Controlling one's thought (Full Version)

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dincubus -> Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 7:32:18 AM)

How does one control their thoughts about another? be it in the respect of friends or that there could be the potential for a real life meeting of two people. In this case there have been some thoughts of "meshing" very well with the person. Now keeping in mind that i am in a relationship t hat is very very solid and shows no signs of cracking apart and ending up as a pile of shards on the floor. It is not so much thoughts that could be associated with "love", but more of a meeting of kindred souls.




Sunshine119 -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 8:16:34 AM)

Why would you want to keep from engaging in fantasy?   It's amazing how many people I've had sex with....in my mind....lol!  I've daydreamed about others as well.  As long as you know where to draw the line, is there really any harm in flights of fancy?





Mavis -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 8:17:06 AM)

The grass isn't always greener on the other side...
BUT.  the grass that is watered will always look better.

If you don't want the grass you have to start looking grey and withered in comparison to the other lawn you've been thinking about, better focus some time watering that first one.  

Honestly, even thinking about "how not to think about" him/ her/ it, is still thinking about him/ her/ it.   Only way to stop it is to just stop.  stop dinking with the idea this person could be a "kindred spirit", unless you want that line of thought to grow. 

Do you really need a kindred spirit if it will weaken the partner you already have?   You might decide that yes, it's worth the risk to what you have now, and that's your choice.  But just be aware you're making a consious decision to choose one way or another now, while you still have that ability. 

:)  understands i could have read more into your question than what it meant, and if i did, my apologies.  but it looks to me that you're right on the edge of a big gamble.  if i'm right, then you posted here looking for someone to remind you why you don't want to go there really, or you'd already have gone.



ClassAct2006 -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 9:38:41 AM)

I thought this was going to be about programming and controlling submissives which is a very interesting and erotic issue. 



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 10:41:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dincubus
How does one control their thoughts about another? be it in the respect of friends or that there could be the potential for a real life meeting of two people. In this case there have been some thoughts of "meshing" very well with the person. Now keeping in mind that i am in a relationship t hat is very very solid and shows no signs of cracking apart and ending up as a pile of shards on the floor. It is not so much thoughts that could be associated with "love", but more of a meeting of kindred souls.

I don't understand the question.

What thoughts do you want to control?  Why?  What does your solid partner say about this connection?

It's normal for people to have friends at the same time they have romantic relationships.  It's even normal for people to have insanely close friends.  Is the problem that this person is a woman?  That you feel a connection that's a bit more than deep friendship?



Padriag -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 10:44:06 AM)

Two bits of advice.

First, we all sometimes have feelings that we didn't expect.  I've been teaching this to a submissive lately who's been struggling with a few unexpected desires of her own.  Emotions aren't a bad thing in and of themselves.  That we find someone attractive, or another entirely unattractive, that one makes us weak in the knees while another makes us uneasy, is just part of being alive.  We don't really control this, but the trick is not to let it control you.  Which brings me to my second bit of advice.

Its not the feelings that matter so much as how you choose to act on them, or not act, as the case may be.  Just because you have feelings for a person does not mean you have to act on them.  Especially not if you already have obligations to someone else.  That's where honor and integrity come into it.  Lancelot's big mistake wasn't loving Guinevere, it was acting on that in a dishonorable way that was wrong.

I also find it helps not to dwell on those feelings to much, you only torment yourself with "what if's".



Estring -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 12:20:14 PM)

 Not sure if this is what you are asking... If the meeting will cause problems, don't follow through on the thoughts with action. It is easier to control your actions. Your thoughts are just that, unless acted upon.



truesub4u -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 1:33:14 PM)

Not totally understanding the OP here. The title is controling one's thoughts. But i'm reading something in the OP. (Could be eyes are still slightly dilated from eeye exam this afternoon too...lol)

So i'll wait to see if the postings getting clearer before throwing my 2cents out there.



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 1:43:43 PM)

Padraig is right..you cannot control thoughts ...they just are..but you can always control your actions, and what sometimes stops us from going through with our thoughts is the consequences of said actions, so think about the consequences of those thoughts, it may negate them right quickly.....Tempting



WhiteRadiance -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 3:11:17 PM)

I beg to differ.  You cannot control the thoughts of another-but you can certainly control your own thoughts.  Thoughts and emotions are difficult to get a handle on. Being able to control your OWN thought process can directly impact everyone around to you. 
Has your bad mood ever affected those around you?  Has someone's rudeness ever ruined your day?   This is the effect of not being in control of what you can control- your own attitude.


quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Padraig is right..you cannot control thoughts ...they just are..but you can always control your actions, and what sometimes stops us from going through with our thoughts is the consequences of said actions, so think about the consequences of those thoughts, it may negate them right quickly.....Tempting



agirl -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 3:13:20 PM)

Hello dincubus,

I'm wondering what you're referring to exactly( ref. kindred souls) Having a relationship doesn't mean you can't relate to other people in different ways.

The fact that you're mentioning *controlling* your thoughts seems to imply that maybe you have some kind of guilt about it?

Is there anything wrong with actually *meeting* someone you get along extremely well with? 

What do you mean by *meshing*?

Does your *other half* not have similar *friendships*?

If not, why not?

It may answer your own questions.

agirl









Homestead -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 3:17:06 PM)

You stop rationalizing disrespecting your current partner-for any "reason."



agirl -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 3:17:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRadiance

I beg to differ.  You cannot control the thoughts of another-but you can certainly control your own thoughts.  Thoughts and emotions are difficult to get a handle on. Being able to control your OWN thought process can directly impact everyone around to you. 
Has your bad mood ever affected those around you?  Has someone's rudeness ever ruined your day?   This is the effect of not being in control of what you can control- your own attitude.





Hmmm...being in a *bad mood* isn't really about controlling your thoughts but your behaviour.

You can feel VERY cross or bad tempered due to circumstances......but you can control the behaviour surrounding that. You don't have to  make others around you subject to your *bad mood*.

( Not that I'd describe a *bad mood* as a thought process, in any case)



TNstepsout -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 3:20:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

You stop rationalizing disrespecting your current partner-for any "reason."


No one said anything about disrespecting a partner. What are you talking about?



WhiteRadiance -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 3:24:46 PM)

Moods are directly affected by thoughts.  One chooses behavior as one can choose thoughts. 
However, I am curious to know the real question here.  Does the OP want to control his own thougts, or someone else's?
 
I believe that having a fantasy is fine, but acting it out without your partner's knowledge may be stupid.  Just me, could be wrong, etc.
 
To the OP: Clarify the question.



dincubus -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 7:23:57 PM)

ok in this case, while i talk with people, i know in my heart that my sub is whom i will always be with. while some of the thoughts could be considered fantasy. there are others that could not be considered fantasy, almost a desire to explore a bit deeper than strictly talking or fantasy thoughts.
now, there does exist a need for this to be said, there is a deeper connection to my sub. we were nilla first and grew into BDSM. There has been instances where i have played outside our D/s relationship. She is indeed aware of that and is cool with the idea.



Homestead -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 7:40:46 PM)

If ones feels that an infatuation for another will interfere with a realtionship.....and one still does it, what does that say about your regard for your committed one?



Homestead -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 7:42:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dincubus

ok in this case, while i talk with people, i know in my heart that my sub is whom i will always be with. while some of the thoughts could be considered fantasy. there are others that could not be considered fantasy, almost a desire to explore a bit deeper than strictly talking or fantasy thoughts.
now, there does exist a need for this to be said, there is a deeper connection to my sub. we were nilla first and grew into BDSM. There has been instances where i have played outside our D/s relationship. She is indeed aware of that and is cool with the idea.


What really matters here, is if you feel these thoughts are honorable to your sub. If they are, then go with it-if not, try to modify them.



Noah -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 8:15:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis

The grass isn't always greener on the other side...
BUT.  the grass that is watered will always look better.

If you don't want the grass you have to start looking grey and withered in comparison to the other lawn you've been thinking about, better focus some time watering that first one.  

Honestly, even thinking about "how not to think about" him/ her/ it, is still thinking about him/ her/ it.   Only way to stop it is to just stop.  stop dinking with the idea this person could be a "kindred spirit", unless you want that line of thought to grow. 

Do you really need a kindred spirit if it will weaken the partner you already have?   You might decide that yes, it's worth the risk to what you have now, and that's your choice.  But just be aware you're making a consious decision to choose one way or another now, while you still have that ability. 

:)  understands i could have read more into your question than what it meant, and if i did, my apologies.  but it looks to me that you're right on the edge of a big gamble.  if i'm right, then you posted here looking for someone to remind you why you don't want to go there really, or you'd already have gone.


What a wonderful extension of a tired old saying.

Thanks for sharing this picture and coloring it in enough to make it really useful,




SexyRed -> RE: Controlling one's thought (7/25/2006 9:18:48 PM)

I, for one, would kill to be able to stop thinking about a particular person. How do you stop thinking about a person who is bad for you?



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