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Your opinion - 12/12/2004 1:26:36 PM

cowboy1958

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

just wanted to introduce myself. i'm a 46 year old frustrated submissive male. i've been married for 21 years and have never served r/t in a D/s relationship. i've discussed it with my wife and we've even gone as far as mild BDSM, but she doesn't seem interested at all. i've opened up to her about my desires and she just isn't interested, might even be a little concerned about some of the things i have told her. would love some advice on where to go from here, as i know i am a true submissive. Have known this since my teen years, but have had no luck in locating an interested Domme. i do understand the Domme not wanting to have anything to do with a married man, but 'm not looking for a sexual affair, just Someone to show my true desires to.

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RE: Your opinion - 12/12/2004 2:51:02 PM

alwayzron

Posts: 234
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline

Youch!!!! A whole lotta issues here. As I'm working on a certification as a Marriage and Family Counselor, I can give you this advice. "Go see a certified counselor!!!!" There are way too many time bombs I see (hear?) ticking under the surface waiting to go off.

Your time bombs: You've harbored submissive fantasys for 21 years of marriage and are just now bringing them into the open. You were probably hesitant to do so before now for fear of what your wife might think. Which points to another problem ... lack of communication skills. Nothing will hamper communication more than fear of what the other might think. The fact that you don't see meeting with a Domme as an affair is not healthy either. At the heart of the matter lies the fact that you would keep a secret from your wife that you know would be emotionally devastating to her.

Your wife's time bombs: She might be worrying that you're wanting something she can't give you, or that you're a deviant. Most people in the vanilla world see this lifestyle as deviant or 'not right'. She might be thinking that submissiveness is all about sex. This is not the case. Submissiveness can be you being assigned chores by her, waiting on her, etc (what wife wouldn't like that?). The question is, does it fit her image of what a man and husband should be?

I highly recommend you find a counselor to discuss these things with. It's possible that, with the right counseling, you can come to an arrangement where she takes on a Dominant role and you take on a submissive role while at home. I wish you luck with this !!!!!!

(in reply to cowboy1958)

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RE: Your opinion - 12/12/2004 2:55:40 PM

alwayzron

Posts: 234
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline

PS - Sorry Ladies for answering posts on the "Ask A Mistress" forum ... I just felt this was a very serious issue he was dealing with.

alwayz, ron

(in reply to alwayzron)

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RE: Your opinion - 12/12/2004 6:50:40 PM

MsHoney2you

Posts: 42
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Hear Hear to ron...
Thank you for your wise input and I'm sure you will be a wonderful contact for many of us pervs in the future!

Anyway, when reading the original post, my first thougt was, "Will his wife allow the Domme to meet with her? To verify what the boundaries are?" Speaking for myself, I know how MOST women think, and sharing Their Man is NOT what they are comfortable in doing. IF the wife is open enough to meet with the Domme, keeping that door open, then it might work... but I HIGHLY DOUBT IT. Why? Because women do not share their toys well. Would I want get in the middle of that? no way, that would require juggling the wifes issues as well as his. What's in it for me? I can take my car to the carwash and avoid all the "marital dis-bliss" emotional drama. NOT to mention the possibility of her calling in the law on me.. nope.. sorry, not worth taking that chance.

Good luck cause you are just starting on your road of many many hours of communication with your wife. And yes, find a scene friendly counselor, maybe that person can help your wife understand your needs better than you can.
Ms Honey

(in reply to alwayzron)

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RE: Your opinion - 12/14/2004 10:04:05 PM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Here's a kink aware psychotherapist in Washington DC (there are none listed for VA). He also does phone work.
http://www.bannon.com/kap/psycho.htm#washingtondc

Here's a kink aware lawyers:
http://www.bannon.com/kap/legal.htm#virginia

Also, you might try some local area BDSM groups. Go to google.com, put in your city name and the acronym BDSM. Then try your state. Some women I know, who do NOT want LTRs, will only play with married men. Keep looking.

Fire

_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to cowboy1958)

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