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Questions and rant - 2/6/2017 12:11:56 PM   
TheBuilder76


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/3/2017
Status: offline 		This will more then likely turn into a long post from me. I am sure the senior members will either overlook this or question someone making his second post. I brought my big boy pants so I am ready. As someone who has been out of the loop for over 15 years I decided I needed to come back. This is who I am. I have spent a lot of time on here, and other sites reading forums and posts, even looking at profiles. I am not actively searching at the moment, just catching up with things. I am trying to get back the person I once was.

Now for my questions.
Looking at some of the profiles on here. What the hell. Is almost everyone fake? How can someone that lists themselves as a sub or slave have a list of rules longer then my grocery list, and demand certain things from a master?
Have too many people watched 50 shades of grey, and joined bdsm sites with some kind of fairytale perspective of this lifestyle? Yes its a lifestyle not something you see in a movie that you think is cool, and you want to try. Maybe the movie is accurate, maybe its Hollywood misinterpretation. Frankly I don't care, and if I did feel compelled to see it I would kick my own ass. I deal with people on a daily basis that watch too many movies or tv shows. They come to me with unrealistic ideas, or goals. Then when I tell them what it will cost to do what they want they get mad at me, and cant believe it. Accuse me of being a rip off or something. It frustrates me to no end when someone who has no clue comes to a expert then gets upset cause they don't like the answer.

I have been not active for awhile. Maybe I am not up to date, and things have changed. Maybe I am old school. Maybe my experiences in the past were unique. I am not claiming to be a expert by any means, especially since I been living a pure vanilla life for a long time. Shouldn't it be if you are listing yourself as a sub or slave on your profile, you list what your into and looking for? Maybe list hard limits. Not a mile long list of rules, and demands. Oh and these so called brats... seriously. Your lazy ass wants a sugar daddy to buy you all kinds of stuff, and then they don't want to follow any set of rules? Someone hit me with a tack hammer please.

What happened to a sub being someone looking to explore fetishes, and their kinky side with a person? Finding a person into the same things, and setting your limits and boundaries with them. Seems to me like there is a lot of fakes, and scammers online in this community now.

Yeah I had a easy time getting into this life, and my 2 subs I did know personally. I didn't have to go and weed though a bunch of profiles to find one. In fact I was brought into this by a ex girlfriend. She was way more dominant then I was. Yeah I liked kinky stuff, but never realized this life existed. Being introduced to things, and her friends I quickly felt right at home with it. I took over being Dominant, and being more serious in my role. I became too serious for her with everything so we parted ways. My second sub was a friend of hers. It was simple I approached her asked if she was interested. She said yes. We set rules and boundaries, and that was that. We were together for a long time till she had to move away to take care of family. Lived pretty much 24/7 for years. Now the reason I refer to her as a sub not a slave is that I granted her "off collar time" in public. I would never grant a slave "off collar time". She spent equal time in public both ways. Yes I did lead her around while leashed and collared on south street, the malls, or ect... Yeah I am old we went to the malls back then. Other times she would accompany me with a very laxed set of rules, and we would appear to be a ordinary normal couple.
I don't get how you can list yourself as a sub, and ask to be spoiled. I just don't get it. Has things become more soft? I would buy my subs gifts sure, but it was mostly something that I enjoyed more. That was the extent of a gift reward in my eyes. Oh you have been very good lets go get you a new set of nipple clamps. Maybe some nice decorative ones. I sure as hell was not buying her a new phone or a car. Ok there was beepers back then not cell phones.

I definitely have been out of the loop for awhile. I guess things have changed. I am not the one serving a Mistress. How do these people listed as subs get to come up with a list longer then I ever made of rules for their master, and expect gifts or to be spoiled?
If I was to serve a Mistress, yes I would expect to follow her rules, and pay her donation, but I'm not so how does a sub try to get away with this.
I never said I wouldn't serve a Mistress. I am deciding things as I get back into this life. I have changed over the years so at this point I don't know what I want. All I know is that the more and more profiles I look at. The more it seems like a lot of people are playing what they think things should be like.

Seems like when I do start my search, when I figure things out. I am going to be plagued with fakes, and a lot of time wasters.

I would like some feedback from some senior members of this site if possible. I am trying to come back to this after a long time away. Maybe I am the one that needs to change my thinking. Maybe this lifestyle has evolved, and I am stuck in the past. I don't want to find the local scene, and be a fly on the wall while I figure things out. I would like to do that before I meet up with the local crowd.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Questions and rant - 2/6/2017 1:16:11 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Okay so your idea of d/s is kinky sex. For many of us it's about who has the final authority in the house.

There's nothing kinky about him cancelling all our plans because he decided we immediately needed to get a new tire. But that's TPE. I get to suggest waiting two days till we would be near the tire place but he gets to overrule me.

As far as who I play with and how we play, damn straight I only looked for someone who likes the same things I like and dislikes the same things I dislike.

Why should I do things I hate for strangers and get absolutely nothing out of it? Shit, if that's what I wanted, I could pick up a guy at the bar downtown and have bad sex.

And food for thought, looking for someone highly compatible is why you haven't done anything for fifteen years, while I've been in a compatible relationship for that amount of time.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to TheBuilder76)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Questions and rant - 2/6/2017 1:27:20 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		What's wrong with subs and slaves listing what they expect from a D/s relationship? Everyone is entitled to their own preferences. Because they list as sub or slave doesn't mean they should put up with just anything some self-entitled dom tells them to. All relationships are based on compatibility and be thankful people put these preferences in their profile so you know right away they aren't a good match for you.

You come across as if you equate sub and slave to mean having no mind of their own. That's not how this life works. Everyone is permitted to get what they need to be happy in whatever style of relationship they're in ... if their needs don't align with yours, pass them by and keep looking.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to TheBuilder76)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Questions and rant - 2/6/2017 1:36:21 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Edited...

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 2/6/2017 1:39:37 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to TheBuilder76)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Questions and rant - 2/6/2017 1:36:29 PM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		OP, I haven't read your post, right now I can't be bothered as it's far too long. I just have a few questions; Are you Bob, Bob The Builder? Can you fix it? If so why haven't you already?

Thanks

Needles

_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to MsLadySue)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Questions and rant - 2/6/2017 1:38:21 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheBuilder76


How can someone that lists themselves as a sub or slave have a list of rules longer then my grocery list, and demand certain things from a master?

For a number of reasons, starting with - you're not their Master. The reality is that this is a consensual relationship both sides are allowed to have needs, wants and to be happy. It's all about individual choices and relationships.

quote:

Yes its a lifestyle
I disagree. It is a part of my life, but it is not the entirety of my life. It is simply WIITWD.



quote:

Shouldn't it be if you are listing yourself as a sub or slave on your profile, you list what your into and looking for? Maybe list hard limits.
A relationship is about more than kinks and limits. You're focused on WHAT she is rather than WHO she is.

quote:

Not a mile long list of rules, and demands.
So, you're suggesting that an "s" type shouldn't have boundaries, wants and needs?



quote:

What happened to a sub being someone looking to explore fetishes, and their kinky side with a person?
Being a sub is about submission, not necessarily about kink at all. You can have a power dynamic without ever engaging in BDSM. You can also engage in BDSM without ever engaging in D/s.

quote:

Finding a person into the same things, and setting your limits and boundaries with them.
Not necessarily. I guess if you think the kink is the most important aspect, but for people like me it's about the person and whether I actually like that person.

quote:

I don't get how you can list yourself as a sub, and ask to be spoiled.
My personal view is that if you have to ask to be spoiled, you're with the wrong person.

quote:

Oh you have been very good lets go get you a new set of nipple clamps.
Oh, what a romantic.


quote:

If I was to serve a Mistress, yes I would expect to follow her rules, and pay her donation, but I'm not so how does a sub try to get away with this
Mainly because they've discovered that some men are desperate enough to do it and they take advantage of it.



quote:

I would like some feedback from some senior members of this site if possible. I am trying to come back to this after a long time away. Maybe I am the one that needs to change my thinking.


Here's the reality - online dating is full of scammers. Put on your big girl panties, ignore them and stop ranting about them. Next, I would suggest that you start thinking of female submissives as human beings rather than just a kink source. Starting with it's about who you're talking to rather than what. The what comes later. Lastly, all I got out of this post was chest thumping and negativity. Not really a good impression.




< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 2/6/2017 1:41:49 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Questions and rant - 2/6/2017 2:05:21 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Have to disagree with you on some points. When I was looking I never listed what I was into in my profile. Why didn't I do that? Simple, until we've decided we might be interested in a relationship, it's none of your business what I'm into. My personal private life, included what I'm into, is personal and private. I don't list those things on an internet web site. Being submissive does not mean letting ever Dom, Dick, or Hairy know what I'm into.

If there are certain things I am looking for in a relationship, yes, I might list them. Age preferences to name one. If I want a LTR then that's what I want and need. If I demand a monogamous relationship that is something I require. Don't even try to tell me I can't have preferences just because I'm submissive.

As to exploring fetishes, I have none, thank goodness. I don't want one. They are so very limiting.

Your ideas of what a gift are seem to be very different from mine. We buy each other things we know the other would love to have. Past gifts are a metal detector, TV, computer, riding lawn mower, clothing, etc. These are items that are wanted or needed. We gift for the pleasure of giving the gift. Surprise gifts are the best if and when we can arrange something neat. If he wants something like new nipple clamps, he buys them. He doesn't try to pretend it's a gift for me. How silly.

As to finding out a lot of stuff online. Good luck. Over 90% of those you meet online are not what they say they are. The odds are really bad for finding a partner. Best to do it in person. The best way to figure things out is to talk to people you know are into all this, which means your local people and your local munch. Don't count on online. First you have to waste a lot of time weeding out over 90% before you can even start a conversation. Waste of time.






_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to TheBuilder76)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Questions and rant - 2/6/2017 2:19:05 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

When I was looking I never listed what I was into in my profile. Why didn't I do that? Simple, until we've decided we might be interested in a relationship, it's none of your business what I'm into.






Same here.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Questions and rant - 2/6/2017 4:33:42 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

Have to disagree with you on some points. When I was looking I never listed what I was into in my profile. Why didn't I do that? Simple, until we've decided we might be interested in a relationship, it's none of your business what I'm into. My personal private life, included what I'm into, is personal and private. I don't list those things on an internet web site. Being submissive does not mean letting ever Dom, Dick, or Hairy know what I'm into.


I don't believe in this strategy. For me, this leads to alot of wasted time of developing a liking for someone and then finding out we are completely incompatible sexually and BDSM.

I do not want to form attachments with people who I have no idea if we are compatible sexually or bdsm or not. It's just emotionally exhausting later being unable to compromise anything.

But as to OP. You contradict yourself with these two statements.

quote:

How can someone that lists themselves as a sub or slave have a list of rules longer then my grocery list, and demand certain things from a master?

quote:

Finding a person into the same things, and setting your limits and boundaries with them.

So explain how are you suppose to find a person into the same things without stating your rules aka limits upfront?
quote:

Have too many people watched 50 shades of grey, and joined bdsm sites with some kind of fairytale perspective of this lifestyle?

I'm sick of anybody bringing up 50 shades of grey. Because every man seem to be ignorant that the "fairytale" of 50 shades is that the man gives up BDSM for life for the girl he loves who thinks it's disgusting what's his into. It is an ANTI- BDSM movie, where it basically says, "BDSM is bad for the person!" On top of that, the movie justifies the reason for the BDSM that, the lead romantic male is only having mom's issues. Emotional problems.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 2/6/2017 4:34:53 PM >

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Questions and rant - 2/7/2017 8:54:10 AM   
CaptR


Posts: 425
Joined: 4/25/2012
Status: offline 		You've received good responses from long-time members of this site. Relationship (defined by the two of you) first. Lay out your behavioral parameters, what you expect and what your submissive/ slave can expect from you. Real time, online you're just another Domly dicked Harry. Go to events, find the type of person who's sincere about meeting a like minded individual. Expect people to want something from you as well. Submissives/ slaves are human even if they want no rights. Everyone has worth, loves praise and being spoiled to an extent. Recognize the ones wanting a sugar daddy and just stay away unless it's your thing. If you're offering professional services make that clear, list what you offer and take it from there. If potential clients are dismayed by what you charge it's your choice to tell them to bugger off or discount your services.

< Message edited by CaptR -- 2/7/2017 9:45:13 AM >

(in reply to TheBuilder76)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Questions and rant - 2/7/2017 9:22:38 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Greta, having read what you've written in the forums I know my strategy wouldn't suit for you. However, it is good for me. Sex and BDSM is very personal private to me. How I like to live, what I like to eat, what I do for fun, what books I read, what types of movies I see are much less private but still very important to the large picture if one is looking for a LTR and not a play partner or sex partner. I'd be wasting equally as much time as you If I found a person who was compatible BDSM wise but the person wanted to live a completely different type of lifestyle than myself.

For example, I could really be compatible BDSM wise and sexually with some guy. However, he might love to hike, ski, ride motorcycles, and run marathons. I have breathing issues. I can't do those types of activities. Would be a waste of time for us to plan on anything long term. AND, I wouldn't have had to share that part of me that I consider personal and private with someone who is essentially a stranger.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Questions and rant - 2/7/2017 10:27:39 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

I'd be wasting equally as much time as you If I found a person who was compatible BDSM wise but the person wanted to live a completely different type of lifestyle than myself.


To me it doesn't matter how compatible we are sexually, if I don't really like who he is. If he's not someone that meets what I need for the vanilla parts of my life, I'm not going to want to have sex with him and I'm certainly not going to trust him enough to allow myself to be vulnerable with him.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Questions and rant - 2/7/2017 10:29:08 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		...And he's already deleted his profile. I guess he didn't like the answers.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Questions and rant - 2/7/2017 10:45:06 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		Most profiles are indeed fake - men are the most guilty of that and you will find that most "women" on here are men/men pretending to be wench scammers - fair enough OG if his sock profile is gone, again, no point me rambling a bit

Good advice is good advice, Seniority is irrelevant.

Have you tried www.datingkinky.com that one, whats your name again naughtyNookie is actually trying to do something about all of this.

Personally I feel sorry for anyone genuine looking no matter a sites name - I exclude DK for the next 12 months.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Questions and rant - 2/7/2017 10:53:49 AM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

...And he's already deleted his profile. I guess he didn't like the answers.



Maybe it's because I guessed he was really Bob The Builder, and he realized he'd never be taken seriously again



Needles

_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Questions and rant - 2/7/2017 11:20:46 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

...And he's already deleted his profile. I guess he didn't like the answers.



Maybe it's because I guessed he was really Bob The Builder, and he realized he'd never be taken seriously again



Needles


And much like how Bob the Builder viewed Wendy - he thinks submissive women are 2 dimensional caricatures.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to needlesandpins)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Questions and rant - 2/7/2017 11:46:07 AM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

...And he's already deleted his profile. I guess he didn't like the answers.



Maybe it's because I guessed he was really Bob The Builder, and he realized he'd never be taken seriously again



Needles


And much like how Bob the Builder viewed Wendy - he thinks submissive women are 2 dimensional caricatures.




Yes, he's a fixer-upper alright. Now, can he fix himself ...

Needles



_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Questions and rant - 2/7/2017 4:35:38 PM   
Diffident


Posts: 163
Joined: 7/12/2016
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

Have too many people watched 50 shades of grey, and joined bdsm sites with some kind of fairytale perspective of this lifestyle?

I'm sick of anybody bringing up 50 shades of grey. Because every man seem to be ignorant that the "fairytale" of 50 shades is that the man gives up BDSM for life for the girl he loves who thinks it's disgusting what's his into. It is an ANTI- BDSM movie, where it basically says, "BDSM is bad for the person!" On top of that, the movie justifies the reason for the BDSM that, the lead romantic male is only having mom's issues. Emotional problems.


Interesting. I haven't read the book so was not aware of this. So it's an "I'll change him" fairytale? How even sadder than I thought it was.



(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Questions and rant - 2/7/2017 5:04:55 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Diffident



Interesting. I haven't read the book so was not aware of this. So it's an "I'll change him" fairytale? How even sadder than I thought it was.





It's more a "a guy into BDSM because he's damaged falls for a vanilla girl and quits because she doesn't like it" story.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Diffident)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Questions and rant - 2/7/2017 5:15:59 PM   
Diffident


Posts: 163
Joined: 7/12/2016
Status: offline 		Ah, So she does change him then? The amount of trouble "I'll change him" causes in the real world. No, you won't. Find the man who you want to change him into instead. Much less tears all round.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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