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This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 12:54:22 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		This is for the male slaves who wonder how you get a Domme’s interest.  At least from my perspective.

It’s been a very long time since I was even looking.  Today I corresponded with a gentleman (which is how I address submissive males that impress me).

He addressed me privately on a post on the CM boards.  He didn’t call me Goddess or Mistress or Hey LADeeeee (as my sub friend did after he knew me well enough. Not a good idea to start a communiqué that way with a new domme lol)

He simply addressed me as Ma’am, made his clever one line comment which stuck to the post and not a flirt...  Actually I think we just have the same sense of humor.  (Gad... not TWO of them!)

There was none of the “crawling on my knees and kissing your feet” or “I’m so unworthy to talk to you, please throw me a crumb”

He had a profile picture.  I was curious enough to look at it.  It was a picture that told me volumes.  It showed me he had a clue about submission.  It was not an in-your-face type of picture... revealing but not too much.. Just tasteful. What he WAS wearing told me he likes quality and is ready. The leather cuffs with D rings and a tad worn.  I had told him he looked very much like my current slave and paid him a complement showing that I approved.

He wrote back in acknowledgement and offered another comment on the post we were discussing that was very interesting.  His manner of writing was intelligent and informative.  He did not close by saying anything about D/s. It was a nice conversation that made me want to know more.  Sure enough our next exchange was followed by a different picture of him.  Gee, and I was going to ask for another picture. 

CLUE 1: This is called anticipation of need.  He evidently knows women. 

Again it was a tasteful picture.  He did not send a picture of his cock nor start to ask for ANY information on me.  THIS is GREAT!  He READ my Profile!!!! 

CLUE 2:  I WAS NOT INSULTED FOR A CHANGE.

LOL!.. And the next mail I sent to him had my Domme picture in it.  Unsolicited. But I know he would have been curious and this was my turn to “anticipate need”.

In 5 exchanges of email- he behaved in a way that THIS Domme would have pursued if I was not otherwise involved. 

This is how it’s done guys.  When you say you can’t connect with anyone on here- maybe you are just coming across a bit intimidating with a list of hopes and needs

It’s like fishing. 

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 7/24/2006 1:24:34 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 12:58:09 PM   
stanton


Posts: 41
Status: offline 		Thank you Lotus Song, Ma'am.
Good advice.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 12:59:30 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Well I think that it sounds like submissive women and dommes like to be approached the same way.. dare I say that it is a woman thing? ...smiles

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 1:06:58 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Some one must have put something in the water at Cm because the last few emails i recieved from subs have been very respectful too...polite, freindly, funny, and not creepy, or crawly...

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 1:21:49 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Well I think that it sounds like submissive women and dommes like to be approached the same way.. dare I say that it is a woman thing? ...smiles


You may dare, M'Dear :)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 1:36:19 PM   
Milivoje


Posts: 57
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline 		It is a shame that a normal thing such as this is rare today.

It is a shame that most men today don't know how to be gentlemen.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 1:59:29 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

Some one must have put something in the water at Cm because the last few emails i recieved from subs have been very respectful too...polite, freindly, funny, and not creepy, or crawly...


I have to agree, it must be the water...I have had some lovely emails over the past few weeks.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 4:58:41 PM   
dsalphabunny


Posts: 33
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		it could be that the internet is in the process of killing the ability to comunicate politely and considerately.  in a real life situation you wouldn't just walk up to a person you were trying to impress and say "can i see you in less clothes" nor would you turn around and drop trou to show off how well hung you are, but many on the internet use it as an excuse to get away with such rude behavior.

bunny

(in reply to Cloudz)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 5:23:59 PM   
pissdoll


Posts: 343
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dsalphabunny

it could be that the internet is in the process of killing the ability to comunicate politely and considerately.  in a real life situation you wouldn't just walk up to a person you were trying to impress and say "can i see you in less clothes" nor would you turn around and drop trou to show off how well hung you are, but many on the internet use it as an excuse to get away with such rude behavior.

bunny



maybe, but i think it has to do with why people are online instead of searching in "real life."

some people are here because they can't get along in the real world.  they can't last in a relationship with anyone due to social skills issues.  instead of looking around and saying "gee, i have no friends, maybe there is a reason why i am always alone," they come online and choose to be disgusting and abusive to every person in their path. they view bdsm as a means to an end.....either as a dom: "it will be MY rules, and you will follow them no matter how absurd..and you cannot complain or leave me because i say so!!!"     or a sub "if i can get you to be my master/mistress, then i can cling to you and you won't discard me.  please, please let me suck the life out of you!!!"

(in reply to dsalphabunny)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 5:33:10 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dsalphabunny

it could be that the internet is in the process of killing the ability to comunicate politely and considerately.  in a real life situation you wouldn't just walk up to a person you were trying to impress and say "can i see you in less clothes" nor would you turn around and drop trou to show off how well hung you are, but many on the internet use it as an excuse to get away with such rude behavior.

bunny



Excellent point bunny,

One of the people who still exhibts the finer arts of communciation is LadyHugs. Everytime I read her posts I appreciate her abiltiy to speak with dignity and elegance...perhaps I should tell her sometime, that she reminds me to speak with more dignity.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to dsalphabunny)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 5:56:38 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I'm going to move this topic  to a different level.  For the male subs out there:  When a Domme asks you what you have to offer.. what is your greatest gift aside from "your submission, mind, heart and soul" ?  What sets you ahead of the pack, so to speak.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Cloudz)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 5:58:36 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		Well, sound the trumpets!  I was wondering what it was that I could possibly be doing wrong.  Sending message after message, rarely without so much as an acknowledgement.  Yes, I MUST be going about it all wrong I'm thinking.  And now, this wonderful instructional for the submissive male.  Don't get me wrong, I think it's really nice that You would choose to help all of us out here sending out pics of our wee-wee's and making our long lists of needs. 

I would like to ask a favor though?  How about something for the Dommes out there too?  Personally, I'm getting a little tired of being asked to jump through hoops-of-fire then receiving messages like, "Send me a pic." or something similarly creative and inspired (if I get a response at all). 

To the OP, it's not personal.  I just get tired of the double-standard and all sub males subs painted (generally) with the same brush.  I'm sincerely glad You found someone that works for You.   


(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 5:59:35 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Milivoje

It is a shame that a normal thing such as this is rare today.

It is a shame that most men today don't know how to be gentlemen.


I think it is the demeanor of the female that ultimately elicits a gentlemanly behavior.

Like begets like.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Milivoje)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 6:18:22 PM   
WhiplashGirlChld


Posts: 78
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline 		I don't think it's simply a woman thing.  People seem to assume that by the mere fact that you have a profile here, you're immediately receptive to their advances, whatever the nature of that advance may be.  When I am approached by anyone here, I would like them to recognize:

1. They don't know me.
2. That I meant what I said in my profile.
3. That I am a human being first, Domme second.
4. That asking to become someone's submissive, slave, partner, friend, Dom or Domme, etc. is akin to applying for a job where you aren't sure there is even an opening.
5. That when first approaching anyone about anything, assume you are speaking to someone who is very modest, uptight and conservative - don't say or send anything you wouldn't say or send to your Grandmother.
6. Say something to engage my mind.  Eveyone of every ilk gets tons of e-mails on this board.  If you can't stand out from the crowd, don't expect a response.

I don't know about anyone else, but my mama is an English teacher, and that lowercase "i" subspeak offends my grammatical sensibilities.  Before the prevalence of on-line subbing, I don't recall seeing a sub or slave write this way.  Last time I checked, Story of O and Venus in Furs were written in perfectly executed formal grammar.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 8:03:14 PM   
cheshireboy


Posts: 217
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I'm going to move this topic  to a different level.  For the male subs out there:  When a Domme asks you what you have to offer.. what is your greatest gift aside from "your submission, mind, heart and soul" ?  What sets you ahead of the pack, so to speak.


this boy would have to say that he can carry on a conversation without constantly thinking about sex, and is great at playing connect the dots between different ideas to come to a common point. 
 
cheshire
"if it was only just a smile"

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 8:19:45 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I'm going to move this topic  to a different level.  For the male subs out there:  When a Domme asks you what you have to offer.. what is your greatest gift aside from "your submission, mind, heart and soul" ?  What sets you ahead of the pack, so to speak.


Experience, wisdom, intelligence and the experience necessary to decipher the difference between wisdom and intelligence.

To be honest, if someone asked me this question during the "getting to know you" phase, I'd probably bow out and let them choose someone else. I hate competing with other people than myself. I've seen the whole weeding out process turn into a competition between prospective submissives in the mind of the potential dominant, and personally, I think it's why a lot of dominants aren't finding what they are seeking because they are finding people who are good at playing the game to pretend to be what the dominant wants to hear rather than actually being what the dominant needs to find.

I will be seeking an owner again after I return to the Bay Area, and if it comes down to that dynamic, I'll probably have to find a completely different way of pursuing what I seek as the whole "jump through imaginary hoops" process has made being a submissive more about presentation rather than substance. In my opinion, that is. But that's all I really have these days.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 9:39:15 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline 		Hi joy,

Your comments made me think about my own behavior. I have tried to respond to the intelligent posts that I have received. No, I do not respond to one liners or foolish posts. I can only think of two times that I ignored a well  written letter.

In both cases, it was oversight not intention. Both people wrote back - fairly angry that I had ignored them. I wrote back to both explaining that it was an oversight due to a flood of mail. One wrote back an angry and pouting reply. The other was respectful, persistent, and I have plans to meet him Saturday night.


_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to joyinslavery)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 9:45:39 PM   
LordDarkPleasure


Posts: 91
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

Well, sound the trumpets!  I was wondering what it was that I could possibly be doing wrong.  Sending message after message, rarely without so much as an acknowledgement.  Yes, I MUST be going about it all wrong I'm thinking.  And now, this wonderful instructional for the submissive male.  Don't get me wrong, I think it's really nice that You would choose to help all of us out here sending out pics of our wee-wee's and making our long lists of needs. 

I would like to ask a favor though?  How about something for the Dommes out there too?  Personally, I'm getting a little tired of being asked to jump through hoops-of-fire then receiving messages like, "Send me a pic." or something similarly creative and inspired (if I get a response at all). 

To the OP, it's not personal.  I just get tired of the double-standard and all sub males subs painted (generally) with the same brush.  I'm sincerely glad You found someone that works for You.   




Well it's more a matter of quantity.  male subs are numerous, meaning more desperate, awkward and plain stupid ones.  After that come the male Doms, that can be about the same thing mixed with sometimes megalomania.  That said, the only problem is that they take most of the visibility, but unfortunately that is part of the game, everyone has to either learn to ignore them or grow bitter day by day because of what remains an obstacle everyone has to deal with anyway.

That said, it's true that the community in general is way too negative on some subjects. I mean, this is a positive thread, but most of the "positive" posts in this thread are praising that something negative didn't happen...I wonder how many potential great couples failed because there was too much negativism or lack of humor in people's approach.  I am sure that if everyone in the community lightened up just a bit, there would be more threads like this one around.

oh, and hello everyone, I have been on  collarme for a while but only very recently started checking the boards. nice to meet you!

(in reply to joyinslavery)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/24/2006 10:30:34 PM   
dsalphabunny


Posts: 33
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashGirlChld

I don't know about anyone else, but my mama is an English teacher, and that lowercase "i" subspeak offends my grammatical sensibilities.  Before the prevalence of on-line subbing, I don't recall seeing a sub or slave write this way.  Last time I checked, Story of O and Venus in Furs were written in perfectly executed formal grammar.



this is an interesting point, and this phenomenon could be another example of how the internet is dragging everyone down.  i personally am not in love with either this convention nor with speaking of oneselfe in the third person... but... as a sub who is trying to get along in online communities without making waves for herself or her Master it is much easier to go with the flow so to speak.  it does have the added bennifit of having an easy visiual clue for when i'm speaking of W/we in the sense of myself and my Master vs the we of several friends and myself.  i realize that such a distinction should be obvious from context, perhapse, but at the same time it does make some things easier.   my Master feels that it adds a certain level of formality, a break between life and *life*.

**carefully checks her post for run on sentances then decides she doesn't care.**

(in reply to WhiplashGirlChld)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: This slave did it right- IMHO - 7/25/2006 3:19:46 AM   
soldierfunuk


Posts: 56
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline 		From a sub male point of view.  I would never write an email that I would not be prepared to say face to face in real life.  I think it should be polite, funny, interesting and informative.  When I joined this site, I wrote about 10 emails and got about 5 replies, thats a fair hit rate I think.  I put this down to all of the above.  All males both sub and Dom should be gentlemen, that is the way I was brought up and it has held me in good stead for life.

I have now found the most perfect Mistress through this site so must have done something right.

_____________________________

Property of Mistress Angel.
Please return if lost.

(in reply to dsalphabunny)
Profile   Post #: 20
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