Self-Image Confusion

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Self-Image Confusion - 7/25/2006 5:46:34 AM

SomewhatConfused

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/24/2006
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I'm new to the scene. Started as a Dom, but I think that's sliding towards Switch, but that's not my problem.

I'm a straight male, but that's not the problem.

The problem is, I feel like... Like I am, or want to be, a lesbian slave. I want to be tied up by my mistress, for her use and abuse. But I want to BE a woman, not just a man being treated as one. I want... well, my internal fantasy on this is pretty graphic, so I'll let it go for now. ;)

So I'm just feeling confused now. More and more, I just... wish I could go do that. I want it very badly. But, obviously, its not going to happen. I looked into transgender stuff some, but it doesn't seem like the answer to me.

I dunno. I'm not sure there are real answers to this problem. It was just something I had to say SOMEWHERE, and if I couldn't say it here, then where? ;)

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RE: Self-Image Confusion - 7/25/2006 5:53:39 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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Personally, I'd suggest counseling. And that's not to imply you need to be "fixed." But clearly you need someone to talk with about it. That would probably be best in a one on one situation, and with someone who is trained to listen, observe and offer insights that could help you better understand yourself.

There are reasons for what you are feeling. What those reasons are I couldn't possibly say without knowing you very well. And regardless of whether anyone thinks those feelings are right or wrong, they need to be addressed. What you are feeling is real, very real to you, and that needs to be both validated and explored.

For what its worth, I wish you luck with it.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to SomewhatConfused)

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RE: Self-Image Confusion - 7/25/2006 6:01:23 AM

ArdRi

Posts: 32
Joined: 9/27/2005
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Trust a man of Irish blood to give the best advice. Padraig is right Somewhatconfused. See a counsellor. You wont feel like you are getting anywhere until you see someone who can ofer professional and informed advice. Good luck.

ArdRi.

(in reply to Padriag)

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RE: Self-Image Confusion - 7/25/2006 7:13:44 AM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

I have to agree with Padriag also. It seems like you might have some gender identity questions that need to be resolved. If you can find a kink aware therapist, it will even be better. There might be someone in your area that you can find on this site: http://www.ncsfreedom.org/KAP At the very least, you'll find someone that may help you sort out all these issues.

And this may all be fantasy in the end. There is nothing wrong with having the fantasy of being a lesbian slave (while still being male) as long as you can find a mistress that encourages that need. You've identified that you are a more complex person than you previously knew.

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RE: Self-Image Confusion - 7/25/2006 8:03:33 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomewhatConfused
I'm new to the scene. Started as a Dom, but I think that's sliding towards Switch, but that's not my problem.

I'm a straight male, but that's not the problem.

The problem is, I feel like... Like I am, or want to be, a lesbian slave. I want to be tied up by my mistress, for her use and abuse. But I want to BE a woman, not just a man being treated as one. I want... well, my internal fantasy on this is pretty graphic, so I'll let it go for now. ;)

So I'm just feeling confused now. More and more, I just... wish I could go do that. I want it very badly. But, obviously, its not going to happen. I looked into trans gender stuff some, but it doesn't seem like the answer to me.

I dunno. I'm not sure there are real answers to this problem. It was just something I had to say SOMEWHERE, and if I couldn't say it here, then where? ;)

confused,
Well, your profile is consistent with these thoughts.

I'll pick up on one aspect of your post to go in another direction.

Have you ever gone hungry for a couple days and then gone to a buffet? Everything looks good, you want it all, you want something different, and you want it now! Put that concept into your status as new to the lifestyle. You see it all, you want it all, and most of all the prospect of doing something new and "kinky" becomes an obsession. The lifestyle is a buffet where you can entertain the thought of actually doing something that you only thought about in subconscious wet dreams.

I don't hear you saying you are ready to sign up for a pre-op trans-gender counseling, but perhaps you want to experience some form of forced feminization.

Don't worry about it. Try to experience it. Try to experience as much as possible. Much you experience will disappoint you. Sometimes reality doesn't match the fantasy, but you come out of the experience with a better understanding of yourself. When reality does fulfill your fantasy or exceeds it, you'll know you found your niche. Meanwhile, put yourself in a position to have the opportunity to learn, about the lifestyle and about yourself.

Good luck!

(in reply to SomewhatConfused)

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RE: Self-Image Confusion - 7/25/2006 8:29:22 AM

MzMinx

Posts: 277
Joined: 12/26/2005
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hello somewhat

hmm definitly spending some time sepperating out the desires from any gender issues

kink desires can be about anything .... fantsies, roleplaying are all rich additions to sexual activities .... but there is a difference between such and an issue with gender identity

gender and sexual orientation are sepperate things ...

their are lots of cross dressers through to complete trans gender mtf who see themselves as lesbians ......
for a cross dresser its a way of expressing their kink .... in every other way they are happy being the male they where biologicaly born as .... they might want to feel like a woman but they are happy being a male .

but to a transgendered it might be a way of expressing the female identity that resides within the male outside structure they where born with

both are quite acceptable although both can feel quite confusing .... the first .. the desire to just be treated like a woman or indulging your feminine side by a Domme means finding One who suits you .... you aare not alone .... there are lots of crossdressers at bdsm events in australia ... many of whom are owned submissives of Domianant females .. so i am sure it hapens everywhere

the second might mean you need to look at how it effects the rest of your life ... beyond your kink/sexuality .. do you actualy have a gender issue ?... if so then you need to spend time understanding what you need

either way finding someone to chat to can be a good idea ... there would be groups online to discuss gender disphoria issues and for you to learn more about them

*smiles* you are not the only person who has such confusion .. and asking questions .. is always the first step to understanding more

good luck with your explorations

(in reply to Sunshine119)

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RE: Self-Image Confusion - 7/25/2006 10:39:28 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
Don't worry about it. Try to experience it. Try to experience as much as possible. Much you experience will disappoint you. Sometimes reality doesn't match the fantasy, but you come out of the experience with a better understanding of yourself. When reality does fulfill your fantasy or exceeds it, you'll know you found your niche. Meanwhile, put yourself in a position to have the opportunity to learn, about the lifestyle and about yourself.

Good luck!

I agree with Merc. Unless these desires have been part of your life for a very long time, or really interfering with your ability to be happy and be in relationships with people- they might just be a normal part of your fantasy life that you can fully wallow in. Lots of people have fantasies of being feminized or used in exactly the ways you described.

If these things HAVE been something you've been dealing with and struggling over for a long time, yes it might be a good thing to go into counseling and work through them. Otherwise, just explore what your mind brings to you.

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RE: Self-Image Confusion - 7/25/2006 10:49:41 AM

IndigoDadesi

Posts: 185
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So I guess Im going to be one of the only people to not tell you to get councilling.

Instead Im going to tell you that sometimes I feel the same way. I mean, sometimes I wish I had a penis. However, since the idea of sexual re-assignment doesnt appeal to me since I really like being a woman and Im not in distress because of these thoughts, I just leave them as fantasy because they arent going to become anything else.

So Ill give you the same advice. If these thoughts are not causing you stress or confusion about your gender identity and you dont want to explore gender re-assignment surgery, then leave them in the file marked "fantasy' to pull out for an erotic daydream here and there. And just know that there are other people out there who feel the same way.

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