totally frustrated

totally frustrated (Full Version)

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swtsurrender36 -> totally frustrated (7/29/2006 5:01:28 AM)
This post might come more out of anger and if so i'm very sorry.Let me first say that when i meet a new person (Dominant) i feel i am transparent. i want the Dominant to know up front what and who i am. what my needs are as a submissive etc. As a submissive i expect the same respect from the Dominant .my time and energy is being wasted! Why do i keep running into these ppl who say they want everything i want .Wwe are cruising along and i'm thinking Wwe are both on the same page and BAMMM i get hit with either no more phone calls,they disappear..All of a sudden work takes them over,,Its funny work wasn't taking you over while we were talking. are they married..are they playing games. are they just not true to the lifestyle..do they get their jollies off on playing games. what is wrong??? i'm sooo frustrated i just sometimes want to forget this lifestyle. i have soo much in me and want to serve and be with someone that is truely a Dominant,someone who is sincere,and that is true to His word...why is that soo hard to find?

michaelGA2 -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 5:28:07 AM)
if you're talking about people from here or other online folks, the answer is simple. very few really are serious about continuing after the first meeting (if you're lucky enough to HAVE a first meeting with them). i have been searching for over 10 years, 2-3 years on CM alone. and have talked to many people here, yet, neetings are non-existabt to date. it's almost like they would rather lead you on than to get serious. quite a few times it was mentioned that they wanted to meet, but not followed through. yet, as it stands, lately the only Mistresses that email me first live in other states (a safe distance from me). Welcome to online.

gardenia100 -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 6:12:16 AM)
Welcome to the world of on-line. People can hide on here so easily. They can become anything they wish and not have to worry about it. They can create one profile and be one thing and then create another profile and be something else. Met a guy once who admitted to creating a womens profile and managing it for the simple purpose of setting other guys up. Talk them into a meeting and go watch the show as they sit there waiting for some women that doesn't exist. It wasn't collar me site by the way just a dating site but still it happens. For many that claim to be in the lifestyle its for the thrill and excitement, that first meeting, first session. After that the thrill is gone and so are they. So before I set myself up for intimate exposure, I must meet with them a few times. That will quite often weed most of the non serious ones out fairly quickly. May also knock out some of the serious ones also but usually the serious ones really feel the same way I do, that we have to function well as grown adults together, its more then just bedroom behavior. As a mentor once put it to me, sessions are nice but its the other 22 hours a day that make up the relationship and those first meetings help establish what those 22 hours a day will be like. Sessions are just the sweet frosting to the cake. Barbara

sublizzie -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 6:15:22 AM)
It's hard to find because the Internet is a good place to hide and an easy place to set up a false personality. You can become anyone you want to be, on the Internet. Once the rubber hits the road and you move on to real-life and someone wants to meet the "real" you, pretenders disappear. There are real people on here just as there are pretenders. Be happy when someone doesn't show or disappears on you. They've just outed themselves as being not as real as you are and are saving you even more time.

michaelGA2 -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 6:38:53 AM)
and those of us that ARE real are finding it increasingly difficult to locate other real like-minded people. too bad there's no good way to weed the fakes out and make it easier for the real to find eachother. don't you just wish people would say and do what they mean?

swtsurrender36 -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 7:06:04 AM)
yes i so wish ppl would do the right thing..what can you get out of lying to ppl? i just don't understand

LiliesDoGrow -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 7:19:06 AM)
Hi Swtsurrender. I really sense your wanting to find someone to understand who you are and where you are coming from in open, honest, communication. I'm sorry things haven't been working out for you. And it can be hellavah frustrating when we seem to only come across those who seem to not wish to know us for ourselves. I imagine you are an open woman with your heart and sincerely wish to find one who honors this part of you. With that being said, sometimes we reveal too much information and overwhelm potential partners to the point that they disentergrate and run. Part of my self discipline, that inner voice within me says when I experience repetition of unpleasant experiences with others, I look for the common demoninator. That for some strange reason much to my chagrins always points back to me. I'm doing something to drive people away. I need to look within to stop certain attitudes and behaviours in order to attract the type of person I wish to associate with me. Just my opinion. I wish you the best, you have the most lovely intense eyes and cute face. I'm sure you'll find someone soon. Lily

sublizzie -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 8:12:21 AM)
For some people, it's a way to get new fodder for their sexual fantasies. For some it's about getting off on what they're getting from you, especially if you're giving them a lot of fantasy material, pictures, information. If they aren't really interested in a real-time relationship, they're just looking for wanking material.

stockingluvr54 -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 8:13:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA2 don't you just wish people would say and do what they mean? Amen to that!

popeye1250 -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 10:45:04 AM)
There is one woman in here who I am becomming very interested in (who shall remain nameless of course!) for the reason that we have a lot of the same likes and interests in this lifestyle and also we have a lot in common in other areas of our lives. I think that that's the way that a good relationship is started. If you have nothing in common with another person what would you talk about? You have to have things in common and you need to be somewhat "flexable" to the other person's wants, needs, and interests. It just makes a better foundation for a friendship. If a sub really loved "Opera" for example I'd of course go to the Opera with her. (And I wouldn't forget to bring the sandwhiches!) (joke) I've met women in this lifestyle who, though we both liked the lifestyle, I had absolutely nothing in common with. Don't be frustrated, things will workout. It takes time.

swtsurrender36 -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 10:53:19 AM)
thank you all for your kind words..this too shall pass sigh

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 11:19:56 AM)
One must ask the question- all of these situations have one thing in common- you. WHat is it about your approach that you could change to help screen better? Take it slower so that you don't get so frustrated so often? What clues are you missing early on? You don't have to make the mistake of swinging in the opposite direction and becoming the "impenetrable wall" for someone to break down, nor will you likely be able to screen out every dork. But it shouldn't be a continuous pattern.

aleshaDreams -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 11:42:33 AM)
swtsurrender, oh my I can relate to your fustration in its entirety, but sometimes I believe it all comes down to our own internal search and as to wether we have made a good assessment of who and what we seek, need, desire etc. Once we have developed these definitions to a comprehendible level it is far easier to disregard the undesirables from our lives and move onto more suitable suitors. I think from my own experiences, that because we desire something we allow ourselves to become vulerable forgetting the courtship of relationships. Being vulerable allows the predators aka not so serious ones to capatilize and abuse the priveledge that you have given. Do yourself a favour and don't give in so easily to those approaching you because you desire to serve and submit, give them time to prove themselves to you that they are truly worthy of your depth. You don't have to be mean or callous in the process but have standards in place of what is acceptable behaviour and what is not aka could be referenced as 'red flags' if you so wish. As much as you are fustrated don't loose your focus, sometimes others know of serious Dominants out there that are looking and could reference atleast an initial contact. I don't know if what i said makes any sense or is really on topic, but there is one thing for certain and that is i personally have felt similiar fustration a few times however i believe i have made a clear assessment of who i am and the nature of my person that i will continue to believe in it, and if i never find that 'One' i will be happy to continue on my own, no desperation or wanton affairs to fill a void that is only meant for 'One'. Just my perspective swtsurrender, best of wishes :)

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 12:52:32 PM)
The best advice I can give you is that if you don't want to deal with the online players (and oh so many are), then go where the real people are. Go to munches, get involved in your local scene. Yes - you will still run into players. However, that they have taken the time to turn off the computer and get themselves out there proves to you that they're not "just" online wankers. Everyone you meet online will swear til they are blue in the face how real they are and that they aren't players - but those are just words, and typed ones at that. The actions of getting out there goes a long way to showing that there is more of a chance they are serious. Good luck to you.

michaelGA2 -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 1:49:42 PM)
quote: One must ask the question- all of these situations have one thing in common- you. this reminds me of a phrase used in a movie ( can't think of the name right now). it goes something like this: "Wherever you go, there you are." LOL

popeye1250 -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 2:04:04 PM)
L.A. , I like your tagline; "Find stable partners, not a stable of partners."

perverseangelic -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 2:52:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA2 and those of us that ARE real are finding it increasingly difficult to locate other real like-minded people. too bad there's no good way to weed the fakes out and make it easier for the real to find eachother. don't you just wish people would say and do what they mean? IMHO, the best way to combat this is to meet them in a face to face setting and not on the net. Sure, I'm female so have more options, but my owner and I only play as a couple. As a couple we've still been able to find several sets of compatable play partners, but nearly all of them were met at physical events. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the net is a bad thing, nor am I saying that people don't lie in realtime meetings. It's just that (for me at least) I'm much better able to gauge someone's...truthfullness...when actually hearing and seeing them.

michaelGA2 -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 2:57:02 PM)
ya know, i've had some offers from others to meet face-to-face, but THEY, not i, were the ones to either cancel just prior or just plain not show up or call to let me know the meeting was not going to occur.

swtsurrender36 -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 3:04:49 PM)
lol oh gosh...i'm part of groups and know many ppl real time...there seem to be no single Dominants looking all the good ones are taken...and if They are single they aren't what i'm looking for

top4yuus -> RE: totally frustrated (7/29/2006 3:09:20 PM)
I have been looking for quite some time, and as others have said have been left without a simple e mail or post saying they will not be there.

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