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rating of the submission???? - 7/28/2006 6:26:24 AM   
coca


Posts: 53
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Have you ever thought what is your submission level?

as a sub, i wonder this too much. maybe it is because of my personality , i want to be a better one, better servant , better slave and to feel that i am good at this.
i want to compare my service with other subs and see my improvment day by day

But,

1) i dont know if it is a normal for everysubs or it is only for me??? if yes , how can we understand it? compatition? sharing the subs by their owners? showing the service to the other Doms? briefly , in general how can a sub see his position???

2) is it good for an Owner to have a sub who wants to be proud of his Owner. (sorry english problem )

i am looking for your answers
regards
coca
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: rating of the submission???? - 7/28/2006 6:57:12 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
Hi coca,

I don't need any measure of what I do held against what anyone else does, but I also like growth and improvement of self so I keep a journal and have for several years. (I've kept a diary since I was about 8.) Every couple of years I go through it, especially the ones which I started keeping shortly after I became involved with BDSM on an r/t basis and when I do that, I can 'see' the progress I've made and it's been gigantic! Perhaps if you try that, you'll have a physical reminder of where you are now and in a few years you'll be able to see where you've progressed and how far you've come. It's also a good way to gauge where you still want to go. Master has read many of my old journals and always reads my daily journal which helps him gauge where I am so he can direct me as well. It's been nothing but good for me, for Him and for our relationship.

Good luck,

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to coca)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: rating of the submission???? - 7/28/2006 7:38:29 AM   
BillsGalSusan


Posts: 69
Joined: 7/18/2006
Status: offline 		I can't imagine seeing submission as a thing unto itself that can be rated. IMO, it is only meaningful when the scale being used is how well it suits the needs and preferences of one's dominant. I might be next to perfect for Bill, but not at all satisfactory for some other dominant.

Another Susan

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: rating of the submission???? - 7/28/2006 10:15:23 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The only thing you can rate is "How well matched is this person for me?"  Someone not being a good match for you doesn't mean they are of a lower submission level.  It's impossible to compare between people (although plenty make an attempt).

It's good for an owner if that's what the owner wants and the relationship is working well.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to coca)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: rating of the submission???? - 7/28/2006 10:29:19 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		coca:

I would suggest just being genuine in your own presentation of yourself.  Dont compete with anyone.  Be yourself and seek out a compatible counterpart.  There is no better or worse, higher or lower etc

Yes, you should be with an owner that you can feel proud of, as they should feel proud of you.  This, I think is the toughest challenge...Finding the correct "partner".  You're not going to be every owner's cup of tea and vice versa.  Try to come to terms with what dominance and submission means to you, personally, instead of trying to fit into what it means to others.  When you try to fit into other people's definitions alot of inner turmoil can result.   

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: rating of the submission???? - 7/28/2006 10:47:29 AM   
afeathr


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		IMO: The only one that I care about is Sir.  If he is pleased with what I do and how I act then I am at the top of the scale.  If he is not pleased, then I have work to do.  Fortunately for me (and Sir), I am a perfectionist so I constantly strive to improve.  He appreciates it, for it makes life easier for him, and I enjoy it, for it makes life easier for him.

Rating oneself against another is a silly concept, really.  Though competition can be healthy, when you really think about it, the only one you are competing against is yourself so why bother to try to compare yourself to others.  It only makes you feel bad about yourself.

_____________________________

afeathr

-Going where the wind blows me...

(in reply to coca)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: rating of the submission???? - 7/28/2006 2:26:45 PM   
NurseKitty


Posts: 33
Joined: 6/14/2006
From: Syracuse, New York
Status: offline 		I've recently come to the realization that as part of trying to become a better/best/truer/more adept/etc submissive, and not having anything to base it on, I've been comparing myself to every other person I've read about/encountered/seen in movies/etc.  And right after that I realized that this being what it is, there is no right or wrong, just what's right for me and my Sir, what works for the two of us.  I'm sure I'll never stop comparing me/Him/us to others, but the 2nd epiphany has helped me see the lack of value in the 1st one.  Bottom line is there are all levels of top/bottom/dom/sub/master/slave/etc. and none are any better than the others, none are more correct.  Nobody's grading me on what/how/who I do, other than possibly my Sir at times.  As long as the two of us are content, I will continue to learn and grow and observe what others do, but I won't consider myself better or worse than anyone else or any other relationship.  I hope this carries over into the vanilla world as well. 

< Message edited by NurseKitty -- 7/28/2006 2:31:35 PM >

_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. ~ Mae West

(in reply to afeathr)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: rating of the submission???? - 7/31/2006 6:02:35 AM   
coca


Posts: 53
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		first of all, thank You all for Your responses..
my question might be misunderstood due to my language problem.
My english might seem nice but the things what i want to imply , are not always the things what i am thinking in my mind... anyway , i want to try to explain my situation again.. :)

i am a person who can be called as a perfectionist. yes , i wanna be someone who is good in a work when i am trying to do it. 
Thats why being a slave is a little bit different for me.
it began with my sexual desires.i always wanted to be under a woman control maybe because of my dominant mother....
after a long adventure in D/s life..
i began to tell myself , as a person i have to be a slave.because it is better for me and i would be happier when i can be a slave to a caring Mistress...
thats why i should learn the way how a good slave can  be..
thats why i asked to the subs how they are thinking? are they all ( the subs ) also trying to be the best slave?

maybe it is coming from our personalities?(perfectionist people are looking for that perhaps???) i am not sure...
but it might be different between submales and subfemales?

Besides, it is right , having journal is important... my Mistress telling me to write daily in a journal to see and to explain what i feel .BUT again my english is not enough sometimes... (this makes me letdown when i can not express myself ) but it is true to have a journal so that it is easy to see the improvment..
But sometimes i feel alone , to try being a slave needs affort . Yes, being a Mistress needs affort as well.. Thats why i told in my question , if the subs are looking for some way to show themself?
are This efforts for both sides  (Domme and sub efforts) need to be exhibited??? or am i only one who things in this way??


regards
coca

(in reply to NurseKitty)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: rating of the submission???? - 7/31/2006 10:34:23 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I had one I would have rated a 9.5 on the richter scale, once.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to coca)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: rating of the submission???? - 7/31/2006 10:45:31 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		coca,

I think your second explanation had a lot to do with better understanding your situation.  Let me try to help, if it is true I understand.

You wish to be the best slave your Mistress (or any other) would want.  You want to make your Mistress look good by having you (a wonderful, obedient servant).

Partially, it is a mindset.  I'll switch genders here from my typical approach, but the sentiment is the same.

When you and your Mistress walk into a room, you want all of the other women (perhaps Mistresses, perhaps not) to WANT you, and all of the men there (submissive or not) to want to BE you.

Keeping this in your head might help.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to coca)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: rating of the submission???? - 7/31/2006 11:05:31 AM   
Dauric


Posts: 254
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline 		Well...hmm....

Speaking as a Dom, I would want any sub or slave to be more concerned with my opinion, rather than anyone else's in the room. I don't think there's any kind of uniform "scale" that one could apply themselves to. Some may be better being subservient than they are at taking pain, others could be the opposite, and some doms may be more dominant than sadist, or more sadist than dominant.

The best answer to this is probalby good communication with your misress. If she want's you to be a "Trophy Slave", the kind that she can show off to others then strive to be such, in my own case I'd prefer one who is everything that I want, wether or not they win some sort of BDSM contest.

As always, it's just my $0.02

Dauric.

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: rating of the submission???? - 7/31/2006 3:08:59 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
don't think you have to be as good or compare yourself to  everybody else. Just believe you can be better than you ever thought you could.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to coca)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: rating of the submission???? - 7/31/2006 5:04:01 PM   
mellian


Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, I do not like to compare to others, but some things are just to obvious to ignore thought.

-mellian


_____________________________

Since my pic link doesn't work, here is my profile:

http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/50276/details.htm

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: rating of the submission???? - 7/31/2006 8:43:35 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: coca

1) i dont know if it is a normal for everysubs or it is only for me??? if yes , how can we understand it? compatition? sharing the subs by their owners? showing the service to the other Doms? briefly , in general how can a sub see his position???

2) is it good for an Owner to have a sub who wants to be proud of his Owner. (sorry english problem )



Excellent questions.

What's "normal" is what's normal for you...plus growth.

As a sub you need to be aware of growth.  Be prepared for it.  Desire it.  Wish that it were yours.

Recognize that you may have a different opinion about things.

Remember your opinion matters.  Always. (But it's not the only one).

It's also not the most important one.

Ask a lot of questions.

Never fear your own lack of understanding.

Fear your lack of patience.  Gain some.

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 7/31/2006 8:44:36 PM >

(in reply to coca)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: rating of the submission???? - 8/1/2006 1:43:34 AM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		Who made the scale of good versus bad?  I don't know this person, and if I did I'm sure I would challenge the assumptions.  Relationships cannot be graded or marked by numbers ... they just are what they are - and always fluctuating.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to coca)
Profile   Post #: 15
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