When you just can't stop

When you just can't stop (Full Version)

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foxglove716 -> When you just can't stop (7/28/2006 5:07:13 AM)
Do you feel as if kink is addictive, physically or mentally? Do you build a tolerance, and if so, where do you draw the line? Has this sort of dependancy impacted your day to day vanilla life?

SexyRed -> RE: When you just can't stop (7/28/2006 5:34:25 AM)
Sure, kink can be addictive. It can be addictive in that you may become addicted to a specific person. I stayed too long in my last relationship which was not a healthy one, simply because we were addicted to what we did with each other. In that context, being addicted to kink impacted my life in a negative way,since my emotional and intellectual needs were not being met and I allowed it to happen.

SusanofO -> RE: When you just can't stop (7/28/2006 5:40:03 AM)
I can become sort of addicted to thinking about it. But I don't have to have it in my life to be able to function - having spent 15 years in a near sexless marriage has convinced me I can live without sex of any kind, if I have to do it. I can imagine the same would hold true for bdsm. I do love thinking about it, though - and there are days when it's on my mind almost constantly. So far, that's proven harmless to me, or anybody else, though. - Susan

shivvy -> RE: When you just can't stop (7/28/2006 6:42:15 AM)
Do you feel as if kink is addictive, physically or mentally? yes. when i first got into D/s and bdsm, it all just felt so right and perfectly wonderful to me. i have been told by several people that i am a natural submissive, but i just think that most subs/slaves were prolly born the way we are. but i just kinda took to it like a duck to water, and the more i done, the more i wanted to do.. Do you build a tolerance, and if so, where do you draw the line? yes, i think you do build up a tolerance, coz everytime i did something nes, i wanted to do it again, but next time twice as hard or twice as rough, or twice as nasty... it became like an insatable hunger.. i need it, i crave it... and without getting into the whole argurement abour limits and safewords, i have neither with my Master, coz i trust Him to not do anything too dumb. He is the one who decides where and when to stop. not me. Has this sort of dependancy impacted your day to day vanilla life? oh yes, most definately. apart from somedays, not being able to think about anything else, so you end up doing dumb stuff coz you're not concerntrating, it can effect your relationships with different people, and the clothes you wear (i wear Masters collar all the time[:D]), and sometimes i have to wear long skirts and jeans, or long sleaved tops to cover marks and brusing, and sometimes it effects wot you do and like your daily/weekly routines (like going swimming and stuff) luv, shiv xx

pqwinny -> RE: When you just can't stop (7/28/2006 6:43:37 AM)
Good question foxglove. i was wondering the same thing myself last week. my head was swimming with swirling emotions and muddled thinking and then i got some very helpful input from a fellow sub here on sub-frenzy (a term i had not yet encountered in all my reading). i found it very helpful and didn't feel panicy about the question of addiction anymore or wondering if i was somehow completely losing touch with my greater self. Here's the link http://www.steel-door.com/Frenzies.html in case it may help others.

mstrjx -> RE: When you just can't stop (7/28/2006 7:08:54 AM)
I am addicted to kink in the sense that, once I realized the immensity and 'specialness' of WIITWD, I knew that I would not go back to vanilla relationships again. Within kink, it is possible to build up a tolerance, in that you have taboos and soft limits and barriers that slowly (or not), gently (or not) get broken. These you might desire more and more. Your ideas become stretched, old fantasies become realities and new fantasies take up their place. None of this is bad. Where does one draw the line? When you believe that one party or another is going to be phsyically or psychologically 'damaged'. When it's no longer fun (back to vanilla? ::shudder::) Does one need to draw the line? As far as I'm concerned, as long as the mundane responsibilities get handled (go to work, pay the bills) the vanilla world is just someplace I visit every day. Jeff

CreativeDominant -> RE: When you just can't stop (7/28/2006 7:18:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: foxglove716 Do you feel as if kink is addictive, physically or mentally? Do you build a tolerance, and if so, where do you draw the line? Has this sort of dependancy impacted your day to day vanilla life? I admit to being leery of the 'addictive' label. I am one of those people whose career is healthcare and yet, unlike many in the field of healthcare, I disagree with the way the label is attached to every type of health problem. You're overweight? It's not because you eat too much and have no self control and are too lazy to exercise...it's because you have a genetic tendency to addiction; in your case expressed through food. You can't quit smoking? It's not because you have no willpower or because you like the way it makes you feel...it's because you have a genetic tendency to addiction, this time expressed through food. That is not saying that there aren't people who have honest-to-God addictions but everyone with a 'problem'? Sorry...don't buy it. You get my drift, I hope. The word addiction is used too readily these days, in MOO. That said, I do believe that kink...especially when your experiences with it have been mainly positive...can become a much more desirable thing to have than the so-called 'vanilla' life which, let's face it, seems sort of bland to those of us who enjoy kink. Like Susan, I love to think about kink...not just the SM aspects but the whole D/s dynamic and the interactions that take place there. In good D/s relationships, there is a distinctively different romantic aspect that, in MOO, is lacking in most vanilla relationships. (Can't go to the 'bad place' though Susan...no more sex in my life or no more BDSM? ARrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh) When I am engaged in SM play and afterwards, the feelings are intense and wonderful and thrilling and heady and yes, I want to experience them again. Crave them again. Need them to live? No. Become dysfunctional without those feelings or what brings them on? No. Perhaps...and this is purely speculative...part of that is due to the 'controlling' aspect of domination...my domination at least....of myself.

popeye1250 -> RE: When you just can't stop (7/28/2006 7:21:07 AM)
I don't see it as "addictive" just "more evolved" maybe. I see it as a more "intense" form of sexual play than the "wam, bam, thankyou M'am" boring ,routine, vanilla sex, not that there's anything wrong with that either once in a while. A B&D, M/s relationship just has a lot more dynamics and variety going for it in my humble opinion. And if both people in the relationship derive more pleasure by doing those things there's certainly nothing "wrong" with it! That's the thing about "addictions, they actually "hurt" people! Drugs, alchohol, bona fide addictions like that are "negative." I don't see anything "negative" in a man and a woman giving each other pleasure! I think about it a lot too obviously but that doesn't affect the other parts of my life or finances. Like if I'm looking at houses or something like that I'll be thinking to myself; "Now, this garage would make a GREAT playroom, I could put large hooks into that beam above for suspension bondage" that kind of thing. Or if I'm walking through a furniture store I might be thinking how bondage could be applied to a certain piece of furniture. My bills are always paid, I have a nice roof over my head and I or no-one else is being affected in an adverse way by it.

raiken -> RE: When you just can't stop (7/28/2006 7:57:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: foxglove716 Do you feel as if kink is addictive, physically or mentally? Do you build a tolerance, and if so, where do you draw the line? Has this sort of dependancy impacted your day to day vanilla life? i don't believe i have an addictive personality for the most part. Being alone by choice, for quite a while after waking up to realize i was in a mentally/emotionally abusive relationship for over 15 years, (ex was also my Dom and the father of our children) has shown me many things about myself. As i healed and re-learned to love and value myself again, i realized that the things i thought i craved, and couldn't live without, were only because other areas (both in my relationship and in myself) were lacking and severely out of balance. So the temporary "kink high", was all i had to look forward to at one point. It was the only thing left that was good between us. i was using certain preferences/desires for a temporary relief and fulfillment to counter balance my other stresses/pains and neglected areas that were far too overwhelming at the time. i know that for myself, too much of anything throws a wrench in the balance. Now, if i find myself craving and longing for anything, from kink to chocolate grinz to the point where it begins to affect other areas, i am quick to give myself a reality check. i believe it is just a matter of being in control of myself and having enough understanding and nurture to follow my own set of disciplines and rules to live by, with everything in moderation, keeping a healthy balance and perspective. i really enjoy the power exchange and the whole psychological dynamic, which goes far beyond the physical for me. i was never one to form a relationship that was largely based upon the lust or the short lived wave of the physical anyway. winks If i really need to get off on the kink, i must say that i know how to give myself a terrific orgasm when necessary, been doing that since i was a youngin. blush Good question; made me think! ~raiken

popeye1250 -> RE: When you just can't stop (7/28/2006 8:05:24 AM)
Creative Dominant, I agree with you on the "Addiction" thing! It's bandied about way too much these days! And, it's used as an excuse by a lot of people! "It's not your fault, you're "ADDICTED!"

Sasy -> RE: When you just can't stop (7/28/2006 8:14:39 AM)
I am not so sure this is an addiction for me ... It ( when owned) changes things and my thinking perhaps... I have known some addicted to play side but I dont have those issues as I am not much into play but more the daily life that comes within the master slave relationship. The daily grind so to speak, I think my worst addiction so to speak is when I am serving that I try to make everything as close to perfect as possible which at times can cause me to focus to much on one thing letting others slide. I had a friend who was addicted to the SM activities so much so it took her into many unsafe situations... sometimes I wonder if it is just dumb luck she is still alive ( well I broke ties with her a couple years ago so I dont know she is) She would play with some one after talking to them for less than a few hours. Yes real time and in her home. It still bothers me to think about it but I just had to remove myself from the relationship because I worried to much about her. I think I am glad I have come to the point in my life where I am more aware it is service for me not play... I think it makes me a little more laid back in finding my one .. I dont rush

raiken -> RE: When you just can't stop (7/28/2006 8:53:05 AM)
Just some food for thought about addictions, my thoughts only of course. smile There is a huge debate going on in the neuropsychological and medical community regarding addiction, and if there is such a thing as the addictive personality, and the causes of certain addictions (and if they should even be called addictions or rather predispositions) be they chemical or behavioral in nature, spanning from drugs to sex, food to nicotine, and all in between. Not one person to date, has succeeded in proving the existence of a true addictive personality, and no one has succeeded in proving otherwise. Many professionals are now beginning to believe that the predisposition to addiction is more accurately a combination of biological (nutrition and health), psychological (chemical patterns in the brain) and environmental (living conditions and emotional support/nurture or lack of, leading to abuse) factors. Of course, as with all issues of psychology and human behavior, the unique combinations of genetics and inheritance must be balanced with an acknowledgment of environmental factors. The biology or variables of addiction is no exception. There are many chemicals in our brains that are under or over stimulated by various substances and activities, environments and nutrition. Of course, the main being seratonin, dopamine, norepinephrine and adrenaline, but these are only a tiny fraction of chemical interplay involved. Each individual's neurochemical structure is unique, so even when we are all placed in the same setting and environment and given the same stimulus, we will all react differently according to our genetic structures. i personally do not believe in the label of addiction, but merely use the word for general clarity in discussion. i do however believe that some folks are genetically predisposed to certain stimulus according to their nuerochemical design and the environment in which they live. i do not blame people, judge people or label a person as weak because they are drawn to or crave a certain stimulus, chemical or activity. i have learned to consider all the other factors involved since before birth that led them to their current state, such as nutrition, emotional well being or abuse, cultural aspects, etc. i personally view an addiction as merely the result of such life-long exposures and combinations of the previously stated. i believe that many behaviors that are labeled as an addiction can be reversed once healthy changes and balance are restored in the other areas, especially in the area of nutrition for that individual. Okay...end of mini lecture! grin Just some things to ponder...*smile ~raiken

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: When you just can't stop (7/28/2006 10:05:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: foxglove716 Do you feel as if kink is addictive, physically or mentally? I think any hobby can be taken to extremes where it can take over a persons life, for better or worse. quote: Do you build a tolerance, and if so, where do you draw the line? In some ways, the shineness of "the new" wears off. It's fun seeing a novice get their first flogging and, while for you it might be a very mild thing, for them, as it is new, it is one of the most intense things for them. The newness fades, and sometimes people need to increase the activity in order to get the same intensity level. I've found that, over time, what one really needs to do is increase the connectivity level and learn more about what's going on in the scene itself. quote: Has this sort of dependancy impacted your day to day vanilla life? Only in the same way that vanillas who are huge sports fans have that impact their day to day life. If you are talking about endorphin junkies who need their pain high- I've heard it can become a regular difficult distraction.

KennelDeSade2 -> RE: When you just can't stop (7/29/2006 6:57:04 AM)
I'm not sure. Is breathing an addiction?

EvilGeoff -> RE: When you just can't stop (7/29/2006 11:43:06 AM)
It isn't a dependency, it's who I am. Impacted my life? Surely. Has it made me unable to work, function in society, created problems with my ability to cope with life? Not at all. Any focus, if taken to an extreme, can reach the point of becoming pathological, of becoming a clinically diagnosable mental or emotional illness. grins and shrugs It may come down to "It depends on which psychiatrist or psychologist you work with as to whether your kink is pathological or not."... YIK, - Geoff

popeye1250 -> RE: When you just can't stop (7/29/2006 1:58:57 PM)
Geoff, correct and well said! I'm "In this Lifestyle" because I love it. I chose, by my own volition to be "in" it. I'm in it because it makes me very happy and I'd like to find a sub who's happy in it and we can make each other even happier!

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