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raiken -> RE: A question for female subs... (7/26/2006 10:28:08 AM)
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Allow me to ramble a bit...*smile
The question just sparked this to flow out of me...lol
Personally, how i choose to interact within a relationship does not determine my identity as a person. Whether i am with someone or alone, i will still be me, and i will still have the same desires in a partner as i always had. i am not defined by my interests or desires, but rather by my line of personal integrity, merit and self worth, no matter what i choose to involve myself in.
i guess i am strange here, but i view my submissive nature within a relatonship as just an inherant character trait. It was just a natural progression for me, before i even realized there was truly a category, subculture or label for it. It is just my normal way of being and interacting. Before i became aware of the lifestyle nomenclatures, i never thought twice about it or questioned that part of me. So i really don't consider myself defined by being labeled vanilla, slave, or otherwise. i use those labels as a convenience for discussion and clarity. i seek to find others who bring me happiness and vice versa, and finding another whose energy resonates with that of my own.
If i met a "nilla" guy who was naturally dominant, it wouldn't make a difference whether he embraced the labels and titles of this lifestyle or not. As long as the two of us clicked, and felt mutually fulfilled with one another, for me, that is all that matters.
i will say though, that my natural inclinations were heightened when i was introduced to this subculture many years ago before it was ever online and had all these definitions, it was more primitive in nature back then. *grin. Some may call it old school, or old guard, but for me, it was a biker gang, and i had to pass intiations to be "his" girl, and if i didn't obey his directives, punishments were in order, and i liked that.
i have always desired a man who made me WANT to obey him because he left me no other alternative. i desired a man who was stronger and smarter than i was; a man who challenged me; a man who had the mental and emotional capacity to understand me and tame me. i was like this since i was a young girl. i never questoined "why" i liked it, but rather just went with the flow and with what ever turned me on and made me feel good. As a teenager, i always attracted and seemed to gravitate toward dominant men. Not because i had a focused desire to "be" a slave, or find only men who identified with the "Master" label, but rather because i simply got along better with those type of guys.
i was never attracted to a man who was weaker in character or self confidence than myself. That is just a personal preference, and i don't see it as defining my core identity. Being associated with the lifestyle helps, but i have met men who had no idea that this lifestyle exists, who still exhibited the qualities i found attractive, to pull out the best in me, which included a natural state of submission to male leadership and authority in the relationship.
As far as living another life or becoming someone else, well...i make no distinctions between vanilla and lifestyle, for i see it only as a matter of personal preference. i'm happy with the person i am today.
However...
i would love to have supernatural powers, that show comes to mind, years ago that starred Linda Carter as Isis, and have her strength and powers. i would love to be able to really and truly think of myself as a successful entreprenuer. (still floundering in that arena! *smile) i would love to live the life of being able to travel and experience the world. i would love to have the resources to help others find a leg up and better their living conditions and themselves. i would love to ride on the back of Pegasis (my favorite horse). i would love to be able to fly like that too! i would enjoy being a mystical character for a while and have that experience and what it may represent...thinking...it would be nice to be thought of as a fairy godmother at times, bringing much happiness to others...hehehe...i would love to master the "force" and kick some mean ass! *grin
Okay...enough rambling...*smile Thank you to those who got to the end of this! *wink
~raiken
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