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New guy-advice required...from those who know! - 7/28/2006 3:35:46 AM

bongd

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/28/2006
Status: offline

This is a request, i am looking for advice as a novice...
This isnt your average request , and may be treated with scorn/contempt...i hope not ?
I have been having an online "relationship" with a very sexually experienced young girl..and we have fun :) nuff said ...
She has asked if i would consider "controlling" / dominating her....as she would like to experience it !
( I know what your thinking...its a "whole comitment thing", and that may be true, but everyone started somewhere and we are starting now ! so be nice. )
Needless to say i am very interested,why else am i here? but ignorant.....
Sure,i could tell her to do this and that.... but I want her to get a lot out of it if we're going to do it...and i'm sure its even harder online ??
I am not some know-all guy,who is just gonna jump in regardless, and fuck about at it, its not my style,i like to know what im doing and plan...
This is an opportunity for us both to experience something interesting and exciting...
So,
Could you post any advice/ comments please, bearing in mind all the above...
and ask any questions you want !

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RE: New guy-advice required...from those who know! - 7/28/2006 5:16:27 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

Being that you are both inexperienced then I am not sure that what someone like myself who is experienced could offer. Just by reading your post & your mentioning her being very sexually experienced leads me to believe that you are looking at the act of 'dominating' her as possibly one more way to sexually interact.

Sex doesn't necessarily have to be involved between partners within D/s.

The best advice is communication. You both need to come up with an mutual understanding of what you both want/need from the interaction. As the dominant you will need to create/control/guide the structure of this interaction & keep the submissive on track with this structure. If you find yourself in the dominant role & you are essentially just serving her needs by her own definitions... then you are not the one in the dominant role.

You have also expressed that this is only an online thing. This is also something I have a hard time relating to since I am the strictly real-time type. Along with my suggestion of communication I will add consistency.

You can't have a successful relationship without communication & you will have a hard time maintaining any form of structure without consistency.

Good luck & most of all, have fun.

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MstrssPassion

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RE: New guy-advice required...from those who know! - 7/28/2006 5:42:25 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

Do a little searching of the forums and you should find some other threads that deal specifically with online dominant relationships. I think the last time it came up there were even some links to some websites that discussed good ways to train and Dom online.

One thing that stood out in your post was "but I want her to get a lot out of it". You didn't say that YOU wanted to get a lot out of it. This leads me to think you might be feeling uncertain about how to meet her expectations since she's had more experience. I'd suggest exploring what you want from it and go from there. You have to get in touch with the part of you that really wants to control another person, rather than going through the motions because it's something she wants.

Good Luck

TN

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RE: New guy-advice required...from those who know! - 7/28/2006 7:50:56 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

So why are you posting this in the "Ask a Mistress" section and not in the "Ask a Master" section where there are MEN who can speak to your situation (male domming female.) ???? Color me puzzled.

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Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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RE: New guy-advice required...from those who know! - 7/29/2006 6:23:23 PM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

Methinks perhaps 'bongd' was smoking his bong just before he typed his post.

; )

TM

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RE: New guy-advice required...from those who know! - 7/29/2006 8:11:41 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

So why are you posting this in the "Ask a Mistress" section and not in the "Ask a Master" section where there are MEN who can speak to your situation (male domming female.) ???? Color me puzzled.

Well, he DID say he was inexperienced. Maybe there's a bit more of a slope on the learning curve than usual.

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RE: New guy-advice required...from those who know! - 7/29/2006 9:00:49 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bongd

This is a request, i am looking for advice as a novice...
This isnt your average request , and may be treated with scorn/contempt...i hope not ?
I have been having an online "relationship" with a very sexually experienced young girl..and we have fun :) nuff said ...
She has asked if i would consider "controlling" / dominating her....as she would like to experience it !
( I know what your thinking...its a "whole comitment thing", and that may be true, but everyone started somewhere and we are starting now ! so be nice. )
Needless to say i am very interested,why else am i here? but ignorant.....
Sure,i could tell her to do this and that.... but I want her to get a lot out of it if we're going to do it...and i'm sure its even harder online ??
I am not some know-all guy,who is just gonna jump in regardless, and fuck about at it, its not my style,i like to know what im doing and plan...
This is an opportunity for us both to experience something interesting and exciting...
So,
Could you post any advice/ comments please, bearing in mind all the above...
and ask any questions you want !

*************
Bud, let me tell you a secret.

They have this shit figured out. (Don't try to bluff these chicks...they have you figured out too).

Now, I'm going to assume you are actually sincere. (I should probably go back and actually read your full post). Okay...I did that.

Just read your profile...you're young. Not in age...but in lifestyle.

You're "interested", but you haven't lived it.

You're wondering.

Are you a Dom?

Do you know where you fit?

Can you be this person? For her?

I believe you want this, for your mate...I sense you would give.

You've asked some excellent questions...but...are you prepared to answer some...more for yourself?

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RE: New guy-advice required...from those who know! - 7/29/2006 9:01:54 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

So why are you posting this in the "Ask a Mistress" section and not in the "Ask a Master" section where there are MEN who can speak to your situation (male domming female.) ???? Color me puzzled.

Ya know what?

It's a start.

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RE: New guy-advice required...from those who know! - 7/29/2006 9:07:46 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

Methinks perhaps 'bongd' was smoking his bong just before he typed his post.

I prefer to believe otherwise.

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RE: New guy-advice required...from those who know! - 7/29/2006 9:10:48 PM

MissdeSade

Posts: 21
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline

I learned most of what I know as a Dominate from Lacanian psychoanalysis. A lot of what Jacques Lacan stresses is about language and how language holds us back. what we truly want, we cannot say, so we always are in a state of desire. The part to pay attention to is desire- what are her and your true desires. I believe a Dominate really wants to desire of the submissive. We all want to be wanted. Learn to understand desires and then you can learn to control and manipulate them. This can be in terms of denile, games, subservience, or any real activity that evokes want. Good luck!

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RE: New guy-advice required...from those who know! - 7/29/2006 9:19:21 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissdeSade

I learned most of what I know as a Dominate from Lacanian psychoanalysis.

(I'd just like to say...I haven't a FREAKIN clue what she's talking about).

A lot of what Jacques Lacan stresses is about language and how language holds us back. what we truly want, we cannot say, so we always are in a state of desire (That motherfucker...he's just given all my secrets away). The part to pay attention to is desire (And????)- what are her and your true desires. I believe a Dominate really wants to desire of the submissive. We all want to be wanted (Yes). Learn to understand desires and then you can learn to control and manipulate them. This can be in terms of denile, games, subservience, or any real activity that evokes want. Good luck!

Yes.

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RE: New guy-advice required...from those who know! - 8/1/2006 5:27:23 AM

bongd

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/28/2006
Status: offline

I would like to thank all of you for taking time to give your intelligent interesting responses..even you Tex (u were wrong by the way!) there's lots to think about...
Bongd.

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Post #: 12