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Serious Worry (Fundraiser?) For A Mistress In Danger - 12/7/2004 9:59:33 AM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
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Moderators, if you wish to move this post to General BDSM Discussion or Announcements, feel free to do so. It violates the rule on contact info, but I think it is for a good cause and I ask your indulgence and permission to keep this post available. I wpould not do this if I had any other recourse.

Frankly, I'd prayed I would not have to post such a message, but one of our own is in trouble. For those in the Bay Area BDSM scene and also in southern California, you may know of Lady Cassandra.

She is listed on Jay Wiseman's page as one of the Old Guard leatherwomen and a pioneer in BDSM. She has had a series of crises in her life which have rendered her homeless.

She has severe environmental illness, allergies, incipient Parkinson's Disease possibly with dementia. Currently she is living in her van on the streets of San Francisco and/or Oakland.

I am terribly concerned for her. Due to the mental aspects of her disability, she has "run through" most of her friends in the area. Many are angry with her or do not understand the severity of her trouble. She telephones Me when she is able to, but this is not often. When she does, her conversations are long and rambling. She is lucid and in touch with reality, but she has difficulty organising her thoughts and has memory problems.

What she needs is to have a medical procedure done to find out if her frequent rages and mental lapses are due to the Parkinson's (potentially untreatable) or due to something else such as head injury or the environmental illness. To have the procedure, however, (a PET scan or something like that. My notes are scribbled.) she must have a place to stay so that she can stabilise. She also needs an advocate who will NOT judge or criticise her, who will be able to deal with rambling and difficult behaviour and who can run interference between her and authority figures.

I would do this in a flash, but I am in New Mexico and cannot relocate due to financial insufficiency. I cannot help her and it is tearing Me up! I have known her since 1982.

Once she has gotten the procedure, she will know, better, what to do with the remainder of her life. If the situation is incurable, then she will need a place to spend her final days. If she has hope to recover, she will need a submissive or slave to take her in as a 24/7 mistress so that she is no longer homeless.

Lady Cassandra has been the backbone of the Bay area BDSM scene, friend to people such as Cynthia Slater, Fledermaus, Bob Flanagan, Fakir Musafar, Myself, Jay Wiseman Pat Califia, Suzy Bright, John Preston, Larry Townsend and many others. She was one of the earliest members of the Society of Janus, the Catacombs and Service of Mankind Church. She is part of our history.

We cannot allow her to die alone on the streets! I frankly do not know exactly what to do! I don't know if a fundraiser is needed, a guardian or conservitor for her, what?

I do know that she needs a roof over her head and she needs it *now*. It is bitterly cold in San Francisco in the winter and living out of a vehicle is dangerous. She also needs phone cards so that she can afford to use pay phones to talk to Me or other support people. Possibly a cellphone and service, donated. EVentually, she will need to sell her BDSM equipment (over $100,000.00 worth!) in order to live and also to preserve it for its historical value. I have offered to store it for her for free so that she no longer has to pay rent on storage for it. If ashe takes Me up on that, I will need someone to transport it from its location in Oakland, to My home in Santa Fe.

Be aware that, due to her mental disabilities, she is VERY difficult to talk to or get along with... but with time and support, I believe she CAN recover! Anyone wishing to help can contact Me at [email protected] or Jay Wiseman at [email protected]

I know the rules of this board say not to post contact information, but truly, I do not know what else to do and I think that this is a legitimate need which supercedes the regulations. If not, I apologise.

Together, we can help to salvage this woman's life. She truly is in danger of dying alone and insane on the streets if we co not intervene. If you think that this may be a "scam" please contact Jay Wiseman to find out the situation. I am sure we can all agree that he is trustworthy.

Thank you all for your attention, time and support! If there is anything which I may do in return for anyone who helps Lady Cassandra out, please, you have only to ask and it is yours!

Lady Cassandra *does* have lifeline telephone access (a recorded message which she can check when she is able) and I will give the number to anyone who contacts Me wishing to help her. Unless it is serious, however, please do not call her as she cannot afford the money to answer her messages on the pay telephone.

Thank you all, again!

Lady Sonelle

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RE: Serious Worry (Fundraiser?) For A Mistress In Danger - 12/7/2004 11:52:14 AM

siamsa24

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I'm not sure how old she is, but with cases such as this she needs to be a care facility with certified individuals looking out for her. A general sub or slave is not going to be able to give her the proper mental and medical care that she needs.
There are care facilities available and many of them accept Medicare and Medicaid. This is something that should be turned over to human services, they can help her apply for the financial help that she needs, find her a place to stay and get her the health and mental care that she needs. I am not familiar with the area so I can't give you numbers to call or addresses, but I can tell you this: She needs help, and more help then just a place to stay and people to be nice to her.
If neccisary she can be placed in a facility for her own safety without her consent if she is causeing a danger to herself or to others. It sounds as though she cannot properly care for herself so she is a danger to herself. So even if she does not wish to be helped if two doctors agree that she is in danger she can be admitted into a facility for care.
This is just my opinion, but I really think that she needs more help then just a place to live.

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RE: Serious Worry (Fundraiser?) For A Mistress In Danger - 12/7/2004 3:11:58 PM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
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From: Santa Fe NM
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I have thought about that. Currently she is able to care for herself and is lucid and oriented. Also, due to her environmental illness, she reacts VERY badly to fluorescent lights. Many people do not believe that fluorescent lighting causes problems, but for her, the flicker of either a FL or even a computer screen is agonising. Sadly. most, if not *all* hospitals and care facilities have fluorescent lights.

She cannot go into public buildings or stores with them installed. If she can find a place for care that does not have them, it would be a miracle.
She is hoping very much that she can find a room or a place to stay so that she can "get it together" enough to have the PeT scan imaging done. Once she has a prognosis, she will know what next to do with her life and her affairs. Sadly, the *very* places she needs to go to have her difficulties taken care of are the very places that have computers and fluorescents that drive her wild with the hum and vibrations.

We've been going over her diffiuclties for about five years, now and she has tried about every agency in the Bay Area. Sadly, they are not able to adjust sufficiently to deal with her EI and so she goes round and round in a deepening spiral.

Lady Sonelle

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RE: Serious Worry (Fundraiser?) For A Mistress In Danger - 12/7/2004 3:48:51 PM

ABBOY4U

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Hi Lady Sonnell maam
As an Licensed Nurse and over 15 yrs experience with geriatrics(older people)
I have to say that this friend of yours should by all means seek state aid via Human resources maam.
If the constant flickering of light bothers her maam have her or someone procuur her some dark sunglasses which will decrease the effect of brilliance upon the brain maam.
It is an CAT scan which you are referring to it is an medical procedure to diagnose illnesses within the head the cerubellum maam.
I am sure if she wants this type of help from all who love her it would be readily given to her maam.
The question is

Does she want to be helped?

thank you maam
baby Larry

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RE: Serious Worry (Fundraiser?) For A Mistress In Danger - 12/7/2004 4:04:57 PM

siamsa24

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Well, what mostly concerns me is the dementia. If she truely has this it is a permenant condition that can become very severe over time and she will eventually require full-time, possibly around-the-clock care. This is not something that should be taken lightly.

I also think that larry raises a good point. Does she want to be helped? If she really does then there are options available. I know that in Ohio there are group homes for people who have difficulties in a regular hospital setting. If there are some in the area they might be an option. The only drawback to these is that they aren't always covered by medical plans. But if she has $100,000 worth of items that she is thinking of selling anyway that may not be as much of a problem.

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RE: Serious Worry (Fundraiser?) For A Mistress In Danger - 12/7/2004 9:05:06 PM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ABBOY4U

Hi Lady Sonnell maam
As an Licensed Nurse and over 15 yrs experience with geriatrics(older people)
I have to say that this friend of yours should by all means seek state aid via Human resources maam.

That is the hard part. She has seen (and alienated) most of the ones who would or could help her in Northern california.

quote:

If the constant flickering of light bothers her maam have her or someone procuur her some dark sunglasses which will decrease the effect of brilliance upon the brain maam.

I have suggested that. She has said that even the hum bothers her... *sigh* it is a real problem. I *thought* it was "all in her head" until I Googled the phrase "fluorescent lights" with the words "problem" and "neurological" and found a wealth of information that states that for some p[eople, fluros are very bad or even dangerous. The sad thing is that VERY few who do not have this problem even know it exists. like Environmental Illness, many people think it's imaginary.

quote:

It is an CAT scan which you are referring to it is an medical procedure to diagnose illnesses within the head the cerubellum maam.

A CAT (Computerised Axial Tomography) is one type of scan. A PET (Positive Electron Tomography, IIRC) is another type. She indicated that it wss the PET she needed. I don't know if it would help at this point or not.

quote:

I am sure if she wants this type of help from all who love her it would be readily given to her maam.
The question is

Does she want to be helped?

thank you maam
baby Larry

That is a very wise observation. While I would like to say "Yes, she needs help and wants it!" I must be very honest in saying that she has been verbally combative and angry. Part of it may be due to her illness and part due to simply being sick and tired of people who try to force her into things. In any case it makes helping her VERY difficult, if not almost impossible. Even my beloved first servitor, slave k dislikes Lady Cassandra and has said that taking her into our home would force slave k to leave! While I coule *order* slave k to accept her as a houseguest, I fear the tension and anger would make things very bad for all three of us!

I see Lady Cassandra's situation much like a person, slipping on ice, flailing wildly for balance. Everyone holds out hands, tries to grab hold, but nobody knows precisely where the center of balance is. All the falling person NEEDS is a bar or railing they can grab hold of to right themselves. They bat away the helpful hands because they know that if they grab the wrong one, they *will* fall... Unfortunately, the people holding out the hands see it as being obnoxious.

Sadly, I Myself, really do not know how much of Cassandra is "left". She may be beyond hope, or she may be salvageable... but only time will tell.

If she could just get someplace quiet to stay, warm and reasonably safe, for a while, she might be able to sort herself out enough to get the help she needs... but, as you comment, "does she really want to be helped?"

Even I don't know for sure.

That is what grieves Me. I make a calling of helping submissives improve and find themselves. I have counseled and I have trained. I try to support and comfort where it is needed and sadly, in Lady cassandra's case, I am unable to help... or even to know precisely where help is needed, where her illness ends and her poverty begins.

Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I will continue to try.

Lady Sonelle

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RE: Serious Worry (Fundraiser?) For A Mistress In Danger - 12/7/2004 9:16:58 PM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
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quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

Well, what mostly concerns me is the dementia. If she truely has this it is a permenant condition that can become very severe over time and she will eventually require full-time, possibly around-the-clock care. This is not something that should be taken lightly.

Very true! She seems well oriented X 4, but definitely shows signs of paranoid ideation... but OTOH, I *have* seen how people react to her personality! She has a good reason to feel they don't care for her!

quote:

I also think that larry raises a good point. Does she want to be helped? If she really does then there are options available. I know that in Ohio there are group homes for people who have difficulties in a regular hospital setting.

Ah-HA!!! THANK YOU! You know, until you mentioned it, I had not thought to enquire about group homes! They might exist in regular housing WITHOUT the fluorescents!

A thousand thank yours!! Thinking outside the cuffs! Next time I talk to her or someone nearby, helping her, I will suggest group housing. My best bet would probably be Berkeley.

quote:

If there are some in the area they might be an option. The only drawback to these is that they aren't always covered by medical plans. But if she has $100,000 worth of items that she is thinking of selling anyway that may not be as much of a problem.

Well, I doubt the BDSM community would buy her equipment in a lump sum transaction. The best would be for Me to buy them, but I haven't the cash for it. I am seriously considering taking out a loan to buy what I can... if she were to sell it in dribs and drabs, the money would be gone before she could save enough to get a placement in a home. Not only that, but the small sum she gets on Social Security would be jeopardised. I know their rules and they are a bitch and a half!

What I am thinking of doing is getting her permission to take the equipment and storing it at My home so that she would be able to save a bit more money (not paying storage locker rent). That way, I can inventory it, sort and grade it, discard the broken or useless things, repair the useable things and then work with her to sell it or use it Myself as a Pro Domme to raise money for her.

I really do not want to get into being a Pro, because doing something for money often takes the enjoyment out of it as a lifestyle. Also, I don't need the cash Myself, that badly... but I may do it to save her. Ihave to wait until she calls Me again to work out the finer details.

She was one of My teachers and I owe her a lot.

Lady Sonelle

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RE: Serious Worry (Fundraiser?) For A Mistress In Danger - 12/8/2004 5:12:25 AM

siamsa24

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I'm glad I could help.

As far as the cost goes perhaps it is different in various areas, and I have never specifically looked into one myself fo they may offer aid to those that have no other options.

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RE: Serious Worry (Fundraiser?) For A Mistress In Danger - 12/8/2004 6:30:57 PM

LadyShoshin

Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySonelle

Frankly, I'd prayed I would not have to post such a message, but one of our own is in trouble. For those in the Bay Area BDSM scene and also in southern California, you may know of Lady Cassandra. .......

Thank you all, again!

Lady Sonelle

I am in SW Ontario, Canada, so there is nothing I can do that would be helpful. But I wanted to stop & give you a hug for caring.
My 90 year old mother is slipping into dementia and is exhibiting many of the same types of personality traits. Fortunately, my sister has been her caregiver for 16 years. I was out west and saw the difficulty my sister is having in dealing with mom.
I wanted to recognize your empathy and caring. Twice here we have held fundraisers, once for two women burned out of their home and once for a Dom from the US who had a critical life threatening illness, but no money for the medical bills. Fundraisers were held at munches and play parties. I know because I was involved with the fire fundraiser.
()----->---->----- A rose for a caring friend.

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RE: Serious Worry (Fundraiser?) For A Mistress In Danger - 12/8/2004 6:51:30 PM

siamsa24

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I know that this is personal, but does your sister have help or attend support groups? Caring for someone is highly stressful and your sister needs to take time for her mental health as well.

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RE: Serious Worry (Fundraiser?) For A Mistress In Danger - 12/9/2004 12:34:01 AM

MistressDREAD

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She has had to have had sum kind of diagnosis allready so ask for a copy of what they are looking for in the pet and what the name of Her Drs are and ask for Her to sign a medical release for You that You can forward onto Me. Fundraisers are for those whom have nothing and she has much in value that can be turned into MONEY by Your words to gain a place to stay hence She needs to deciede the quickest and most painless way to go about selling all of this off and sence She has not, these material things either have sentamental value or She is not truely able to make determinations in Her care at this point again if She has things of value not turned into funds to keep a roof over Her head.
What about family members? Where do they stand with Her and what is Her legal position?
You mentioned social security is She disabled allready or retired and what was Social Securitys determination? A release can be signed for Them to also release information into Her determinations.
I only have half a home at the moment but it is quite and fairly dark and un assuming and I know how to handle dementia and other * things. As for Her personal property well My beliefs
are this, If You have no use for it and have no place for it then it is no longer of use to You and if You are paying for a place to keep it over a place to keep Your self well that is a bit insane. You are losing value and profit so if She intends to sell it simply have her put a add in the news papers locally where the items are located and sell it in a auction to the highest bidder. Why pay for cross country costs when that money could go to selling it off where it is with a auction block and assist Her there and now. Some things here that You stated dont add up in My mind.

If She can find Her way to Floriida and can put up with living in a inperfect Home beat up by the Hurricanes at the moment She will have a place to stay and when She arrives at that point if She is willing to come, I would find out if She is in need of legal assistance to get Her self in order but she would still need copys of all her medical records to carry with her to here. You can email Me with the details on the other side as well as the items . Im sure She knows what a livin contract is and Power of Attorney and Ill expect Her to sign such and abide by such with in the Home with assistance if need be and if She is not capable of signing there will have to be a next of kin family member whom is willing to sign such if there is allready somebody out there with a power of attorney over this Woman. I do not allow smoking nor drinking or taking illigal drugs of any kind with in My walls. If this has been Her problem in the past that got Her to this place or present She need not waste Her time travelin here for the long term unless She intends to quit for here it is not allowed nor tolerated. Im sure half the picture hasent been presented and it is not a easy task to fall out from every freind You have ever known or Family member and Id like to know more of the details. Lets take this Private..........JMO

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RE: Serious Worry (Fundraiser?) For A Mistress In Danger - 12/9/2004 4:21:31 AM

Sylverdawn

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Lady Sonelle I think I have an idea.. have you taken this to the NLA international .. or asked a local chapter to sponser her care .. I know here in Dallas the NLA is very active in fundraising for people.

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