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needlesandpins -> RE: Fantasits v realists (7/27/2017 8:19:59 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: longwayhome
quote:
ORIGINAL: needlesandpins
Well actually I don't think it should matter which angle you are approaching it from. I wouldn't consider myself a lifestyle person, only bedroom. I label myself as a Switch, but what I give entirely depends on the person, and in reality I'm far more dominant than anything else, but in the bedroom it could be a totally different scenario with the right person. Damn straight that it's also going to be about my orgasm, but it's also going to be about his, however, that comes long after other things have been established.
I get that for some it's about service, and that on the flip side of this there is the Dominant side, where in each case it may have nothing at all to do with the end result of an orgasm, but for many this is not the case. However, I think that there is still then the huge confusion within a majority subset of people, that sadly are largely men, that think of only the end goal of cumming. Hence why so many of us women have the endless 'Do me now' wish list PMs. They are the ones that do not separate reality from fantasy, and I think that's most certainly where my ex fits in.
Needles
I think your second paragraph captures some of what's in my head.
I think the site is full of men with specific kink fantasies who seem to have very little ability to understand the relationship between fantasy and reality. They frequently have a set of things they want to happen with no real idea of how to build the kind of relationships with people where there is true mutuality.
Whether your kink is mainly bedroom based, a private dynamic between you and one other person, includes the concept of service or is based on long term humiliation, degradation or abuse, you need to have some idea about how to relate to other people and incorporate it into your life.
It's the lack of ability or willingness to do that, coupled with the endless moaning about how people can't get what they really need, like the world owes it to them and they deserve it that marks the real fantasy/reality gap to me.
Exactly.
I may not want a full on relationship, and my BDSM may be bedroom only, but I also don't do casual sex. There has to be a connection to the person for me and we still have to be compatible, or it's not going to work. Whatever way you approach this there is going to have to be a level of trust, and that isn't going to happen for me with a guy that can't respect by boundaries right from the outset. There are a few on these boards that don't seem to understand that concept.
I spent 16 of my life loving my ex and yet he never had as much of me sexually as my ex playmate, because i trusted my playmate with me far more over the six years we saw each other. There were realities with the playmate that would have stayed firmly fantasies with my ex.
Needles
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