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RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 12/15/2004 10:44:21 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
Even under a Dom/sub versus Master/slave relationship, sessions usually have a goal of achieving inner peace, satisfaction and catharsis, an almost total transcendental emotional state, some label it 'sub-space'. If 'sub-space' is defined as this TOTAL giving, TOTAL release, TOTAL mental and emotional commitment to the experience; how do you reconcile keeping one part of your brain focused on a 'safe-word'?

But all of them don't. I guess I'm one of the view who doesn't really do the "sub space" thing, nor care to. I don't feel that an altered state of conviousness is necessary for me to be completely invovled in what is going on. I'm not a big fan of altered states of connciousness on the whole, though.

Still, that's neither here nor there. I think that in most cases, keeping a part of the brain able to use your safeword is a safe gaurd, pure and simple. It's not necessary (IMHO) when a couple/group has been together long enough to read each other well, however, before that time I believe that the sumbmissive partner is equally responsible for his/her wellbeing as is the dominant partner.

Do you know believe that someone can submit to someone else completely while still looking out for their own well-being? Do you think that it's a -good- thing to be totally giving? Perhaps in the sense of one individual scene-type activity, yes, maybe, but I think being totally giving is probably a bad idea when it comes to keeping one's self both sane and happy as a functioning human.

Dunno.

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Post #: 21

RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 12/15/2004 11:31:18 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

Do you know believe that someone can submit to someone else completely while still looking out for their own well-being? Do you think that it's a -good- thing to be totally giving? Perhaps in the sense of one individual scene-type activity, yes, maybe, but I think being totally giving is probably a bad idea when it comes to keeping one's self both sane and happy as a functioning human.

I don't think that a desired goal for a relationship should have as it's foundation holding back anything. I think holding back, whether it be an emotion, a secret about the past, or desire; is insidious and not good for a relationship. Trusting your partner for your well-being is basically what a relationship is. That well being includes the mental as well as the physical.

I know this subject is directed mostly toward the physical, but if a safe word is needed for any part of a relationship maybe it should be considered for the emotional/mental aspects. Just based on some who post here, bruises caused from that abuse are deeper and last longer then any mark caused by a single-tail. In this case, I think Doms/Masters and use and will want safe-words too.

And yes, I not only think it's a good thing, but I think it is essential to be 'totally giving'. I believe a Master 'gives' as much as the slave. If I wasn't prepared to do so, or allowed beth to be anything but 'totally giving'; I wouldn't consider myself her Master and she would not be my slave.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 22

RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 12/15/2004 4:18:43 PM

inadazey

Posts: 69
Joined: 10/7/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
I've never gotten an answer from anyone yet for this question. If I did, maybe I could understand the 'safe-word' concept.

Even under a Dom/sub versus Master/slave relationship, sessions usually have a goal of achieving inner peace, satisfaction and catharsis, an almost total transcendental emotional state, some label it 'sub-space'. If 'sub-space' is defined as this TOTAL giving, TOTAL release, TOTAL mental and emotional commitment to the experience; how do you reconcile keeping one part of your brain focused on a 'safe-word'?

Personally, we do a lot of hard play where I don't reach sub-space, so I'd suppose that (since I don't have a safe word), for others in that situation, that would be a time when you could easily use your safe word.
:) ~daisy~

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(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 23

RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 12/16/2004 4:03:43 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
how do you reconcile keeping one part of your brain focused on a 'safe-word'?

This is why a safe word has to be something that intrinsically means danger or stop to someone. I had one sub try to tell me his safe word was banana milkshake. I asked him exactly how he was going to get that all out when in desperate agony or distress. And more to the point, how was he going to remember what it was when all he could think about was needing to stop the session. I want the subs safeword to be a single syllable word that someone regressed to the basic mind remembers as danger. Most of us are very conditioned to red being stop. Bad is another one I've had a sub use.

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(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 24

RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 12/16/2004 1:35:41 PM

IndySubPrincess

Posts: 34
Joined: 7/23/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

Hehehe, my safe word, the one time I had one, was to be something I would NEVER randomly blurt out during sex, something ordinary but non-sexual... Strawberries... :)

IndySubPrincess

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Post #: 25

RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 12/16/2004 2:19:24 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

desperate agony or distress.

Beach Mystress,

beth and I have had one such situation where beth was in desperate distress. It actually was more her doing than mine, she was straining and pulled a groin muscle while attached to a St. Andrews cross. That shout and scream was unlike any that came out of her before or since. she was loose before the echo died in the room. I guess if a scream in pain can be defined as a safe word - we have one. Is it truly that difficult to identify the difference between a distressful scream and one of pleasure?

I accept responsibility and have enough experience to know better. I will say that without safe-words you need a deeper relationship with your partner. That is also a hard limit for me. I will not play with someone that I don't know and have a relationship with on an intimate level. I may miss out on some very interesting physical opportunities, but the physical, although very important, takes a lesser role in my sessions. I'd rather spend the time getting to know and develop the reciprocal trust necessary NOT to have a need of a safe-word then to just wail away with a single tail without concern because after all - if it was too much the sub would say a safe word.

And I know it's come up before, but I have a mindset that by having a safe-word a sub becomes the dom. I'm just the muscle providing the sensation. I always would have to be listening. I have tried it in the past, and got very little enjoyment out of the experience. It was a long time ago, and it was with the old favorites; green-amber-red. Well hell, being not only a sadist, but a competitive one - my objective wasn't necessarily pleasure, but at least getting to 'amber'.

My basic argument is that safe words get in the way of the 'dance' or 'romance' of a session.

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 26

RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 12/17/2004 4:21:01 PM

realophelia

Posts: 168
Status: offline

quote:

What types of Safe words do you use.

I don't use safe words. I would rather tell Master what I'm feeling if I have a problem, and let him decide what to do. Having a safe word would make me feel like I am in charge and I don't like feeling that way. Also, he always listens to me (even when it seems like he isn't) and I trust his judgement completely.

My other problem with safe words, is that I can't artiuclate them when I'm subbed out. I just wrote a story that touches on that (btw). It's at www.geocities.com/realophellia/prose3.htm if anyone's interested in reading it.

Take care :)
Ophelia

< Message edited by realophelia -- 12/17/2004 4:34:03 PM >

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"And every one of them words rang true And glowed like burning coal Pouring off of every page Like it was written in my soul..."

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Post #: 27

RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 12/26/2004 2:03:14 AM

sated

Posts: 9
Joined: 12/25/2004
Status: offline

I dont use one.

Once the body is comitted - i accept what is to happen with it.
Naturally, the other person can know when a submissive it at his or her limits and how hard that limit is to be tested is best left to the other person IMHO.

Best wishes

Sated

(in reply to realophelia)

Post #: 28

RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 1/7/2005 1:58:20 PM

ARoseAndAnEye

Posts: 67
Joined: 12/8/2004
Status: offline

ROSE.

Used once in 6 years. Really don't need one anymore, as our relationship is deep enough for Master to know EXACTLY "where I am at" at all times in a scene.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 29

RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 1/7/2005 4:46:08 PM

masterQsubbie

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline

we have childdren so the easiest for us was for me to yell KIDS . I have never had to use the safe word tho Master knows my limits very

(in reply to knees2you)

Post #: 30

RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 1/7/2005 4:57:18 PM

txparanoid

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/31/2004
Status: offline

Really... One thing I don't like about safewords is that they imply that "no" and "stop" won't work.

Personally, the way I think about it is that "no" is "No." Stop is "Stop." The safeword is "Let me the fuck out of here right the fuck now!"

Then again, I've never been in any D/s situation, so I'm not speaking from experience.

(in reply to SentForu)

Post #: 31

RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 1/8/2005 1:34:20 AM

inadazey

Posts: 69
Joined: 10/7/2004
Status: offline

txparanoid.. My thoughts on safe words and D/s... the couple might have a relationship where "no" and "stop" don't mean that in the submissive's mind.. It's not like dating, or even a nilla relationship, where "NO" most definitely means just that. Thing is, they can be words that are part of play where, take "red" for example, is not going to be used except to mean no and stop.
And the first thing that came to my mind re: no and stop is a rape scene. Well, a realistic rape scene, you're going to be saying no.. So the dom needs to know when it's a *real* "No, stop!" and not part of the play rape. I'd think that would be a very handy safeword time.
Just my 2cts. Take care. :) ~daisy~

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Post #: 32

RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 1/8/2005 9:26:52 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: txparanoid

Really... One thing I don't like about safewords is that they imply that "no" and "stop" won't work.

Personally, the way I think about it is that "no" is "No." Stop is "Stop." The safeword is "Let me the fuck out of here right the fuck now!"

Then again, I've never been in any D/s situation, so I'm not speaking from experience.

Like Inadazey said, "No" and "stop" DON'T work if you're doing some kinds of play. We like play-rape over here and play-force. No and stop are part of my vocuabulary then, because it's part of the fun.

Too, there are other situations where I say no and he does it anyway. This is because I'm allowed to express my dislike or fear for something as long as I go ahead and do it. I trust that he's not going to hurt me.

I figure safewords allow people to "resist" without confusing their partner.

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Post #: 33

RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 1/8/2005 9:52:09 AM

INSIDEYOURMIND

Posts: 483
Status: offline

Ouch, that fucking hurt.....................
That always works for me!

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Post #: 34

RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 1/8/2005 10:05:15 PM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: knees2you

What types of Safe words do you use. Do they relate to Your
Personality?
Did you get a choice?
Was it part of Your name?
How often do You use them~

Sincerely, eyesofAslave

quote:

"I'm not blinded by Her, I'm blinded for Her!"

i love the signature eyes.

He gave me the second part of His name to use when i play with others.
I feel safe and secure knowing it is His name that i use.
Have never had a time to use it.

When with Master, i have none. Never needed one.

shy

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i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

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Post #: 35

RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 1/9/2005 12:05:08 AM

phoenix52

Posts: 179
Joined: 12/9/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

I figure safewords allow people to "resist" without confusing their partner.

Exactly! i would never safeword for anything for a physical emergency; but i adore play resistance. For me a safeword is me saying I'm serious, something is WRONG.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 36

RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 1/15/2005 12:44:22 PM

histrblmkr

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

We don't have any safe words...........Master doesn't believe in them. He feels that he should know me well enough to tell by my body and actions whether it is enough or not. He also likes to push the envelope and go a little further at times too.
linda

(in reply to knees2you)

Post #: 37

RE: What different types of safe words do You use~ - 1/15/2005 6:15:59 PM

LdyAuburn

Posts: 179
Joined: 5/9/2004
Status: offline

Ok I know I am not the right role for here, but there is no safe word here, ummm a tad on the ewkky side but mine has vomiting on his way. If it is too much and he throws up I have said I will stop

I have stopped on occasions when his body/reactions arent quite right but apart from that he doesnt have one. Casual play with others does though

(in reply to histrblmkr)

Post #: 38

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