quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub22

If I were to guess, I would say an alpha submissive is someone who just submits to his/her master/mistress. Oddly enough, this pretty much describes the vast majority of submissives that I know in real life.

quote:

Why bother being a sub if you insist on being an 'alpha' one?

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

Why bother being a sub if you insist on being an 'alpha' one?

Hmm. Hard to know where to start with that question. I don't hold with the whole 'alpha' thing with humans - for me, it's a load of old tosh that depends on a double mistake - the mistake of seeing it in the non-human world, erroneously, plus the mistake of believing that it can (and should) be brought into the human world. It's an irrelevant fairy story, brought into being chiefly by insipid, stuffed up conservative femsubs and slightly warped little fat blokes, generally (though not always) with intensely masculine and assertive beards, who see themselves as "naturally dominant males".

That all said: you *cannot help* being an 'alpha' sub. You have an urge to submit; nonetheless, it's plain to you that you have this much of a competitive streak, that much of a temper ... that's you, and you can't avoid being you. It can be quite difficult to square that with the bit of you that wants to submit. However, I think - usually - it doesn't work to try to suppress the 'alpha' bit of yourself. Me, the answer was to elevate the idea of *choice* to a whole new level.

Roughly, in the head, it goes: "I have this power; I can't pretend that I don't - but I want to explore 'giving that power away'"

Thus, for me, it became part of some of sort spiritual adventure (though that feels like way too highfalutin an expression to me) to give up my power, voluntarily - with the right person.

None of the foregoing would make much sense to a femsub who's settled comfortably into some belief that her desire to submit is "natural" to a woman; nor to a maledom who has nestled cosily into his belief that this desire to dominate is "natural" to males. I don't care - it's not relevant to my life. Myself, now, I've got to the point where I just think, re those two sorts - 'fine for you, if that keeps you happy'. But I think that at bottom the reasoning behind it all is feeble - and, ultimately, unnecessary anyway. People must find ways of squaring it with themselves to have the relationships that make their dicks hard and their vadges wet. Life is too short to do otherwise.

quote:

ORIGINAL: vampmystik

Being very much an Alpha submissive..... the very first person i have to submit to is ME ! Not you !

The only reason i would want to do that is, if you are straight. Genuine. Open and totally honest.

Ive been here a few yrs. Not one guy in that time has ever been able to be straight and open. ( other than sex )

Anyone experienced the same?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: vampmystik

Being very much an Alpha submissive..... the very first person i have to submit to is ME ! Not you !

The only reason i would want to do that is, if you are straight. Genuine. Open and totally honest.

Ive been here a few yrs. Not one guy in that time has ever been able to be straight and open. ( other than sex )

Anyone experienced the same?

Your post is actually confusing.
1) Okay, you are an Alpha sub. No big deal. AS you can see, there are many dominants like NoirMetal who is incapable of handling Alphas Subs at all, not the type of Dominants for you. But they are the majority.

Because real Alpha dominants who can handle Alpha subs are extremely rare. I know this will bring a debate to what's a "real" dominant. To me a "real" dominant has a natural ability to control anybody he chooses to control, regardless of the other person's identification of themselves. Like if the other woman identifies as a dominant, a "real" dominant is not faze and can "control" her. The art of "controlling" another Alpha isn't about "Demanding and Commanding", like, "I am self-proclaim Dominant, you self-proclaim sub, MUST obey me, hear me Roar!."

It's a more delicate art of making them do things your way subtly and making them feel like they made that decision themselves, even though it was all your influence in actual fact.

To me Dominance is a very mental and psychological thing. The true art of dominance is all about influencing somebody else's mind. IF a dominant is crap at the art of making people more co-operative with him. He is not very good at dominating at all I think.

You can see this difference very prominently when there are Dominants who can be on a Kink hunt for a long time and keeps complaining about so many fake subs around.To me, that reflects badly on them, because of their own failure to get anybody to co-operate with them.

And then you got another category of Dominants who do not even feel the need to hunt on Kink site. They go out there, and convert Vanillas and feel pretty confident in doing that, as they know how the psychological process of prepping them for it, and then you realise their history of Subs are all met in regular day to day situations. Not at Munches, Not at BDSM clubs, not at Kink Sites.

But as I said, such dominants are extremely rare. Great People are Rare and hard to find. If you don't want to settle for Mediocre Dominance, then expect the search to be not easy.

2) Your second point about guys not being Straight and Open? This part is weird. I don't really have this experience, maybe because I don't give men who aren't being Straight and Open a time of my day. Within their first Sentence to me. I already know if they are straight talkers like me or they are beat around the Bush type of character.

I literally tell them straight, "Dude, you and me, definitely not compatible. You talk in circles. I am a straight talker. We won't get along."

It ends right from the beginning. And someone straight and open will be straight and open right from the beginning. If they are closed up. They will always be closed up. It's their personality, don't bother with those. They are emotionally unavailable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirMetal

We actually call that "being a bossy bottom" Tamika.

Which works ok if you can find a service top.

Maybe a switch would enjoy that?

quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka
Greta, although i think you make some good points, the truth is that you really aren't a sub. You are a woman who only gets turned on in very specific ways and you require your man to fulfill those specific requirements you have. That is not being submissive. That is being demanding. And i would bet Tops might be interested in you a bit but dominants would not be interested in dealing with you much at all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirMetal
But they have the idea that the top has to be better in every single way to be worthy of her.

quote:

But when you get to that level of perfection,guess what? He's probably poly, and already has two girls who are cuter,younger-and much more willing to do as told.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirMetal

I think overall, a self centered bottom is more happy with someone who accepts bottoming from the top.

The stress of being in control is what drives so many stressed women to seek a D/s relationship to begin with.

But they have the idea that the top has to be better in every single way to be worthy of her..

I get the feeling that allowing someone else to control them for even a little while is some how a betrayal of the values they were raised with.

But when you get to that level of perfection,guess what? He's probably poly, and already has two girls who are cuter,younger-and much more willing to do as told.

Because the A class Dom is aggressive, and does not wait around for a bitter business woman to play games with him.

There is just no need to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: tamaka
Greta, although i think you make some good points, the truth is that you really aren't a sub. You are a woman who only gets turned on in very specific ways and you require your man to fulfill those specific requirements you have. That is not being submissive. That is being demanding. And i would bet Tops might be interested in you a bit but dominants would not be interested in dealing with you much at all.

Every sub has demands. For example, some subs demands to be micro-managed, and they can never be happy with a dominant who cannot micro manage her and find it too much work to get involve in too many details.

So to me, your point is a Non-Point.

I don't know a single sub that has no "personal preference". They simply find a dominant who "fulfill" what they enjoy.

If they enjoy orgasm denial. They will find a dominant enjoys that.

If they enjoy being kept in bruises and pain, they will find a dominant who enjoys that.

IF they enjoy not making a single decision in life, they will find a dominant who is more than happy to make every single decision on her behalf. And I know alot of dominants who is Not Happy to be in control till this extent!