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Gauge -> RE: You go to hell...you go to hell and you die! (8/3/2006 9:03:51 PM)
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quote:
I tell ya, I want some more "GO TO HELL" chit, and I want it now, dammit.
People that need to die... and die now:
- People that cannot mind their own business. Excuse me, but what I do is none of your concern. I will thank you to go sit in the corner and smash your genitals with a cinder block.
- The guy in the restaurant... you know the one. The guy that has his cell phone surgically attached to his ear... that guy. I wonder if the food would taste better with the cell phone shoved up his ass.
- The people that go to movies and talk during the film and give away key plot items because they have nothing else to do than to ruin the film for you. I really wish that they would get attacked by a great big giant Juju Bee.
- People that drive all over town grocery shopping and claim that they are saving money. Hey... dorkweed, have you seen gas prices lately? Go to one store, drive home and be happy... and save a little fuel in the process.
- Picture the highway. You are driving 55 or 65 miles per hour... let's say you are going to work. The person in the lane right next to you is... reading their newspaper, drinking coffee and smoking all while driving a 2500 pound steel weapon down the road. Look, I am not the brightest, but can you not wake up a half-hour earlier and do all of that shit at home and NOT try and kill the rest of us? Thanks.
- You go into a mini-mart. You want your coffee or soda and you want to get the hell out of there because you have your newspaper and your smokes waiting for you in the car so you can drive down the highway with them... and the guy in front of you has done several things. One is they bought half the store and are paying in change that they are digging out from some orifice of their body... you have seen the 'deep pocket dig.' The other is that they get a full months worth of lottery tickets. The line now looks like the set of a gangbang film and people are gritting their teeth and reaching for weapons. Thanks a lot pal. Way to go.
- Whoever invented the plastic bag holders at the checkout counters at the grocery stores. These things never work for me. I stand there and look like I have no arms or brain for that matter because I am getting my ass kicked by a little, insignificant piece of plastic.
- While we are in the grocery store... do they hire someone specifically to damage the produce? You know why... you have done it... you see the most wonderful peach sitting high atop a mound of other, smaller, less tasty looking ones and your mouth does a backflip thinking about biting into the soft flesh of the fruit. You pick the thing up and your thumb proceeds to sink into the peach like it was ensnared in quicksand. You turn the peach over and you find this nasty, rotten, moldy area with a big hole where your thumb used to be. No paper towels. Just wonderful.
- Staying in the store... the people that shuck the fresh corn to see if it is good or not. Let me ask you a question Einstein... do you open the cans of beef stew to see if they are spoiled before you buy them? Do they let you cook and eat the fish to see if you get sick before you buy it? You see nothing wrong with gambling but you just have to open that ear of corn... where do you people come from?
- The people that work on their cars on a busy street and think that you should be looking out for their legs sticking out from under their car whilst they change the oil or some such nonsense. Yeah, I am always on the lookout for legs just laying in the street... it is just so common.
- The kid that is riding their bike and thinks that traffic laws will either protect him or that they do not apply to him. They blow through stop signs and traffic lights like they weren't there. Then, if the kid does get hit and God forbid, killed... they scream and yell about how tragic the accident was and there are vigils and other monuments that spring up spontaneously at the site where they were hit. Ummmm... the kid was dumb... they were wrong and it is tragic that something happened but it isn't the guys fault that hit them.
- The person who invented the 'clamshell' packages. You know... I was speaking of a special hell for some people... there is a special place in hell for the inventor of this dastardly device. They will eternally have to open their own packages with nothing but their bare hands. No knives or teeth... just hands. All they will need is one package because they will NEVER GET THE FUCKING THING OPEN!
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