keeping it out of public eye

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Tamerofwild1s -> keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 8:53:18 AM)
this is a question for all Masters, Mistress, and any slaves who have some information on this has anyone ever while considering a slave asked that it be kept "secret" so to speak ...more for keeping it out of the lifestyle public eye if you have it .... what was your reasoning behind it. or is this something thats never done? when recently talking with another Master he stated there are 2 reasons for this . one the Master has something to hide and the other reason is because the Master doesn't want outside inteference from those that might try and do the growing relationship any harm. what I am looking for really is if anyone else has done this, heard of it, and has reasons why they see it being done?

JessieMe -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 8:59:14 AM)
<laffin> I have seen instances of it, even had one try to do it with me, and have come to the conclusion that it is only people who are insecure in their relationship that require it. If you are secure.. you dont have to worry about others taking what you are building and you are right.. there is usually something being hidden.. like another sub/slave..

mistoferin -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 9:14:17 AM)
I have, in many instances, come across a Dominant who wishes to have no interaction whatsoever with the lifestyle community....and expressed that I would have to give up all ties to the community including lifestyle friendships. It is not something I am willing to give up.

raiken -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 9:14:58 AM)
Yup! Seen it happen plenty of times. Most of the time it has to do with several Masters vying for the same slave, or several slaves vying for the same Master, and neither want anyone else in the immediate community to know, and they all have their various reasons. Aside; i have seen the potential Master or slave, enjoy the frenzy being made over him or her. It is just part of the natural order amongst humans in the primal sense, hunt, compete, capture, or lure The goal of many behaviors and actoins are to lure the person in, and not always through truthful means. The requests for discretion ride both side of the M/s fence. ~raiken

RavenMuse -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 11:00:36 AM)
Keeping is low profile because of vanilla concerns (Family, work, etc.) I can understand, but keeping it quiet from the lifestyle.... only two things spring to mind. Something to hide, or a great deal of insecurity. How it was done would lead me to choose which of those two I considered more likely... if they where trying to isolate the girl from folk in the lifestyle I would presume insecuritys over comparisons and or competition. Just secrecy then I'd be more thinking along the lines they had maybe something to hide.... either from someone/s with access to the lifestyle OR info about them in the lifestyle they didn't want the girl finding out... or of course both.

trixr4kids -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 11:13:22 AM)
I too have seen this happen often. As others said it's a HUGE red flag that either there's a hidden agenda, a signifigant other, he's worried people will tell you about his bad behaviours prior, or he only wants to use you without others knowing as you really don't meet the public image he wants to uphold. In my opinion it could never be a good reason & I'd not consider it for a second. Back when I was playing with people I required public play the first time we played. If they would not meet & scene the first time minimum in my local dungeon with me I would not even meet them period.

OsideGirl -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 11:23:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JessieMe <laffin> I have seen instances of it, even had one try to do it with me, and have come to the conclusion that it is only people who are insecure in their relationship that require it. I agree with this. I've even seen this go one step further. A "Dom" attending his first social was rude to some of the people at that social. An experienced and respected submissive pointed out to him politely, that the behavior was inappropriate. He then proceeded to loudly speak at her: 1) He didn't take direction from submissives, 2) Since she was collared, she had no reason to be at the social (she was there without her Dom). He did this lambasting for about 15 minutes. After that, none of the submissives would have anything to do with him. So, now he refuses to date anyone that attends socials, goes into the SoCal chatroom, or knows the couple to whom the submissive belongs. A classic case of being insecure.

Tamerofwild1s -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 11:44:25 AM)
good answers so far . look forward to hearing more

DoctorDubious -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 12:05:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s this is a question for all Masters, Mistress, and any slaves who have some information on this has anyone ever while considering a slave asked that it be kept "secret" so to speak ...more for keeping it out of the lifestyle public eye if you have it .... what was your reasoning behind it. or is this something thats never done? when recently talking with another Master he stated there are 2 reasons for this . one the Master has something to hide and the other reason is because the Master doesn't want outside inteference from those that might try and do the growing relationship any harm. what I am looking for really is if anyone else has done this, heard of it, and has reasons why they see it being done? Hey Tamer... and al......... We all do things for a huge variety of reasons. Pompous, over-educated psychologists, (yes, there are sick puppies like that right here on cm) therapist, pyschiatrists and the like have a saying... "All behaviour is over-determined" Which is a weird intellectual way to say, who knows why the fuck we do anything.... *************************************** I think there's healthy, wholesome ways to do anything, keep secrets, give women a beating, even sear their flesh with hot irons... and there are sick, unhealthy, nasty ways to do anything... say "I love you" give a sweet kiss, send flowers, stroke your hair... We all need judgement, intuition, experience, and even a helping hand from TheBitchGoddessofLiarsCheats&Fools to tell the difference. DD A very wise woman once told me I was slippery and elusive when I thought I was just over-committed at work. Just goes to show......

amayos -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 1:05:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s has anyone ever while considering a slave asked that it be kept "secret" so to speak ...more for keeping it out of the lifestyle public eye if you have it .... what was your reasoning behind it. or is this something thats never done? when recently talking with another Master he stated there are 2 reasons for this . one the Master has something to hide and the other reason is because the Master doesn't want outside inteference from those that might try and do the growing relationship any harm what I am looking for really is if anyone else has done this, heard of it, and has reasons why they see it being done? I have made this a condition before, but not for the reasons stated above. My motives in this vein have naught to do with any secret I must protect, or worry over the influence of the mainstream. Rather, I have made secrecy a system that enhances the reality of slavery; those who serve me oft do so in shadow, kept from the eyes of others. They are put under heel in this way so as to never receive any credit for their efforts, and in this, their works are viewed in all entirety as mine. All commendation and gain goes to me, and they are never known or credited for what suffering they have endured to uphold my advancement. Though it may seem strange as to why anyone would desire to be treated so, this structure in itself is a boon to the rare few who seek deep sacrifice in their servitude. Some thrill at being abused, and the air of secrecy only enhances the thrill and completeness they derive from it. Edit: As for the "lifestyle community", I see little wrong with interacting with it. I needn't keep what I do a secret to those I feel are genuine—even if they tend to be few and far between.

Homestead -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 1:21:16 PM)
I only do such things to avoid the inevitable politics and backstabbing so prevalent in the community. There is the forbidden fruit aspect I have noticed. When one is single, there seems to be a lower interest than when one is known to be pursuing a relationship. I guess it comes from people wanting what you have, coveting. When it has been known that I was seriously dating, they came out of the woodwork to play games.

raiken -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 1:25:45 PM)
i have also found this to be true in my local community.

MmakeMme -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 1:43:22 PM)
He has a very high profile career in a multinational intra-political extremely vanilla company and would lose advancement opportunities if our relationship were in the open. I understand that and respect his position. And it's simply delicious to have such a secret.

puella -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 1:44:40 PM)
Hello Tamer.... I would suggest there might be another reason beyond the two you have suggested: a conflicted reality of what they want (and have taken) vs what they have (and are willing to own.. and of course, shame. The thing is, your sub will always feel that in you... and it's awful to be a torrid little secret because of someone's shame in acknowledging you and what you (are supposed to ) mean to them, especially when you not only mean the world to them, but have made them the center point and focus of your world.

Fawne -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 3:29:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s ...more for keeping it out of the lifestyle public eye if you have it .... what was your reasoning behind it. or is this something thats never done? when recently talking with another Master he stated there are 2 reasons for this . one the Master has something to hide and the other reason is because the Master doesn't want outside inteference from those that might try and do the growing relationship any harm. what I am looking for really is if anyone else has done this, heard of it, and has reasons why they see it being done? Wonderful question, Tamerofwild1s! TY! As a submissive, it could set off those red flags if ordered to be kept a secret. I would be wary, unless, properly explained and understood. On the other hand - outside interferance appears to be among us. Outside interferance, done in a low down way, as to destroy someone's relationship is %#@!*&!!! Phooey! If one has something to say, especially if they do it out of honest concern or affection: please be open and just say it to the person, kindly. All respect to the honest.

swtnsparkling -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 3:38:11 PM)
First thing that comes to my mind with those two flimsy examples- They want to hide some thing.

Tamerofwild1s -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 3:52:27 PM)
ok I have heard alot of varied theorys here . what I was originally asking wasn't to translate the examples I gave ..... I was looking to see if its done and why . what reasoning was placed behind it ....

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 3:53:22 PM)
If you are talking about vanilla public, you actually have to WORK to get people to pay attention and invoke some reaction there. So if you're trying to be under the radar in that way, it's actually harder to GET attention than to hide. If you're talking about the public scene, lots of people don't get into it at all and have no need to go to events. This is simply personal choice. If you're talking about other sorts of things...a person who wants to hide the fact that you are in a relationship with them from EVERYONE (parents, friends, loved ones, etc) is someone who isn't really in a relationship. As Chris Rock says "If you've been dating a guy for 4 months and you haven't met his friends, you are NOT his girlfriend."

Homestead -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 4:03:23 PM)
I'm not out to isolate anyone. I'd be isolating myself as well. But I don't do the public kink scene these days. I'm burned out on the politics, the back biting gossips-the egotistical little cliques that try to control things. The poachers and just plain insane. I prefer a quiet,undramatic life with fun vanilla friends, and a few kinky ones I know have some class and honor. The circus will have to take care of itself.[;)]

afeathr -> RE: keeping it out of public eye (8/2/2006 4:41:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s this is a question for all Masters, Mistress, and any slaves who have some information on this has anyone ever while considering a slave asked that it be kept "secret" so to speak ...more for keeping it out of the lifestyle public eye if you have it .... what was your reasoning behind it. or is this something thats never done? when recently talking with another Master he stated there are 2 reasons for this . one the Master has something to hide and the other reason is because the Master doesn't want outside inteference from those that might try and do the growing relationship any harm. what I am looking for really is if anyone else has done this, heard of it, and has reasons why they see it being done? I am a little confused about the context of the secrecy. Sir and I do not flaunt our 'kinks' in the public eye, but we are not what I would call "secretive" about our relationship. As some others have mentioned, it's one thing to be secretive for the sake of the 'nilla people, but another to be completely secretive, even with others in the lifestyle. I would tend to think that there is something else going on if the Master doesn't want anyone to know about the relationship.

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