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RE: trust and hard limits - 7/30/2006 2:26:23 PM   
ArdRi


Posts: 32
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline 		"I would like to know if in fact accepting a collar negates the need to have hard limits.  I know in my heart He would not cross the boundaries i have set as hard limits but feel that they still need to be set and acknowledged as my hard limits, while His opinion is that if i have hard limits then i am saying i do not trust Him."

In my opinion a hard limit is just that, a hard limit. Trust your own judgement but if you really dont want to do something then you really should not allow anyone make you do it. Some on this site will disagree, but I reccoment that you only ever do what you are comfortable doing. Pleasing a master is one thins, doing something you really dont want to for his sake is another. There should be some recognition of your limits on his part. If not, he aint worth it. Amoretta, a lovely sub I have been fortunate enough to be in correspondence with, has some very interesting ideas on safe words, etc. Either seek out her thread on it or mail her yourself, she is very responsive and friendly.

Ard Ri.

(in reply to fyreredsub)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: trust and hard limits - 7/30/2006 2:28:04 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		no, a collar does not negate any preset boundries.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to ArdRi)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: trust and hard limits - 7/30/2006 6:05:26 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline 		I trust Master with my life and children. With that being said it is the Mother side of  me that makes me want to make sure everything is right and that allows me to have the one hard  limit i have. " i must be able to take care of my un- mentionable and they must be safe" . .... I dont have this  limit because i dont trust Master, I have this limit because I am a Mother first and formost and it is my job to make sure nothing stand in the way of them becoming happy well adjusted adults. So in my opinion trust has nothing to do with some limit. Most limits just give us the peace of mind that allow us to be free to explore.

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



(in reply to diamonddreamlove)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: trust and hard limits - 7/30/2006 7:14:25 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		If you want him to submit to your limits keep them. If you want to submit to him, wait until you trust him enough to submit to his limits.

(in reply to michaelGA2)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: trust and hard limits - 7/30/2006 7:22:03 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

If you want him to submit to your limits keep them. If you want to submit to him, wait until you trust him enough to submit to his limits.

I love the way you put that.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: trust and hard limits - 7/30/2006 7:23:34 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
If you want him to submit to your limits keep them. If you want to submit to him, wait until you trust him enough to submit to his limits.

But then if they are the same limits, you are still keeping your limits.  Keeping one's limits isn't the same as making the other person submit to the limits.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: trust and hard limits - 7/30/2006 7:31:22 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
If you want him to submit to your limits keep them. If you want to submit to him, wait until you trust him enough to submit to his limits.

But then if they are the same limits, you are still keeping your limits.  Keeping one's limits isn't the same as making the other person submit to the limits.

Not necessarily, if he changes them...People change.  If Master evolves into desiring something he would not previously have done, I will be experiencing it.  However, he is not so casual about things as to not adequately prepare me, first.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: trust and hard limits - 7/30/2006 7:36:11 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
If you want him to submit to your limits keep them. If you want to submit to him, wait until you trust him enough to submit to his limits.

But then if they are the same limits, you are still keeping your limits.  Keeping one's limits isn't the same as making the other person submit to the limits.

Not necessarily, if he changes them...People change.  If Master evolves into desiring something he would not previously have done, I will be experiencing it.  However, he is not so casual about things as to not adequately prepare me, first.

I agree- but again, it becomes both of you changing the limit. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: trust and hard limits - 7/30/2006 7:41:53 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
If you want him to submit to your limits keep them. If you want to submit to him, wait until you trust him enough to submit to his limits.

But then if they are the same limits, you are still keeping your limits.  Keeping one's limits isn't the same as making the other person submit to the limits.


LA,
No, you are doing something else, and in my opinion more important. You are trusting not to need them, whatever they are or evolve to be under the Master. It's not important at the micro, specific item, level. It's trust to not need them, and giving your self completely to someone who has earned that trust and knows the responsibility that comes with that trust.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: trust and hard limits - 7/30/2006 8:10:15 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I agree- but again, it becomes both of you changing the limit. 

~ Grins ~
To a degree  He changes it, I deal with it.  It is also his choice to NOT prepare me for changes.  I would have to deal with that.  Fortunately in his benevolence, he would rather not traumatize me.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: trust and hard limits - 7/30/2006 8:17:05 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
If you want him to submit to your limits keep them. If you want to submit to him, wait until you trust him enough to submit to his limits.

But then if they are the same limits, you are still keeping your limits.  Keeping one's limits isn't the same as making the other person submit to the limits.


LA,
No, you are doing something else, and in my opinion more important. You are trusting not to need them, whatever they are or evolve to be under the Master. It's not important at the micro, specific item, level. It's trust to not need them, and giving your self completely to someone who has earned that trust and knows the responsibility that comes with that trust.

To me limits aren't about need, it's simply about reality.  It's not about trust, it's about reality.  After all, the master has to trust that the slave isn't going to break any of the limits as well.  Everyone has to trust that everyone will do the right thing.  I agree that if you feel you have to lay it down line by line, then your relationship really isn't going to work.  But to me it doesn't matter whether it's the master saying "THis isn't going to happen" or the slave saying "This isn't going to happen."  Everyone has to consent to the relationship and work to make it successful.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: trust and hard limits - 7/31/2006 4:19:54 AM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks to A/all for their input.  I understand Him to be saying that if i trust Him completely then i should know He will not push the hard limits i have always had. 

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to michaelGA2)
Profile   Post #: 32
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