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Mercnbeth -> Keep the Change & Being a Wise Ass... (7/31/2006 10:45:03 AM)
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Fast Eddie....
Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl Jessica in his office.... but she was dating someone else. One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you..."
The girl looked at him, then said, "NO."
Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend.... so she called him and explained the situation.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepts the proposal.
Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened....?
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all quarters!"
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We have two dogs. I was buying a large bag of Purina at Pets-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog? On impulse, I told her that no, and that I was starting The Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall, heavy, guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought the guy was going to have to have help as he laughingly staggered to the door.
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