Dom Mentor

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Cambron -> Dom Mentor (8/3/2006 9:58:47 PM)
I am interested in the Dom side of the lifestyle. It's been recommended that I find a mentor. Any recommendations or advise on that?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Dom Mentor (8/3/2006 10:05:55 PM)
Use everyone as your mentor.

BenignPlague -> RE: Dom Mentor (8/3/2006 10:56:48 PM)
I'd have to agree with LA; you can learn a great deal from everyone around you. Don't look for a mentor as an idol or hero, and try to mimic it, but incorporate the ideas and actions of everyone around you into something that is uniquely yours.

Mavis -> RE: Dom Mentor (8/4/2006 2:38:37 AM)
i see by your profile you're not too far from a large lifestyle club, "The Sanctuary for the Lifestyle Arts." Dallas, TX. Google it under that full name) There, you can get to know other Dominants, and observe some topping skills, and even take classes to learn physical skills. There is a rope interest group, and a whips interest group, and friendly sorts into all kinds of things, once you've developed a rapport the info/ mentoring flows pretty naturally. As LA says, pick and choose concepts from everywhere, things you read here, other sites, and even in nilla places. The life skills of a Dominant are not much different from what is needed to be a sucessfull.. ice cream man. Know the market, know your inventory, keep things coool.

JustaDom -> RE: Dom Mentor (8/4/2006 4:01:44 AM)
Cambron, you also have Fourth Friday and some other cool events right in your backyard. I know Fourth Friday has a newcomers table and they typically have representatives from all sorts of organizations, plus they have a discount to go to Sanctuary afterwards. If it is kinky and in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, you can probably find a link to it or more information here: http://www.dallasbdsm.com/ LA already made an excellent point, the only thing I have to add to it is that the best way I have found to get people in the BDSM community (and pretty much anywhere else) to help you is to arrive early to an event and volunteer to help set things up. While that really isn't needed at Fourth Friday it is a good general principle that I try to follow. Word does get around when you regularly volunteer to help out with chores and the people who are the most inclined to help you will take notice. Simply put, the more you volunteer to help your community the more your community will volunteer to help you. By the way, if you go to Fourth Friday and order something to eat, stick with the simple stuff like burgers or fried chicken fingers and stuff. The ribs aren't that good. Joe

OsideGirl -> RE: Dom Mentor (8/4/2006 7:08:37 AM)
While I agree that you should watch and learn from everyone, I'm a big advocate of using a Mentor. It gives you someone to help you avoid the pitfalls of the local scene and, depending on who your mentor is, can be someone that teaches you hands on techniques. Getting involved in your local scene is the best way to find a mentor. Just let it be known, and you'll most likely have a number of people to choose from. Good luck!

Estring -> RE: Dom Mentor (8/4/2006 10:51:03 AM)
I just don't understand why an adult needs a mentor to learn about BDSM. This isn't rocket science. Make friends, go to munches, play parties, etc. Read alot. Go to workshops to learn specific skills. And most importantly, be yourself.

OsideGirl -> RE: Dom Mentor (8/4/2006 12:22:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Estring I just don't understand why an adult needs a mentor to learn about BDSM. This isn't rocket science. Make friends, go to munches, play parties, etc. Read alot. Go to workshops to learn specific skills. And most importantly, be yourself. Not every area has regular workshops. Some have none, some are infrequent and most lack the individual attention that can be needed for some activities.

Estring -> RE: Dom Mentor (8/4/2006 12:38:15 PM)
And what exactly can a mentor teach you that you can't learn on your own? If someone feels they need one, go for it. I just think it plays into this notion that this is some magical, scary life that cannot be navigated on your own.

Archer -> RE: Dom Mentor (8/4/2006 12:46:59 PM)
A Mentor can serve to help you clarify your plan for learning various things. They can help you put things into an order that works better, they can help you figure out what it is you're looking for and what you are missing in the big picture (can't see the forest for the trees kinda way). They also will likely have a better knowledge of who in the area is the best teacher for various skills (not always the person who teaches all the local workshops), than you do as new person. But the biggest benifit a Mentor provides a fellow Dominant is an unflinchingly honest reflection back to you of what you appear like to others. They can be really helpfull in making sure you know when you are starting to look like an ass. Deeper personal issue things are not something you trust to everyone, If it were not for a couple of informal mentors over the years there are many hurtles I would be tripping over still. Now it takes real time investment to pick a mentor you can trust on that level, it's not a relationship you build in months, but more likely over years. Now as to finding a mentor as a task, the munch and space (4th Friday, and Dallas Sactuary) you've been given already is one good place to start the search. Add too that NLA Dallas which has monthly classes on basics, and quarterly advanced skills. Additionally the various large events Dallas has every year (Beyond Vanilla, Southplains Leatherfest) provide chances to meet the people in your very large community and find someone who suits you well. Expect the search for a mentor to take a six months to a year, ( takes that long to weed out the pretenders) meanwhile learning everything you can from any resource. In Leather Archer

Estring -> RE: Dom Mentor (8/4/2006 12:51:32 PM)
Sounds like a friend to me... obviously some people feel they need a mentor, I won't argue with that.

raiken -> RE: Dom Mentor (8/4/2006 12:54:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Cambron I am interested in the Dom side of the lifestyle. It's been recommended that I find a mentor. Any recommendations or advise on that? Experience is often the best teacher. Observation and communicating ,just like on this board, getting feedback from many different sources of view points, and not just limiting yourself to one or two esteemed mentors. If you need or feel more comfortable with a mentor, just don't limit yourself to their advice only, for they will not be able to cover a variety of views or perceptions, you can only get that by having your own experiences and making your own observations, and learning from everyone you come in contact with. There is always something of value to gleen from everyone, even the janitor, as one of my good friends jokingly puts it.. *smile.

Archer -> RE: Dom Mentor (8/4/2006 1:03:38 PM)
Well in practice a mentor is a freind who's been there done that and can loan you the T shirts. Mentoring has been practiced in vanilla circles with graet success and horible failures same way it has in the lifestyle. Some folks have had great experiences with it others have not, it's not that a mentor is "needed" by any and everyone, but a good mentor sure can make the journey alot easier. Think Big Brother's Big Sisters organizations, very much along the lines of being the adopted little brother or little sister of someone who's been around the block a time or two. In Leather Archer

Wolfie648 -> RE: Dom Mentor (8/5/2006 3:11:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Cambron I am interested in the Dom side of the lifestyle. It's been recommended that I find a mentor. Any recommendations or advise on that? Dom or owner? Let me know if owner. I am an extremist (as far as legal goes). BTW it's advice. D (owner of j).

wandering4u -> RE: Dom Mentor (8/5/2006 3:44:56 AM)
Who recommended you get a mentor? Wouldn't that person serve as one since you are already following their counsel?

Mavis -> RE: Dom Mentor (8/5/2006 8:51:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Estring And what exactly can a mentor teach you that you can't learn on your own? If someone feels they need one, go for it. I just think it plays into this notion that this is some magical, scary life that cannot be navigated on your own. LOL. you make an excellent point. There is much to be learned, but it's also not rocket science. i'm reminded of a Dom that was notified there was going to be a fisting party at a local dungeon. The hosts were asked if there was going to be a Demo first, or some education on fisting. It's just a kneejerk reaction W/we have to things i guess, W/we're so used to someone needing to educate U/us, W/we forget, people have been fisting without demo tapes long before the VCR came around. lol.

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