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RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/31/2006 11:28:36 AM   
LordDarkPleasure


Posts: 91
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		Although I tend to disagree with subs supporting Dom/mes, it's still miles a ahead of that "financial  domination" crap.  I mean it's okay to support your partner, but because you are a couple, not because it's a sub.

About which between being independent and being supported by the sub is more "Dommy", its really like driving:  who should drive? The sub because he serves or the Dom because he is in control of where they go?

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/31/2006 12:35:49 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		First off if I had a Dom tell me that he fulling expected to sit at home on his butt doing nothing and I was going to have to support him. I'd probably say thanks but no thanks. it might not be said that politely though.

I don't want to be supported, I fully expect and want to work outside the home and contribute to the financial security of our household. But I fully expect the person(s) I'm with to do the same. Unless ofcourse there is a medical reason why He could not work. If i was involved with a couple and we had children I could totally understand why one of us would stay home with the small ones rather then pay daycare.

As for the OP's situation. Do what ever you as a couple agree on and feel comfortable with. No one can tell you what is right or wrong in your relationship.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to LordDarkPleasure)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/31/2006 12:41:11 PM   
Slavebitch11


Posts: 68
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline 		My Dom and i support ourselves in the vanilla world. I work as a semi-pro sub to help finance our lifestyle.

As someone before me wrote, ' if it works for you, go for it'. It does....and we are.



quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

First off if I had a Dom tell me that he fulling expected to sit at home on his butt doing nothing and I was going to have to support him. I'd probably say thanks but no thanks. it might not be said that politely though.

I don't want to be supported, I fully expect and want to work outside the home and contribute to the financial security of our household. But I fully expect the person(s) I'm with to do the same. Unless ofcourse there is a medical reason why He could not work. If i was involved with a couple and we had children I could totally understand why one of us would stay home with the small ones rather then pay daycare.

As for the OP's situation. Do what ever you as a couple agree on and feel comfortable with. No one can tell you what is right or wrong in your relationship.


_____________________________

'Dont stop honking.......I'm just re loading'

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/31/2006 12:41:32 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Yes, splitting living expenses is ok.

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/31/2006 12:49:13 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Slavebitch11

My Dom and i support ourselves in the vanilla world. I work as a semi-pro sub to help finance our lifestyle.

As someone before me wrote, ' if it works for you, go for it'. It does....and we are.


quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

First off if I had a Dom tell me that he fulling expected to sit at home on his butt doing nothing and I was going to have to support him. I'd probably say thanks but no thanks. it might not be said that politely though.

I don't want to be supported, I fully expect and want to work outside the home and contribute to the financial security of our household. But I fully expect the person(s) I'm with to do the same. Unless ofcourse there is a medical reason why He could not work. If i was involved with a couple and we had children I could totally understand why one of us would stay home with the small ones rather then pay daycare.

As for the OP's situation. Do what ever you as a couple agree on and feel comfortable with. No one can tell you what is right or wrong in your relationship.



Glad it works for you *S*

That's exactly what I'd do, well not the professional sub thing but both working to support each other.

If you read the last remark in my post i said the same thing. Everyone needs to do what works best for them and they are happy with. It's not ones business but theirs.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to Slavebitch11)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 7/31/2006 1:26:39 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whtsubf4DOM

Ok, here's a question for everyone. How many of you Dom/mes out there are totally financially supported by your sub/slave? How man of you Dom/mes stay at home jobless and let their inferior bring home the bacon?

How do subs/slaves feel about that?

Again, my screen name doesn't indicate it, but I am a Domme to one person, and one person only. I guess i'm really more of a switch. Anyway, I am getting ready to move in with my sub who is dying to become my property and serve me. The man is filthy, filthy, filthy RICH. It should be a sin to have as much money as he does. He is currently building him a NICE two story cabin in which we will live. (No, I didn't demand that he build it. LOL. He's been planning this for a long time). Should I let him support me? After all, money is no object to him. Is that what a sub is supposed to do?

I guess I'm curious to know what everyone has to say.




When I first read this I was concerned about what I bolded above.
I have been approached on many occasions by very wealthy men.  The want to be "slaves", and think it is very romantic to fantasize about the "owned property" scenario, until it comes to the money.  And money is often used as a way to top from the bottom. It affords freedom that I don't feel is appropriate in the M/s relationship.  (Please note I say M/s...not D/s.)
My sub, if he was collared, would not be building a 2 story cabin without My permission and supervision.  You do say he has been planning this.  Not that it was something you discussed and then permitted to happen.
That said, I am with Lotus on this.  I do not fall into the camp of living together and splitting or contributing toward household expenses.  I am in control of all the money.  I make sure that bills are paid, both common and individual.  This does not mean I am the one writing the checks, but I am sure aware of everything that is going on.  Quite honestly, if you leave a slave to pay his own bills, you do not really know if he is defaulting on credit cards or a car payment, until the phone starts ringing or the collectors are knocking on the door.  Just My feelings in this particular area.
Money is a very big power, and a power exchange does include that control for Me.  I don't care how much a boy is earning, and I pay attention to savings and retirement for him also.  However, I also have My own independent income, and I work.  I don't need to to earn all or even most of the income to feel in control.  I will be in control.   
So I was glad to hear that he is also willing to put things in your name.  I see nothing wrong with this, but make sure all your paperwork is in order, since he is so "filthy rich" as you put it. 
And I do hope you come back to let us know about your switch needs, and how you are going to work out your need for a Dominant, since you will be living with your slave.  I am curious as to how much you have thought that end of things through.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to whtsubf4DOM)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 8/1/2006 7:28:20 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

The person that holds the money is the one in charge. You are 31, just think it through- you have a long life ahead of you.


I have a question for you.. do you know the difference between a sugar daddy and a slave?  What if he gets you all set up and he decides he doesn't want to be the slave anymore..there you are all dependant on him - and ther goes all your "control".

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 8/1/2006 9:41:12 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		For me, a question to be answer is: How will I support myself when this ends? It will end, either by dismissal or death or simply growing apart or a new job.

I do not allow myself to ever be placed in a situation where I am dependent on another person completely. This isn't a dom thing, this is a person thing for me.

So while your slave may be able to support you and it may feel good to do so, I personally would be taking classes, doing a part-time job, writing/creating art, doing charity at the minimum so that I would always be contributing something.

For some folks money also can involve authority and power. Be wary as the dominant of turning too much of that over to your sub but also be wary of accepting too much from them.

I hate managing the daily financial stuff and doing the bills -- Tom took over after a few years of marriage and lowered my stress level a lot. However, because I am more thrifty I get final say on luxury or large expeditures for us -- we have a monthly allowance for anything we want.

Fox contributes according to his ability. When he was an undergraduate, he paid a "token" amount toward household expenses. Now that he has a decent job he pays about 2/3 what he would in a normal rent in our city -- it covers the additional costs in terms of food and utilities so that he is never a financial drain on the household. Any junk food he wants to eat (the boy swims in soft drinks) he also must buy.

He also contributes other things -- gifts for our birthdays and holidays, sometimes he treats the family for a meal out or he'll want to make his "family recipe meal" and he'll go buy the ingredients. The point is threefold: he does not drain us, he learns to manage money on his own, and we do not become financially dependent on him.

I'd do the same thing with any slave who entered our household.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 8/1/2006 5:12:28 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

First off if I had a Dom tell me that he fulling expected to sit at home on his butt doing nothing and I was going to have to support him. I'd probably say thanks but no thanks. it might not be said that politely though.



I agreed wholeheartedly with you on that Akisha... that happened in my vanilla marriage and well... let's just say an investment of 22 years didn't stand in my way of saying, "thanks, but no thanks."

I was polite about it, though. 

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 8/1/2006 5:55:09 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

I go dutch.


I dated a Dutch woman once. She made me pay for everything. I was always confused.

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 8/1/2006 6:12:04 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Lotus, good question!
That's why I think that there should be seperate finances.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 8/1/2006 6:22:53 PM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		It depends on your situation and what works for you. I am owned by a Dom/Domme couple and Master is the only one who works his decision. He simply prefers that Mistress and be home and available to go do whatever whenever.

He enjoys knowing he provides and well for us; that he keeps us happy ,occupied and well rested.  



_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to whtsubf4DOM)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 8/1/2006 6:45:58 PM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline 		And Your problem is....  ?
 
Seriously, while it's great to have choices, they can be burdens, hmmn?
 
IMHO:- it would give the slave too much power to hold all the financial control.
 
- why waste earned, learned, educated, creative  skills?
(though volunteer work adds to society and personal satisfaction.) 
 
- sigh. Yeah. If it ends. Talk about a loss of power!
 
 Good luck!

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 9/2/2006 8:56:04 AM   
maidjoana


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/1/2006
Status: offline 		I believe in nobody should pay anything to know one and if someone has to pay then it should be the domme. Why? If you want to trully dominate someone you have to dominate the money, if not the domme depends of the slave to pay his accounts. Besides i talk to many dommes who just want the money, they don't understand nothing about this lifestyle, they just want a easy way to earn their living.

(in reply to LordDarkPleasure)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 9/2/2006 9:00:02 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: maidjoana

I believe in nobody should pay anything to know one and if someone has to pay then it should be the domme. Why? If you want to trully dominate someone you have to dominate the money, if not the domme depends of the slave to pay his accounts. Besides i talk to many dommes who just want the money, they don't understand nothing about this lifestyle, they just want a easy way to earn their living.


I know a lot of slaves who seem to think it means they can be freeloaders too. In my house, everyone works, or they find the door. No excuses.

(in reply to maidjoana)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 9/2/2006 9:24:06 AM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		This has been a really interesting thread thus far. Of course, because of it, I have to chip in my opinion as well.

Right now, both my Dom and I work- and a large part of that is because I am finishing my undergrad degree as well. We have discussed at length finanical obligations/futures, etc., and have arrived at the point where we have come up with a plan that works for both of us.

I'm the submissive, and I love to work. It makes me feel healthy and productive to do so. I like to get out of the house and spend time doing something. He, on the other hand, hates working. To him, it's a constant source of stress, and he prefers spending time at home. We have found this could work to our advantage in the long run. The eventual goal, within the next year and a half/two years, is for me to finish school and start working in my field of study, which, looking at the average expected salary for doing what it is I want to do, will allow me to earn over our combined current income. Thus, he can quit working, and spend time doing other things he really wants to do.

To me, this is good- I am not only doing something I like to do by working and being out of the house, but I will also be serving my Dom by affording him the life he has always wanted. We have been setting up a savings account that we could live on for a few months should something happen, just to be safe. It seems like it will work for us to have that kind of arrangement.

To the OP: I wish you luck in figuring out what it is you want to do, and would encourage you to have some back-up resources just in case something happens.

behindmirrors.

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 9/2/2006 9:28:02 AM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

The person that holds the money is the one in charge. You are 31, just think it through- you have a long life ahead of you.


I have a question for you.. do you know the difference between a sugar daddy and a slave?  What if he gets you all set up and he decides he doesn't want to be the slave anymore..there you are all dependent on him - and there goes all your "control".


Yes, I've been waiting for this point to be raised. If you are totally dependent upon your slave(s) for your financial welfare who is really in control? If it is the slaves house and the slaves money then you might be their "top" but they are the "master".  Money equates to power. So while I want slaves in my my house I expect them to contribute "rent" or some other fixed contribution to my house to help cover their expenses. I control how money is spent within my house. I would expect them to max out their retirement vehicles available to them and that they would maintain a savings account. That way of I chose to release them or they chose to beg release they would have the funds to establish an apartment and get a vehicle to get themselves reestablished. I don't expect someone to sacrifice their future retirement for the time the spend in my house. I also expect them to maintain their own health insurance. In an ideal world I would be wealth and be able to own slaves in a more complete manner but reality has a way of saying different.

_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Financial support in D/s relationship - 9/2/2006 9:29:25 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

I go dutch.


Ditto


_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 38
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