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Gauge -> RE: You go to hell...you go to hell and you die! (8/8/2006 9:12:43 AM)
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Next list of people that need to have a gopher gnaw their genitals off:
- I get in the mood for a hot dog, not the best meal in the world, but it is all American and such so I figure I am being patriotic. I go into the local hot dog shop and order me up three dogs to go. I get home, put a DVD in and I unwrap my hot dog. The hot dog is so overdone that it looks like it has a layer of tree bark over it. When you bite into it, the outer skin has the edible consistency of a steel belted tire. Plus there are funky pockets of air inside the hot dog that have come from the inside actually pulling away from the nasty outer shell. If the hot dog wants nothing to do with the outer shell... do you honestly think I do? So, to the hot dog shop that thinks that style of hot dog is haut cuisine I say... Die!
- In the grocery store... the aisle where they keep the tins of anchovies, smoked octopus and sardines is this little corner where they have something called Potted Meat Product. Wait... let me go get my bib and dig right in. What the hell is that stuff and who actually eats it? I read the ingredient label... mechanically separated beef, pork and chicken... yummy! A serving suggestion is to spread the vile stuff onto a cracker... yeah, like that is going to happen. Couldn't they have called it something more inviting like Mechanically Separated Stuff That Looks Like Three Week Old Roadkill. To those that market this stuff... DIE!
- Toll booth attendants. Look, we realize that you are cooped up in a little cell for eight hours a day and get asked all sorts of questions, but would it really hurt you to put a fucking smile on your face? If we ask for directions would it really put you out to help us because even though you know where something is, we don't and we don't want to get lost? Go play Hide And Go Fuck Yourself!
- The Banana thread. What? You thought I wouldn't notice?
- The restaurant manager or owner that asks you how everything is and you tell him that something is wrong and he looks at you as if he wants to rip your head off and shit down your neck. Look bitch... if you didn't want to know, don't fucking ask. So... may you have to dine on Potted Meat Product for all eternity.
- People that leave their pets in the car and go shopping. Look folks, you just didn't suddenly realize that you had to do your week's grocery shopping all of a sudden... drop Fido or Fluffy off at home THEN go. If you can't sit in the car in the blazing sun for an hour with the windows cracked just a little, what makes you think your pet can?
- Did I mention the Banana thread?
- Radio DJ's that think they are funny but are just stupid and disgusting. If I wanted to indulge in potty humor, I would go visit a kindergarten class and fart. Dickheads.
- TV stations that play the same commercial not once, not twice, but continuously throughout the program you are watching. Do you not realize that you are not selling that product but rather annoying us into ignoring the ad? Let me come over for dinner and I will repeat the same phrase 1,000 times and let's see how you like it. What the fuck are you thinking?
- People that think that their cell phone plans give them 'free weekends and free evenings and long distance.' Yes, they may not bill you for those things, but they do bill you, don't they? Once a month you have to pay for your 'free minutes' etc. Seriously folks... nothing is really free. Don't buy into the hype.
- Finally, the Banana thread.
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