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Sad and lost - 3/9/2017 7:24:25 PM   
Midnightbluer


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/9/2017
Status: offline 		My Dom died. My Master. My Daddy. My love. It was very sudden and while it is comforting to know that he didn't suffer and died happy (in bed, next to me, his girl that he loved) , it is so hard. In addition to the normal sadness and grief and loneliness, I am finding it hard to do things without permission or direction. I try to do what he would have wanted and want him to still be proud of and happy with me, but it fells so pointless. I feel guiltif I do things that I used to need permission for. When will this get better?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Sad and lost - 3/9/2017 7:31:07 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
I experienced a pretty devastating loss, four years ago. I can tell you it gets "better", but I am not sure if we are ever "cured" of a traumatic loss.

While not submissive, I can offer what I feel might be some decent advise:

If you knew your daddy long enough to feel some kind of guilt (about things for which you used to need permission, for example), rely on your gut instincts to "judge" your actions; if he were around, would he approve of ___________? If your answer is "Yes", then be comfortable in that assessment and take some solace in the fact that you're doing as he would have wanted.

Unfortunately, I have no magic "cure" for you, but it is how I manage to answer the question: "Would Jaime be proud of his dad?"

Good luck to you and condolences on your loss,



Michael

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(in reply to Midnightbluer)
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RE: Sad and lost - 3/9/2017 7:40:21 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline 		I'm very sorry for your loss.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Sad and lost - 3/10/2017 2:44:10 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		Very sorry for your loss!

It will get easier to cope with eventually but losing someone takes alot of time to heal and different people heal at different pace.

So you need to give yourself all the time you need to grief and don't rush it.




(in reply to Midnightbluer)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Sad and lost - 3/10/2017 6:16:48 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		I am sorry for your loss. It will ebb and flow over time but never to the point you will not remember (forget)...as it should be.
Hugs Anything I can do to help, even word wise?

In many ways it will fade over the passing of time but never to the point of extinction. Yet that will be interspersed by moments, often random, where you will be over whelmed, even years & epochs, later...this is also normal, and you should smile fondly and be sad, and your heart ache a little, and your mind fondly remember.

The meaning of life – is love....something that escapes me all my years (save cats and cake to date). You were one of the lucky ones, as was he.
Perhaps one day in time, in the future, you will love again – this is also fine - you will ove again, just differently...as it should be again.

There is quite a fine bunch on here for support.


< Message edited by WickedsDesire -- 3/10/2017 6:17:01 AM >

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Sad and lost - 3/10/2017 7:21:45 AM   
bondageerone


Posts: 522
Joined: 6/16/2016
Status: offline 		almost 5 years ago, my girlfriend dumped me, I am just about over her now..
ps we are both lesbians. I loved her , she used me. shame about you friend. xx Terri.

(in reply to Midnightbluer)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Sad and lost - 3/10/2017 9:09:47 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I got stuck in the grief cycle after my mother died. I felt guilty being happy. A couple of years later I sought professional help moving on.

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(in reply to bondageerone)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Sad and lost - 3/10/2017 10:38:15 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		blue,

Yes your sad and unsure, but not lost!

Time will eventually heal the heart.........it just happens, so let it and just hold the memories close to your heart.

CP

(in reply to Midnightbluer)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Sad and lost - 3/10/2017 4:01:55 PM   
outlier


Posts: 1111
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		blue,

I am sorry for your loss. My woman of more than 25 years lost
her battle with cancer several years ago. Time is the only thing
that will heal, and there will always be scars.

But there will also be beautiful memories and lessons which you
can call on to build a new relationship. Not to replicate the one
you had but a new unique one.

Keep the good, cherish it and use it as you go on. It is not easy,
but it is necessary.

Outlier

_____________________________

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"A happy sex life may take years to achieve, but it’s worth it in the long run.
Worth the time, the thought - or rather, the thoughtfulness - and, often,
the waiting." Pete Seeger

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Sad and lost - 3/10/2017 4:35:36 PM   
kb1968


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/22/2009
Status: offline 		Hi blue,

18 months ago I lost the Boss, and it was the hardest and most traumatic thing I could ever imagine. Conversely, I found solace here, from one Dom in particular, who took it upon himself to be my listening post, and a sort of guide to help me through that first year. Needless to say, he wanted nothing more from me than just the knowledge that I was getting by every day.

A word of advice, some will see you as 'available' now, don't make the mistake of trying to replace your grieving with a new relationship.

18 months later the grief, while still there in spades, is less raw and I can think back and smile. And sometimes, I hear his voice drawling at me when I'm doing something wrong 'don't even THINK of that, maid!

I'm so sorry for your loss, but your life will always be enriched by being with him, even though it was cut so short.

Xxx

(in reply to outlier)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Sad and lost - 3/10/2017 5:07:51 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		My condolences for your loss.

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(in reply to Midnightbluer)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Sad and lost - 3/10/2017 5:31:37 PM   
kiwisub22


Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline 		My Sir died, in my house, after an extended illness. I think because it was so extended, I didn't actively mourn him after his death. I had known I was going to lose him because of his diagnosis (metastatic bladder cancer, I am an urologic OR nurse) and spent a lot of time during my 30- 45 minute commute every day crying, mourning, being angry and sad and every emotion in between that you can think of.

Its been 7 years, and i'm married to a man I love very much, and I still tear up if I hear a piece of music, or a photo of him. I still love him and I love my husband.
Actually, I think if I hadn't loved him so much, I wouldn't love my sweetie so much.

It totally sucks to lose someone and you never forget them, it just becomes less immediate.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Sad and lost - 3/10/2017 5:34:21 PM   
PantyhosedDomina


Posts: 46
Joined: 2/5/2017
Status: offline 		Sorry for you're loss dear. We are here for you if you need us :)

(in reply to Midnightbluer)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Sad and lost - 3/10/2017 7:18:03 PM   
Midnightbluer


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/9/2017
Status: offline 		Thank you everyone for your kind words.
I know that I am lucky in that I have a great support system, family and friends. The reason I turned to here is because the D/s side of our relationship was private, so although I can talk and cry and grieve about most things with people IRL, there is no one to express that feeling of "I don't just want a glass of wine, I want his permission to have it"
I do the mental exercise of thinking about what he would have said and approved of, but on top of the grief, there is this strain, this stress of not having his control. It's so hard to make decisions about the simplest things if they fell into the realm of "our" things, IYKWIM. Thanks for letting me ramble, it's good to get in down in words.

(in reply to PantyhosedDomina)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Sad and lost - 3/11/2017 9:38:17 AM   
ThundersCry2U


Posts: 52
Joined: 8/30/2016
Status: offline 		My condolences to...you.

At some point in time in your life, may the King of Kings, The Prince of Peace...bless you, above and beyond all you may think or ask.

(in reply to Midnightbluer)
Profile   Post #: 15
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