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impending death- ones junk n home - 8/2/2006 2:53:00 AM

pahunkboy

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From: Central Pennsylvania
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I was up late into the night assisting my best friend to sort thru-organize and recieve household and personal effects from his dieing aunt.

this is so sad to do. at moments i wanted to ask him is she dead? otehr times he let on she is alive. he siad she wants her ashes sent as far away as possible from Pennsylvania.

my buddy is in charge of selling what can sell- and removing teh rest - as her apartment is history.

he was in slo-mo.

i am to write a thank you note. i receioved 2 HEAVY garbabge bags of cleaning supplies, and assorted items taht i WILL use in my home.

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RE: impending death- ones junk n home - 8/2/2006 2:55:29 AM

pahunkboy

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at least once i gave stuff away at fire sale prices in my life. i dont like to be a vulture....

one day it will be my turn- that a strnager goes thru my stuff.

i am told this woman was crying so profusely hard earlier in the day.

advice needed- how do i word the thank you card??

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RE: impending death- ones junk n home - 8/2/2006 3:36:57 AM

pahunkboy

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as we drove to the home... someone had a sign in the yard- about thier fallen soldier son in Iraq. my buddy told me- it is their 3rd son that they lost in Iraq.

hit me hard.

what can you possibly say to that family?

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RE: impending death- ones junk n home - 8/2/2006 4:06:11 AM

ShiftedJewel

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A lot of times there are no words and even a heartfelt hug doesn't feel like enough. I understand what you say about feeling like a vulture and the only cure I've found that works for me is give the stuff to homeless shelters and places like that.

Perhaps in your thank you note you could say something like "Thank you for sharing these gifts with me. I understand that it is a time of great sorrow in your life and my deepest condolances are with you." And if you are willing to put yourself out there you could include "I'm here for you if you need me."

Jewel

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RE: impending death- ones junk n home - 8/2/2006 4:17:41 AM

pahunkboy

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Jewel, good words. i may even write out 2 or 3 versions so my buddy can pass the best one on.

i have a ton of cleaning supplies. he did say not to mention which items i have. he said she was prefusely crying earlier in the day.

i allowed only itesm i promised to use myself. not give away.
which is no problem.

if he is at work- maybe ill get it worte up this morning yet.

thank you so much. of course during this time- im thinking this could be gram, mom, my brohter or me.

life is fragile.

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RE: impending death- ones junk n home - 8/2/2006 6:06:29 AM

ShiftedJewel

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Life is too fragile and at the same time it's tough as nails. My own beliefs tell me that we have death because it makes us appreciate life. We have drama because it makes us understand how great boredom is. And we have handicapped people so that those of us that choose to see can understand and truly appreciate the joys of being able to walk,talk, see or hear. For everything there is a reason, even if that reason is simply to make us see and be grateful for who we are and what we have. It's times like this that cause us to reflect and stop, even if for a little while, taking for granted what and who we still have in our lives.

I think it's wonderful that you are being so strong for your friend in his time of need. And since we have never really talked before, I'll include that I really enjoy reading your posts as well.

Jewel

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RE: impending death- ones junk n home - 8/2/2006 8:00:42 AM

sub4hire

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I just completed this task less than a month ago. I had the same thoughts. We have items in our lives we cherish...when we pass on someone is going to look at them and say....eh..no I don't need that and toss it. They won't even give it to someone who wants it.
All of these year's on this planet and so easily reduced to a few knicknacks and such. A mere box or two.
If one is truly lucky they have someone who loves them going through some of the stuff. That way it is loved a while longer.
I've always said integrity is the only thing we are born with and the only thing we will die with. Don't treat it like it means nothing....yet as you can read on these very boards most don't even know what integrity means. It is a little too easy to find peoples stories changing at a whim here.

Anyway, I need to get to work...

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RE: impending death- ones junk n home - 8/2/2006 8:08:30 AM

findmedaddy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

as we drove to the home... someone had a sign in the yard- about thier fallen soldier son in Iraq. my buddy told me- it is their 3rd son that they lost in Iraq.

hit me hard.

what can you possibly say to that family?

When I write that kind of note I keep it focused on them and their feelings. The only "wrong" thing you can do is focus on yourself (e.g., "I know how hard this is because I've been through it...") There's nothing you can say that will make things all right or even much better, but the knowledge that you are really thinking of them is priceless. If I had to write to my buddy's aunt I might say something like, "I was helping Jim in your apartment, and I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed seing the pictures of your family. A really nice-looking bunch! I'm sure they treasure the times they've had with you -- I know Jim does." Like that.

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RE: impending death- ones junk n home - 8/2/2006 11:10:40 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: findmedaddy

quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

as we drove to the home... someone had a sign in the yard- about thier fallen soldier son in Iraq. my buddy told me- it is their 3rd son that they lost in Iraq.

hit me hard.

what can you possibly say to that family?

When I write that kind of note I keep it focused on them and their feelings. The only "wrong" thing you can do is focus on yourself (e.g., "I know how hard this is because I've been through it...") There's nothing you can say that will make things all right or even much better, but the knowledge that you are really thinking of them is priceless. If I had to write to my buddy's aunt I might say something like, "I was helping Jim in your apartment, and I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed seing the pictures of your family. A really nice-looking bunch! I'm sure they treasure the times they've had with you -- I know Jim does." Like that.

What thoughtful and sensible advice, findmedaddy.

Regards, agirl

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RE: impending death- ones junk n home - 8/3/2006 8:41:50 PM

diamonddreamlove

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Today i buried my husband. The kindest things people said to me were he was a kind and generous man. Those words, some spoken by strangers, meant a great deal to me. I have been giving some things away this week to some that are less fortunate and will appreciate the gifts of love they were meant as. Saying thank you is sometimes the kindest thing to say or do. Oh and btw not all were kind to me today, this week i was outed as bdsm, someone started the rumour that my husband killed himself and overall it has been the worst week of my life so it was with gratitude that i can think of those that said thank you for sharing your husband and we appreciate that while he was not perfect he was a good human being. In short don't sweat being flowery just simply say thank you for the gift and accept the gifts as graciously as if they had been a million dollars that is what counts or atleast did for me. Hope this helped some just don't struggle with the right words cause there are not many right one to say.

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RE: impending death- ones junk n home - 8/3/2006 9:01:27 PM

MistressLorelei

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diamonddreamlove,

I'm sorry for your loss. Our memories are the thing that we never have to box up and give away.... and they last forever. Cherish them always.

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RE: impending death- ones junk n home - 8/4/2006 12:31:00 AM

diamonddreamlove

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Thank You Maam and You are right the memories can't be boxed and are cherished.

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RE: impending death- ones junk n home - 8/4/2006 12:38:35 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Unless you have no friends or family, there's no reason it should be a stranger or a difficult process. In my family, we have these conversations on a regular and relaxed basis. Some people might consider it morbid, but for us it's just a way to reassure everyone and cherish the past more than anything. We've had several family members die before their natural age would be expected, so we've learned to cope with death by banding together as a family and helping eachother- preparation can help a lot.

I encourage everyone to discuss their death and after death ideas with their loved ones.

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