or believe portrays their inner dynamics. I find in such a small public community that the drama is exaggerated tenfold by a few and more out of control than what I instictly felt it should be. For a moment in time I would enjoy to be dominant and give a good whipping to the negatives that bring discomfort to others in this community but on the same token I wish not to give them the satisfaction of awarding them for the attention they seek. I am glad my home is order, but I am disappointed that community is so out of harmony it makes it difficult to include it as part of my life. Such a shame so few people can not get along and feel the rest of us need to be burdened with their personal differences. Otherwise, I hope everyone has a fabulous week. And I am not referring to collarme in my subject. Best wishes, ad.

Estring -> RE: Whose responsible? (7/23/2006 4:38:59 PM)
Are you talking about chat rooms? If so, that is your first mistake. Stay away from them.

aleshaDreams -> RE: Whose responsible? (7/23/2006 4:52:47 PM)
Actually chatrooms that have the same negative overtones that attend public events. They are both a fairly close association So in essence there is a link that unfortunately is hard to ignore.

KnightofMists -> RE: Whose responsible? (7/23/2006 4:52:52 PM)
It's is the nature of the beast! You are going to find that in any group of any interest.

Estring -> RE: Whose responsible? (7/23/2006 4:55:23 PM)
I can't say I disagree with you. My slave and I socialize with a few others like us, but we don't belong to any groups. Really never had a desire to.

Cloudz -> RE: Whose responsible? (7/23/2006 5:12:50 PM)
alesha, I understand your frustration. I would suggest you take a long leisurely look at what you would want done if you "stopped turning a blind eye." I suggest you be very clear about what your anticipated outcome would be if you dealt with the issue in an overt way. The type of situation you are speaking of often becomes worse when confronted. I realize you only asked a question, and did not suggest you were going to go charging into clean things up, so forgive me if my response is off target.

aleshaDreams -> RE: Whose responsible? (7/23/2006 5:23:05 PM)
Oh Cloudz, I am not going to clean anything up.... I asked that the bantering be discontinued one evening so that the venue could just enjoy some intelligent and peaceful exchange, and was called foul references for such suggestion. I will confront the person in person not behind a computer monitor and see if they can reiterate on their name calling. I do not use computers to hide but as a point of reference. And this issue is so far out of my capabilities to deal with as 'one', but I do wonder why in this lifestyle that there are so many so called protocols and expectations betweeen Dominant and submissive interaction that communities as a whole seem to fail at shadowing the same. [edit] I do understand what you are speaking of when issues can become worse when confronted, however going ignored in some cases does not seem to work either.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Whose responsible? (7/23/2006 6:51:24 PM)
The fact is that people who get really into the scene for a decent period of time do so because they don't have other things taking up a significant chunk of their time, money and energy. Drama llamas will be everywhere. It usually takes 9-12 months for a person to realize just how pervasive all the drama and stupidity that runs through it- and that usually they have been sucked into it and contributing to the process as well. That is, if they are going to realize it at all. Just be yourself and do what you feel is right. There are articles all over the place about not spreading gossip in any forum- work, family, social circles. It's just how we work.

sharainks -> RE: Whose responsible? (7/23/2006 7:25:00 PM)
LA, first time I've heard the term drama llama, love it!!!

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Whose responsible? (7/23/2006 8:51:26 PM)
I have belonged to local groups and the past as well has Master. I found that it became a match between whose slave could take more pain, or stay tied the longest etc. I stopped going because I think everyone is different and not everyone can take or likes the same thing. The groups around here around about becoming a closer community, the seem more like swinger groups. So neither one of us chooses to be apart of these groups anymore. Manners have fallen by the wayside in them.

EvilGeoff -> RE: Whose responsible? (7/25/2006 10:50:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aleshaDreams ... How long do we watch with a blind eye? A small part of the reason for me coming in this direction aka the lifestyle was what i percieved as some sort of cohesion in a community through roles people felt, feel and/or believe portrays their inner dynamics. I find in such a small public community that the drama is exaggerated tenfold by a few and more out of control than what I instictly felt it should be.... There is very little cohesion in any particular community unless the leaders of that particular community enforce it. Group dynamics being what they are, you will have one or a few "leaders", the movers and shakers that actually do most of the work that needs doing and they will set the tone for the group. If those leaders are petty and back-biting, the group as a whole will tend to be petty and back-biting. If the leaders are conscientious, fair-minded, looking out for the group as a whole, the community will tend toward the same path. About 10% of the group will blindly follow the leaders, about 10% will oppose the leaders (regardless of what the leader(s) do or say), and the overwhelming majority really don't give a hoot as long as their wallets and lives aren't impacted a lot. A group, or community, can, and should, police itself. Unacceptable behavior is unacceptable behavior whether it is in a member or a leader. Unfortunately, it usually takes a massive upheaval to unseat a bad leader. And that usually means someone has to step up out of the pack, set themselves up as a leader and then have the group buy into the new direction... Revolutions or coups are rarely easy. I'm sorry your local community seems to be in such a state, I hope that there will be someone, or several someone's, who step up and out, who will actually LEAD the community in a better direction . My guess is, though, that if you wait for someone else to do it, it will not happen. My recomendation is that if you want a better community, YOU get out there and set the tone. Be prepared for a scrap. Be prepared to be ostracized or condemned, or banned. Be prepared to be followed though. And be prepared to have a community spring up around you. That happens when you lead by example. Best of luck! - Geoff

IndigoDadesi -> RE: Whose responsible? (7/25/2006 11:07:51 AM)
Each person in this community (or any community) is responsible for their own actions. Therefore if you act in a civil and peaceful manner you have fufilled your responsibility. Not only that, but by not getting sucked into whatever drama is going on at the time you are actually acting as a damper to the situation since dramas demand an audience and if there is none the players will lose interest much quicker.

MistressSassy66 -> RE: Whose responsible? (7/25/2006 11:39:51 AM)
For Me I find the Groups a tight bunch of people who have their own lil language that makes new people at the very least feel out of place. Then there is the cattiness among some Dommes.Who all fight to be top Cat. This is not true of all groups I mean no offense to the Ones who actually help. I started My own group,www.westernmainebdsmers.com/yahoo I think that it. Only a few people strong and its non judgemental and E/everyone is welcome....while it mostly benefits those in Maine,W/we welcome A/all.

twicehappy -> RE: Whose responsible? (7/25/2006 4:51:20 PM)
Some folks never out grow junior high school, find a different more relaxed group to join.

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