Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too?

Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (Full Version)

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WMDom26CA -> Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (4/3/2017 6:52:07 PM)
THE HUFFINGTON POST ‘Ghosting:’ The 21st-Century Dating Problem Everyone Talks About, But No One Knows How To Deal With The term “ghosting“ refers to the anecdotally pervasive act where one dater ends a relationship by simply disappearing. The ghost does not give an explanation of any sort, leaving the ghosted wondering where he or she went wrong. So the relationship is established and everything is looking good. Then the other person disappears and doesn't respond to any of your texts, emails or phone calls. But they don't "unfriend" you on Facebook or other social media. The person who got "ghosted" feels hurt and angry. Maybe devastated. But what about the people who "Ghost" the other person? Don't they hurt? Doesn't pain flow both ways? What do you think?

Greta75 -> RE: Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (4/3/2017 7:10:27 PM)
I think, I definitely have men who can spend weeks, and sometimes months, chatting with me, convincing me to meet up in real life with him. Who seem very genuine. And then on day to meet. He ghosts. But fortunately, because these are just online, so it doesn't really hurt me, I have no emotional attachment to anybody I haven't met in real life. To me, they spent alot of time telling me about themselves and what goes on in their lives and getting to know me. So who knows what was going on in their head. They have practically spent alot of time and wasted alot of their own time too. And we are talking about an exchange of easily 5 to 6 emails per day leading up to real life meet. And our emails are not one liners, they are long written ones. I often wondered if these guys just got cold feet in the end. But if they are so timid hearted, they are probably not gonna work out for me. But people who I have met in real life. None have ghosted me before. I can't imagine it happening. It is always properly discussed and ended IF they don't want to see me anymore. I think people who ghost, are dishonest people. And no they don't hurt. They just cannot be honest and are cowards and just run away as the easier solution than confront and talk about the problem. To me, the only reason why people ghost is if they got an issue with you and they are too scared to talk to you about it but it bugs the hell out of them. Yet they continue to falsely behave pleasantly infront of you like nothing is wrong. They are just timid hearted people, who can't do confrontation, can't deal with problems, or handle it. Their solution is just to run away to solve every problem.

needlesandpins -> RE: Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (4/4/2017 3:41:24 AM)
Sometime people are fickle, and flakey. They can give the impression of functioning like everyone else, but actually they're just waiting for the new 'best thing' to come along. Which actually is just as cheap and empty to them as all the rest. They are usually devoid of self responsibility, and great victim players. Needles

shiftyw -> RE: Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (4/4/2017 6:53:30 AM)
I think this happens because we don't value communication or mental health issues as a society and so many folks don't talk or even know how to communicate effectively. I think the pain goes both ways- but also- I feel for the ghosted a lot more than I feel for the ghostwrite. At least the ghosted tried. I currently have a friend who has real depression issues. Every now again he goes from speaking with me daily to just gone for a couple weeks. I feel crazy and like I did something wrong- but also I worry if he's hurt or something has happened to him, every time. So now he's just started saying "hey I'm going through it, I might be out of touch for a couple days please don't worry." I think ghosting is kinda a wussy move and just shows you can't adequately express yourself.

WickedsDesire -> RE: Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (4/4/2017 8:12:00 AM)
Ghosts, a term I have used for many epochs, come in many formats 1. Liar - say another person’s pictures, marital status, etc. 2. Scammers 3. Stalkers (waves) 4. Tellers of tall tales 5. Bad stereotypes 6. Socks A prolific problem and those are just a few of the variants - I just prefer the term liar. And no it goes one way unless its Ghost v Ghost, hot lesbian v hot lesbian, lying fuk v lying fuck

Cell -> RE: Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (4/4/2017 12:03:29 PM)
I wouldn't consider it a serious relationship if you didn't even know where your partner lives... If you know where they live, not easy for them to disappear... What I have trouble accepting is that "ghosting" is some hard to comprehend thing... none of the answers may be nice, but they're all pretty damn obvious. And yer as shiftyw says, it's a wussy move. As for the pain flowing both ways... I wouldn't bet on that. The very nature of this kind of thing is that one party is likely more emotionally invested than the other. One might not even care. I actually have a female friend that says clueless stuff like this but I always assumed that she understood, just didn't have the type of nature to address the truth and so skirted around the hard reality, which comes off as naivety... but actually not understanding at least on some level... THAT I find hard to comprehend.

longwayhome -> RE: Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (4/4/2017 12:53:25 PM)
The only time I ever did anything like ghosting was when I had already explained to someone that I didn't want to have a relationship with her. I was however happy to be a friend. That wasn't accepted and after a number of get togethers where I made it clear that I was struggling to be friends with someone who so clearly wanted more, I eventually withdrew contact and did not get in touch again, ignoring her contacts with me. Even though I had explained my position in person to her face, I still felt incredibly bad about having disappeared from her life. In retrospect I should have warned her that I was going to do that. I lost a friend who needed my support and who supported me at what was a difficult time in both of our lives, but at the time I wasn't strong enough to do that with someone who kept pushing me into something more. The one thing I am sure of is that she knew why I had withdrawn but, because I felt that I should have been stronger, I deeply regret what happened. I'm sure that some people who ghost have regrets and feel hurt, but for many it just seems to be a way to get out of a situation without dealing with any of the consequences. I had a go and still regret not doing things better. Most of the ghosting I hear about however doesn't involve the level of emotional effort I put in before I decided not to continue contact.

kiwisub22 -> RE: Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (4/4/2017 1:49:52 PM)
"The 21st Century problem" - really? Are we feeling a little precious? In the 70's this was definitely a thing - boyfriends or girlfriends not answering phone calls (not cell phones, by the way [:D]) , and just basically vanishing from your life. I think one way or another, this has been occurring since the stone age. Its just that someone gave it a catchy little name and now people think it is a brand new phenomenon. Ask your parents - pretty sure they've experienced it as well. As for why? Heck, that's easy - no emotional scene, no tears, no recriminations. It's so much easier just to vanish. Doesn't do much for your personal integrity, but it is easier.

longwayhome -> RE: Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (4/4/2017 2:01:32 PM)
Certainly agree that it's nothing new. People get dumped and ignored - it's always happened. As with many things we have this new electronic communication media so we reinterpret old problems as new crimes. Maybe it's the fact that people appear on websites and then disappear with no trace and people feel more duped than if they had met the person in a bar. Sometimes someone just isn't that into you. Ghosting is rude and inconsiderate, but as you say it's hardly a 21st century problem.

Greta75 -> RE: Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (4/4/2017 6:15:26 PM)
FR I think the worst kind, is when one day you wake up, and your spouse just disappears. Or worst, take your kid and disappear and never be found again. I've met alot of people with such stories, especially when I was going through my divorce, and meeting other people who were kinda in "similar situation", but it's worst trying to get a divorce when the spouse disappears. And it never cease to amaze me because these could be 7 to 8 years marriages. Some of these men abandon their wife with their kids and never come back. I consider myself really really fortunate that nobody I care about ever ghosted me. And there is always closure. But I guess I've always built my relationships on open communication. I always told anybody that, no terrible things they say or do can be worst than lying to me or keeping things from me. IF they stick to telling me the truth always, everything and anything can be forgiven and will be okay. I will love and appreciate them for it. I think people who ghost fears reaction of when they gotta express the truth. Like when a man ghost his family, chances are, he is falling apart from the pressures of being a husband and a father and if he confines in his wife, he might be criticised instead of supported for it, but it could be that IF he was in deep stress, the wife could be stressed too, and expecting him to be strong. I mean, that is just an example. I think it's super important to make sure everybody you care about is aware that, they got a safe space to talk to you about anything difficult or unpleasant.

WickedsDesire -> RE: Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (4/5/2017 9:54:02 AM)
Some people love fiction...the stuff of fairy tales...and there in lies the problem. what genuine person could compete with that?

Greta75 -> RE: Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (4/5/2017 9:47:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire Some people love fiction...the stuff of fairy tales...and there in lies the problem. what genuine person could compete with that? Stuffs of fairytales can exist though. To me, many successful BDSM relationships that lasted through time and able to juggle building a family around it as well, are stuffs of real life fairytales to me.

WickedsDesire -> RE: Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (4/6/2017 8:28:26 AM)
I haven't seen many last through time. Counter arguments can be made this also applies to ordinary relationships. Through time I mean >10 years

Greta75 -> RE: Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (4/7/2017 5:38:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire I haven't seen many last through time. Counter arguments can be made this also applies to ordinary relationships. Through time I mean >10 years But point is, it exists. Personally, I think it's more difficult to juggle kink with having a family than vanilla way. Through time to me, means that they are together for more than 20 or 30 years. And are still together.

angeldmort -> RE: Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (4/7/2017 8:43:24 PM)
I've been discussing this on Fet, and the main consensus there is that most of them on the kink side are either 1)getting a thrill just talking to a Dominant and then move on to the next when they can't drag it out any further, 2) intend to show/really thought they wanted it, but lose their nerve 3) realize X far in that they aren't up to it but don't know how to say it... It's one of the most common problems, and no one really knows a way to solve it. I personally resent the livin fuck out of the time they suck up and basically steal from my other projects. They provide nothing, and are just a drain on resources, but there's no way to tell who is and who isn't going to turn out like that.

WickedsDesire -> RE: Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (4/8/2017 7:15:06 AM)
They dont allow me on there no more angeldmort..i think ;) So i have kinda lost track. Everything exists wifey5 I usually use the word rainbow, spectrum - i think if people build a relationship on a singular, or limited spectrum. then they are doomed to fail, and often quickly. Let’s say a man, and all he wants his ball sack crushed or his cock caged. That is his utopia, his ideology, the pinnacle, nay being of his existence. How can a relationship be formed around that and destined to last…I tend to lob all that lot into bad stereotypes, but that is me and my perspective.

WhoreMods -> RE: Do People Who "Ghost" You Hurt Too? (4/8/2017 11:47:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WMDom26CA But what about the people who "Ghost" the other person? Don't they hurt? Doesn't pain flow both ways? What do you think? It might, but they're ghosting you, so who gives a fuck if they hurt or not? It's not like they're talking to you about it, is it?

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