Greta75
Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
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I feel like for the longest time, just historically, a women's purity be held up to the equivalent of what gives her self-esteem and worthiness.
Whereas it's the opposite for males.
Because traditionally, women were possessions. When they couldn't get jobs, own property, or basically allowed do anything but take care of the home, raise children and just be a full time stay at home wife.
And men wanted nobody to have touched her, if he is gonna be the one taking care of her for life.
In today's world, a woman is empowered to do whatever she wants to do. Pursue all her interests and career, the heights are limitless.
Yet, there is still this stigma that exploring sexuality is tied to self-esteem.
Personally for me, it irritates me alot. Just like fat shaming does.
I've been fat shamed when I was 110lbs in a land where no ladies my age are above 100lbs. 90lbs to 100lbs was the normal weight for women here my height of 5'3. And I was practically 10lbs bigger than all my peers.
Was I seriously fat at 110lbs? No, but I was treated like I was obese by principals, teachers, relatives, parents. I keep getting told I need to starve and stop eating, as they were worried about my weight, even though, athletically, I was representing school to compete in Nationals and stronger and faster than 100lbs girls. The amount of torment I received about my weight from all my immediate family, my educators and my friends, who are seriously genuine friends who cared about me, but 110lbs for 5'3 was an abnormality over here. It's not normal. And everyone is like worried about your health and what's wrong with you. So even though technically, I wasn't fat, but it's the shit I get that seriously irritates the fuck outta me! Now I am 150lbs today, but still healthy, fit. I know when I can run a full marathon and get zero ache or pain is the fitness level that I am at. I see much Skinner people suffering for days whereas, I am like all good. Medical shows perfect health. Skinnier people got high blood or high cholesterol. It's like, you know, I get so fucking irritated at these skinny people giving me shit about my weight when their health is worst than mine. And they can't even do the intensity of sports I do, without getting into serious agonizing crippling pain days after. Really fit people, has fast recovery time and just, actually don't really get aches and pains. Because your body is conditioned for it.
Drawing parallels. It's like the same bullshit about choosing sex as a hobby. I mean, why do I do any sports or have any hobbies? I love music, I love sports, I love outdoors, I love sex.
All those things, I am gonna do equally amount of ALOT of, because I love and enjoy them. Ya know what does contact sports and fast paced sports and sex have in common? Adrenaline! I love the Adrenaline!
I guess we all gain empowerment from something. When I was fat shamed all my life, the reason why I made sure I was the top athlete in school was because I take pleasure in out running all the skinnier people who keeps fat shaming me, because end of the day, I am fatter, but healthier and fitter. At the end of the day, let's compare health. Because that's the most important thing that matter. In my country, we are filled with skinny fat people. Men are 6ft and 160lbs and below as the normal weight for a typical 6ft male, all their lives, even when they go into their 60's, same slim frame. But inside, is just high cholesterol, choked arteries, diabetes. You can never tell from the outside as they are all so lean and slim. But chances are, most of them do not work out a day in their life.
Skinny genes are like prevalent here. I mean, you'd always see a pint size tiny chinese girl gobble 30 dumplings by herself or something. Chinese as a race are known to eat ALOT. Our meals are always extravagant.
Even if they are poor Chinese, they can eat 3 to 5 bowls of rice per meal, just less meat.
Leading back to empowerment. The fact that I felt obese at 110lbs because it was what people felt about me. And today at 150lbs, I just keep looking back at me at 110lbs, and I got the same amount of fat shaming abuse at 110bs and at 150lbs. Like seriously, there was no difference, 40lbs heavier or 40lbs less. I am never gonna be 90lbs. I got bigger bones than normal chinese women. My wrist are twice the size of my girlfriends. I don't know how to reach there to stop the fat shaming. I will always be fat shamed. That's my reality. And all ya can do is feel irritated.
Same with sex shaming. The only difference is, fat shaming is base on physical appearance.
But sex shaming is base on if I reveal my sexual lifestyle. So in many ways, sex shaming is very controllable. Keep it private, nobody knows, nobody shames you. Talk about it, people are gonna start shaming you for it.
That's just how it rolls.
But back to empowerment. Because in the old days. Men held a woman's virginity to the equivalent of her worth. For me, it's empowerment to decide my own worth. And the last thing it should be based on is on how much sexual partners I have ever had. And the empowerment comes from knowing every single sexual experience was my choice and was chosen calmly and thoughtfully because I wanted to experience something sexually, and it was my journey and my exploration of the sexual world. Because of this, I never regret anyhing.
I grew up in a world where some of my girlfriends, even if they been dating this man for 3 or 4 years, and gave in to sex before marriage. And you know what? If he never marries her and if he dumps her, she spends the next few years feeling like she is damage goods because she gave herself to a freaking exclusive boyfriend she been dating for 4 years!
That will never happen to me, I will never want to feel that way, that my worth is tied to my virginity.
That's why to me, empowerment is taking control of your sexuality, and doing it for yourself and not giving sex because you feel like you have to, just to keep the stupid man.
And even though I am irritated at sex shaming, but unlike my weight, that I feel like it's very uncontrollable, because I love food and I would like to keep enjoying the food I love. Sure, if I live only on lettuce 24/7 for a year, maybe I will reach 90lbs. That will probably work. But life is too short to give up on all the yummy cuisines out there!
But being slut shamed or sex shamed and knowing that, fuck it, I have some of the most amazing mind blowing sexual experiences that brought me to fucking Nirvana! Why the fuck would I ever regret experiencing and exploring any of those experiences!
I still feel empowered! For me, when you reach "Nirvana sex" level, it's really an out of body experience. Your spirit feels like it practically floated out of my body and touched the other person's spirit. I would happily be slut shamed all my life to be able to enjoy that level of sexual experience over and over again.
In life, I love to feel things and experience things. I love physical touch alot with a lover but what transcends physical touch is to truly feel spiritual touch. And for me, when I am chasing sex, I am chasing to reach the level of spiritual touch again.
Yes, this just takes the right chemistry, the right sexual connection.
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