Telephone fun.....

Telephone fun..... (Full Version)

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DameDarkness -> Telephone fun..... (7/25/2006 9:10:31 PM)
Ok i know what you were thinking.... there would be a joke. Well it sorta is a joke and rather funny. Have you ever had an erge to answer your telephone saying something else other than normal? I have and do all the time. HELL I HAVE DONE IT!! I have answered Dame's whore house ...... sluts all shapes, sizes, genders, race what can i set you up with to fuck........... or Dame's Bitches R US..... you call you dickless wonder? ...... or Dame's mortuary you stab em we grab em and wrap em what size coffin can i do ya for...... and so on and so forth. I have also had an answering machine that had morgue type music and had the message you have reached Dame's Mortuary... We are sorry we arent available to answer your call however we are right in the middle of dressing a corps and digging a grave but if you leave a message after the tone we will get back to you because we know you are just dying to get through to us. ~BEEP~ tee hee hee...... people really thought it was a morgue. ANYWAYS my question to you is WHAT WEIRD AND ZANY THINGS have you done with your phone/answering machine??? D

KyttynTheMynx -> RE: Telephone fun..... (7/25/2006 11:56:37 PM)
i answer mine "this is jennys whore house we are having a 5 for 5$ special on blowjobs, this is susan speaking, how may we service you?" i get weird looks when i answer it like that in ihop. my best friend will answer my cell in his bill cosby voice and ramble about how jello and my phone being on vibrate both wiggle and jiggle alike.

MasterRobert1 -> RE: Telephone fun..... (7/26/2006 5:48:54 AM)
I like to answer the phone with, psychiatric ward. That usually stops people for a moment.

RubberWitch -> RE: Telephone fun..... (7/26/2006 7:29:56 AM)
(party noise) hello? hello? I can't...I can't hear you, hang on a sec, I'm going to go some where a bit quieter hello, hang on, hang on, hello, can you hear me? thats better. right. Hi, this is J____'s answering machine, I'm at a party and can't be arsed to take a message, so call back later" J

mnottertail -> RE: Telephone fun..... (7/26/2006 1:12:37 PM)
You have reached the (your town here) sewer and water department. Our charts and surveys show that we got about all the shit outta you we're gonna take. Hello. Zerks Hardware. If it ain't made, we ain't got it! Kinney speakin'

impishlilhellcat -> RE: Telephone fun..... (7/26/2006 1:15:27 PM)
Lol I had a sales person call once and actually leave a message and a 1800 number and asked me to call them back so I did. I was like hey, so what's up. How was your day? What are your plans for the weekend? Long time no talk. They were all confused and though i was insane and never called me back again :P

windchymes -> RE: Telephone fun..... (7/26/2006 1:37:56 PM)
I used to work for a company whose phone number was one digit off from another local business that manufactured and sold nuts and bolts. A few times, I'd answer with our company name, and the voice on the other end would hesitate, and then say, "Is this the nut house?" I'd answer, "Yes it is, how can we help you?"

enigmabrat -> RE: Telephone fun..... (7/26/2006 3:33:54 PM)
LOL my mom ansers the phone "nut house head nut here" and this was befor we had caller ID and she could tell who she was saying it too LOL she usualy only did that if the phone call came during dinner but it was always so funny

maskedsow -> RE: Telephone fun..... (7/26/2006 5:59:23 PM)
i got a call from a telemarketer the other day asking for the home owner i said sorry noone called homeowner here you must have the wrong number and hung up :)

akisha -> RE: Telephone fun..... (7/26/2006 7:57:28 PM)
I never answer my own phone wierd but I love to answer other peoples phones and be naughty. My favorites are: "Good day you've reached Joey's House of Porn, How can we help you?" This one in my naughty sexy voice "Hi You've reached 1-900 SPANK ME, What's your fetish" I use this one to answer my dad's phone he thinks it's hilarious. [:D]

ThatLilBrat -> RE: Telephone fun..... (7/26/2006 8:29:51 PM)
I was a cop's wife for many years. Our phone number was on speed-dial of many fellow cops and different departments. ... Me, being the smart ass that I WAS... opps ... am ... got a bit tired of middle of the night wake up calls for my husband. Sooooooo ... <cheeky grin> I did the city morgue and actually had cops and the Sgt. fooled. That's what they get for waking up my sleepy ass at 3am. Of course, I also did "vice' department, whore house, Wal-Mart lost and found, bus station, Maternity ward, VD clinic and of course ... "sorry Lt. ... he can't come to the phone right now. I have him restrained. I'm making sure his hand cuffs are functional before his shift and I can't find the damn key.... Can he call you back ??? Smiles to all

WhiplashGirlChld -> RE: Telephone fun..... (7/26/2006 8:40:26 PM)
I worked for a Burglar Alarm monitoring center and our number was 1 digit off from a psychic hotline. But the best was my DH who's poor Dad still gets calls asking for "Pep Boys" since thier number is so close. A few times they jjust answwred the phone "Pep Boys" and then took special orders for rare auto parts. NO ONE has brake pads for a '38 Willys anymore. LOL.

MarksFantasyGirl -> RE: Telephone fun..... (7/26/2006 9:44:32 PM)
I always answer my phone "Talk to me" my boyfriend gets mad at me.... But when I know who's calling, I answer it "Dick's house of Hotdogs... if you like Hotdogs, You'll LOVE Dick's!!!!" hehehe! that's my favie

pqwinny -> RE: Telephone fun..... (7/27/2006 11:17:24 AM)
heard this one on someone's answering machine recently. 'Nature called right before you. Leave a message'...i couldn't, i was laughing too hard!

DameDarkness -> RE: Telephone fun..... (7/27/2006 11:24:25 AM)
[:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D] these are priceless........ well i have a new one to share..... my fiance answered the phone today. I was asleep at the time. He ended up waking me cause of his unusually louder voice and i knew it wasnt a good phone call. So I asked him who was on the phone. He said his ex friend Tom. I knew the story behind him. Well I point said GIVE ME THE PHONE. So my fiance did and I said then. Hi Tom we know we owe you some thing but I just cant think of what it is because you seem to call ALL THE TIME for no real apparant reason and bother us which is harrassment... If you continue such manners I shall be forced to take drastic matter and hang up on you everytime you call.... however if you call back at a later time i might be in a good enough mood to deal with you and your inconsideration to other people just because you decided to do something completely foolish that we never asked you to do in the first place. <quick story: we owe him some money cause he took a check that needed to be cashed for my fiance and it was a bad check from the person who gave it to my fiance to pay for some work my fiance did.... but we never asked him to take the money out of his own pocket and cover the check for us> Anyways I ended the conversation with a fuck you and have a nice day oh and ps if you continue to harrass us i have a lawyer friend who would like to speak to you. From his end of the phone i heard a lot of uh and hmm and ers...... think i scared him. OOPS! but when will men learn DONT FUCK WITH A WOMANS SLEEP. tee hee hee ...... i had such a good laugh from this one.

akisha -> RE: Telephone fun..... (7/27/2006 1:07:56 PM)
If someone calls in the middle of the night I usually answer "Someone better be dead or you're going to be" i can be cranky if i'm sleeping and woke up for no good reason.

nelbot -> RE: Telephone fun..... (7/29/2006 6:00:41 PM)
My favorite- though I rarely ever use it- is: Bob's bargain basement abortion clinic: you rape 'em, we scrape 'em; no featus can beat us; group rates available. How can I help you?

Saratov -> RE: Telephone fun..... (7/30/2006 5:11:10 PM)
Used to have these on my answering machine: South TX Rustlers... sorry we aren't here right now, we are either, umm, aquiring new horses or court, leave a messege after the tone and we will get back to... if we aren't in jail. Hello, if this is a bill collecter, hang up I'm not gonna call you back, if you are a friend or someone I care about, leave a messege after the tone... if this is anyone else...GET OFF MY PHONE.

fyrekittyn -> RE: Telephone fun..... (8/1/2006 12:24:04 AM)
Hi, this is the fridge. That damn answering machine ran off with the microwave, so leave a message and I'll stick it to myself with one of these little magnets.

SenpaiandMia -> RE: Telephone fun..... (8/1/2006 1:17:25 AM)
Road Kill Bar and Grill... You hit it I'll grill it! City Morgue. You stab'em I'll slab'em. That's all for answering, a couple times in college when those Magzine marketers would call, we would ask for horse or monkey porn... they usually hung up and didn't call back.

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