To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (Full Version)

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SignorinaC -> To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (7/31/2006 8:54:49 PM)

Hello...
 
I have a question...I have been reading books about D/s and being a Domme/Mistress.  I am taking My time in formulating in My mind, what I want and how I want it...so although this may seem sort of lame (and I am willing to risk ridicule in asking this)...when setting up a meeting with a possible new sub, asides from what I will require as far as signs of respect and adoration...what if I want to be kissed...is that something that I can ask without sounding ridiculous?  Yes, I suppose I could ask for whatever my little heart desires, but would you, when  "auditioning" a potential sub/slave/servant?
 
In my books, they speak of D/s in an already established relationship, so kissing is already a given activity.  Since I am a very oral person, I want to gauge what that would be like with the intended candidate...
 
Since I am a free woman, when the moment comes, I would be open to whatever may develop with said candidate.  My idea of a perfect relationship would be to have a submissive man in it...with all of the benefits.
 
Indulge me...
 
Signorina and hopefully future Mistress C



Misstoyou -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (7/31/2006 9:22:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SignorinaC

I have a question...I have been reading books about D/s and being a Domme/Mistress. I am taking My time in formulating in My mind, what I want and how I want it...so although this may seem sort of lame (and I am willing to risk ridicule in asking this)...when setting up a meeting with a possible new sub, asides from what I will require as far as signs of respect and adoration...what if I want to be kissed...is that something that I can ask without sounding ridiculous? Yes, I suppose I could ask for whatever my little heart desires, but would you, when "auditioning" a potential sub/slave/servant?




For me, personally, kissing comes later than the first meeting in evaluating submissives. I'm friendly enough (I think [:)] ), but still fairly formal on the first meeting (I shake hands, for example), primarily because regardless of whatever virtual or telephonic chemistry there may have been, I'm still treating the situation as meeting a stranger for the first time. I may allow a hug, or, perhaps, a kiss on my cheek...then again, I may not.

If I *did* want a submissive to kiss me though, whatever my reason might be, I'd tell him, not ask him. "Kiss me." [sm=kiss.gif]

* edited for typo



TheShadows -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (7/31/2006 11:09:01 PM)

I absolutely agree with Misstoyou.  Tell, don't ask.  But don't be too surprised if he's somewhat hesitant, or in shock, that you want him to do this service for you on the first real time meeting.  Other than that, be safe, and have fun.

Best of luck,
MrsShadows



Samwhiplash -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (7/31/2006 11:10:00 PM)

Ohhh this is an interesting one.

My take on it is that if you want a kiss, then take a kiss :D

I have definitely kissed on a first meet with a sub if I am really feeling it, I see nothing wrong with it.

Im sure its dependent on the tone of the whole meet tho, maybe I am a little less formal outside of scening than others tho, since I am looking for a bf AND a sub rolled into one.

Good luck with it.

Sam



SweetDommes -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (7/31/2006 11:12:38 PM)

I'm with the others - if you want a kiss, get a kiss.  A first meeting with a sub, in our opinions, is no different than a first date with a 'vanilla' person - if it feels right, go for it; if it doesn't, then hold off.



abytchgoddess4u -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (7/31/2006 11:20:20 PM)

I never kiss on the first date.

Ever.

And I haven't dated 'nilla in around 7-8yrs...:)



SweetDommes -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (7/31/2006 11:22:43 PM)

Great for you - but that's not for everyone ... she wanted opinions, and she got them - now she has yours too.



MistressOfGa -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (8/1/2006 5:23:26 AM)

I am against "taking" anything from someone without asking first on the first meeting. Several have said "Don't ask,  just take a kiss", that may work for them, but I have never been one to assume that the submissive would WANT to kiss ME on our first meeting. I treat each new meeting as if I am meeting a vanilla stranger. I may hug him when we first meet or not, it depends on how much contact (phone & internet) we have had prior to meeting. Just my .02 cents worth. Time for coffee now! [:)]



Jasmyn -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (8/1/2006 5:33:14 AM)

Signorina, if you want to kiss, as others have said, then by all means tell him to kiss you...it's all about chemistry for me ...teasing him, asking him whether he would like to kiss me, get inside his head, telling him exactly what he is thinking ... maybe letting him...or telling him he's not worthy and pushing him away... personally, just a preference of mine I'll share, more than telling him kiss me, I like to kiss him, hands behind his back, roughly entwining my fingers in his hair and forcing my tongue down his throat, taking total liberties with him, but never the other way around, unless he's given permission of course ;) if it feels right, you'll know just what to do ..good luck, and welcome to the boards
 
Jasmyn
 



MstrssPassion -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (8/1/2006 5:52:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SignorinaC
 
I have been reading books about D/s and being a Domme/Mistress. 



This can be both a good thing & a bad thing. The one thing for sure is that you are only going to be the Mistress that you already are. No book in the world is going to make you one or really make you a better one. Books offer perspectives & perspectives can help us refine ourselves. When we attempt to DEFINE ourselves based on what we read in a book... well that is when things can really go south.

If you say you're the dominant & you want a kiss then by all means go for it. As a dominant don't ever cower to the expectations of others. There are two quick ways to lose face as a dominant... do things that are disrespectful of others (frequently & without reservation) & cower down to others.

As you will here often: You are a master of self before you should ever attempt to be a master of another.

Hold your head high & OWN what you do.



SignorinaC -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (8/1/2006 6:54:24 AM)

Thanks ladies, wonderful to hear Your thoughts.  I think what I was trying to figure out was if it was disrespectful to just take that kiss...and now I can see it from many points of view...in the end, I will go with My instincts...that's what matters to Me:)  I wanted to see how other's have handled that all important meeting where first impressions do count.

Have a lovely afternoon and stay cool!

Signorina C



JessieMe -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (8/1/2006 7:17:17 AM)

Personally what worked best for me is to stare intently into their eyes for a period of time until they were uncomfortable and then quietly say "Kiss Me"..

The reactions can be priceless..



thetammyjo -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (8/1/2006 9:01:13 AM)

If you want kissing to be an important part of a Ds relationship and how well someone kisses is important to you, I'd ask for a test kiss relatively early on. Probably not the first time you meet unless things went really well and their is strong mutual chemistry you feel from both of you. Otherwise you're not getting the sort of kiss you can judge because its more like acting than based on some attraction.

I'm pretty picky about who I will kiss though so it really isn't a factor when I'm just meeting someone. I let my passions drive the question of a kiss later on and I figure someone who matches me and my family in other areas can always be taught to kiss better if I desire.



MsKatHouston -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (8/1/2006 9:15:39 AM)

I look at first meetings like a first date.  There are some things I will not do (even if I really really want to) and others I'm more relaxed on.  I would kiss on a first meet if the chemistry is there.  It happens naturally and the way it occurs depends on the person and the situation.  Just go with it, you'll know when it is right.  Enjoy!



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (8/1/2006 11:22:47 AM)

Welcome to the boards, Signorina!
What more can I add? 
If the "kiss chemistry" is important to you, and it is something you feel a need to test immediately, then, by all means!  *Smile*  You will figure out the best and most comfortable way for you to approach the situation and timing.
For Myself, I do not kiss on a  first meet, regardless of the previous interaction leading up to that meet.  And it would be all the sweeter for the wait.  However, I certainly allow and offer a hug, and perhaps even permit a kiss on the cheek, if I have been in serious contact with one prior to meeting!  Otherwise, a handshake suffices for Me.



abytchgoddess4u -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (8/1/2006 12:00:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
Great for you - but that's not for everyone ... she wanted opinions, and she got them - now she has yours too.


What the heck is with that attitude?

I wasn't judging her, I was offering my choice.



friskiesub -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (8/1/2006 12:52:57 PM)

Dear JessieMe:  ooohhhhhhhh, I like this one.
Thank you
friskie



amativedame -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (8/1/2006 2:04:35 PM)

I certainly wouldn't say it would be ridiculous to ask....   I would try be open minded when viewing reactions though.  Its not something that many would encounter  very quickly (depending on who they've been in contact with of course.)  Some of the people I've come across need/expect a certain distance, while others expect a certain closeness.  Its all about knowing/reading the person.  If I felt the person was on the same page as me, would I "ask?" 

Yes.



mp072004 -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (8/1/2006 4:29:34 PM)

If it's a romantic or "datey" date, kissing, either way, is not likely to be a faux pas. Just ask to be kissed in a way that doesn't sound ridiculous. I wouldn't bark "kiss me" as an order--that might sound funny. "Please kiss me," spoken as a polite request, might do, or drop off the please if that suits you. I wouldn't do breathy requests, but it seems you have a more sexualized or romantic style than I do, and breathy might work for you. Or kiss him, if the context seems right. You could even ask, "Would you like to kiss me?"

Lots of het women, including some of my presumably vanilla friends, seem to be more hesitant about initiating kissing than men are. The trouble with submissive men is that they tend to avoid any assertive or aggressive behavior, especially sexual behavior. If each of you is waiting for the other to initiate kissing, you won't get anywhere.

Monica




JessieMe -> RE: To Kiss or Not to Kiss, that is the question... (8/1/2006 5:51:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: friskiesub

Dear JessieMe:  ooohhhhhhhh, I like this one.
Thank you
friskie


Your very welcome..
<chuckling> I always had submissives telling me when I got that "focused" look I became very scary... sooo much fun <grins>



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