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Your insight is needed please - 7/31/2006 10:49:26 AM   
MstrJason1mina


Posts: 74
Joined: 10/7/2004
Status: offline 		Hi there, If you have not played for sometime with your Owner. And when you do your left feelign really awesome in that sub space.When you wake up the next morning and unable to be near your owner. Is it possible to get depressed or in a slave downer? Is this more common if you face depression and other ilneeses?Any insight would be appreciated.As I am really hurting right now and not sure why.Im scared of how depressed i feel.Especially after such an intense scene last night.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Your insight is needed please - 7/31/2006 11:16:25 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrJason1mina

Hi there, If you have not played for sometime with your Owner. And when you do your left feelign really awesome in that sub space.When you wake up the next morning and unable to be near your owner. Is it possible to get depressed or in a slave downer? Is this more common if you face depression and other ilneeses?Any insight would be appreciated.As I am really hurting right now and not sure why.Im scared of how depressed i feel.Especially after such an intense scene last night.

Are you saying that you can't be near your owner because the owner had to leave the house?  Or that you can't stand being near your owner because you're depressed and overwhelmed?

If it's the former, I'd say you were just dealing with subdrop.  If it's the latter, I'd say you've got some more serious issues on communication and relationship dynamics to work on together.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MstrJason1mina)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Your insight is needed please - 7/31/2006 11:59:14 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with LA.  Subdrop is what you are experiencing, at least I hope.

Although I cannot answer specifically as to whether this is made worse by other pre-existing depression, the person who best knows you and your situation is your Master.

You indicate you had a scene last night that was wonderful.  What you didn't mention is whether he provided any aftercare.  Even if he did, now that you are in a state of subdrop, the aftercare needs to continue to help you work through your current state.

Hope this helps.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to MstrJason1mina)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Your insight is needed please - 7/31/2006 12:03:26 PM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline 		I have seen the effects of sub drop after a sub leaves the house . this is what it sounds like your dealing with. one of things I have instructed subs to do is relish in the feeling and thoughts of what you DID experience and not languish on the fact that they are not now with you.

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Your insight is needed please - 7/31/2006 12:19:53 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

I have seen the effects of sub drop after a sub leaves the house . this is what it sounds like your dealing with. one of things I have instructed subs to do is relish in the feeling and thoughts of what you DID experience and not languish on the fact that they are not now with you.


i could be wrong on this but i always thought "sub drop" was a chemical reaction after the intesne experience and not in the subs ability to control.  Although the sub could also be despondant because they want to be with the person who made them feel so awesome, but for whatever reason they can't. 

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Your insight is needed please - 7/31/2006 12:31:46 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears
i could be wrong on this but i always thought "sub drop" was a chemical reaction after the intesne experience and not in the subs ability to control.  Although the sub could also be despondant because they want to be with the person who made them feel so awesome, but for whatever reason they can't. 

While sub drop is largely due to swings in chemicals, there can also be a significant emotional or mental aspect to it as well, working in conjunction with or exacerbating the chemical issues.

And there is a lot a person can do to cope with and lessen the problems of sub drop.  Sometimes even just a bit of preparation can make sub drop become a non-issue.

I'm still not completely sure this situation IS subdrop due to some ambiguity in the original post.  But if it is, perhaps these will help:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_487853/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#488083
sub drop (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_460639/mpage_1/key_subdrop/tm.htm#460834
regaining balance after deep subspace

http://www.collarchat.com/m_202168/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#202459
sub-drop what is it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_345419/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#345462
highs and lows

http://www.collarchat.com/m_398653/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#399164
subdrop or what?

Is it drop or am I kidding myself?

Depression after a scene

Sub Drop

Nervous sub seeks reassurance

sleeping...

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Your insight is needed please - 7/31/2006 1:07:25 PM   
MmakeMme


Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline 		Your message brings to me such familiar feelings that I feel compelled to add that what you are experiencing could be codependency. I am in recovery with therapy and ongoing conversations / assurances with my Dom (he noticed the behavior and encouraged me to see a therapist). Not only does it make me feel better but it also makes him feel better because I am more mentally and emotionally available to meet his needs. (Which, of course, makes me feel even better because he is happy.)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Your insight is needed please - 7/31/2006 4:38:45 PM   
MstrJason1mina


Posts: 74
Joined: 10/7/2004
Status: offline 		Hoping to clarify some.Master was at work today and We live together we are marired with 2 children. It had been some time since we had scened together. The end of the scene just kinda went flat and i had to come down rather fast.i woke up this morning just feeling im worthless and not enough. As last night Master went on line to talk to our part tme sub.Thank you everyone for your input its helping but im still feeling this way and cant seem to get out of it and hes not here ..Im alone with my children laughing being happy and all i want to do is go hide in a corner and cry my eyes out and tell myself how stupid i am.

(in reply to MmakeMme)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Your insight is needed please - 7/31/2006 5:12:26 PM   
AnAtlantaDom


Posts: 98
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline 		It's time for some VERY DEEP discussions w/ Him at this point.  I'm also thinking some kink friendly professional help as well.  This link may be of some value to find one:
http://www.ncsfreedom.org/kap/

Best wishes & My prayers.

< Message edited by AnAtlantaDom -- 7/31/2006 5:13:21 PM >

(in reply to MstrJason1mina)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Your insight is needed please - 7/31/2006 5:15:45 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrJason1mina

Hoping to clarify some.Master was at work today and We live together we are marired with 2 children. It had been some time since we had scened together. The end of the scene just kinda went flat and i had to come down rather fast.i woke up this morning just feeling im worthless and not enough. As last night Master went on line to talk to our part tme sub.Thank you everyone for your input its helping but im still feeling this way and cant seem to get out of it and hes not here ..Im alone with my children laughing being happy and all i want to do is go hide in a corner and cry my eyes out and tell myself how stupid i am.


After reading your first post and then this, I have to say I agree with LA in regards to there being more serious issues going on here than subdrop.  Scenes falling flat are seldom due to the error of just one...it takes two (or more...sorry...~g~) to make a good scene.  If there are underlying, unresolved issues re:  the relationship, the time between scening, the parttime submissive, whatever-it-is, then you are going to have problems that you may mistakenly attribute to subdrop but which are not.  Seems to me like it is time for some communication.

(in reply to MstrJason1mina)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Your insight is needed please - 7/31/2006 6:34:23 PM   
MmakeMme


Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrJason1mina

Thank you everyone for your input its helping but im still feeling this way and cant seem to get out of it and hes not here ..Im alone with my children laughing being happy and all i want to do is go hide in a corner and cry my eyes out and tell myself how stupid i am.


Awwhhhhh. ~ sad eyes, little light touch ~ I'm sorry. I wish there were something to do to be more helpful to you.

(in reply to MstrJason1mina)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Your insight is needed please - 7/31/2006 6:43:57 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		Isnt this why aftercare is so importent??

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to MmakeMme)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Your insight is needed please - 7/31/2006 6:47:22 PM   
AnAtlantaDom


Posts: 98
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

Isnt this why aftercare is so importent??


I feel certain this is FAR MORE than an after care concern!!

(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Your insight is needed please - 7/31/2006 6:49:00 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		I knw but doesnt after care kind of cut down on this kind of thing.. I know I get very clingy after a scene and the only real after care I need is a shower and lots of cuddles... I dont think Iv ever had sub drop.. though if I dont get cuddled after words I do get depressed.. i didnt know others got that way too and i didnt know there was a name for it...

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to AnAtlantaDom)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Your insight is needed please - 7/31/2006 6:50:45 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I agree, it sounds like there might be some sub drop issues going on, but more than that you've got:

A) Not having scened in a long while (for a reason)

B)  Some part time cyber sub that he takes time with during time that sounds like you expected to be "you and he alone time"

C)  Serious irrational lack of worth the next day

I'd say you two need to sit down, work out priorities and expectations.  Relationships take work, you guys need to set time for eachother, you guys need to figure out why you aren't taking that time now and what time you feel is best. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MstrJason1mina)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Your insight is needed please - 7/31/2006 6:52:22 PM   
AnAtlantaDom


Posts: 98
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

I knw but doesnt after care kind of cut down on this kind of thing.. I know I get very clingy after a scene and the only real after care I need is a shower and lots of cuddles... I dont think Iv ever had sub drop.. though if I dont get cuddled after words I do get depressed.. i didnt know others got that way too and i didnt know there was a name for it...


I'm not suggesting after care isn't important.  Just in this case more is needed.  Hence My leaving the web site for Kink Aware Professionals.
 
AD

(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 16
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