|
Zenar -> RE: Still Need Growth (7/24/2006 4:22:17 PM)
|
I am going to try to keep this from becoming a poly vrs monagamous argument, but there was a discussion in a local group very similar to this on Possesiveness vrs Jealousy that I found interesting. In communicating this I am keeping this short so it will sound steriotypical, but there was a comparison between male dominants vrs female dominants. I am definately not going to say this is my own ideal or what I myself believe in, but rather an observation on a group of people discussing this issue.
The thing was that most (not all) male dominants tended to have the view that they would want to have one submisive or slave to call their own, perhaps let them play around with permission, and that they them self would still want to have others. In contrast the females wanted to have one submisive or slave that was definitively theirs to own. They might deside to share that person with someone else, but they would be in complete control of the situation. Regardless on which side of the coin you look, it becomes a question of does the male, be it top or bottom, do they get to have only one female or do they ge to have more? This is not to say that some females might want more than one man, but it seems there is a definate draw to the fact that so many men want more than one female.
In our current culture, the female can easily attract multiple men where as it is very difficult for the male to attract multiple females, or at least in American culture that is the values of this topic that we are led to believe. Conversly the natural anthropological order for humans as a breed of animal is that there are three females to every one male. So this is an inherant animalistic urge that we as an animal have cultivated, we as men are wired this way a the physical level. Now this is not to say that some of us dont enjoy a monogamous relation, we are after all more than a breed of animal, we have culture.
Now we look again at your jelousy. You have not stated if this is an open relation or a monogamous one, but regardless you are feeling jelousies, which I have to agree comes from insecurities. Do you really feel jealousy or is it that you only feel possessive? The next question becomes are these jealousies coming from your self, or are they grounded in some thing coming from him? The best thing I can suggest is that you sit down with him and discuss this with him. Hopefully he will help you work through these insecurities. It is one thing to feel possessive, it is another to feel jealousy, and yes a submisive is allowed to feel possessive of their dominant. One cannot ignore what they feel, nor can they change that. Fire still burns no matter how much you dont want to feel it!
|
|
|
|
