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A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 2:38:21 PM

Kagesuta

Posts: 36
Joined: 9/15/2005
From: Da Druben
Status: offline

Well, to start, please bear with me. I'm not terribly experienced in all this, so if I make a statement that's inaccurate, it's most likely due to my limited understanding of the situation.

I've noticed that for some, being a sub or slave goes to a different level- They are actively seeking domination out of some deep-rooted need for it. Some may even see this need as a spiritual extension, which allows for them to truly connect with a dominant person.

For me, this isn't the case. I'm a very logical person, and lack a single spiritual bone in my body. That isn't to say I'm incapable of being romantic, but that's another post for a different forum...

To me, domination itself isn't necessarily a goal. I would describe my situation more as having a kink, which is condusive to being dominated. I enjoy being submissive, certainly; but the driving reason for seeking out people of alternative lifestyles is to find someone who could fulfill and enjoy my kinks, while I do the same for theirs. Ideally, a woman who would like to date, while satisfying each others' darker needs.

My question is this: Am I looking in the wrong place? I really have no desire to go to a professional for these things, as I'm looking for a serious relationship, not a quick fix... Am I incorrect in my search for dominant women? Should I classify myself differently, if being submissive (in the general sense) is more of a preference or a side-effect of a kink, rather than a need?

I would really appreciate any and all feedback.

_____________________________

Remember, there are always more fish in the sea. And women, too, if you aren't into fish.

Post #: 1

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 2:45:01 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

*smiles warmly* nope you are in the right place, just specify on your profile what you are looking for, and make sure to take folks at their word when they say what they are looking for and you'll be just fine....welcome to the fora, hang out, make friends and have some cake!

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to Kagesuta)

Post #: 2

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 2:50:58 PM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

As all of the male submissives on this site will tell you, it's not easy to find a Domme. There are some who will charge for the priviledge, and if you're into paying...go for it.

After reading your profile, it sounds like you might fit in well with this crowd. Welcome aboard! I would suggest, since it is so hard to get one of the Dommes of quality, you do things that will get her to notice you. You can make intellegent contributions to the message boards and beef up your profile to include all of the things you would do for her to make her happy.

After all, it doesn't matter if you are a male or female submissive, we aim to please our Dominants.

_____________________________

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to Kagesuta)

Post #: 3

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 2:54:22 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I've heard it described (by Master Steve Sampson) that there are Top/bottom relationships which are based in the physical, Dom/sub relationships which are based in the intellectual and Master/slave relationships that are based in the spiritual. Each are just as valid as the other and we can each need one as much as the other. Of course, his definitions aren't the be-all-end-all of definitions nor are they widely accepted as the usual thing.

Crouching Tigress is right; just be yourself and honest about what you want. It might take a while to find a partner, but it takes the rest of us a while, too. Also, try other sites as well, even more vanilla adult dating sights. Just be open and honest about what you want.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Kagesuta)

Post #: 4

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 3:01:40 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

*swoons at MSS and MFM*

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I've heard it described (by Master Steve Sampson) that there are Top/bottom relationships which are based in the physical, Dom/sub relationships which are based in the intellectual and Master/slave relationships that are based in the spiritual. Each are just as valid as the other and we can each need one as much as the other. Of course, his definitions aren't the be-all-end-all of definitions nor are they widely accepted as the usual thing.

Crouching Tigress is right; just be yourself and honest about what you want. It might take a while to find a partner, but it takes the rest of us a while, too. Also, try other sites as well, even more vanilla adult dating sights. Just be open and honest about what you want.

Master Fire

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 5

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 3:10:00 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

No, there is nothing wrong with you, I don't think (and - the idea of anyone making that judgment of you based on whatever, or a few posts, makes me want to laugh -just like Glinda, the Good Witch of the North, in The Wizard of Oz). So, you could just say to them: "Poof ! You have no power here!...if anyone judges a "lack of apparent bdsm spirituality" as some charachter flaw. Some see that in bdsm relationshups, and some don't. In any case - Welcome!

crouchingtigress, did you take up baking? I think it's great! I am going to start calling you the Cake Lady!

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/25/2006 3:32:55 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 6

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 3:17:02 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

crouchingtigress, did you take up baking? I think it's great! I am going tostart calling you the Cake Lady!

- Susan

Oh, no, no, no! Not when I own the penis and boob shaped cake pans!!! I have cock sucker molds, too. ;-)

*winks at CT*

Sorry to hijack, but I couldn't resist.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 7

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 3:22:17 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofOcrouchingtigress, did you take up baking? I think it's great! I am going tostart calling you the Cake Lady!

- Susan

oooooooo, thats not very a powerful Domme name, have you got anything more menacing like say the cake bitch, or the cakeinator??

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 8

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 3:26:27 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

LMAO!!! i call dibs on licking the boob mold pans!

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

crouchingtigress, did you take up baking? I think it's great! I am going tostart calling you the Cake Lady!

- Susan

Oh, no, no, no! Not when I own the penis and boob shaped cake pans!!! I have cock sucker molds, too. ;-)

*winks at CT*

Sorry to hijack, but I couldn't resist.

Master Fire

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 9

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 3:26:36 PM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

My question is this: Am I looking in the wrong place? I really have no desire to go to a professional for these things, as I'm looking for a serious relationship, not a quick fix... Am I incorrect in my search for dominant women? Should I classify myself differently, if being submissive (in the general sense) is more of a preference or a side-effect of a kink, rather than a need?

I would really appreciate any and all feedback.

LMAO! Sorry...not at you but with you! We're in the same boat buddy! I just got done a few minutes ago updating my profile. It took me 4 yrs to finally figure out that I really don't fit here with most ...yet I do fit (I think?). I'm also looking for a normal LT relationship but with some kink in the bedroom.

As far as the Pro Domme goes....I've been to one and had quite an experience. Good but not at all what I'd expected or fantasized about? I learned from her and have no regrets...only praise....BUT didn't get what I was looking for either? Try the pro if you like....it may help you learn more about what you may need?....it may not.

(in reply to Kagesuta)

Post #: 10

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 3:26:45 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

Yup, you're in the right place. You just have to be specific about what you want and be willing to wait. I think you did a great job of describing what you are looking for. I'm in pretty much the same place (although I would not say it's because I'm logical) but for other reasons. In fact I think you did a much better job of describing the depth of committment you are looking for than I've been able to do.

Good luck

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 11

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 3:34:28 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Master Fire Ma'am: I think ya'll should start a business for bdsm "events" - you'd probably make some serious dough (no pun intended).

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 12

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 3:57:55 PM

abytchgoddess4u

Posts: 268
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

Hiya,
I think your profile on the whole is great and you will do much better than most at finding what you're looking for because you've honest about what you seek and portrayed yourself as a human.

The only part I would have an issue with as a Dominant woman is this, "To an extent, I enjoy it, but it also brings along a sense of humiliation that I hear dommes are looking for."

We don't like being told what we're looking for. However, we usually do like it if you look at the situation and say something like, "I enjoy it because of the sense of humiliation it brings me. I don't know why I like it, but I do."

Best of luck in your search...:)

_____________________________

"Everything in the Universe Is within you.
Ask all from yourself." Rumi

"The world will know and understand me someday. But if that day does not arrive, it does not greatly matter. I shall have opened the way for other women."
George Sand

(in reply to Kagesuta)

Post #: 13

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 4:49:09 PM

Kagesuta

Posts: 36
Joined: 9/15/2005
From: Da Druben
Status: offline

Y'know, I was originally debating whether to write a post on the mechanics of the submissive lifestyle, or one about erotic cakes. In the end, we got the best of both worlds.

Thanks for all the support and encouragement that's been shown- I'm glad to hear that I'm not giving off the wrong vibes to those more experienced than myself. Also, I think I've come to the conclusion that everyone is going to have a different definition of submissive and whatnot, so trying to please everybody all at once with such broad terms may just be impossible. Besides, it seems people tend to look more at the profile itself than just your sub/dom/switch preference.

quote:

ORIGINAL: abytchgoddess4u
We don't like being told what we're looking for. However, we usually do like it if you look at the situation and say something like, "I enjoy it because of the sense of humiliation it brings me. I don't know why I like it, but I do."

Best of luck in your search...:)

Thank you, that's an excellent point. I'll fix that posthaste! Personally, I'm kind of shocked that people like my profile... Y'know, on account of my sense of humor being really freakin' strange.

Anyhow, I wanted to say thanks again, and since most of us are all in the same boat (The S.S. Collarme has a nice ring to it... Do they allow cakes on cruise ships?), good luck to everyone.

_____________________________

Remember, there are always more fish in the sea. And women, too, if you aren't into fish.

(in reply to abytchgoddess4u)

Post #: 14

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 4:53:39 PM

KittenInterruptd

Posts: 23
Joined: 2/8/2005
From: Sydney, Australia
Status: offline

I think that you might fit in here more than you think. From my experience here (I know that the little graphic says vanilla, but I've been lurking around for a long time without posting and have belonged to the personals on the site even longer than that.) a LOT of people here are looking for exactly what you are looking for as well.

I've come to believe that many people try to fool themselves into wanting something deeply spiritual in D/s and BDSM when what they want is a girl/boyfriend who is as kinky in the bedroom as they are... it's just that they see a certain shame in admitting that, almost as though they have failed in the D/s stakes by admitting that they don't want the Absolute D/s liftestyle that approaches almost a religion.

Each to their own. Just make sure that your partner is on the same page as you are and looking for something similar. It's impossible to drive a relationship to two very seperate goals without tearing it apart. -has visions of the pushmepullme from Dr Doolittle-

_____________________________

I have fallen.
And now I lie, broken and bleeding.
Becoming a corpse.
As cold as the dead.

And still I wait for you.

(in reply to abytchgoddess4u)

Post #: 15

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 5:10:08 PM

NurseKitty

Posts: 33
Joined: 6/14/2006
From: Syracuse, New York
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KittenInterruptd

I've come to believe that many people try to fool themselves into wanting something deeply spiritual in D/s and BDSM when what they want is a girl/boyfriend who is as kinky in the bedroom as they are... it's just that they see a certain shame in admitting that, almost as though they have failed in the D/s stakes by admitting that they don't want the Absolute D/s liftestyle that approaches almost a religion.

Each to their own. Just make sure that your partner is on the same page as you are and looking for something similar. It's impossible to drive a relationship to two very seperate goals without tearing it apart. -has visions of the pushmepullme from Dr Doolittle-

I can't agree more on this last point. I'm very new to the lifestyle, having met someone in a vanilla sense and ended up dating/falling in love and experimenting with bdsm and submission in the process. He's been bdsm-minded for over 40 years and an active Dom for 2 1/2 years vs. my 8 months. He knows that at this point in my life I really don't have a burning need to submit...I do it because I love Him and I want Him to be happy. I wasn't born into submission; for me my submission is borne of love. This could be a very big problem if the lines of communication don't remain wide open.

_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. ~ Mae West

(in reply to KittenInterruptd)

Post #: 16

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 5:17:19 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

excelent post!welcome!btw...dont be a stranger...

quote:

ORIGINAL: KittenInterruptd

I think that you might fit in here more than you think. From my experience here (I know that the little graphic says vanilla, but I've been lurking around for a long time without posting and have belonged to the personals on the site even longer than that.) a LOT of people here are looking for exactly what you are looking for as well.

I've come to believe that many people try to fool themselves into wanting something deeply spiritual in D/s and BDSM when what they want is a girl/boyfriend who is as kinky in the bedroom as they are... it's just that they see a certain shame in admitting that, almost as though they have failed in the D/s stakes by admitting that they don't want the Absolute D/s liftestyle that approaches almost a religion.

Each to their own. Just make sure that your partner is on the same page as you are and looking for something similar. It's impossible to drive a relationship to two very seperate goals without tearing it apart. -has visions of the pushmepullme from Dr Doolittle-

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to KittenInterruptd)

Post #: 17

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 5:50:37 PM

KittenInterruptd

Posts: 23
Joined: 2/8/2005
From: Sydney, Australia
Status: offline

Thankyou for the welcome and for the flattering comment. I'm glad that you enjoyed the post.

I will try not to be a stranger. I wanted to get a feel for the boards before jumping in and posting my little heart out.

_____________________________

I have fallen.
And now I lie, broken and bleeding.
Becoming a corpse.
As cold as the dead.

And still I wait for you.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 18

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 6:50:57 PM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KittenInterruptd

I've come to believe that many people try to fool themselves into wanting something deeply spiritual in D/s and BDSM when what they want is a girl/boyfriend who is as kinky in the bedroom as they are... it's just that they see a certain shame in admitting that, almost as though they have failed in the D/s stakes by admitting that they don't want the Absolute D/s liftestyle that approaches almost a religion.

Well said!!!!!!! It took some post reading from the actual participents (RT) in these message boards to help me "pinpoint" where I may fit into all of this.....Thanks people!

(in reply to KittenInterruptd)

Post #: 19

RE: A case of barking up the wrong tree? - 7/25/2006 8:36:54 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Trust me, despite what people SAY- your dating pool is a lot larger than most others and it's far more likely for you to find someone who will work well with you for what you're seeking.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 7/25/2006 8:37:26 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Kagesuta)

Post #: 20

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