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staying submissive - 7/24/2006 10:37:57 PM   
SweetEscravo


Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline 		As a single  submissive who isn't probably isn't going to be with a dom for some time, I post this question to you:
 
How does a submissive stay submissive or improve on her submissiveness without someone to submit to?

Thats the question that's got me going in circles these days.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: staying submissive - 7/24/2006 10:44:32 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, I am in much the same position, and I've wondered this too. Lately, I am intent on doing a lot of reading about bdsm topics, and have asked for some references on good books to read, and am also scouring the internet looking for material. But I also just like to read. But it cannot hurt me, and might make me a better submissive when I do find a Dominant or Master.

I also try to focus on being sweet and giving to people in my life generally, but that's been part of me normally (not bragging either) so am not sure that is new.

I am trying to hone in on just what it is I will be looking for in a prospective Dominant or Master, when I do seek. This may be more important than it sounds, because I know when I am "into" someone, my emotions can get the better of me, and I'd hate for that to happen with someone who actually is not right for me. Better to have an idea of what I need upfront.

I also think I may be a Switch, and am trying to decide how I can handle that part of myself.

I am also trying to determine just how to describe my needs, and also what I am like to prospective partner(s) for when I do re-write my profile for  when I am seeking a partner.

So - I guess I didn't really answer the question real well, but will be eager to hear what others have to say about this topic.

- Susan   

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/24/2006 10:56:35 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
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RE: staying submissive - 7/24/2006 10:53:34 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetEscravo

As a single  submissive who isn't probably isn't going to be with a dom for some time, I post this question to you:
 
How does a submissive stay submissive or improve on her submissiveness without someone to submit to?

Thats the question that's got me going in circles these days.

i am owned, but i believe, single or involved, it's best to keep oneself well rounded, develop skills and talents to their fullest, keep in good health, learn skills that would be beneficial to a Dominant if you become involved. As a sub/slave, Master enjoys my talents and skills. my focus is what i can bring to Him to make His life easier and more interesting.
 
As far as being more submissive, hmmmm. For me that didn't occur completely until i met my One. And then it didn't get deep and real until later when trust was built. Be patient, develop yourself and be ready so when your One finds you, you'll have plenty to offer.


_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
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RE: staying submissive - 7/24/2006 10:54:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		That's somewhat like asking how to stay heterosexual and how to improve upon your heterosexuality when you are single.

Just be yourself.  Do things that will enrich your life and work towards your long term fulfillment and goals.



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: staying submissive - 7/24/2006 11:01:24 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		From a practical standpoint, I was thinking of taking some cooking classes, although I have to say I do know a whole lot already (self-taught), and am not sure, short of going to an actual cooking school, this will improve my skills in a significant way (and not sure I have time for that now, I probably don't). Anyway, it was one thing I was thinking might improve my value to a prospective Dominant.

Anyway...I was thinking that doing that kind of thing (taking classes) might be something to consider? It could also be fun.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/24/2006 11:02:04 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: staying submissive - 7/24/2006 11:03:07 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		There are a lot of people to give to if you are of a service oriented bent, people that need you. There are children, old people, and animals that often need someone with much to give. While your developing yourself into a person of substance the  dominant that has it also will see yours when you are ready to go down that road...Just some thoughts

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: staying submissive - 7/24/2006 11:05:52 PM   
gypsyssoul


Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Balti., Maryland, living in Summerville SC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

That's somewhat like asking how to stay heterosexual and how to improve upon your heterosexuality when you are single.

Just be yourself.  Do things that will enrich your life and work towards your long term fulfillment and goals.



:: offers LuckyAlbatross a glass of wine
i was thinking the same sort of thing ...
like how not to be a woman ...
i think its more of what i am ...
not whom i am
 
~~blessings
 


_____________________________

~~"I have always sought this other side, but like a flame I dare not touch, For like forbidden fruits of wild .. just one taste would be to much"...
~~ blessed be

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: staying submissive - 7/24/2006 11:09:56 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		julia, that is a great answer. Yes, get involved in some volunteer work!

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: staying submissive - 7/25/2006 3:13:54 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Just be yourself.  You don't have to maintain being 'submissive' if being  submissive is what you are.  Thats like Em said about being hetro... or being a woman, or being whatever.  You just are.
 
Now if the question was - how do I make the most of myself, then something like Susan is contemplating is a good idea.  Take classes.  Be it cookery, car maintainance or massage etc - anything.  Anything to improve or increase your skills and make you feel good about yourself.  Make the most of yourself and your life and you will find your outlook grow positively and a positive outlook leads to a more attractive personality.
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: staying submissive - 7/25/2006 3:29:05 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		i agree, you submissiveness are not a car that needs maintinence, just be who you are unthil you meet that special somone.

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: staying submissive - 7/25/2006 4:11:53 AM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Hello SweetEscravo,


Your question to me promotes the only response that is valid from my point of view.

Being submissive is a part of who I am as a person, not something I do, or don for kicks, sexual or otherwise.

It is an organic part of my personality, which is not determined by others.

For example... I am intelligent, stubborn, submissive,idealistic, kind, artistic, nurturing...etc.

Who I am as a person is not defined by my partner or lack of partner.  It is the my very identity.  If you start basing the 'who' of who you are on other people, you are going to run into some pretty big problems...

That being said, there are parts of my personality which, naturally, can be brought to higher or lower levels with certain interaction with others who draw out those parts.... but both the good and the bad,they were always first, a part of me.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: staying submissive - 7/25/2006 4:31:06 AM   
irishbynature


Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella
Being submissive is a part of who I am as a person, not something I do, or don for kicks, sexual or otherwise.It is an organic part of my personality, which is not determined by others.For example... I am intelligent, stubborn, submissive,idealistic, kind, artistic, nurturing...etc.


I agree Puella. As a submissive, I find that it's just not a sexual issue as well. I'm a dreamer, a romantic, a nurturer, a giver...and probably as stubborn as you are! But, I do desire to trust totally, and desire to be protected from myself at times because  I tend to be naive and a bit tender-hearted. ((Ya just desire those arms to hold you and keep the world at bay sometimes.))))

I wonder how true this is for submissives in general?
Warmly,
Irishbynature

< Message edited by irishbynature -- 7/25/2006 4:34:49 AM >

_____________________________


What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller


(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: staying submissive - 7/25/2006 5:22:52 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetEscravo

As a single  submissive who isn't probably isn't going to be with a dom for some time, I post this question to you:
 
How does a submissive stay submissive or improve on her submissiveness without someone to submit to?

Thats the question that's got me going in circles these days.


You don't. You just go about your everyday life and live it. You're single... apparently gonna be that way for awhile. Life is not about submission. It really amazes me the way it appears from the post on here... how MOST submissives and slaves worry about being submissive 24/7. I 've yet to meet a dom  off line that thinks of being dominant 24/7.
You just simply life your life. Do whatever. Schooling, working, playing, LIVING. Not having a dom doesn't mean you can't live... doesn't mean you will lose your submissivness.  It won't wither and go away. It's not gonna disappear. As for prefecting it? Ummmm ...... there are things you can work on i'm sure... but just when you think you've learned something... it's not enough...or the dom you're  with will prefect it to his/her liking anyways.


_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
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RE: staying submissive - 7/25/2006 5:31:44 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
That's somewhat like asking how to stay heterosexual and how to improve upon your heterosexuality when you are single.

Just be yourself.  Do things that will enrich your life and work towards your long term fulfillment and goals.


I agree. If it is who you are it's not going to go away.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: staying submissive - 7/25/2006 5:34:21 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Being submissive is simply what you are;as soon as you meet your dominant that part should reveal itself naturally.

As to improving yourself that is easy, simply continue improving yourself as a whole human being. Read, take classes, learn a new skill, anything that improves the whole person will increase the person's value as a subbie as well.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: staying submissive - 7/25/2006 5:46:40 AM   
Sasy


Posts: 1387
Joined: 7/5/2004
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Staying submissive.....  I  dont think  one has a choice persay  on staying submissive or slave ... It is what we are it is who we are whether or not we are with some one or not... But one thing is to try not to  focus on the lack of a mate and work on improving ones self. It could be anything  from getting inshape to  taking a class to reviving your surroundings ... One thing I do try to keep up is working on my self discipline. This one was something extremely simple but  took work on my  part ... I am not a soda drinker but I am also not a water drinker. So in the morning when I  got up I would drink two  glasses of water before my coffee and I am a coffee addictit was one step I  needed to  take and as that  because easier I would add a task all before I  allowed myself morning coffee.
Nothing in this life is perfect ... except maybe a sunset but I  feel  there are always things we can work on ot  improve something about us to  make us more valuable to the one we hope to  find as our own LOL  My next goal is belly dancing *giggles* tho I  dont know that  will be before coffee or not

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
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RE: staying submissive - 7/25/2006 6:21:54 AM   
BillsGalSusan


Posts: 69
Joined: 7/18/2006
Status: offline 		I'll go a step further...

In my opinion, even if it were possible to sorta Dom yourself into being whatever your idea of a good submissive might be, it probably would not be a great idea. I've seen a fair number of folks get into bad situations when anyone who gives off that, for lack of a better expression, dominant vibe, immediately calls forth a strong submissive response from us. We all get that little tickle, but, especially as we are looking for, or waiting for, that special someone to appear in our lives, we need to have all of our critical faculties available to us.

If someone is actually dominant, and has the potential to be "the one", he or she will be able to bring out our submissiveness. IMO, the danger is that players can do that, too, and going through our day to day lives poised to submit, can increase the likelihood of that happening.

Another Susan (who tingles easily, but submits only to Bill)

(in reply to Sasy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: staying submissive - 7/25/2006 7:42:36 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		i know some fellow submissives who when they were not currently serving someone took belly dancing classes, auto maitenance classes, to name a couple of other classes that have not already been named.

(in reply to BillsGalSusan)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: staying submissive - 7/25/2006 7:57:30 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		The key is to be the best you can be so that when you find someone you want to submit to you will not have hurdles in your way.

Economically, physically, intellectually, emotionally, all those ways.

Work on becoming the best you that you can be. Then not only will you be able to begin a relationship if one should arise but you will be offering that dominant a much greater submissive. If what you have to offer me is solid and strong, then I'm far more likely to be attracted to that that someone who has only doubts and instability to offer. (I know that some folks like the other type of person)

Work on goals that will be compatible with future submission or service. For example while have a high-powered legal practice that takes 80 hours a week shows drive and intelligent as well as stability where is the flexibility to allow you to serve?

I think it is the same thing works for dominants as well frankly.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 7/25/2006 8:00:44 AM >

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: staying submissive - 7/25/2006 9:53:27 AM   
ClassAct2006


Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		Gay men stay gay whether they're in a relationship or not so I think it's much the same for us and for me. I usually have someone however that is from time to time I'm in touch with by email and that helps. There are practical things you can do like look good, exercise and as someone said above may be learn skills that can be useful. I think it's not a good idea to have too many huge gaps between relationships in general if that can be avoided.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 20
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