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Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/24/2006 8:00:53 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

i have been known to joke that i was too busy reading about or chatting about being a submissive to actually DO my subbie/ slave stuff.   "This slave stuff was really fun until The Him pulls up in the driveway, and dinner isn't on the table.."

It's a joke, i'm really not that bad, but i have caught myself looking here for answers or just culling wisdom and then got caught in 42 page threads that honestly... didn't improve my day, or add anything to Master or Doms life in the least, and i wonder if it's not sometimes just as much a time waster as if i had been watching soaps or Oprah, or just daydreaming on my special blankie i use for that.

Do any of you have to do a quick-catch on yourself so the balance of interaction with lifestylers doesn't actually negatively impact YOUR own Lifestyle?

Dominants, have You ever had to set up time limits for Your charges to keep that balance? Or have You ever found the time put in here takes away from time You might spend interacting with Your sub/ slave?

subs/ slaves.. have you ever felt guilty or felt you needed to make up for time lost in boards or chat here?

Master tells me He never reads msg boards or visits chat anymore because if He has spare time, it's put into direct interaction with me or His family. i wondered if that was a subtle hint that i could use this time better..   but i always considered it an investment in expanding myself as a slave. except for the 42 pages threads, of course. :)

i know the complete truth would be "If you feel it might be taking up too much time, then it is"   but i would rather hear how much value do you place on the time spent here vs the payoff. What's the percentage of content that is valuable for your own growth and knowledge, vs what is pure entertainment and fluff?

right now, i think i'm running at about 20% value, 80% fluff, but i seem to have to read 100 % of it to gleen the 20%!

Post #: 1

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/24/2006 8:08:37 AM

LL1aintbehavin

Posts: 104
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

Mavis.
Very interesting post and thought provoking. i guess that i justify that my time spent in CM either in chat or reading the forums are my socialization.
i have moved to my Dom, and therefore am unable to work yet. i do get my chores done during the day and limit my time accordingly.
i find that reading posts and chatting sometimes gives me new ideas and thoughts on the lifestyle, or D/s or M/s and i bring this up during the evenings which normally brings about good discussions.
i find that i enjoy learning and discovering new ideas and exploring them in detail with my Dom gives us both pleasurable discussions.
if He arrived home from work and i was still on line, unbathed, house in disarray i'm sure He would put a restriction on my time here.
Not sure if this answered your question, just the way things are done here.
aintbehavin

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 2

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/24/2006 8:12:06 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

YES. I have spent way too much time, some days recently, online. Especially now in my life, I can think of about a zillion other things I really should be doing: Cosmetic touches to my house so I can sell it, yardwork, dog walking...I have a list of chores about a mile long of things I could be doing. I don't have a Dominant (now anyway, it will be months probably, before that happens) and alone, by myself, even, I am normally really great about being self-managing and organized (would never really need micromanagement, I really doubt that).

I haven't had a problem getting things like laundry or housework done. I eat when I want to eat (or not at all, some days). So I am not "adapting to" (or serving) anyone else right now, who lives with me. If I was, I would do what they wanted me to do, as far as being off, or online. If they didn't care, because there were two (or more) of us, I'd probably be online less anyway, because I'd have more housework type work, probably.

*I have been ill, and that's one reason (or so I like to think) I've been online so much these past 3 weeks anyway. I've been sick ever since I got back from my Europe trip, at the beginning of June. I've got a cold that developed in to walking pneumonia (or so my doctor says). I am taking antibiotics and am supposed to be (kind of) resting. But the stuff I have hanging over my head (especiallly re: My house and maintenance of it, since my husband isn't here anymore, to make those decisions, even though I am far from stupid, and will research and make them alone) - it is starting to make me a tad nervous. If I cannot tackle things outside now, I am going to at least make lists and start contacting a contractor or two (for things like wallpapering, etc.).

I think there could be some things in my life right now, that are possibly just so overhwhelming to me, that I just spend more time online than maybe I should. I know they are still going to be there when I log off, though. Not delusional that way - at all. I think it could be a slight escape, yes (for me). I know that sounds like BS, maybe (probably, to a degree, it is BS. But I have been sick.

Nothing wrong with liking to be online here - in moderation. I am not sure it's been in moderation for me lately, though.

Also, some of the threads are really fascinating, I like the people here, and have really learned a LOT, I think. But - I think I am going to limit myself to 1-3 hours a day online (here, or anywhere else, unless it's research for something that must get done around my house or something). I read somewhere if you can't do that, you're an internet addict. I don't think I am (of course, I could be in denial, he).

I have plenty of things I do during the day otherwise - volunteer things, mostly. But that only takes a few hours. Once my "new life" (wherever and with whoever, and whatever it might be) takes flight, I imagine I'll have a job of some sort. That will certainly narrow down time online (unless my Dominant dosne' want me to have a job). That would be just fine with me, too. But I can (and do) modify my own behavior, and this thread topic was timely.

The internet can be a huge time sucker. I know that. Even some of my vanilla friends last week asked me where I'd been latley. I am slowly getting better, healthwise, but being inside meant finding things to do more inside, and this site was perfect for that. Also, the internet is really an incredibly useful tool and for me, it is a lot of fun - it's the equivalent of having a world library at one's fingertips. What a gift, really, that is. In moderation.

To answer your question: YES!

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/24/2006 8:55:19 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 3

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/24/2006 8:14:27 AM

zumala

Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline

Yes. I do find that I can get drawn into CM or other online activities to the point where my real life duties and activities suffer. It's something that I'm currently having to work on. Could be that I have an addictive personality that I'll always have to battle. Was TV then books when I was a kid. Then the 'net when I was an adult.

As the song says, "Back to life. Back to reality."

zuma

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)

Post #: 4

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/24/2006 8:17:36 AM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

I am unemployed at the moment, so I have way too much free time. You can only job hunt for a few hours and take care of household things, etc. Without my normal income I cannot do the diversions I would normally do and I am without a significant other right now.

I used to log in to collarme just to answer emails and then I discovered the message boards. I find them interesting for the most part. I wish there was more opportunity for those of us new on the boards to be involved, but there are many here who only speak to each other and with themselves, to tell you the truth.

So, I admit I waste a ton of time here, but it is much more interesting to read about what we do, as opposed to many other things. Since my vanilla friends are not ones I can discuss any of my thoughts with on these topics, the boards serve a bit as therapy in some ways.

< Message edited by SexyRed -- 7/24/2006 8:18:39 AM >

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 5

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/24/2006 8:35:31 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis
Do any of you have to do a quick-catch on yourself so the balance of interaction with lifestylers doesn't actually negatively impact YOUR own Lifestyle?

I used to be completely addicted to the net.

Chatrooms, websites, forums, all the time. For some reason I felt I just HAD to be there so I wouldn't miss anything, so I'd always be up on things.

Thank goodness I broke myself of that. While I still am attached to the net and enjoy it a lot, it's no longer a need to check and remain plugged in constantly and I do not allow it to interfere with life stuff.

Unfortunately, for people who don't have or won't take other options, the internet does become their life. On the rare occasion I do step into the chatrooms again, I am truly astonished at how many of the same people are there for so many many hours. I think how many great offline experiences they must not have had because they were online. And then I am chagrined at myself and how many many hours I used to spend doing what they do.

As always, balance is the key.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 6

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/24/2006 9:42:12 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

Mavis and all,

It is indeed possible to get caught up in chat and the message boards, especially when there is some 'drama' occurring. Ideally the boards should be used as a form of educational tool, and there are plenty of people here worth listening to, it seems. There is also a measure of arguing and sniping, but I suppose that that is regrettable human nature that spills over here.

I think CollarMe can be educational, and it can be an adjunct to the education that a Dom/me provides. However books, both non-fiction and some select fiction can be used in the same way. I keep my shelves stocked, many with titles I've had over a decade. Ideally, however, the best instruction is the personal instruction that your own partner can provide. I realize that there is only so much time, hence the assignment to do some additional reading.

My personal theory has been to always handle the responsibilities as early in the day as possible, and then 'play' once everything else is handled. If that's only a few minutes, at least everything got taken care of that needed to. If the extra time amounts to several hours, all the better I suppose.

Hope this helps.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 7

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/24/2006 9:54:04 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I do love the CM boards. But - am glad I will be able to go outside more soon.
I've got lots of catching up to do with family, and some vanilla friends. I missed the annual picnic with my Dining Out organization last week-end (not this past Sunday, but the one before that). I didn't want to get them sick, so I skipped it. I did manage to drag myself to the place where I volunteer with abused unmentionables yesterday, for a few hours. That was good. They said it was okay, and said they needed me (they are desperate for voluneers there). Hope it really was okay, because I don't want to make anyone else sick.

I am normally excellent at time management. But - the internet can be a very fascinating place, I agree, and I have found myself caught up in it at times (especially these past few weeks). Most of it has been thoroughly educational, though, I must say. My gosh, there is just so much one can read about, isn't there? It's absolutely wonderful.

At the end of the day, I do think it's how we help others that counts for the most.
I know I've been helped by many here, and hopefully have added a kind word or two, or at times have been helpful to others here. So, I could rationalize, I suppose, that whether I was (lately) doing that more off than online doesn't matter. It helps that it has also been interesting and fun. There are some great and fun and wise people here.

The spooky thing that can happen, though, when I find myself online a lot, is that I can seem to literally lost track of time. I seem to be in a time warp of some sort - and- losing that much time to online stuff can make me mad at myself just a bit.

Re: Chores. Yes, I also usually do the things I find boring first, just to get them out of the way. Some things (cooking, baking, some housework) I really enjoy. Lately, being sick, and with just me here, there isn't that much laundry, little cooking, and the house isn't very dirty, really (although I can be nit-picky re: That stuff, I haven't lately). The yard could certainly use some work, even though someone else mows and trims the trees. The garden is a mess right now. I do want to wait until it's a little cooler outside, though, to do that - if even just 10-15 degrees cooler. That will have to wait week or two.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/24/2006 10:27:42 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 8

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/24/2006 1:35:04 PM

JessieMe

Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline

Goodness knows I am addicted to these message boards.. to the point of being really upset when SOMEONE doesnt put something new and entertaining on the boards when I have read all the ones I am interested in LOL>..

For me.. its about being late to work. I have to read them to make sure I am as caught up as I can be because I work 12 hour shifts so I know that when I get home I will have alot of catching up to do.

What I find funny though is..when I go to work I have to open the store up. When my boss is also working its a matter of who gets there first. The funny part is.. he lives 5 minutes from work, I live 30 minutes from work, and we both are online addicts (yes he has an account on here as well.. I still make it to work before him :)

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 9

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/24/2006 2:03:30 PM

sophia37

Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

    Message boards work well for me. Im self employed and need breaks between segments. This site has most definetly informed me of me things I havent found elsewhere. So I feel justified coming here off and on when I can. Its helped me grow as a person.

    I've noticed that I change from time to time in my life though. While I may be here now, I may not be here a year from now. I will discover something new that interests me. In that way the internet is informative and addicting.

    I use it mostly as a tool to gain knowledge. Its also how I gain my employment. Without my computer, I'd be a lot broker than I am right now. lol. I dont do games or chat rooms. I rarely download music. Just biz and readings like Collarme.

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 10

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/24/2006 2:37:52 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

subs/ slaves.. have you ever felt guilty or felt you needed to make up for time lost in boards or chat here

Nope not at all- I am addicted to these boards but I don't come on and read until everything I had to do is done, and I dont chat with anyone anymore- Exchanging emails is about it.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 11

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/24/2006 3:19:11 PM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

I don't spend a lot of time on here. I agree that it's usually about on par with fluff reading, marginally better than fluff television. You're doing something better if you write on the boards, because composition requires thought. Most often, message boards are entertainment. You can get direct information about BDSM much more efficiently by reading articles.

You may be able to schedule your leisure time better--that's a question for you to answer. However, I would caution you to substitute socializing with family in hopes of improving your leisure. That's not always the best use of leisure time either, and it's not necessarily better than using message boards. After all, it's still mostly silly discussion, and spoken silly discussion is rarely as thoughtful as written silly discussion.

Monica

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 12

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/24/2006 5:36:15 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

Do any of you have to do a quick-catch on yourself so the balance of interaction with lifestylers doesn't actually negatively impact YOUR own Lifestyle?

Yes, that's exactly why i left CM for 6 months. Now that i am back i severely limit my time here.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 13

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/24/2006 6:38:32 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Well as LA siad moderation..of course what is moderate to one may not be for another.So for me work all day,come home cook,clean,contact friends or family for about an hour then I come on for about 2 hours ..about the same on weekends.So is 2 hours a day moderation?..ach! who knows..I just tell me self at least it is not 3 hours a day..(grin)...Tempting

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 14

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/24/2006 7:22:36 PM

stanton

Posts: 41
Status: offline

Its getting to me! Its contageous!
I only hope it is not fattening ;)

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 15

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/24/2006 7:34:46 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

I have almost 2000 posts in about 3 months of posting.

As me again how much time I waste on here....

Honestly though, I feel I have a good balance, because it's a reasonably low priority in my life. I just don't own a TV, so I spend a lot of time others spend in front of the TV in front of my computer.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to stanton)

Post #: 16

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/24/2006 7:45:48 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Mavis, great thread - I wonder if it will grow to 42 pages :)

I don't read every thread. Are they adding value? Are they interesting and capturing my attention? Are they wasting my time and adding frustration? Things like that will determine what and how much I read. There are also posters who capture my attention, so I may go to a thread just to see what they've put in it - but not for the purpose of the thread itself.

Master does not read or post to message boards, either. It's just a preference thing. He doesn't mind me being here, but he trusts me to manage my time accordingly. My assignments - from him, school, and work - are expected to be completed and completed well.

As for how much value I find here - it has been interesting and helpful to see and understand so many other perspectives. It has been good to experience so many points of views, and to form opinions with better understanding as a result. And, I've become acquainted with some good people here.

Moderation - ah yes, there's that. Sometimes I find myself hanging out here way too long (like if I'm home sick and just don't feel like doing anything else) and other days I am hardly here at all. It's a nice place to unwind to after work, and it is relaxing to peek in in the mornings with my coffee, time permitting.

I liked your percentages :)

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 17

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/25/2006 2:17:27 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I look at it as another form of reading, writing and thinking. There is nothing wrong with that. Would you think poorly of your habits if you were reading newspapers or novels a great deal of the time?

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 18

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/25/2006 7:28:52 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I haven't been in a chat room since IRC days. Back when Aol and another service were the only way to truly access the internet. I had that service and cannot even remember there name.
I've briefly went into rooms only to leave shortly after when it became very clear no one in the room actually was part of the lifestyle in real life. They don't interest me.

The boards, well when I first found these boards my dom told me to read them daily as if they were my newspaper. They used to resemble our discussions that went on for hours upon hours in real life with good friends.
They have degraded, and there are more places on these boards now that I just don't even bother to open the forum and read.
Someone said 80/20 I'd be one to say it is more 90/10. There are good points and there are bad points in everything in life. So, you have to take the good to get the 10% good.
I am here when I have a lull in myactivity for the day. The internet in general relaxes me. Generally if I am working on my computer nobody will even bother me at all. Not knowing if I am doing research or writing a paper...work stuff.
Do I waste time here, most definately. Though I've never wasted too much time that I don't get everything done in my life either.

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 19

RE: Time loss and CM or other BDSM reading/ chats - 7/25/2006 7:30:34 AM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

it's interesting to see everyone's responses. Thanks A/all :)

i work from home, and i do use CM as break time, but i have to admit, even though i can leave this hanging open and work on other stuff, if i'm on at 2 am, it's not break time, i've shut down work windows and am missing sleep!

When i used to work for AOL, then later as a sub-contractor in content services, i saw sooo many that got tied up with members in chat. i saw marriages ruined and homes destroyed by the time people spent online after their shift. i also saw a lot of little kids being shortchanged because moms were up all night and couldn't get the kids up in the mornings. It seemed especially hard for single parents when they can't afford to get out and need childcare every time they do. We cautioned each other to remember the company on the couch is always more important than the company onscreen.

Some of the ways i used to protect myself from what seemed to be everywhere.. i never password protected my e-mail or IMs, Hubby could read anything i had to say or i probably didn't need to say it. He never did read anything much, but just knowing He might probably kept me from a lot of shady discussions. <g> Of course, since i was afraid of losing my job on the morals clause, i didn't go to Adult topic chat area, and i didn't even know what BDSM was back in those days. (1992-1998) For the first few years i was there, AOL didn't even support web browsers!

Still, you can only read so many articles at LeatherNroses.com, after a while, you need to see how people live the lifestyle, and interact. i love the message boards here because i've observed so many good examples, seen the crash n burns, and i think i've picked up a lot of valuable life lessons from the people that pass thru here. i've also found topics that generated discussions in my other chat areas, or offline groups, or at home with Mister and Master.

So to those that have taken the time to share your thoughts, miseries, jokes, and links to sources wicked and wanton, thank you!

_____________________________

~ Mavis

none of this applies to me, i'm only playing with lables this week.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 20

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