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would you want to be contacted (adoption) - 11/11/2017 2:31:35 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		My sons' sister was going through and getting rid of the last of the paperwork after their grandparent's passing several years ago. She found paperwork about their father's adoption. We now know the names and ages of my first husband's biological parents, where they lived, and the hospital where he was born. Finding the biological family is a chance to get the medical history we are missing. However, there is the biological family to think about. So far from our online researching it appears that the father passed away a long time ago. We think the mother recently passed. Of course we don't know if they ever told their children that they had a child.

You see those stories on TV where biological parents are introduced to the children they gave up years ago. The stories on TV are all happy endings. I know better. I'll bet a lot of times the families would prefer not knowing, and there are hurt feelings. I would not want to cause hurt to anyone. However, that medical history is so important. My first husband had some medical issues. We don't know they were caused by genes or whether being a premature baby caused his problems. When his children were little they often went to the doctors to make sure they were okay and not developing the issues their father had

The family now has choices. Do we try to find the families of their biological parents, or do we just forget we ever saw the paperwork?

Edited to add: My first husband passed away nearly 20 years ago. The condition that caused his death "might" have been genetic, or maybe not. The adoption took place 65 years ago.




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RE: would you want to be contacted (adoption) - 11/11/2017 5:53:51 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The odds are against the hospital still having that paperwork.
In all the contacts I’ve heard of, the parent (or child) is contacted by the hospital and asked if they want to meet.

It’s doubtful they’ll just turn this info over.

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RE: would you want to be contacted (adoption) - 11/12/2017 3:35:40 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I don't think we'll need the hospital to find the family. After looking around online it appears that baptism records are available back to the 1800s. There are also birth and death records that can be searched. Eventually I think it's possible to locate some family.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

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RE: would you want to be contacted (adoption) - 11/13/2017 5:04:16 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		I am personally confuse about the term "sons' sister".

Why is it used like that? Isn't your son's sister also your daughter? What's the difference?

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RE: would you want to be contacted (adoption) - 11/13/2017 7:30:34 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I am personally confuse about the term "sons' sister".

Why is it used like that? Isn't your son's sister also your daughter? What's the difference?


Same father, different mother. My first husband and I divorced. He remarried and had 3 more children.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to Greta75)
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RE: would you want to be contacted (adoption) - 11/13/2017 8:00:40 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint
Same father, different mother. My first husband and I divorced. He remarried and had 3 more children.

Wow! Okay, I never thought of that!

PS: I am idealistic about long lost family reunion. If I had a family I never knew of, I'd want to know them for sure! I'd love to know they exist!

However to track down this family, that's the challenge.

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RE: would you want to be contacted (adoption) - 11/13/2017 10:39:33 AM   
ThatDizzyChick


Posts: 5490
Status: offline 		Just drop it

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RE: would you want to be contacted (adoption) - 11/13/2017 1:07:40 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

Just drop it


I am leaning that way. However, getting that medical history would be so nice.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: would you want to be contacted (adoption) - 11/13/2017 2:32:44 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		What about getting a paralegal to do the search and contact the family? If they want to meet, then they give contact info to your son.

If not, maybe they can still get some medical info.

My ex was adopted in 1950. My kids have no family medical info on his side. My daughter’s solution was to find a geneticist who is going through her DNA for markers.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: would you want to be contacted (adoption) - 11/14/2017 7:28:06 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I never thought of a geneticist. That is a suggestion I will give my sons. Not sure if a geneticist can help for what we're wondering about. My first husband had cataracts as a child. Those can be hereditary or caused by the oxygen incubator as he was a premie. He also was Bi Polar. That also can be hereditary. Back in the early 50s they weren't thinking that some day a medical history might come in handy.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: would you want to be contacted (adoption) - 11/14/2017 2:40:21 PM   
DocStrange


Posts: 1076
Joined: 6/10/2015
Status: offline 		My personal opinion would be not to pursue the family for the medical records. Now that is easy for me to say as I have no emotional engagement to that statement. But my reason follows this. If the adoption took place 65 years ago, it is more than likely there are no medical records to go look for. The majority of doctors keep records for 7 year past the last date of treatment. Hospitals are only required to keep 6 years worth of records. Most Doctors and Hospitals today, destroy records of non-active patients once that time has expired. They does this for liability reasons in today's climate. It is hard to sue when there are no records. Now you are down to hoping the family kept the medical records. I think that is a very long shot at best.

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RE: would you want to be contacted (adoption) - 11/14/2017 3:39:25 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		We are not wanting medical records. What we are looking for are conditions that run in the family. Some families have several members with breast cancer. In my father's family many of the men died at an early age from heart attacks. My mother's family has pernicious anemia. My father's family has lazy eye. That's what we'd love to have.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to DocStrange)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: would you want to be contacted (adoption) - 11/19/2017 5:30:27 PM   
TheBanshee


Posts: 403
Joined: 7/19/2007
Status: offline 		I think you should contact them, they may or may not be interested in getting to know you but your family has a branch of family members that they should at least know exist. Giving up a child 65 years ago was a lot different than it is today, often women were forced to by family and society in general. You may be answering some questions they have had all these years too.

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RE: would you want to be contacted (adoption) - 2/20/2025 4:24:55 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I know this is an old thread but I do have more to add.

I found the father's family. The man we were looking for had a particularly unusual last name when I researched it. So rare that there were fewer than 20 with that last name in the states. So I went to facebook, found a lady with that last name and wrote to her. Bingo...she was my late husband's biological first cousin. The biological father had already passed away. Found out he was a mean abusive drunk who beat a rape charge by having his sisters tell lies in court. Yes, he raped my late husband's mother. Anyway, I did get that medical information I wanted.

It made sense in that my late husband's daughter had found the birth family of the mother and they refused to talk at all. Now we know why they were not friendlier.

I did get some old family pictures so that was a plus. There was no happy ever after. No heartfelt meeting like the show on TV has.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 14
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