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RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/1/2006 4:47:25 PM

SusanofO

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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popeye: Sounds like quite a challenging adventure! I know many men have soft hearts. Thye just act tough as nails (which can be nice, too, of course).

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 101

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/1/2006 4:52:55 PM

SusanofO

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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velvettears:Yeah. Thank you ( I love my daddy. A LOT). When he dies, I am really going to miss him (but hopefully, that won't be for awhile, as he is 72, but healthy as a horse, and pretty active). He really is my hero. He really did always remind me of the character Atticus Finch in "To Kill A Mickingbird" (if you've seen or read it). But I suppose many girls feel that way about their real life Daddies. Although, there are some reallly bad daddies out there, too. I know that. I am lucky that way. Truly. He's never, ever let me down. - Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/1/2006 4:53:40 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 102

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/1/2006 5:48:36 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Wow, this really is a great thread!

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 103

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/1/2006 10:43:16 PM

nefertari

Posts: 425
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline

*Fast Reply*

I, too, hesitated before reading or responding to this thread. I've fought depression for almost all of my life. Severe uni-polar depression as SusanofO described and the stigma can be damning. I understand competely what Scooter was saying and don't think any less of him for it. Instead, I think more of him for being brave enough to say what most people that haven't experienced depression or bipolar disorder only think. Besides, maybe because I've "been there", I have little tolerance for the victim mentality. It may be hard, but it can be done if you really want it. Maybe to some that makes me cold. I don't think so, but it may come across that way. I have a lot of compassion and empathy for others. I'll support you through whatever you need. I'll sit beside you and not talk...just be there..if that's what you need. I'll encourage you. But I won't help you wallow in it. (Although there are *days* when that is exactly what you need to do. Lick your wounds, so to speak, so you can move on.) I know..I'm rambling...

I'm a half glass full kinda person. Always see the good or possibility in any situation. So I refused SSRI's for many years thinking that I just need to "suck it up" because there was nothing in my life to be depressed about. Only thing is my "baseline" was depressed, just not oppressively so but certainly not happy, so for many years I was miserable. Therapy didn't work for me because I already knew (through vast amounts of research and experience) what the therapists were telling me. My last severe episode was 3 years ago, lasted 18 months, and was something I pray to God to never repeat again. It was....oppressive. There really are no words to describe something like it. It felt as though it hurt to breathe. The *only* thing that kept me alive, literally, was my children. Not that I thought they needed me, because in that state I thought they would be better off without me. But because I didn't want to leave them with that legacy. Children of a parent that committed suicide have a dramatically increased risk of committing suicide themselves. I wanted better for them. By the time I got to this stage, SSRI's weren't working. They tried I think damn near every one. Fortunately, I came through it...don't ask me how because so much of that time of my life is a blur...very few actual memories. But depression does sometimes run it's course...at least in severity.

One thing a lot of people don't realize is that people with chronic depression have to "retrain" their brain in order to actually get better and stay better. The negative thinking depression causes becomes learned behavior which is why the Cognitive Behavior Therapy Doctor Dubious mentioned is so wonderful for many. Another thing a lot of people don't realize is that the longer depression goes untreated the harder it is to treat. Probably because of the learned behavior, is my guess. Also, during my research I learned that each severe or major episode increases your risk of another so by the time you get to your 4th or 5th you're almost guaranteed another. Doctor Dubious, correct me if I'm wrong. I think had I taken SSRI's sooner in life I could have avoided my last sooo major episode. Now I take my happy pills (Lexapro...LOVE 'EM) and I've never felt better. And the side effects are almost non-existent...and I'm one that is super sensitive to meds...if it's going to have a side effect, I'm going to have it. One thing stuck around though...the insomnia. 3 hours sleep 2 nights in a row. Went to bed at 11:00 tonight and was sooo tired. Got in bed and *boing* wide awake. Tried to sleep, got up after an hour. Why I'm on here so late much of the time.

My advice to anyone is to seek help if you think you may suffer from depression. The sooner the better. And if anyone tries to tell you to suck it up or you have nothing to be depressed about, ignore them. It's your life. You're the one that has to live it.

As far as how it affected my relationships. It was impossible at times to feel anything but the huge weight on my chest. So, yeah, it definitely affected relationships. Plus, I felt toxic and didn't want to be a "burden" to anyone or bring them down so I withdrew a lot which hurt a lot of feelings.

As an aside - the hypomania experienced by those with bipolar can become addicting to some because the feeling is sooo good...especially to those with a lot of depression with their bipolar. This is one of the reasons why so many people with bipolar disorder self-medicate - in an attempt to recreate the hypomania.

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 104

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/2/2006 12:17:22 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
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From: New Hampshire
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Nefertari, very good post! You touched on some good points like cognitive therapy and the "learned behaviour" aspect of depression.
That's true!

(in reply to nefertari)

Post #: 105

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/2/2006 12:38:17 PM

SusanofO

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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nefertari: I just loved your beautiful post. Thanks for writing it. It was so descriptive, and brought back memories and to me, it really hit some nails oln the head as far as desrcibing feelings and the dilemma some may feel when dealing with this as either a first developing or an ongoing life issue.

I also have a memory loss re: Some particular situations from the time I was first discovering this was going to be an issue in my life that would need to be dealt with in a definitive way - months and months where I cannot seem to remember at all what happened to me, or who was doing what to me, or recommending what to do to me, etc. I think it might be God's way of protecting me, somehow, from thinking about things that don't matter to me anymore, I am not sure. I feel many who read this thread will most likely find it valuable. I certainly did.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/2/2006 1:09:01 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to nefertari)

Post #: 106

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/2/2006 5:02:20 PM

leakylee

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Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline

Nefetari,
That was a really good post. The cognative therapy is a really good idea. I know that through all my fun times with the bi-polar, 17 years, the one thing that was stressed the strongest was taking the meds. The longer things are let go, the less likely the meds are to work.

I can say from personal experience that it took a few test combinations to get the right cocktail for me. The oddest thing that I found is that when I finally admitted that I couldn't control the bi-polar by myself, was that I literally had to put my personality together. It was like putting a puzzle together. After spending 8 years with the constant fluxes in mood, facing the norm was scary. Luckily I had one hell of a therapist. She taught me the coping mechanisms. She taught me to recoginize the triggers that helped set off the mood swings. Most of all it was learning to monitor what was going on inside that helped me.

Learning to discard the masks that I always put on so no one could see what was inside. Letting go of that neutral defense when things got to rough. Those were some of the hardest things swallow, but you do it. It seems like it takes stepping beyond the will to survive. It maybe cliche, but you have to choose to live. There is a huge difference between the two. Something that my mama told me when I was starting all this, was that I was my best advocate. I was the only one who could step to and maintain my life. She was right in alot of ways. It has made me alot more self resilant.

The thing I wonder though is do any of ya'll find it difficult to let others into this aspect of your life? This is one aspect that has concerned me.

k, I think I have rambled enough.
lee

edited 'cuz I cant spell

< Message edited by leakylee -- 8/2/2006 5:05:03 PM >

_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to nefertari)

Post #: 107

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/2/2006 6:23:08 PM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
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One of the views I deal with is a family memeber who has depression and also has a disability. She deals with the medications. She has a degerative disck disease in her lower and now in her upper neck area. The catch for many is living with a level of pain that never really leaves your daily life. Surgery has workled for some , but not in their case. They decide instead to spend most of their days in bed. Almost expecting others in the family to work around them .To pick up their choires and kid responsiablitys. And of course there is depression. And to some extend I can understand why. As someone shared with me...pain killers don't get rid of the pain. It just makes you not really care about it as much. . I can see why a person would be depressed if they knew that everyday they would be in pain. That there was no cure for the pain . And yet your not dying from a disease. Your just made to suffer ever single day of your life... Can you imagine a person not having some form of depression????

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 108

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/2/2006 6:30:43 PM

SusanofO

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My mother went into a deep depression when she was dying of cancer, and she said it wasn't from the cancer (she has pain meds too), or even that she was most likely going to die soon, but from knowing that the pain wasn't going to subside, and that it was probably going to get worse. She went though about 6 months where she was just begging my father to tell the doctors to stop the chemotherapy and her drugs.

She had lung cancer (and was a life-long smoker), so her prognosis was pretty bleak to begin with,k but they kept trying to save her. She was actually afraid her life was going to be extended somehow, because she was convinced that even if she did get well, the pain would not altogether subside (and it may not have). But, she ended up dying after 18 months since her diagnosis.

Still, I remember that phase of her illness well, so can (sort of) understand what you are describing (except for the picking up the slack as far as running errands and kids around part). She cried all the time, lost (more) weight, and was in a pretty bad mood.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/2/2006 6:31:52 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 109

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/2/2006 9:14:41 PM

WhipTheHip

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Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline

I was gonig to post a reply here, but I see Suan Of O stole my thunder.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 110

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/2/2006 9:21:08 PM

SusanofO

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Oh, sorry Whip the Hip. Go ahead an post! I am sure people would like to hear whatever you have to say (I would).

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to WhipTheHip)

Post #: 111

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/2/2006 9:22:21 PM

nefertari

Posts: 425
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline

*Fast Reply* cause I'm responding to more than one...

First of all, thank all of you, popeye1250, SusanofO, and leakylee for the comments on my post. I was sooo hesitant about it and almost cancelled it at the last minute and I really appreciate your encouragement.

So that probably answers your question, leakylee, from my perspective about letting people into this aspect of my life. I'm very choosy about who I let know. There is still such a stigma...or maybe it's just my own insecurity. I can also relate to wearing masks as you described. I think if you were to ask most people that know me, they would be quite surprised to know that I used to go to bed at night and pray to God that I wouldn't wake up in the morning. And there is certainly, in my opinion, a difference between living and surviving. You hit that nail on the head. You have to decide to live and be happy. It doesn't mean it will happen overnight or that it will be an easy process, but it won't happen at all if you don't make the choice. During *that* time, I wasn't living. I was existing. Kudos to you, leakylee, for having the strength to do what it takes to take back your life. Did you know that there is now information out there suggesting that bi-polar disorder is actually caused by seizures in the brain?

SusanofO, memory loss is extremely common with depression. It may very well be God's way of protecting us. The mind is truly an extraorinary thing. You're such a good soul. I wish you continued happiness.

popeye1250: thanks. You're a man of few words and don't give praise when not due, so I appreciate it much.

openmindedslave: depression is very common in people with chronic illness/pain. If you read symptoms of most any chronic illness, for example MS or lupus, depression is listed. There are many theories on it and for some they aren't sure if it is or isn't directly related. For example, because MS is a neurological disorder they aren't sure if depression is so prevalent because of having to endure a life changing illness or if it's actually a biological symptom caused directly by the MS.

I like to think that I'm a better person for having gone through all of this. I'm very happy with who and where I am. So if I had to endure it all again to get here, I would in a heartbeat.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 112

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/2/2006 9:26:07 PM

SusanofO

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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nefertari: Wow, I think you have a great attitude! Thanks for the pat on the back. I wish you well in your continuing journey with all of this, too.

-Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to nefertari)

Post #: 113

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/3/2006 7:34:42 AM

WhipTheHip

Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
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Hi Susan of O,

> Oh, sorry Whip the Hip. Go ahead an post! I am sure people
> would like to hear whatever you have to say (I would).

You've all ready said it. I couldn't add a word to what you've
all ready said.

Love, lashes and endless hugs,
Michael

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 114

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/3/2006 7:52:47 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

As far as the suggestion to only use anti-depressants for a month max, ouch! This is a biochemical disorder, just like diabetis is a biochemical disorder, living on insulin can cause eventual problems but you don't tell a diabetic not to use it.

I'm fourth generation mood disorder and of course when it hits, it is devastating. With insufficient energy to get out of bed, you can't maintain healthy relationships.

Back when I was young, and when depression was not a diagnosis in minors, and before the modern SSRI's, I tried to talk my doctor into sending me for shock treatment as that was then the only hope. She refused.

It tends to come on with hormonal changes, appearing frequently at puberty and also in middle age when the hormones begin to decline. According to my psychiatrist who did treat me when in reappeared in middle age, 70% of sufferers require 18 - 24 months on the meds. 15% require 5 years and the remaining 15% must stay on them for life.

It is treatable, please go see either a psychiatrist or a psychopharmocologist.

Please re-read the statement made. The advice given is if you think the depression will go away without pills in a month you don't need pills. Not that you can be cured by pills in a month.

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 115

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/3/2006 9:09:10 AM

WhipTheHip

Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
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One should continue taking meds till their doctor advises them to stop. Many meds take a month before they start having an effect. One should never stop before their condition stops unless there are side effects that prevent them from continuing. One should never stop most meds abruptly, but taper the dosage so the body can slowly adjust, and so one can determine if the symptoms return before things change too drastically.

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 116

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/3/2006 9:40:48 AM

Nalta

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

well...I dont know if its made me miss out on anything, but I know I'm super depresed right now. I work in a place where there are tons of thigns that could kill you, and thats by accident. imagine wanting to.........anyway, but yeah. I'm depresed and lonely and thouhg I'm sure its made me miss out on some good things I'm just to depresed right now to think of what those things may be

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 117

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/3/2006 10:45:14 AM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
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You knows what i decided on depression ??

Fuck the small shit and fuck em if they cant take a joke!

that and erm.... You're never gonna have everything you want and life is NEVER going to be perfect.

So if you focus on what you dont have and the shit thats going on you're (drum roll) ALWAYS GOING TO BE MISERABLE.

So when you feel like being miserable... do this

"i respectfully decline" and then go find something to make u smile. Like PEPSI

Which i was just out of.. :: sigh :: BUT i reached into the case and pulled out another..

so YAY me!

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to Nalta)

Post #: 118

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/3/2006 11:30:56 AM

SusanofO

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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Nalta: What's wrong? Please feel free to unburden yourself here, and I also recommend maybe seeing a counsellor (many cities have some who charge according to one's income, on a sliding scale, if that's an issue). If you do need meds, the counsellor can refer you to a psychiatrsit who can write a prescription for you. But - personally, I think it is important to seek some kind of treatment, if you are feling that badly. Please - say you will find someone professional to perhaps help you, and make an appointment, Today.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/3/2006 11:47:55 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Nalta)

Post #: 119

RE: Depression in your life and play - 8/3/2006 12:08:24 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Nalta, yes, what Susan just said!
All of us in here have gone through a lot of the same feelings you've expressed!
There IS a better way of life!!!!

Devil'slittle sister, I like your "CAN DO" attitude!

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 120

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