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Suleiman -> RE: Drawing a line at family and friends? (12/7/2004 8:33:11 PM)
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Personally, I have never really hidden in a closet - aside from the closet which belonged to a nice gay man with whom I was sharing a house, but that was only because it was small and dark and private and he had some really nice gowns that I could snuggle up to when I was feeling sad. That's a different story all together and probably WAAAY too much information. ::ahem:: what I mean is, I have never particularly concealed my proclivities. By the same token, I do not wander around beating a drum and shouting "Lookit me! I'm a leatherclad sissyboy!". Most of my family probably has no clue that I'm into bondage, nor do they likely realise that I like boys. Then again, these are also people I don't talk to very often, and when we do converse, it's the akward sort of family reunion smalltalk that I despise. I won't dodge a direct question, but that's not the sort of question my family asks.
In the small BDSM clique that first inducted me into the larger scene, closet behavior was frowned on. Then again, most of these people were radical queers who ran around wearing T-shirts with slogans like "Silence = Death". Even so, several members of that clique had to remain at least semi-closeted because they had professional careers that would be damaged by the revelation of their proclivities.
I have always held the opinion that whether or not someone is "out" is their choice, and it is a choice only they can make. However, there is a point at which I would have to call it an actual deception. Keeping a slave on the side without telling your wife or husband is definately dishonest. OTOH, Not telling your mother that you regularly beat and humiliate your boy/girlfriend might be considered simple discretion, especially if said mother has gone on a "self help/ adult survivors of abuse" kick and is trying to convince you that you are repeating patterns of childhood abuse (which you may or may not remember having experienced). Some times it's just better for everyone involved to keep your mouth shut and dodge a few of the more nosey personal questions.
Thankfully, at least here in california, so many people wear leather gear as a fashion statement, for the most part wearing a dog collar or handcuffs dosen't do much more than raise an eyebrow. Anyone that bothers to bring up the subject can simply be ignored for being a tacky boor, just like any other invasion of one's personal privacy.
I guess it's all just a shade of grey, but what do you want? I'm a bisexual switch, after all, ambiguity is just part of my nature.
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