LumusAgain
Posts: 10
Joined: 2/11/2025
Status: offline
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Posted this a few decades ago - here, in fact, on a bet. I wanted to show that a dominant can wrote as a submissive because the key is understanding. (Wirhout that, why bother.)
The style, like me, is old and cringy: oddly romantic and writ with pathos.
That's enough preface. Do feel free to comment, judge, critique.
* * *
There was a faint strain of music, carried on the breeze, that plucked at my heart as i lowered myself for my Last Kneel. Those plaintive notes nearly made my eyes blur; i had my Vow, and so the pain, familiar and discomforting, remained dry, as did my cheeks.
Perhaps sensing my discomfort, the wind rose, sharp and cold against my skin. Its sting did not distract me; my gaze was unshaken from the carved, curving stone before me. Only one word was etched into the smooth surface - 'Loved'. And She was, even now; a love whose tendrils had wrapped tightly over my heart, even in its broken state. A shudder came over me then, not from the bite of the wind, but from inside me; a place that was once a blazing hearth - serene, warm, and safe.
On the heels of that sudden chill strode an ache, whose footfalls echoed through my bones. She was here; under this stone, this earth upon which i rested in my Last Kneel. She was not warm, not cold; She was hidden from the sky, Her face with its crooked, half-turned smile frozen in a peaceful mask that parodied slumber, piercing eyes closed forever.
Forever. The shudder running throughout my body increased and my strength seemed stolen, yet i held to my proper position of respect. For Her. i could do nothing else but live to the Vow She had compelled from me as Her last command.
"I will expect one visit, boy - one only, and after that you will be free. I will not see you wither at My departure; you are stronger than that. I made you stronger than that. When you visit you will give Me My Last Kneel, and you will not cry. I do not want tears, for I will be in a better place. Think of Me, instead; and when you rise from your Last Kneel, live for Me, boy.
Vow that you will do this for Me."
She did not say it.
She did not say it, but in Her eyes was the unspoken word, one She never used with me:
Please.
That was when I could not deny it any longer, as She knew I had been. This was Her last lesson, and it broke me with far more certainty than any pain inflicted upon me could. She was leaving.
She was gone.
my eyes ached, thrummed in rhythm to the pain that constricted my chest, stole the air from my lungs. This was pain i could not handle. Yet i would bear it. For Her. For my Vow to Her i would not -
Another pain lanced through my face; my jaws were clenched tightly, the hand i pressed to the ground curled into a whitening fist. As i had done before, i made my own pain, to distract me from the pain that threatened to consume me. i held Her last lesson firmly in my mind, and unbidden, it transformed into something i had not dwelt upon in some years - Her first lesson.
Cast into the flow of the past, i saw in flashes how we met. No shadowy club for us; rather, our hands had inadvertently clasped, Hers over mine, as we stood side by side in the well-lit section of Fiction on the second floor of the local public library. i was placing the book back in its proper perched spot; She was reaching out to take the novel for Herself. my gaze had turned to Her; i felt the question forming on my lips fall away, unspoken, as those piercing eyes and crooked, half-turned smile met me. She held Her hand there, over mine, even squeezed me gently as She spoke Her first words to me:
"I would like to take this. Do you object?"
Flummoxed, i could not make my mouth work. Her words, their tone, the undercurrent of their meaning when Her hand squeezed mine made all meaning fly from my otherwise educated brain. When i continued to stare, caught in Her eyes, the full understanding of Her words sunk in, grasped me, held me completely - giving me, for the first time in my life, a sense of something missing that i had not sensed before. There was, in the weathered, wintered, snow-crested hills of my heart a dry, bare patch of land, which perfectly matched the outline of Her silhouette - Her shadow. It was this dark, raw, fertile earth, surrounded by pristine, cold beauty that She forced me to see.
i was Hers...and She knew it, knew it well.
We met again, at Her request, for a light dinner; in a place known to Her we found ourselves sitting across from one another. She was calm sensuality, while i felt the perfect, inadequate fool. Yet She coaxed language from me, and so we spoke, and She enjoyed what i had to offer, meager though it seemed (and still seems, to this day). We met a second time, then a third; in each encounter there was no question who possessed the authority. As She drew me further out; as i grew bolder in my exchanges with her - we became more intimate, and though it might only be Her hand closed over my own, the exchange of a soft, lingering kiss, it was clear that more was wanted, yearned for - needed.
She set the pace, of course. After our seventh meal, which She chose and was, as all our meals were, of small portions, She informed me that She wanted me to come home with Her. The meaning of this was uncertain to me, for i would hope, but not assume - such a thing ran counter to my upbringing, which dictated that only a fool presumed for a woman. Gathering my courage, i asked Her plainly if She intended us to become more intimate still, and if so, was this what She desired?
i will never forget her response as i fumbled both queries from my lips at once. Her answer was to both questions, of course, uttered quietly, directly, Her eyes holding mine:
"I do."
It was a depth i could not have expected, but this was indeed something i could not misunderstand.
She held my hand as we walked out into the night. Light rain fell around us, giving the air an unexpected chill; i offered Her my coat, which She graciously accepted. Her home was not far away, and i had taken the transit to meet Her; we walked without words, our footfalls punctuated by the quiet burbling of water gathering on the ground. i should have felt the cold, or the rain soaking into my skin, but the warmth of Her hand, Her smile as we paused at the lights and shared a glance, made all else seem so very far away...surreal...
From the main roads we wended to the side streets, lined with tall trees whose canopy protected us as the wind and rain grew in strength. Soon we stood at Her doorstep; She turned the key and let go of the keys, turning to me and pulling me into a warm, wonderful kiss. my body was pressed hard to Hers as She leaned against the wall beside the door, which was slightly ajar from the wind. We were locked together for uncounted time in that embrace, our mouths feeding upon each other; Her hands found my back and explored it as She held me. Nails pressed into my muscle, and it only seemed to sweeten the moment; down my back they were drawn. When She finally pulled away to catch Her breath, Her eyes locked onto mine once more, and that half-turned smile drew over Her features. The words that tumbled from Her lips were thick, husky, and it was all i could do to contain myself.
"Well...you asked if this was what I wanted. What I want, boy, is you. All of you. I want your heart; I want your flesh; I want your love. Most of all, though, I want your obedience, and to that end I will have to instruct you how to please Me. I will not be gentle, and I will never lie to you."
She paused, shuddering; i held her closer, but it was not the wind that drew the shudder from Her flesh. Later, She told me, and frowned when i laughed! - that She shivered because She knew at that moment She wanted me as much as i needed Her. She felt the slightest fear that i could somehow say no to Her.
Let me be clear on this. i never refused Her, never disagreed with Her; She was wisdom, and She was passion; She was cruel, and She held absolute control. She was love, my love, and from the instant Her hand first clasped mine, from the second i fell into Her eyes, i was lost.
No? i would never say it to Her, and never did. The word cannot exist in the face of perfect harmony.
When it dawned on me that She awaited a response, i gave of conviction; there was no doubt in me.
"You already have my complete trust. If you allowed me, i would worship You. If i am worthy of You, i will give You what love and obedience is mine to give; and if i fail You, it will only be because i undertook a task that was not possible. Forgive me if i do such a thing; it is the nature of men, love..."
She laughed a little then, and pressed a finger to my lips, silencing me.
"Sometimes, it is the nature of woman to take upon themselves the impossible as well, boy." A tiny sigh escaped Her. "I think..." She shook her head slightly; her eyes seemed to dim, then flashed open wide, swallowing me. "I think you will be the most delicious, impossible thing I ever take upon Myself."
Again She paused, then continued in a quiet voice that held the same tremble as Her flesh: "Tonight, I will ask an intimacy from you deeper than I have any right to. Nothing in Me doubts you..." Here i could have sworn she murmured, as Her eyes cast down to my taut chest, easily seen through my soaked shirt, "...as though you were real, too real; too wonderful!"
She looked back up to my face. Tears came to Her eyes, and i felt such a wave of sorrow from Her that my eyes bled as freely as Hers. No rain was this - though we both pretended in that moment that rain was all it was.
"I have been hurt before." The admission was wrenched from Her throat, and my heart tightened in pain; i held Her tighter, protectively; She shuddered hard in my arms, but She held her eyes to mine pridefully. "I cannot accept you without this gesture that I must demand. Accept, and My heart will belong to you as surely as you have offered your own to Me."
The word 'please' never entered her eyes, even then. She could not be weak; indeed, i never saw Her in any light other than one of perfect, true strength. This was and is not the shallow heart-wish of a naive boy; it is the certainty of my love of, and belief in, Her.
my eyes held Hers, never left them. i smiled and reached out with one hand to push the door of Her home open wide. Then i drew my hand to Hers, carefully clasping Her fingers around my wrist. i did take my eyes from Her then, to kneel before Her, as a knight might kneel in the presence of his Queen.
"Command me, and i will follow."
Her hand clasped my wrist more tightly, and a muffled sob came from Her then - or so She told me later. i did not hear it; perhaps it was the wind, or perhaps i chose not to hear it.
There were no more words between us. At Her gentle, insistent tug i rose to my feet, following Her into what would later become Home to both of us. With our shoes placed neatly by the door, and my coat slipped from Her shoulders to hang, wet and bedraggled, from the coat rack, She grasped my wrist again, smiling widely. Into the dark we wandered, for She knew each step without need for light. i needed no light; She was my guide.
Down a long hall we walked, our feet padding over the plush carpet, until we entered Her bedroom. She left me at the doorway, and i stood patiently as She moved from corner to corner of the room, lighting dozens of small candles that cast a pale glow. Rich burgundy silk hangings covered one wall; the wide doors of Her walk-in closet, which was placed in the corner opposite the doorway, were mirrored. Before me was Her bed, neatly made, wrapped with rich silk sheets and fur-lined blankets.
She beckoned, and i entered, crossing the room to stand before the closet. Sliding the doors aside with only a whisper of sound, She reached in to press a switch, turning on a pale blue light that suffused the closet. To the left hung her clothes, carefully organized; sets of shoes were lined up beneath each outfit. The shelves to the right held numerous baubles: glass globes depicting scenes from across the world; boxes of incense whose odour permeated the closet with a faint, heady cloying scent; various bottles of all shapes and sizes containing lotions, oils, fragrances; open boxes, intricately carved from a rich, warm wood lined with fabric, which were lined up to reveal rings, earrings, necklaces. There was more, but as She ushered me into the closet it was to the very end.
At the end of the closet were several more shelves. Mounted upon the wall behind the upper shelf were two crisscrossing riding crops and a set of what seemed like small gatherings of whips fastened into ornate handles. Upon the shelf were several blindfolds, each neatly folded; small, coiled cords of a thick rope; a set of cast-iron handcuffs. There were other objects i could not identify, though my gaze took them in appreciatively. The soft scrape of a step-stool to my left was soon followed by Her radiant, wondrous gaze. She took my hand, moving it over each item in turn. These were Her treasures, Her secret heart; and being let into this private shrine, it was only natural that my hand trembled beneath Hers.
She lingered with me a moment, and we shared quiet giggles, naughty children with a dirty secret. At length, She took my wrist and guided me from Her closet, closing the doors behind Her. We leaned into each other, our mouths fastening to one another, hungry; we held each other tightly, lost as we feasted. Her hands tugged at my wet clothing, and soon i was bare before Her. Her eyes roamed my flesh, Her hands found purchase on my broad shoulders and gently, firmly, guided me to my knees. As i craned my neck up to look at Her, i felt a contentment unknown to me until that moment. Here i was, at Her feet, and i could not be happier.
Gracefully, then, She began to remove Her own clothing. A smirk found her lips as She teased me, each motion slow, exaggerated, firing a lust inside me that caused a sweat to break out on my brow. The slightest tilt of Her hips, the faintest brush of Her leg against my cheek, stole my breath. Her breasts swayed as She danced sinuously before me. Eventually, She ended the siren's dance, naked but for Her laced underwear. She saw the look of awe upon my face, and most certainly must have seen the flushed engorgement between my legs; a sound like a purr escaped her, and the smile slowly left her, replaced by a serious look. She reached down to take my wrists gently, guiding my hand to Her hips, slipping my fingers under the elastic of Her underwear. Then, suddenly, She let my wrists go and stared at me expectantly.
Taking a deep breath, my eyes held to Hers until she cast Her gaze to the side. There was a sadness in Her eyes, and She sensed my momentary confusion. As She frowned, looked back at me, and reached for my wrists, i grasped her undergarment and pulled downwards, my eyes snapping to face directly forward. She looked away then; i felt it though i did not see it.
One glance, and i understood the sadness in Her eyes, the reason She cast Her glance from me. Here before me was Her sex...scarred, cut and misshapen. It was as though a blind man had stabbed into her repeatedly with a scalpel, disfiguring Her, seeking to strip all beauty from Her. There was a moment of rage that rose in me with understanding, that someone had hurt Her this way...! There was also a brief flash of shared pain, wherein i felt the merest shadow of the weight She carried...Her guilt, Her shame at having been inflicted in such a manner.
i did not hesitate. The rage, the sorrow, vanished as i leaned forward to embrace Her hips, to kiss Her scarred lips deeply. She was surely braver and stronger than me to bear this mutilation, and needed none of my manly rage. Nor did She need my pity, for this was Her, part of Her, and it was Her that i loved. What She needed was an expression of that love, and i gave it eagerly, pressing my mouth to Her, caressing Her with my tongue. Her fingers wove themselves into my hair, tugging, as Her legs widened for me. I lapped, kissed, and worshipped Her. It was no less than She deserved.
Eventually, though, She pulled my face away and guided my visage upwards to face Her. Her head was tilted, a ghostly smile where Her mouth should be, and She shook Her head lightly from side to side. my eyes widened, i could not help it, as i took in the meaning of that sad gesture. The disfigurement had removed from Her the ability to climax, and as solemnly fervent as my ministrations were...i would not give Her what She desired. Not this way. The enormity of this, the weight of it, seemed to steal the wind from my chest.
So we were, frozen together, sadness in Her eyes, and a pain in my heart that i could only ease one way. Slowly, with a shaking hand, i reached out to the doors of her closet. She let go of my hair then, and watched, unsure of my intent; nor, i confess, was i consciously aware of what i was to do next. It was an instinct of the heart, perhaps. She stood aside, allowing me to open the closet, and into its darkness i crawled, held down by the weight of my need to please Her. The soft blue light appeared as She reached for the switch on the wall behind me. On hands and knees, i crept to the end of Her closet, and in the space below the lowest shelf i spied an old, beaten cardboard box. A strangled sound escaped Her, but She did not stop me as i knelt before the box, pulling it out from its recess to open its folded flaps. Inside, carefully wrapped in satin, i uncovered a garment that might hang about her hips, held in place by thin straps of leather. Mounted in the centre of the garment was a curved, phallic thing that strangely resembled the dangling sex between my own legs. i turned to face Her, and my answer was in Her eyes.
This was what She wanted. This would give Her the release She craved.
On my knees, i carried it to Her. Her head twitched, shaking again, a look of disbelief on Her face; but in Her eyes i saw a desire, a deep longing, that She could not hide from me. i held it up to her, lowering my head. When She did not take it, i raised my head to meet Her eyes.
She later told me that the conviction in my eyes, the unflinching acceptance She saw, was what stole Her heart from Her and gave it to me. It was not my intent, and i told Her as much; only that She had a need greater than my own, and that i would at that moment, in our intimate naked truth, have done whatever it took to please Her.
It was the truth. i needed nothing more than Her happiness, whatever it took, a thing She said was more valuable than anything else She possessed. Ah, but did She not know - She was a treasure to me beyond all things as well?
She took the device from me then with one hand, and with the other catching my hair, She pulled me to the bed. i stayed at the foot of the bed on my knees as She sat before me, strapping the device to her hips; fastened properly, it held the prosthetic penis girded to Her loins as though it were Her true sex. The device secured, Her eyes took on a feral hungry light, and i remembered that She would not be gentle. So be it.
For Her.
Her fingers caught in my hair once more, forcing my mouth to Her newfound sex. my mouth opened and accepted it, as i had embraced Her when She bared Herself to me earlier. A whimper came from Her, and i could feel the tensing pleasure stretching through the muscles of Her thighs. This was what She craved - my worship of the sex She kept hidden in the deepest recess of Her shrine. This would please Her. And so i devoted myself as lavishly as i could, unfamiliar, clumsy; guided by Her tugging grip, the occasional stinging slap to my cheek that refocused me. Her roughness increased, as did Her obvious pleasure; and so i took Her guidance as best i could.
When Her moans, first quiet, then louder, rose to a crescendo, i found myself lifted from my knees with Her grip as She brought my face to Hers. One hand caught in my hair, Her other hand found my sex, and She gripped it firmly as Her mouth fell into mine. i would have climaxed then, but something told me She was not yet done, not ready for me to experience my own release. Nor, do i think, could i have found release before Her. It was not my pleasure that needed sating, it was Her own.
Releasing my cock, Her hand found its way around my hip, reaching behind me. Fingertips wedged themselves between my cheeks, probing, questing, and though i winced i did not flinch from Her touch. She was teaching me what She desired, and i wished to learn. One finger slipped into me then; i shuddered but remained still. Her eyes lowered and mine followed to the erection between Her legs, and when Her face rose once more with mine, the light of Her eyes was dark, cruel. i knew Her intent immediately, and She held my gaze for several heartbeats, awaiting my response.
There was no question in my mind what would happen next. i was fearful - of course i was, who would not be...? Seeing the fear on my face only made that dark light in Her eyes shine brighter. Yet...She had told me that She would demand an intimacy from me. There was no contest between my fear and my love, and so i pulled myself onto the bed, crawling, beside Her.
The light in Her eyes never wavered, only shone; and the brilliance only increased with the moisture that gathered there, as She realized the fullness of my acceptance, my devotion. She pressed a rough kiss to my mouth, and i returned it in full. We hung there, locked mouths, until finally She shoved at me roughly. i slid forward onto the bed, my face and chest pressed to the furred blankets; my legs, shaking, slowly spreading for Her even as i raised my hips in futile, inevitable acceptance.
i trembled as i felt Her mouth press onto my back, a trail of kisses that travelled up my spine to my neck. Her weight began to shift onto me; Her mouth found my shoulder as She lowered Herself, Her breasts crushing into the muscle of my back. She pressed Her mouth to my neck and shoulders over and over again, and She clung to me before She rose. i remained as i was, hearing the closet doors whisper open behind me. When She returned, there was the sound of a bottle popping open, and Her fingers found my hole again, covered in a cold liquid whose touch sent shivers through me that would not cease. Several times Her fingers traced my opening, slipping slightly inwards, twitching and probing within me. my shudders grew, and She immediately moved to my side, soft wordless murmurs soothing in my ear until the shaking of my body quieted. She drew my face to Hers, and when my eyes met Hers, i smiled for Her. She smiled in return, Her lips pressing softly to mine before She slipped behind me again. She continued to apply the cold liquid to me, and though i shuddered She did not stop. She knew that i wanted this, that i needed it for Her, that i wanted it for myself. It was my love for Her, nothing more; and it was by necessity nothing less.
When Her mouth found my back again, trailing upwards, i was more prepared. i arched into Her lips; soft moans escaped me as my flesh quivered. my mind had already surrendered to Her; now, my flesh would. With each slow creep of Her ascent above me, onto me, i found myself growing louder, needier. She kissed my shoulder, let Her mouth suckle me and bruise my flesh as the donned sex She possessed found its tip pressing against my opening. She hugged me tightly, mouth still latched to my skin, as She began to enter me slowly.
my moans were cut off, replaced by the sudden whimper and animal panic that gripped me. i did not resist, did not try to stop Her; i shuddered, and sobbed, choking sounds crawling from my throat as She inched into me. Her mouth released my shoulder to murmur into my ear; and if She spoke words, i could not understand them. As She settled fully into me, a howl escaped my lips, and She froze. Blinded, i turned my head to where i knew her face was, concern etched on Her blurred features; and i pressed my mouth to Hers. i locked my lips and teeth against Her own, even as i shook uncontrollably; and then i pressed my hips back against Her, taking Her in completely.
Accepting Her.
Our mouths remained locked together as She eased back, pushing forward slowly, then with rising momentum. Our moans were muffled, increasing in intensity as we retracted from one another and then met again, harder with each thrust. Her one hand clenched over mine as we clutched the blankets; Her other hand in my hair, and She pulled Her mouth from me as She reached Her climax, an ear-shattering cry of pleasure and agony that surely matched my own.
We rested, Her atop me, and our mouths made numerous small meetings as the last tremblings of our shared orgasm faded from our bodies. We still did not speak. We did not need to.
We were one.
We slept that way, and as sleep gripped my muscles and mind, i knew that i had learned my first lesson from Her, one of many to follow:
Love does not recognize fear; we wild and mad creatures of love cannot know anything but the love we give willingly, without expectation of anything in return. To expect is simply a rare form of fear that we must know the future, in anticipation of our own mortality, our petty desires requiring fulfillment. Love is not petty when pure; it cannot be.
And She was Love, to me.
i shuddered with the memory fresh in my mind of Her scent that night, the lust in her eyes, the love of Her actions. And then i felt no tears; instead, a mouth murmured indistinct words in my ear, yet i knew the mumblings for what they were. It was the wisdom of my Love, laying cold below me in the ground, and it said,
"you gave love and were loved in return, boy; and that is a fleeting thing. you had something that few others ever discover; and you were accepted as fully as you accepted Me. That is why this is your Last Kneel to Me. Rise, boy. Rise, and live for Me - the greatest gift you have left to give. I demand it, and your heart can do no less.
"Live for me, boy, and be happy, as happy as you made Me."
Thus i rose from that cold ground, and as i stood the rain began to fall from the sky.
i raised my head into the falling tears of the heavens, and smiled.
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