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RE: keeping it out of public eye - 8/2/2006 4:56:09 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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Tamer, neighbors,

I have a completely different take on this, and for what it's worth I think it's valid. I also believe that what I'm saying falls competely within the question, so here goes.

I'm a huge believer, within the entire BDSM spectrum, in reputation. Who we are and what we do have a way of finding us after the fact.

Reputation can be good, and make us noticed in a positive way. Master X is a real master of the single-tail, and he'll be in your area soon to give demonstrations. Come one, come all. We're interested, we want to get better at single-tail. Who better to learn from than Master X. Good show. Even simple things like positive experiences, such as shown on the boards here, help to bolster individual reputations.

Reputation can be bad, and it might need to follow us, as well. I know it's against TOS to bash people, but what if you find out, from personal experience and from tracking down others, that Master Y is no master after all, but a rapist, an abuser, a serial killer. We have a right to know to be able to protect ourselves.

But what about the in-between stuff. Relationship stuff. You see it all the time when doms and subs and Masters and Mistresses and slaves become 'under consideration by', 'an official couple', 'joined at the hip', whatever. It's in the profiles, brought to the boards, tattoos and individualized piercings and collars are ordered and attached and affixed and whatnot.

Then, tragedy strikes. Today, tomorrow, next week, next month. 'One of those things. Didn't work out. Maybe next time.' It's the Lifestyle equivalent to sending out de-invitations to the wedding. But then it happens again to the same person: meeting, build-up, letdown. If it becomes habitual with a person, all of a sudden they might develop a reputation for sucking at relationships, too. And maybe that needs to be known as well.

But, do we, as an audience, really need to know about all of this? The drama, the soap opera. People in the public eye have portions of their lives paraded in the news and in the tabloids all of the time. In a sense, this forum is no different. Usually those people have their intimate details thrust upon the rest of us. Here, we do it to ourselves. So, shame on us. We embarrass ourselves, and we become embarrassed for the people involved if it's not us.

If I choose to hide Slave A from Slave B and tell them both that I'm monogamous and faithful, I'm a liar and a jerk and they both need to know. If I choose to keep my life separate from you, my valued friends, that needs to be my business. I'm just protecting you from whatever drama comes my way. And in the long run my own positive reputation stays intact, and the reputation of my partner at the time.

Because in our world, reputation is everything, and it's not about selfishness.

I'll be quiet now.

Jeff

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RE: keeping it out of public eye - 8/2/2006 5:12:20 PM

Tamerofwild1s

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ok the context that seems to be getting missed is the part where the potential Master is considering the slave. not that they actually have a collar scenario going on .. I hope this helps out a bit

< Message edited by Tamerofwild1s -- 8/2/2006 5:13:02 PM >

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RE: keeping it out of public eye - 8/2/2006 5:28:08 PM

Homestead

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Why would one go about blabbering about having some casual conversations with someone in a getting to know you or initial dating stage?

You talk to friends about this when it becomes SERIOUS.

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RE: keeping it out of public eye - 8/2/2006 5:33:16 PM

mstrjx

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tamer,

I thought the direction I ended up 'was' what you were looking for.

Homestead,

This is exactly my point. What seems serious to an individual today might end up dust in the wind tomorrow. We announce ourselves, because we're sure....um, check that.

Jeff

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RE: keeping it out of public eye - 8/2/2006 8:04:51 PM

Tamerofwild1s

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mstrjx . that was not in reply to you .. it seems we posted simultaneously.

yes I think we are starting ti hit on the things I was looking for thank you mstrjx

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RE: keeping it out of public eye - 8/2/2006 8:10:02 PM

Homestead

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It does become difficult to take seriously, ones who keep announcing thier wonderful new masters and slaves-about every 3 to six months. Can you say "velcro collars"?

Perhaps it is not so much hiding some deep dark secret, as opposed to avoiding looking like total serial idiots in front of large numbers of people?

WHO KNEW?

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RE: keeping it out of public eye - 8/2/2006 8:19:54 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

It does become difficult to take seriously, ones who keep announcing thier wonderful new masters and slaves-about every 3 to six months. Can you say "velcro collars"?

Perhaps it is not so much hiding some deep dark secret, as opposed to avoiding looking like total serial idiots in front of large numbers of people?

WHO KNEW?

One would have to ask the question about why they chose to be a serial idiot, knowing they were doing so and thus had to hide it?

The running around getting "pinned/ringed/collared" to someone right away and then going through a few pretty quickly is, unfortunately, due to sub frenzy, adults losing all sense of judgement for themselves, and immense pressure to "be with someone" that they feel when they get into this.

One only hopes they don't fuck themselves up too much before they wise up, or that they wise up at all.

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RE: keeping it out of public eye - 8/2/2006 8:34:51 PM

Homestead

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It happens with some pretty stable people who simply find themselves mismatched as well.

Not everyone is an exhibitionist, or wants to be.

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RE: keeping it out of public eye - 8/2/2006 9:24:06 PM

justheather

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Joined: 10/4/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

Why would one go about blabbering about having some casual conversations with someone in a getting to know you or initial dating stage?

You talk to friends about this when it becomes SERIOUS.

And then you talk to your FRIENDS about it. Not everyone who happens to carry the BDSM membership card they gave out in last month's edition of TiedTimes.

I agree with this sentiment and that of the Good Dr.. Lots of people keep things personal because they just don't find it necessary or attractive to share the details of their personal relationships with virutal strangers.

Not all reasons for "keeping secrets" are malicious. Just ask Rilke.

(And anyway, we all know what happens when you hop onto the "birth announcement" section of this place two days after you hook up with SirDomlyDooright from East Aurora...
The clock attached to the explosive materials starts ticking.}

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RE: keeping it out of public eye - 8/2/2006 9:46:21 PM

aleshaDreams

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Serveral Dominants I spoke to in the past insisted on privacy and for their presence and for that matter mine to be or become hidden. One of the reasons I was given was due to their particular lack of trust in the public community due to the games that go on, another reason I was given was so that I could be moulded to their liking without outside influences. The truth of matter and the conclusion I drew in a short period of time was they were just perverts and new that had I been speaking with others they would be found out that they in fact were not known in the community, were only hng in disguise as Dominants or calling themself Master, and were in many many respects far away from Mastering their own life let alone the life of another. Oh yes and one was not respected in the community and actually identified as an abuser. And omg I just about forgot about another that wanted it kept secret, and several months later the reason was very clear, because he was playing the same with a dozen other submissives, and oh my what would the boy do if he was found out, well he did not behave very masterly then.

Hope this helps abit,

Best regards, ad.

And yes I know I am not a Master and responding to Your thread probably inappropriately. I believe the ultimate reason for secrecy is so that the person can get what they intend on achieving. My last example was a Master that was ultimately looking for a submissive with money, but in order to find the right one he had to play several to find which one had the most. Another was an abuser hence the reason for secrecy, as i would have been warned off sooner than my own wising up to his behaviours (thank time there was never a real time meeting between us), the other examples are and were just people that use the forums and the site listings to pry on whomever will fall for their game. But each has/had their own deceptions in play for requesting secrecy, and that was the only point i attempted on making.

< Message edited by aleshaDreams -- 8/2/2006 10:09:45 PM >

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RE: keeping it out of public eye - 8/2/2006 11:04:11 PM

JustaDom

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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When I was in the military, I was much more cautious about telling people in the scene about a lot of details, including relationships. I insisted that the submissives I dated at that time keep our relationship private unless I said otherwise. It wasn't that I wanted to conceal things from the people in the scene as much as I felt I need to protect myself from people on the base from finding out. The base I was stationed at is just outside of a very conservative, very religious small city and I knew that if word or or proof I was involved in BDSM got around it would make my life, my job and my ability to be promoted more difficult.

Thankfully, I did loosen up more as I got to know and trust more people in the scene there. In retrospect, this was unnecessary and I was just being paranoid; I didn't need to keep any relationship details from anyone in the scene. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't be as private and I think I would of enjoyed those times more because of it.

Joe

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