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sapphirepleasure -> RE: Learning to Please My Master, The Sadist (8/3/2006 4:40:57 AM)
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ORIGINAL: justheather
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I am in love with a sadist.
When we first met, I did not consider myself a masochist. Im not sure I do today. What I do know is that my relationship with pain has evolved as a direct result of engagement in D/s and S/m dynamics with my dominant partner.
This is what I long to discover. As it stands now, I am uncollared, and am learning to relate to various loving dominants, some who are sadists, and face my own pain issues. I am asking anyone who approaches me to read this thread to get an idea of who I am, where I've been, and the possibilities of where I may be taken.
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I believe there is room for individuals to find meaning and worth in activities and experiences they might not be eager to try when surface value is the only thing being considered. This meaning is the motivation for taking part in something one might otherwise not be interested in doing.
So little of true value is apparent on the surface. And the process, the journey, is where things surprise and delight us.
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Ever do something like a walk-a-thon for charity? Did you really want to walk x number of miles on a sweltering June afternoon? Half-way through it, did you discover that you were actually enjoying certain aspects of it? When you were finished, did you get that sense of satisfaction for having taken on a challenge for a good cause or even felt a physical endorphin rush from the physical exertion?
One thing I am working through is my body issues, so I am daily faced with doing things that don't come naturally to me, specfically getting up and taking a 40 minute walk first thing and eating healthily all day. Slowly but surely I am seeing results and they delight me. And it's becoming more and more natural and connecting me not only with my body but mySelf.
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How about taking the stairs up seven flights to work instead of the elevator? How about taking the stairs up seven flights to work because Daddy said so?
Exactly. I am doing it for myself, but initially I put together The Plan in order to serve my previous Owner. I am continuing it because it's something I want to do, and at some level, I hope it pleases him.
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I have found that I can find joy in a lot of places I hadnt expected to find it, doing things I "didnt want to do" because I found a way (and it really isnt too hard) to infuse the experience with meaning.
I think that's the sign of a true submissive heart, actively infusing even difficult tasks with meaning instead of passively 'checking out' or resenting it.
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And once the pathways are established in a person's brain, associating a certain experience with something desirable, I believe it is possible to actually begin to enjoy the physical sensation of said experience. I believe it because I have watched it happen in my own life.
I am watching for this to happen with me. It's still all so new, and when I placed my trust in a Master, he decided (for other reasons) that it was all happening too fast and that we needed to slow down and I should be uncollared. I am doing my best not to take this personally and find the opportunities for growth inherent in my situation.
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Did I have to ? No.
I do lots of things I dont have to do for the sake of my relationship with my boyfriend. That's what people do when they love one another. Otherwise it's something completely different called "obligation".
That's why I choose to surrender, even when it's painful, and to feel all the feelings associated with it, even if they are painful.
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I chose to explore pain with my partner as a spiritual and personal exercise. I knew he would find it gratifying and I suspected, rightly so, that at some point I would too.
See, that's what intrigues me. The spirituality of the process. Such a dichotomy. You are truly blessed to be in a relationship with such a man, and he is so fortunate to have an articulate, open and adventurous girl such as yourself. I admire both of you so much.
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