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Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 7/29/2006 2:28:27 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
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I have been gone for about 2 weeks and am just reading some new threads. One has caught my eye and makes me question why we as dominate women seem to think that the submissive males/females owe us any more curtesy than the most common? I will not speak for myself, because *I* am not that stringent regarding D/s etiquette, however, I have noticed that quite a few dominate women seem to think that they are God's gift to submissives and that the submissives should feel honored and blessed that a Mistress glanced their way. Why is this? I can quote some comments from the thread that inspired me to write this, but I won't. I don't want to point out any ONE person, it just seems to be a common theme here. Do you really feel that you are that far above another human being that you can look down upon them and cut them off from your life because they didn't follow a protocol that *you* set up, that they knew nothing about? Maybe I am missing something here, but I don't understand the mindset of this way of thinking. Someone asked how does a submissive get their first experience with a Mistress, if they are not given the chance to screw up just a little bit? Good God, if they all came trained out of the box, what fun would they be?
No, this is not a personal attack against anyone that I know. I just tend to treat everyone the same while we are getting to know each other. Some submissives expect me to direct them, I don't do that either. I talk more about their vanilla interests than I do their kinks, because if we have nothing in common outside of that in which we do, then our relationship will not last long.
So, I suppose my question in all this rambling, is this; As a Mistress, how lenient are you when you are getting to know a submissive? Do you allow for mistakes on his/her part? What are you willing to do to ensure that the relationship is going to work? I don't believe it is only up to the submissive to "woo" the Mistress, I firmly believe it takes both to make or break any new (or old for that matter) relationship.

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RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 7/29/2006 2:43:48 PM

APiratesMistress

Posts: 78
Joined: 7/8/2006
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During the "getting to know you" phase, I'm quite easy going. Just like with any other relationship, it takes time to get to know a person, to understand who they are and what they hope to get out of said relationship. People mess up, that's just human nature, as a Domme speaking to a sub or slave, it's my job to understand this. Sure, I'll point it out quietly, explain what and why it bothers me, and make sure they understand. I've found that people who are treated like people, despite their D/s status, are far more at ease and fun to work with than those who don't understand. Why not make it fun and comfortable for both parties involved?

Just my thoughts on the subject...hope it makes sense to somebody other than me out there.

_____________________________

"A rose can be painful for those who see not the danger in such beauty"
Mistress Malia

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Post #: 2

RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 7/29/2006 2:49:09 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

*Smiles and waves to MoGa...*
Well, it depends. I have read the thread you are speaking of, and I feel I had a good sense of the situation, even before more details were given. It has happened to all of us, and there comes a point, when a boy, experienced or not, does not listen, take a hint, or even show general good manners.
Although some would accuse Me of snobbishness, there is a certain element to a tone in emails, and effort made, and attentiveness that is being measured, even in the getting to know you stage. I spend a great deal of time, as with My jonathan, in talking about everything under the sun. We have debated, joked, laughed, argued politics. But there is a sense of mutual respect and attentiveness that speaks volumes, and often, we can get the sense, very quickly, if the personality is more self-absorbed, and, thereby, less inclined toward the natural gentleness and courtesy (not a doormat) that I would find attractive.
I have had boys who have begged for My attention, My voice on the telephone, and then shown little interest in anything except talk about fetishes or their personal selves. I often find little interest in Me, as a person. No give and take, or good flow to the conversation. That applies to vanilla dates too! *Smile*
I have ended potential relationships quickly, in the past, due to very similar reasoning.
If they can't conduct themselves properly on the telephone or at a restuarant, i.e. basic manners, when they asked for the time in the first place, then it does not bode well for a future with Me.
I don't feel I am high and mighty, or better than...I have apologized on the telephone to My jonathan on more than one occasion due to an interruption on My end. Even if one is not Mine yet, I would expect no less from him or her.
So a lack of lifestyle experience does not matter to Me. Knowing how to conduct oneself, regardless, is more important. It is amazing how many haven't a clue.
Even though I would not create a thread about it, Myself, perhaps there are some who are reading, and might get a positive message from this.
Whether we like it or not, the way we conduct ourselves, whether in person, or on the phone, can be a good example of our basic personality. I would not blame anyone for losing interest in Me if all I did was give orders and be a bitch. And I will lose interest in anyone who seems to think that other things (like a sit com on tv) is more important than have a conversation with Me. Would you be happy if a nice submissive boy asked you out for drinks, and then took you to the sports bar where he spent 90% of the evening watching the game on the big screen?

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 7/29/2006 2:58:31 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 3

RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 7/29/2006 4:11:08 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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I have hoops that wouldbe and potentials must jump through but I make those clear as we talk.

It isn't a matter of me being better but of me being a rare commodity and having some years of experience to build on. I don't have time or desire to muck around about things so having my hoops and my way of talking with and then meeting with feels necessary to me. It has also got me good results, not with just Fox but with almost a dozen others I've trained or owned.

The key difference is that I tell people what I want and how I want to be treated. I do not expect them to know beyond the basic politeness of American life.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 7/29/2006 5:30:08 PM

TexasMaam

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Your references to "quite a few dominate women (who) seem to think that they are God's gift to submissives and that the submissives should feel honored and blessed that a Mistress glanced their way" are completely uncalled for.

I don't believe I have ever run to the boards to slam you on a personal level. I'd appreciate the same courtesy from you.

Quote: " Do you really feel that you are that far above another human being that you can look down upon them and cut them off from your life because they didn't follow a protocol that *you* set up, that they knew nothing about?"

Answer, quoted from another thread that you have referred to but obviously not read in it's entirety:

"...And while I'm on the subject of protocol: I think it's just plain sad how D/s has evolved into an 'in your face' slam of good old fashioned protocol. Protocol is extremely important to Me. Call Me old school if you want to: A sub who doesn't care about protocol simply isn't ever going to please Me.

I don't have to define Protocol: we're not talking about international diplomacy to settle worldwide conflicts for crying out loud! We're talking basic "genteel manners and strict attention to protocol" in the context of BDSM activities and relationships....if a boy can't understand that, because that's pretty self explanatory, then by golly don’t waste My time.

You have Your preferences and expectations, I have Mine. One of these days I'll find a well mannered sub who is focused upon pleasing Me in all things and who will have the good grace to excuse himself politely from My presence whether on the phone or in person...I know they're out there. It's merely a matter of time!"

Any submissive who petitions Me for service and who will be seriously considered will most likely be no younger than 45 years old. If he doesn't know the meaning of BDSM protocol by that age, I have no desire to teach him. It has nothing to do with feeling that I am superior to anyone in any way. There are simply plenty of younger, less formal, less sophisticated, less educated, less strict, "more lenient" Dommes for him to choose from.

TexasMaam

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 7/29/2006 5:33:31 PM >

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RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 7/29/2006 5:57:41 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa
As a Mistress, how lenient are you when you are getting to know a submissive?

I find that I will notice those who are polite and use "Ma'am" faster than those who are casual in their approach. This doesn't mean that I don't talk to those who are casual, nor does it mean that I talk to those who fawn. There's a middle ground I prefer, but a sincere and reality-based approach is what works best.

quote:

Do you allow for mistakes on his/her part?

Of course. As I would hope they would allow for mistakes on mine.

quote:

What are you willing to do to ensure that the relationship is going to work?

This answer is too long to post here. If someone is actually interested in my answer, the best thing to do is to read the applicable portion of my Household Manual stating what I have to offer. http://geocities.com/master_fire_maam/HouseofFireManual.htm#FireOffers

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Post #: 6

RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 7/29/2006 8:30:06 PM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
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I don't demand special courtesy because I like to hit people, nor do I accord people I'm considering hitting special courtesies.

Errors in manners or presentation do bother me more in the early stages of getting to know a person. If a longtime friend behaves in an ill-mannered fashion, it is probably anomalous (otherwise, I wouldn't have been friends with him or her so long) and I excuse it as such. If a person I'm just getting to know makes a mistake, it's weighted more heavily because I don't have any precedent, any knowledge of the person's behavioral history--so even if the error is unusual, I have no way of knowing that.

When I'm getting to know a person, I don't want the relationship to work; I want to determine whether I want the relationship to work. I ask specific questions to learn about the person and how he or she would work in a relationship with me. Sometimes, the answers don't suit me because the person simply wants something different from what I want. This is not an error, it's just incompatibility. I am very quick about telling these people that we're not right for one another--that's the reason for talking specifically early on. Sometimes I don't like the answers because they're badly written or too vague. Generally, I ask more questions and indicate that I'm looking for a clearer answer--this, essentially, allows for some error or misunderstanding, and it's much like what I do when getting to know people I don't intend to hit. If the answers remain undesirable, again, I'm pretty efficient about telling the person that we're not right for one another. I'm increasingly less interested in coaxing correspondents to write clearly.

Monica

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 7

RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 7/29/2006 8:58:21 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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I don't see how treating people with respect/consideration and expecting the same is considered harsh.
I don't expect anything from the general population, but if a man (any man) wants to entertain entering a relationship with me, he has to come correct, or don't come at all (no pun intended) as we say in my vernacular. M

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

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Post #: 8

RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 7/29/2006 9:00:08 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
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I think most of the problem is that what I consider to be common courtesy is not what most people consider it to be anymore.

If someone interrupts me, they had better have a damn good reason for it, whether they are a potential submissive, a fellow Dominant, or a 'nilla at work/other public place. This is one of many reasons that I have asked to not be put on to work on the same days as one of my coworkers - she has absolutely no concept of people skills, and a bad habit of asking a question and then cutting the answerer off mid-answer (and then she'll go back and ask the same question later because she didn't pay attention the first time). I don't tolerate it there, where I do have to work with the woman sometimes; why would I tolerate it from someone that is trying to impress me and is hoping to become a member of our family? As I said in the other thread, I strive to not be rude like that to others, and I expect the same treatment from those others.

There are other (not so?) common place bits of ettiquette that I expect out of people - like "please" "thank you" "bless you" type things. Opening the door for someone who's hands are full, male or female ... things that I do without thinking about it because that's how I was raised ... and yes, I expect submissives to be ultra-polite to me and mine - even moreso during the intro-phase than later, honestly, because they are trying to stand out and impress me/us, to show us why they should be in our home rather than someone else.

Little things speak volumes about people - and with the number of people clammoring to get our attention at times, I have no problems with getting rid of someone who makes only one mistake (if it's a big enough mistake).

(in reply to mp072004)

Post #: 9

RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 7/30/2006 11:59:47 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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For me, it comes down to their ability to respect what I've asked for. I've got a comprehensive profile. I detail out the age range and some expectations. If someone blatantly doesn't match that, I'm under no obligation to grant them audience. If they've at least tried to provide what I've asked for, I'll meet them halfway and give additional chances for them to show me what I need to proceed into considering them as a prospect. I am not lenient where it comes to my expectations and I would not take liberty to compromise the expectations or limits that someone else had imposed for themselves.

I should preempt the next paragraph by stating that I do not accept novices or folks with absolutely no experience. That being said....

I expect the gentleman to communicate with me openly about his current life situation, his aspirations and experience. I am not commanding him as a mistress at this point, but rather interviewing him along the line of a potential employer. Our discourse is generally non-D/s, non-power exchange related and rather, talking person to person on a mutually respectful level.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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Post #: 10

RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 7/31/2006 12:09:41 AM

LadyFeline

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Joined: 4/18/2006
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I like to communicate openly with my subs/slaves. I expect the same from them. When it comes to mistakes, I can deal with them to a point. Reprimands are always necessary, although what was wrong must be pointed out. It's the classic: "This is what you did wrong, this is why you're being punished, now here's your punishment" Although knowing the getting to know the sub before hand helps to lessen the mistakes. Knowing the sub for a good amount of time and letting them know what you expect ahead of time also cuts down on problems. If the sub is unwilling or purposely makes mistakes to gain punishment, I will not bother with them, and move on.

Courtesy is always a must, regardless of situation. I say this because that is the mark of a lady. Anyone who is disrespectful towards someone else because of a social status or situation is not ... well, worth talking to unless you like that sort of thing. I believe in the old fashioned ways of courtesy and manners, and if someone approaches you with disrespect or looking down their noses, I do not bother to respond. It is not worth my time. Be it sub, domme, dom, or slave, I expect courtesy and give it regardless.

< Message edited by LadyFeline -- 7/31/2006 12:20:02 AM >

(in reply to APiratesMistress)

Post #: 11

RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 7/31/2006 4:01:20 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

deleted, should have been edit

< Message edited by MisPandora -- 7/31/2006 4:03:57 AM >

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 12

RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 7/31/2006 4:58:32 AM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

I have been gone for about 2 weeks and am just reading some new threads. One has caught my eye and makes me question why we as dominate women seem to think that the submissive males/females owe us any more curtesy than the most common? I will not speak for myself, because *I* am not that stringent regarding D/s etiquette, however, I have noticed that quite a few dominate women seem to think that they are God's gift to submissives and that the submissives should feel honored and blessed that a Mistress glanced their way. Why is this? I can quote some comments from the thread that inspired me to write this, but I won't. I don't want to point out any ONE person, it just seems to be a common theme here. Do you really feel that you are that far above another human being that you can look down upon them and cut them off from your life because they didn't follow a protocol that *you* set up, that they knew nothing about? Maybe I am missing something here, but I don't understand the mindset of this way of thinking. Someone asked how does a submissive get their first experience with a Mistress, if they are not given the chance to screw up just a little bit? Good God, if they all came trained out of the box, what fun would they be?
No, this is not a personal attack against anyone that I know. I just tend to treat everyone the same while we are getting to know each other. Some submissives expect me to direct them, I don't do that either. I talk more about their vanilla interests than I do their kinks, because if we have nothing in common outside of that in which we do, then our relationship will not last long.
So, I suppose my question in all this rambling, is this; As a Mistress, how lenient are you when you are getting to know a submissive? Do you allow for mistakes on his/her part? What are you willing to do to ensure that the relationship is going to work? I don't believe it is only up to the submissive to "woo" the Mistress, I firmly believe it takes both to make or break any new (or old for that matter) relationship.

Excellent post… I agree. Dusty and M are two of my favorite ladies on the whole net… and I’d roll out the red carpet for them because I love em’ and like em’. But I have to be honest here….such protocol is just a disguise for superiority, and it’s much too pretentious for me. However, I treat every lady with dignity and respect, but the only time I bother with protocol, is when it’s a lady I'm intimately involved with….and I know it’s going to make her panties all wet. ; }

- R

< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 7/31/2006 4:59:50 AM >

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 13

RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 7/31/2006 7:01:31 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

But UR, you've always got an air of respect for others. It doesn't leave much to wonder when the presumed subject outs herself in the thread AND speaks discourteously to other fem doms, simply because someone else disagreed. There's no question how the fellas are being handled if they mess up a little bit, eh?

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

Post #: 14

RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 7/31/2006 7:35:38 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

I wanted to thank everyone for their replies. I also would like to note that my intention when I posted this was not to hurt anyone or critisize, but apparently I have done just that. There has been much more information given on the other thread now, that had I known, I would not of posted some of what I said here. I have apologized to TM in a private email, and would like to do that here as well. My apologies Texas Maam, as I said, I wasn't speaking about any ONE person, but can understand why you would think that my comments were directed straight at you.

GoddessDustyGold,
Of course I would be highly offended if a submissive I was interested in took me to a sports bar and spent his time watching the game instead of talking to me. Of course, I wouldn't of stayed past the first commercial either <s>

APiratesMistress,
I agree with you one hundred percent. People should be treated like people regardless of their lifestyle choices.

TheTammyJo,

quote:

The key difference is that I tell people what I want and how I want to be treated. I do not expect them to know beyond the basic politeness of American life.

I think that this says alot about the importance of communication in the beginning of the relationship. I feel that any relationship can be severely damaged if the tone isnt set right from the beginning. It is hard to go back and try to fix something that should never of broke to begin with.

MasterFireMaam,
I read your Household Manual and I must say that I am impressed with how well written it is. It is very precise and it covers everything. If you have a slave/submissive who doesn't understand your rules by the end of reading it, then you may have a slave/submissive who simply doesn't want to understand them lol Very nice.

Monica,

quote:

I am very quick about telling these people that we're not right for one another--that's the reason for talking specifically early on. Sometimes I don't like the answers because they're badly written or too vague.

I am like this as well. I do tend to stop talking to someone if I have asked them to not use "R" instead of "are" or "U" instead of "you" and they continue to do so. Sheesh I hate that actually! If they are too lazy to write a word out to me, then I question as to how lazy they will be serving me. I am not THAT lenient.

BlkTallFullFig,

quote:

I don't expect anything from the general population, but if a man (any man) wants to entertain entering a relationship with me, he has to come correct, or don't come at all (no pun intended) as we say in my vernacular.

I understand this, but what may be "correct" in your opinion may not be "correct" in his. How does a man know what you feel "correct" is?

SweetDommes,

quote:

I think most of the problem is that what I consider to be common courtesy is not what most people consider it to be anymore.

B I N G O! I am 48 years old and if I said and did half the things that my young nephew does at his age, I would have been out in the yard picking my own switch. IMO, many younger folks are not being taught right from the beginning how to treat a lady, much less common curtesy. I HAD to say "Maam" and "Sir" to my elders and that stuck with me. I still say "Sir" to men on the street if I am asking for directions. "Sir, could you please tell me where such and such is?" When a woman I don't know talks to me, I tend to say "Yes Maam" to her. It is the way I was raised, I am not using the terms in any other way, but as to just show respect to them.

quote:

Little things speak volumes about people - and with the number of people clammoring to get our attention at times, I have no problems with getting rid of someone who makes only one mistake (if it's a big enough mistake).

But, what is that one mistake and is the person aware of this prior to you cutting them off? Do you tell them prior to "dropping" them?

MisPandora,

quote:

For me, it comes down to their ability to respect what I've asked for. I've got a comprehensive profile. I detail out the age range and some expectations. If someone blatantly doesn't match that, I'm under no obligation to grant them audience.

I agree. If you have made it clear what you are expecting and they deliberately go against what you have stated, then yes, by all means kick um to the curb. But the key word here is that he KNEW what you expected and deliberately went against it. That to me shows total uninterest on his part and yes, total disrespect.

LadyFeline,
I love what you wrote. I could quote the whole thing, but I will just say that how you feel is basically the way I feel as well. I would also explain to him why I am not longer going to be talking to him. Does he deserve that much? Probably not, but it goes against my common curtesy to just cut him off with no explaination of why.

UtopianRanger,

quote:

Excellent post… I agree. Dusty and M are two of my favorite ladies on the whole net… and I’d roll out the red carpet for them because I love em’ and like em’. But I have to be honest here….such protocol is just a disguise for superiority, and it’s much too pretentious for me. However, I treat every lady with dignity and respect, but the only time I bother with protocol, is when it’s a lady I'm intimately involved with….and I know it’s going to make her panties all wet. ; }

Thank you for responding. I wish that I could say more, but you basically said it all right here.

I am not saying that protocol doesn't have it's place, but I am saying that IMO, it isn't the be all end all of what makes ME who *I* am. There is nothing wrong with being laid back and easy going with someone. It doesn't make a potential submissive respect me any more, or less.

Thank you all for responding <hugs>

_____________________________

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

Post #: 15

RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 7/31/2006 9:57:32 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

But, what is that one mistake and is the person aware of this prior to you cutting them off? Do you tell them prior to "dropping" them?

There are some faux pas that I don't feel need to be explained - and after trying to explain to a few why they were no longer going to be considered, and being cyberstalked for weeks after (it got really old, really fast) I gave up on it. If the boy genuinely seems to care about what he did wrong so that he doesn't make the same mistake with someone else (and it's a mistake like a breech of general polite behavior), then I will explain. If it's something that is specific to us - then they were specifically told (we don't expect them to be psychic, just polite) and I don't feel any further explination is needed since they obviously don't care. Most of them, however, just became abusive and nasty when rejected - so they got put on block with every profile they came up with to harrass me.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 16

RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 8/1/2006 2:18:57 AM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

quote:

It doesn't leave much to wonder when the presumed subject outs herself in the thread AND speaks discourteously to other fem doms, simply because someone else disagreed.

Mis Pandora.....

I wasn't addressing that part of her post. To be honest.... I haven't read a single post in the main section of the board for over a week, so I have no idea who or what post she is alluding to.

My feelings are basically this: Life is very short..... and sometimes it passes us by without us really realizing it. When I think of one of you ladies, the first word that pops into my mind is "FUN" - I want to have fun! And when someone is so pretentious that they let protocol make them uptight..... they take all the fun away!

Just my personal take.... And by the way... your new picture looks really good. You're smiling and you look like you're having FUN - I think I told you once before....the ''do me'' boys like the scowls ; us smart guys like it when a lady is smiling ; }

- R

< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 8/1/2006 2:38:09 AM >

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 17

RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 8/1/2006 8:27:25 AM

subrtonly

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/2/2005
Status: offline

MoGa,

I thought your observations were correct but for me, the beauty of D/s is there's room for all types of female dominants for every type of submissive, from informal & relaxed to high protocol. While I'd wither & wilt away under a high protocol dominant & I avoid female supremacists all together, I know there are subs that need a stern and strict regimen and they thrive under it. In my humble opinion, what's essential is transparency and consistency.

If a Mistress is high protocol or a female supremacist, I'd expect that's how she's going to relate to me from the very introduction as opposed to surprising me at some later meeting. For example, I received a query to my profile the other day and it stated, "Hello. I found your profile interesting...if the interest is mutual I give you leave to ask whatever questions of Me that you like." I read her profile and it mentioned high protocol – while that’s incompatible with my nature and I winced when I first read her message, I respected her for being transparent and consistent.

Unlike a hierarchical and authoritative religion, there is no Bible in D/s or BDSM to prescribe the one and true way. Each Mistress creates her own D/s sphere of beliefs and practices based on observation, experiences and her unique personality. If her belief is to be imperious or all supreme, there are plenty of acolytes who will gravitate to her. Conversely, a Mistress on the opposite side of the protocol spectrum will find other acolytes such as me.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 18

RE: Leniency (For lack of better subject word) - 8/1/2006 12:09:25 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger
My feelings are basically this: Life is very short..... and sometimes it passes us by without us really realizing it. When I think of one of you ladies, the first word that pops into my mind is "FUN" - I want to have fun! And when someone is so pretentious that they let protocol make them uptight..... they take all the fun away!

Protocol has a time and a place. Period.

quote:

Just my personal take.... And by the way... your new picture looks really good. You're smiling and you look like you're having FUN - I think I told you once before....the ''do me'' boys like the scowls ; us smart guys like it when a lady is smiling ; }

You flatter me. When I first got my prints from the photographer, almost ALL of the pictures had that goofy smile. But, I remembered back to the event (American Brotherhood Weekend) where I was surrounded by my friends and my leather family and was really enjoying myself and said, no....that's the way it should be.

Your comment brings me to recall an incident in more than one dungeon/playspace where laughing and amusement was construed as us in the top position as being "fake". More laughter! Why not have fun with the kink and enjoy it? Life's too short, and if I must take on the name fake because I'm enjoying my SM, then so be it! I'll gladly fake it with my whip in hand LOL

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

Post #: 19

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