RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle

RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (Full Version)

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raiken -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 1:47:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterRoissey its hard wired...or its not. To a point, i would agree, but there is always that fuzzy logic to consider. i believe that within each of us, lies a hidden desire or longing in which some cannot or willnot or are simply afraid to acknowledge. It is not something easily understood or very inviting (although it was for me lol) because of society and deceptive conditioning or the evils of man, peer pressure to conform. The other choice being to conform to being a non-conformist, which back in the day, could prove to be a very lonely position depending on what area one lived in. i was always receiving flack from those who did not want to understand or accept me because of my personal preferences toward S/m and M/s. But for the most part, those in my circle were like minded. Most of my life it was just a natural progression. i have inadvertantly turned people onto certain areas of the lifestyle, just by invitation to certain parties or events though. Sometimes i would just be approached, and i would give an honest answer, and later there were those who wanted to know more, and so they became in touch with their own style of preference. It is interesting to see how things catch on, and stir in others hearts and immaginations. ~raiken

DarkSideOfThMoon -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 1:49:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KarbonCopy My best friend. We were just talking about things one night, and it got a little off topic, and I found myself almost. . . selling the lifestyle to him. Apparently, vanilla doesnt do it for him anymore now. I kinda feel bad. Yup I did that with my friend. Got talking to him about it and explaning about it not being all S+M and the D/s side too, and he was like wow! Now vanilla bores him! I feel kinda bad too cause it's easier to find a 'nilla guy for him.

MadelineSerenity -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 1:52:14 PM)
i don't know about the word "recruiting". i, personally, had never actively sought out bdsm. my boyfriend introduced it to me. though, he kind of came at me head-on, so i got a little turned off. i mean, i was raised in a very feminist household. for him to ask me to submit myself to him completely made me apprehensive. now, i love it. i now think that the desire was in me all along, but society's and my family's thoughts and feelings about the general idea of bdsm were jackhammered into my head. but, now, i've been able to resurface MY feelings about it.

lofa -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 1:52:23 PM)
I found the marbles. Gathered them up, melted them down and made a bong. Works VERY WELL!

raiken -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 2:03:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lofa I found the marbles. Gathered them up, melted them down and made a bong. Works VERY WELL! hehehe...after my own heart. *wink

mstrjx -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 2:13:12 PM)
For myself, I was aware of one aspect of WIITWD (bondage) from a very early age. Experimented with that for the longest time, off and on, to various success. When I decided to 'join' the Lifestyle, I completely turned my back on vanilla people exclusively. I have since only looked for partners who were already 'aware' of that nature of their sexuality. Have I missed potential partners who I thought were vanilla that might be led into this? Possibly. But I can't worry about that. Jeff

beenwhipped -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 2:39:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lofa I found the marbles. Gathered them up, melted them down and made a bong. Works VERY WELL! at least they were put to good use

Aimtoplease101 -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 4:42:04 PM)
[/quote] i would ask the question," why would you want to?". There's something inherently arrogant about trying to get someone else to live life your own way. It's not respecting someone elses choices as valid for them. What if the tables were turned and vanilla's tryed to "convert" you to live the way they did, pointing out all the benefits, pleasures, turn ons, etc... How would that make you feel? Open discourse about how you live your llife as compared to another is fine, but thats where i would draw the line. i would never risk a vanilla friendship by trying to persuade them to try bdsm. [/quote] Well, to start with, my sense is that a high percentage of people in the lifestyle were introduced/ seduced/ initiated/ turned on to (pick your descriptive-- but "convert" is your word) by someone already in it. I probably would never have tried eating oysters if left to discover them as a food source on my own. Second, I've had some past successes bringing out a latent dominant streak in women. I think because society generally discourages women from being in a dominant mode, some women need to coaxed into it, and encouraged to express themselves in that manner instead of holding it down. For some people, once they try it, they really like it, even though they never gave it much thought before. Third, there are sooo many other traits and characteristics I look for in a compatible woman over and beyond dominance (although that is a very imporant one!). I want a sense of humor, intelligence, athleticism, a degree of cultural appreciation and (dodges fireballs of criticism) physical attractiveness, among other things. If you narrow your search only to those who are overtly in the lifestyle already, you're really limiting your pool of available choices. If you can find someone who has many of the other traits, and recruit them into the lifestyle, voila (sp?). Careful dropping the "arrogance" bomb velvetears-- easily misinterpreted. But I'm thick-skinned, so, in answer to your direct question, I wouldn't at all take offense to someone extolling the pleasures of their own lifestyle and suggesting that I give it try. There are things, no doubt, I haven't yet tried and might like. I call it open-mindedness. We're not talking about putting down anyone's orientation-- just seeing if they want to try something else to see if it's a fit. Otherwise, you may never know whether you share a deep compatibility on that level too. Regards, ATP

EvilGeoff -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 8:19:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101 First, if you have ever recruited (or attempted to recruit) a vanilla partner into the BDSM lifestyle, what did you find were the most effective methods, techniques, approaches, etc., and what simply didn't work? The only "vanilla" person I ever tried to "recruit" into the lifestyle was my then wife. Who wanted nothing to do with it. There were no effective "methods, techniques, approaches, etc." Nothing worked. Because this lifestyle was not for her. Period. quote: Second, if you were recruited/ initiated into the scene by someone else, what made it work? Did a light just go off because you had it in you all the time, and just needed exposure? Or were you brought to enjoy the lifestyle more gradually through a number of little persuasive and attractive things? If so, what were they? I was introduced to the scene by someone who saw the Dom/sadist in me and took the chance of trusting me with the truth of who they were. Finding out that I was not alone in this was like finding the family I had been missing all of my life. I came "home". Because it is who and what I am. YIK, - Geoff

ElectraGlide -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/3/2006 11:46:57 PM)
Hey Tamerofwild1s thanks for the encouragement. I am walking a line I have walked before. It feels tricky and sticky I would never recruit anybody into the lifestyle. If they are not into it they would not enjoy it, but I do want to get them to open their thoughts on it. I have made the mistake of keeping my past quiet and the desire starts to burn as time goes on. In the past few years I have made it a point to let ladies I date know up front, it makes me feel better that I opened up my past with honesty. Like I said before it can turn you into a creep and a monster in the wrong ladies eyes. On the other hand they opened up to me and told me about threesomes they had before and one lady was a bi-dom with a dungeon that was crazy she even showed me her dungeon. Even though we are not romantic we are friends that can discuss anything. A term I have started hearing dating in my 40s is called Skeletons in the Closet, that is dumping out your kinky past on the first date to each other.

obis -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/4/2006 3:15:16 AM)
I was certainly "recruited" in a single night. Somehow she recognized how hard I was trying to be a "nice guy" and realized that I was repressing my real dom side. It took about 30 seconds for me to go from "what the heck has this crazy chick gotten me into?" to "oh my God, this is what I've always wanted!" Over the next month all i could do was laugh as all the little clues and hints from past relationship problems became glaringly obvious as symptoms that I was trying to invent BDSM all by myself with vanilla girls who wanted nothing of it [:-] Since then, I have "converted" many women. Once I knew what I was looking for, it seemed I couldn't walk down the street without tripping over women who were longing to be held down or tied up. Riv was the first girl in ten years who has come to me knowing consciously that she wanted to be submissive in a relationship, so I only "converted" her in the sense of getting her to say it out loud and be her first Master.

DelRey -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/4/2006 6:02:13 AM)
Listen, to say recruitment "works" or "doesn't work" is asinine! It is all about numbers, presentation and hidden desires within the recruitee if you approach 1000 nilla people X percentage may be intrigued, Y percent will embrace at some level and Z percent will be revolted. To say you may have approached a few of nilla people and they didn't bite is not a conclusive test. I fully believe each of us found this life some how, (yes in every form we were recruited) then our hidden desires fueled the fire and we converted our selves. The key is not to attempt "Conversions" the key is to offer a possible answers to their hidden desires and let them reel themselves in... So yes you should keep making presentations, you never know when a hidden desire is just below the surface and just begging for a reason to come out.

katerina21 -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/4/2006 6:22:09 AM)
I would never recruit someone to the BDSM lifestyle. If there was an inner battle in me, if i wanted this person that much, i would accept to live it with him under vanilla settings in order not to lose him. And this way, i would sacrifice my needs and desires for the sake of love.

MistressLorelei -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/4/2006 6:35:35 AM)
I don't think the OP intended 'recruit' to mean forcing someone into bdsm against his will, but to introduce it. Most of us were vanilla (or at least thought we were) once upon a time. I had a bdsm seed planted years ago, and it was aimlessly growing for years.... but once I was 'shown' that bdsm existed, that was when I bloomed. I might never have realized some of my desires were shared by other people; I might never have realized the full capacity in which my desires could be experienced. I dont think I'd introduce just anyone into the lifestyle, but if I saw potential, I could be doing that person a big favor.

DelRey -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/4/2006 6:45:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressLorelei I don't think the OP intended 'recruit' to mean forcing someone into bdsm against his will, but to introduce it. Most of us were vanilla (or at least thought we were) once upon a time. I had a bdsm seed planted years ago, and it was aimlessly growing for years.... but once I was 'shown' that bdsm existed, that was when I bloomed. I might never have realized some of my desires were shared by other people; I might never have realized the full capacity in which my desires could be experienced. I dont think I'd introduce just anyone into the lifestyle, but if I saw potential, I could be doing that person a big favor. I think she agreed with me... [8\|]

RavenMuse -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/4/2006 6:51:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EvilGeoff I was introduced to the scene by someone who saw the Dom/sadist in me and took the chance of trusting me with the truth of who they were. Finding out that I was not alone in this was like finding the family I had been missing all of my life. I came "home". Because it is who and what I am. I've described My 'introduction' to D/s in much the same terms Geoff. She spotted in me what I already sort of knew and showed me there was another way of living where I didn't have to wear a mask and pretend to be something other than I was.

amoretta -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/4/2006 6:52:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101 First, if you have ever recruited (or attempted to recruit) a vanilla partner into the BDSM lifestyle, what did you find were the most effective methods, techniques, approaches, etc., and what simply didn't work? I have introduced (I think may be a more apt word for this) lifestyle to lots of people. I have found that the simple biggest rule is to not sound or be apologetic. No need to slam it in anyone's face either.. its a lot to take in at once. So be honest and direct but don't flood information all in one sitting and do not apologize or sound like, "Well.. I know this is weird and I hope you don' tmind.. but I kinda like this alternative lifestyle.." It makes it sound like there is something wrong with it. I messed up a couple times by doing the apologetic approach.. avoid it. Also the too much information too fast.. overwhelms and confuses people. I find that just being simple and short then be there for questions and such. :) What I do say to those I want to be in a relationship with though is something along the lines of, "I understand this is different from how you normally run a relationship but it is simply who I am and what I want in my life. If you are not into it, that is totally fine and I understand. If you are curious and don't know if you are or not that is fine too, I am patient and here for questions and can introduce you to lots of others who are equally nice and patient. But.. if after you get to know what it is and you feel that you care about me so much you can do it for me but if we broke up you wouldn't continue it.. then I do not want to continue a romantic involvement. Please though, feel free to take your time in learning about it and just take it all in before you feel that you must make a decision.. nothing is set in stone as as living creatures our perceptions and thoughts on a matter constantly evolve." A simple note.. I don't think there is a 100% successful method of "recruitment"...

DelRey -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/4/2006 7:07:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: amoretta quote: ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101 First, if you have ever recruited (or attempted to recruit) a vanilla partner into the BDSM lifestyle, what did you find were the most effective methods, techniques, approaches, etc., and what simply didn't work? I have introduced (I think may be a more apt word for this) lifestyle to lots of people. I have found that the simple biggest rule is to not sound or be apologetic. No need to slam it in anyone's face either.. its a lot to take in at once. So be honest and direct but don't flood information all in one sitting and do not apologize or sound like, "Well.. I know this is weird and I hope you don' tmind.. but I kinda like this alternative lifestyle.." It makes it sound like there is something wrong with it. I messed up a couple times by doing the apologetic approach.. avoid it. Also the too much information too fast.. overwhelms and confuses people. I find that just being simple and short then be there for questions and such. :) What I do say to those I want to be in a relationship with though is something along the lines of, "I understand this is different from how you normally run a relationship but it is simply who I am and what I want in my life. If you are not into it, that is totally fine and I understand. If you are curious and don't know if you are or not that is fine too, I am patient and here for questions and can introduce you to lots of others who are equally nice and patient. But.. if after you get to know what it is and you feel that you care about me so much you can do it for me but if we broke up you wouldn't continue it.. then I do not want to continue a romantic involvement. Please though, feel free to take your time in learning about it and just take it all in before you feel that you must make a decision.. nothing is set in stone as as living creatures our perceptions and thoughts on a matter constantly evolve." A simple note.. I don't think there is a 100% successful method of "recruitment"... APPLAUSE !!!!! STANDING "O" !!! (if we were playing Family fued i would say, "good answer, good answer, good answer")

amoretta -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/4/2006 11:05:46 AM)
Aww.. thank you :) I'm all blushing and stuff hehe.[:)]

sapphirepleasure -> RE: Recruiting to the lifestyle (8/4/2006 2:24:15 PM)
I eased into the lifestyle by seeking a dominant to spank me. Instead I met Mstrjx and found a Master who showed me that my true nature is as a slave, and invited me into his home for three months of intensive training. I have rarely been so grateful and it was a wonderful experience for both of us and has given me an excellent foundation to begin my own explorations into finding a Master of my own to serve. As far as recruiting others, my last vanilla date was the night before I met Mstrjx (and the impetus for me contacting him, in many ways). I had a date with a colleague from another university, a blind date through a dating service. Before I agreed to meet him I let it drop that I had a fantasy of being spanked OTK. Well he was more than happy to oblige, but it left me cold (probably because it was not a true power exchange but rather a kinky thing to do) and him unable to perform for any length of time (may or may not be related). I swore I would never compromise again and though I don't confess to everyone I meet that I am a slave, it is a part of my nature and every lover I take feels my service in ways that one will never forget. I also have about five years experience as a professional hypnotic domina and in that capacity I often introduced people unwittingly to the erotic pleasures of hypnosis. I was never big into stealth inductions unless I knew in advance that the person really longed to experience that, but I was not beyond using a little nlp or dropping someone at a party or a bar in a sensual rapid induction which left everyone in the room hot and wanting to go deep. But I believe that people only truly do what they desire if boundaries of love and respect are followed, and we are merely enlightening them to the pleasures they have overlooked or run from in misplaced shame.

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