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Suleiman -> RE: Curious (12/8/2004 9:11:51 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: fireheart
I am curious how people get started into this lifestyle. What they like about it.
Personally, I'm one of those people who has "always" been in the lifestyle. Unlike a lot (not all, but a sizeable percentage) of the "always" crew, I actually knew what it was I was interested in from an early age. I can remember drawing pictures of women in chains and similar situations since I was very young - literally before I really understood what sex was, per se.
In my early teen years I discovered the cultural context of BDSM (as opposed to my own internal fantasies about rape, torture, and humiliation), and then I discovered my mother's library of fiction and "how-to" manuals that she had poorly hidden away. My first primer on the subject as an actual way of life was the old "Leatherman's Handbook" published back in the seventies, which has probably unconsciously influenced my opinions about what's what ever since. Like many geeks, I made up for lack of opportunity to do research, and by the time I could actually get in some lab time, I already had a fairly solid academic understanding of sex in general and BDSM in particular, along with every other kink I could learn about.
In my late teens, early twenties I first made a few fumbling experiments with friends who were "kind of" into the scene, then a friend of my mother's (one of my old matronly lesbian aunties) revealed that she was a member of the local community. As one of my "aunties" she was already a sort of mentor for me, and so upon learning of my interest, she began to actively mentor me in the scene (which included handing me a ton of additional books to read, which covered the scene from a few new angles. A library, after all, is only as good as the librarian, and she knew which books were worthwhile, while I was blindly groping through the adult section of various bookstores).
Later, my "auntie" invited me to my first play party (where I had the uncomfortable situation of meeting folks who remembered my mother when she attended her first play party. That, I must say, is seriously creepy), where I met a nice older gentlemen who later (after some courtship and prior negotiation) became my first Dom, my first male lover, and in fact my first sexual experience.
I then sort of got sucked into the local scene, at least that particular clique. After a brief period of dating I left my first (it was never supposed to be a long term sort of deal, just a few dates) and met up with the woman who eventually became my owner. That turned sour after a while, we broke up, but in the cycle of fighting and arguments the led up the the eventual dismissal, I met a beautiful woman who eventually, after years of cohabitation, finally agreed to be my wife.
That's probably more information than you were wanting (and bits and pieces of this sordid tale can be found scattered across the many posts I've put up in the last few months that I've been here), but since you seem to be asking for a general overview, I thought the full picture might be helpful. Everybody's story is different, although mine has echoes of many other people's biographies. Some folks, like me, were pretty much born this way. Some folks acquire a taste for it later. Some have had tendencies all their life but only recently discovered what it was they were missing. Every story is unique, and even common threads will often twist together and separate, making it almost impossible to create any sort of uniform geneerality with regard to the "scene".
As to what I like about the lifestyle, I'm not sure I can adequately answer that question. Really, it's almost a question of what I don't like about other lifestyles. I live my life, and I choose my friends, my companions, and my society based on that life and whether I'm willing to take flak for what I do. Compared to a lot of folks here, I'm not really in the "lifestyle", I disappeared into suburban limbo a decade ago. My wife and I regularly engage in kinky sex, but we're not owner and owned or anything like that - at least, not for longer than a weekend here or there. I associate with leatherfolk because they understand what the hell I'm talking about when I mention that I was branded by my mistress. I hang out with pagans because they understand what I mean when I say that I did some really intense scrying last night. I hang out with gamers because they understand why getting a "nat. 20" is a good thing. As one person put in their sig line, "it's not a lifestyle, it's a life".
I hope that answered some of your questions without raising too many more. Take care, and have fun with your journey.
Oh, yeah - do take the proffered advice about reading the various topic threads on this site. The boards here are an absolutely wonderful resource for damn near everything you could possibly want to know about the scene.
~S
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