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How do I get started - 1/13/2017 9:34:35 AM

WillingNoobRVA

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/13/2017
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My apologies if this isn't the right place for this question, but I'm new, not just to the site, but to the culture.

In the process of getting divorced, and my wife was a bit kinky in the sack, probably what would be described as vanilla. I liked, and want to explore further.

I'm more likely to be dom than sub, but don't really know how to get started, and don't know for certain whether or not sub could be fun for me too.

How did others get started?

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RE: How do I get started - 1/13/2017 9:41:04 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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There's a really good book list here. I would recommend "The Loving Dominant" and "Screw the Rose, Send Me the Thorns".

If you're in an active area, you should be able to find discussion groups and demonstrations/lectures.

Attend local munches/socials.

Find a mentor (so in your case a male Dominant) to help you learn the community.

And be honest with submissives about your experience level.

But, honestly, what works for you is an individual experience. For some, they don't want anything to do with the community. For some, the community helped a lot.

So, give it a try, if it doesn't work for you, keep going until you find something that does.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: How do I get started - 1/13/2017 9:57:14 AM

WillingNoobRVA

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Thanks! Was thinking that perhaps a female switch would be a good first time experience. Thoughts?

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RE: How do I get started - 1/13/2017 10:05:44 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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IMO, what gets a female ticking is often different than what gets a male ticking.

So, I think it would depend on her experiences.

But, I'm also going to add: BDSM is Bondage, Discipline, Sado-Masochism. D/s is Dominance and submission.

You can be involved in BDSM and never engage in D/s. You can engage in D/s and never engage in BDSM.

So, you'll need to figure out if you want this to be kink, a power dynamic or both. (Most of the community go with "both")

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: How do I get started - 1/13/2017 9:46:41 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I looked at your location from the profile. In your area, there are a lot of educational opportunities. Along with checking out some selections from the book list, you might want to see what is available in your local area.

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RE: How do I get started - 1/14/2017 1:46:22 PM

ThatDizzyChick

Posts: 5490
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You need to figure out what it is you want first. What is it that interests you? Is it the kinky sex? Is it having control of somebody's body in bed (or having your body controlled in bed)? Is it the idea of owning somebody (or being owned)? Is it the idea of controlling everything a person does (or having everything controlled)? etc.

When you watch or read porn, don't just pay attention to what scenes turn you on, but think about why they do. When watching some girl getting pissed on, is it that she is getting pissed on? Or is it that she is humiliating herself for the other person's entertainment? Or is it that she has to do it because she has to obey? Same sort of process for any other porn/fantasy, think about the why of it.

Once you do that, you will start to get a good idea of what it is you are actually into, what desires underlay the kinky stuff that appeals to you.
When you have done that, then you will be in a position to figure out just where you fit, are you dom, sub, switch? Are you a sadist, masochist, dominant, top, submissive, bottom, etc. (Note, these are not exclusive terms, one can very easily be a sadistic submissive top, or a masochistic dominant bottom.

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RE: How do I get started - 1/15/2017 8:22:08 AM

WickedsDesire

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Joined: 11/4/2015
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Mines was vanilla – very. Or perhaps she just hated my guts. But that ended epochs ago. I tend to date the person not a kink. Therefore I try to present all of me as is. You can still be dominant and have her on top or her taking you with a strap on etc.

Labels are difficult to define I am not fan of absolute labels. I typically use the word rainbow. I am not sub nor switch - strap on a twice. Do you hear what i am saying? As these places have a great many who are fixated over one singular thing - say ball stomping, cavity stretchings. poly(long as you dont tell their spouse),a slave to abuse, etc...still do not understand that lot to this very day.

What do you want from another huwman?
1. hand holding
2. cuddle
3. body heat to thieve
4. Smiling
5. Looking into her eyes for an eternity
6. Love
7. Kink - what type would you like - its fine talking about it. Reality is different and its perfectly normal not to enact every fantasy.

< Message edited by WickedsDesire -- 1/15/2017 8:24:01 AM >

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