RE: Gender Identity (Full Version)

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NoirMetal -> RE: Gender Identity (3/24/2017 7:11:54 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RivkasTaken

I'm not 100% sure where this thread should go so please bare with me.

Are there ever days where you doubt your gender identity?

I identify as a CIS Female, but feel more like a guy half the time. I don't feel like I am male or should be male all the time, but there are moments where I have flickers of doubt. Am I just overthinking things? I've never been the most feminine of women. Half the time I feel more like a man with a vagina instead of a penis. It doesn't help that I have more Male hormone in my system than most women do, due to a hormonal disorder

Only during times when I feel tired with male cliches and double standards. Or I just slip into a feeling of asexuality when I want time off for rational thinking.


But very few people in BDSM circles understand an ACE.



respectmen -> RE: Gender Identity (3/24/2017 9:06:12 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

I agree with FD

How do you know you have more male hormones, and if so why are you not doing anything to correct this? Surely there is an underlying reason for that that should be addressed first, one way or another?

I have had hormonal imbalances due to PCOS, but they've never made me feel anything other than a woman. I can't comment about feeling anything other than female, as I've never felt anything else, but had I done, I think I'd be seeking help from my DR first.

Needles


Are you female? I thought you're a tranny. Sorry, my bad.



JeffBC -> RE: Gender Identity (3/24/2017 9:18:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirMetal
But very few people in BDSM circles understand an ACE.

I assume "ACE" means this condition or attribute you have. Yeah, I don't understand it either nor do I feel any need to understand it. There's nothing to understand. You are the way you are. Trying to understand why is, perhaps, intellectually fascinating but has no real value in any interaction I might have with you. I'm still going to decide if you're honorable, if I like you, and... if romantic interests are involved, whether I see you as an attractive sexual partner. I don't need to understand anything to make those evaluations. What I DO need to do is see you for who you are as clearly as possible which is way easier if we ditch all the judgement and acronyms and just look at you as an individual.

Heck, there are lots of attributes about my wife of 20 years that I don't understand starting right at the top with her submissive viewpoint. But for all these things, while a deeper understanding of my wife is always wonderful, it is not necessary to note the end result of those "why's" and make my conclusions bout her.



NoirMetal -> RE: Gender Identity (3/24/2017 9:23:20 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirMetal
But very few people in BDSM circles understand an ACE.

I assume "ACE" means this condition or attribute you have. Yeah, I don't understand it either nor do I feel any need to understand it. There's nothing to understand. You are the way you are. Trying to understand why is, perhaps, intellectually fascinating but has no real value in any interaction I might have with you. I'm still going to decide if you're honorable, if I like you, and... if romantic interests are involved, whether I see you as an attractive sexual partner. I don't need to understand anything to make those evaluations. What I DO need to do is see you for who you are as clearly as possible which is way easier if we ditch all the judgement and acronyms and just look at you as an individual.

Heck, there are lots of attributes about my wife of 20 years that I don't understand starting right at the top with her submissive viewpoint. But for all these things, while a deeper understanding of my wife is always wonderful, it is not necessary to note the end result of those "why's" and make my conclusions bout her.

I'm an intj personality. The kind that takes clocks apart to see how they work and put them back together in functioning order. I'm not the same as you. no one is.



JeffBC -> RE: Gender Identity (3/24/2017 10:49:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirMetal
I'm an intj personality. The kind that takes clocks apart to see how they work and put them back together in functioning order. I'm not the same as you. no one is.

Heh, oddly enough so am I... at least usually while I'm work. At home I tend to be ENFP. Have you ever noticed how so few humans fit into pretty much any nice neat little box you want to make? Your bringing up Meyers Briggs was the perfect opening for that. The real truth of Meyers-Briggs is that the test results depend an awful lot on the situation in which the test is taken. But whatever, I certainly sympathize with that INTJ mindset. It's just that humans are not clocks. They are not space shuttles either. According to the tests I have some ridiculous IQ and I've always been fascinated with humans yet actual understanding... even with my wife... is hard to come by. There are layers and layers and layers and I suspect they never end.

For the OP, if whatever's going on is enough to cause distress in your life then you should see a pro. Otherwise, noodling around on it is fun but you are who you are. Yeah, I think you're over-thinking things. Or more accurately, I think you've drunk one sip too many of the societal kool-aid and you should put the cup down :) I kind of like the person you described. Your description represents the real complexity of real humans. I'd rather interact with a real human than a facade.



BitaTruble -> RE: Gender Identity (3/25/2017 12:08:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RivkasTaken

I'm not 100% sure where this thread should go so please bare with me.

Are there ever days where you doubt your gender identity?

I identify as a CIS Female, but feel more like a guy half the time. I don't feel like I am male or should be male all the time, but there are moments where I have flickers of doubt. Am I just overthinking things? I've never been the most feminine of women. Half the time I feel more like a man with a vagina instead of a penis. It doesn't help that I have more Male hormone in my system than most women do, due to a hormonal disorder


Try key words "gender fluid" and "gender fluidity".



Leonidas104 -> RE: Gender Identity (3/25/2017 10:48:00 AM)

Nope. My brain matches my plumbing. Hats off to those for whom that isnt true, but who manage to be happy anyway. It must be tough.



needlesandpins -> RE: Gender Identity (3/26/2017 6:40:30 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: respectmen


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

I agree with FD

How do you know you have more male hormones, and if so why are you not doing anything to correct this? Surely there is an underlying reason for that that should be addressed first, one way or another?

I have had hormonal imbalances due to PCOS, but they've never made me feel anything other than a woman. I can't comment about feeling anything other than female, as I've never felt anything else, but had I done, I think I'd be seeking help from my DR first.

Needles


Are you female? I thought you're a tranny. Sorry, my bad.


You're right, it really is your bad, as bad as everything that falls out of your pathetic thoughts. I really expect no less from you though, because you really are so sickeningly weak. [8|]

Again, grow up up you moron.

Needles



CaptR -> RE: Gender Identity (3/26/2017 9:06:31 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RivkasTaken

I am currently working with my doctor. I am on her prescribed treatment. She has no experience with gender identity questions, she directed me toward the internet.


I'm going to guess if your Dr suggested the internet they may have been thinking of a more medically based search than Collarspace.



LadyConstanze -> RE: Gender Identity (3/26/2017 11:02:49 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RivkasTaken

I am currently working with my doctor. I am on her prescribed treatment. She has no experience with gender identity questions, she directed me toward the internet.



I would change my MD, ASAP



stef -> RE: Gender Identity (3/26/2017 11:51:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RivkasTaken

I am currently working with my doctor. I am on her prescribed treatment. She has no experience with gender identity questions, she directed me toward the internet.

Did she direct you to ask about gender issues on a BDSM/politics forum?

If you haven't already, check out http://transspectrum.org and look at their resource guide. You'll get more help from people there than you will here, with less bullshit and fewer trolls attached.

Good luck.



cloverodella -> RE: Gender Identity (3/26/2017 2:12:13 PM)

I don't think you're overthinking anything. Your feelings are your feelings. They are valid, regardless of what your hormone levels are, or why.

This isn't a particularly friendly place for transgender or nonbinary gender types. Lots of insults and hate, and lots of bored people being mean for the sake of being mean. It is unlikely you will find any validation here.

If I were you, I'd seek a therapist who specializes in gender identity issues. They can help you sort out what your feelings are and who you are. I imagine finding local community support groups would be helpful, too. I know tumblr has a large, visible trans* and gender non-conforming contingent. I've learned a lot from it.

My experience as as a cis woman is that I never have those days. I can't fathom what they'd feel like, either. I've never questioned my gender identity. I question what it is about me that is female in effort to understand gender identity confusion other people experience, but frankly I don't think it gets me anywhere. But my experience is mine. It has no bearing on yours.

Be true to yourself. The work is worth it.



Greta75 -> RE: Gender Identity (3/27/2017 4:01:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RivkasTaken

I'm not 100% sure where this thread should go so please bare with me.

Are there ever days where you doubt your gender identity?

I identify as a CIS Female, but feel more like a guy half the time. I don't feel like I am male or should be male all the time, but there are moments where I have flickers of doubt. Am I just overthinking things? I've never been the most feminine of women. Half the time I feel more like a man with a vagina instead of a penis. It doesn't help that I have more Male hormone in my system than most women do, due to a hormonal disorder

I consider myself with high male hormones. I feel like I have testosterone like a man. I am not interested in many female-typical things. Except men. I am always interested in men.

Somehow, I love being with a man as a female. That is crystal clear as night and day to me.

But in what ways do you feel like a man?

For me, I think my physique is very masculine. I have big bone, very broad shoulders, unnaturally broad for a woman. I have such a Masculine presence that as a teenager, I was often the only girl playing among boys, basketball or soccer, and despite having long hair up to my waist, and it's always in a pony tail. People mistake me as a male from behind all the time because of my broad shoulders. And many times, service staff at retail shops will say, "Good afternoon sir!" Before looking up and realizing I am actually female and not male. I got this male energy and male presence. And keep in mind, I always have long hair and let it down, and I could wear a dress. And yet, the sales person would still think I am male before looking at me.

And actually the most female part of me which makes me female is my vagina really and that I bleed. I feel like I think like a man, operate like a man. But I have never had the desire to be a man. I have always wished I had a more feminine body growing up.

I can never relate to women, all my best friends are male. But I like men for platonic buddies and I like men for sex.

And I feel happy staying a woman.

So I think most importantly, what state would make you feel most happy?




MasterBrentC -> RE: Gender Identity (3/27/2017 4:58:03 AM)

I got in touch with my feminine side the other day and I found out she's a lesbian, so it's all good. LMFAO



vincentML -> RE: Gender Identity (3/29/2017 2:03:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Op, my recommendation is to call a LBGTQ group and ask for a referral to a therapist who is experienced in gender dysmorphia. In the meantime, Suggest you look up gender fluid and see if this resonates.

I have a higher T level than average, and shoulders like a linebacker, but that doesn't make me confused about my gender. If your feelings predate the hormonal issue, then I don't think they're related. Little kids know what gender they are, when one says their gender doesn't match their parts, they know what they're talking about.

The only suggestion in this thread that makes sense.

RFT: Contact an LGBTQ group and request a referral to a gender-knowledgeable therapist.



PeonForHer -> RE: Gender Identity (3/29/2017 4:19:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RivkasTaken

I'm not 100% sure where this thread should go so please bare with me.

Are there ever days where you doubt your gender identity?

I identify as a CIS Female, but feel more like a guy half the time. I don't feel like I am male or should be male all the time, but there are moments where I have flickers of doubt. Am I just overthinking things? I've never been the most feminine of women. Half the time I feel more like a man with a vagina instead of a penis. It doesn't help that I have more Male hormone in my system than most women do, due to a hormonal disorder


Rivkas,

I think there are two resolutions to this issue and they're not mutually exclusive.

1.) You seek medical advice to make sure that everything physiological that's involved is in order.

2.) The far harder thing: you *absolutely* kick and punch out of your way any and every impediment to your having whatever sexual and romantic relationships that give you a buzz at any given time ... in the knowledge that when you're on your deathbed, you'll regret the things you never did, but wanted to do, much, much more than the things you did, but weren't quite sure you should have done.



DesFIP -> RE: Gender Identity (3/29/2017 8:05:17 PM)

Peon, you are consistently one of the kindest people on this site.



PeonForHer -> RE: Gender Identity (3/30/2017 12:41:08 AM)

Thank you!



Bhruic -> RE: Gender Identity (3/30/2017 6:41:14 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RivkasTaken

I'm not 100% sure where this thread should go so please bare with me.

Are there ever days where you doubt your gender identity?

I identify as a CIS Female, but feel more like a guy half the time. I don't feel like I am male or should be male all the time, but there are moments where I have flickers of doubt. Am I just overthinking things? I've never been the most feminine of women. Half the time I feel more like a man with a vagina instead of a penis. It doesn't help that I have more Male hormone in my system than most women do, due to a hormonal disorder



There is gender, and then there is personality, or who you are as a person. If you are a woman and feel like you want to be a man, with a penis and everything, then I think that is a gender identity issue. If you identify as a woman, but like "manly" things and feel like you think like a man, then I think you are over thinking it... that is just your personality. IMHO.



DesFIP -> RE: Gender Identity (3/30/2017 3:45:15 PM)

But since she's confused and disturbed by this, that by itself says she would benefit from discussing this with a professional.

Who taught her that playing sports or knowing how to change your brake pads makes her an unnatural female? That by itself causes guilt and shame, and that is wrong to do to a child.

A good therapist can help you figure out if this is innate or taught, and if the person who taught her really is someone worth listening to. How smart or educated are they? Where did they learn this, was it a result of them being emotionally or verbally abused.

All we can do is guess, op. A good therapist can ask you the right questions so you come to an understanding.



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