RE: New Dom - Please Help (Full Version)

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ModeratorThree -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/15/2004 10:54:44 PM)

siamsa24

Sometimes people hit "fast reply" and it responds to the last post, not always "you" per se.

Hope that helps.

Mod3



siamsa24 -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/15/2004 10:57:01 PM)

I didn't think it was, but I wanted to make sure.



EStrict -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/15/2004 11:39:38 PM)

Siamsa, to me the general rule of thumb is if they don't address me by name (Estrict or Sandy), or quote me, I figure their reply is more general. ::laughing:: after over 200 posts, I'm sure you have noticed most that follow yours aren't directed to you personally?



siamsa24 -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/16/2004 7:29:14 AM)

I have noticed, but in some cases it can be difficult to tell and in those cases I tend to ask.



OrientalMistress -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/16/2004 7:39:59 AM)

Contact Me at IM debi4uth4u on yahoo. I am a Domme of many decades experience ... of late who has been training subs and Dom/mes on the Internet...



MistressFire70 -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/16/2004 7:49:59 AM)

Why are we trying to make moral decisions for others?

The gentleman knows if he is or is not cheating; that choice is up to him.

We do not know that he is cheating; perhaps they have an open marriage or an arrangement of some sort, similar to what my husband and I have.

We do not know that he is being less than honest with her; perhaps she does know but is only comfortable with him doing it online because she feels, like many of us, that online is just fantasy and not "real".

If you feel that you are condoning unacceptable behavior by answering his post, then don't answer. I'm sure that other mothers besides mine taught that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Don't judge someone until you walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if you then decide that he is totally wrong, you're a mile away, have his shoes and too far to make hurtful statements.

Fire



darkinshadows -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/16/2004 9:11:17 AM)

quote:

Let me direct you to another recent thread - "Better Bottoming". The person who posted a thread that plagiarized someone else was taken to task because she failed to credit the original author in her post. She made no money from it, maybe she innocently borrowed it, but her intent was to enlighten others with something she found helpful to her and thought others would benefit. Maybe the author was harmed - but if so, it was relatively minor, and ultimately the right author was credited.


There is a difference between posting an article to aid others and not adding credits by mistake, or because you do not know who wrote an actual article...( in which case... state that the said article is not your work.. ask if anyone knows who had written it)and allowing others to believe it is your work by simply adding a few well chosen words of your own, not just one posting but numerous.

I don't think it is up to us to condem Lazlo for anything. He is asking a simple question. Yes, He is married... but we have no idea on His relationship. Should we not be focusing upon His question, and if we cannot, just let others?

Infidelity in some peoples eyes may be wrong. It doesnt look good for BDSM in general, but we have no idea if there is an infidelity here.

But even if there was... the difference between this post and the other posts mentioned is that infidelity, whilst not great... isn't illegal, like plagerism.



Mercnbeth -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/16/2004 10:32:42 AM)

quote:

If you feel that you are condoning unacceptable behavior by answering his post, then don't answer. I'm sure that other mothers besides mine taught that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.


You'll see on answer to Lazlo in my post.

A quick personal inventory concluded that the list of things that I routinely do that my, and other, 'mothers' espoused not to do; is exceeding long. My compliments to you living within your mother's guiding principles.

I claim neither the right or inclination to condemn or condone anyone's behavior or activity. But I don't feel it necessary to forfeit my beliefs or morals. And I don't find it mutually exclusive to be moral and have a slave, or be a BDSM practitioner. Having an open and honest relationship excludes cheating by definition. Cheating can only occur when deceit is involved.

In relationships, mental or emotional cheating are just as wrong as physical. If in my case, beth and I were at a club and she was intrigued and interested in another Master/Mistress I would much prefer she tell me and ask for permission to serve the other Master/Mistress than have her fantasize about being with him while she was sessioning with me. If she did the later, I would consider that cheating.

To those who excuse, or rationalize their on-line activity as merely a distraction or even erotic foreplay before being physical with there at-home partner; do you keep your office door locked, or switch quickly to another site if hear your partner approach? Are you embarrassed about it? If your relationship is open that shouldn't happen, should it?

quote:

But even if there was... the difference between this post and the other posts mentioned is that infidelity, whilst not great... isn't illegal, like plagiarism. dark~angel


All 'illegalities' originate from community accepted moral beliefs. Again, I'd encourage a re-read of the referenced "Better Bottoming" post. Compare the thread with this one. Lazlo was offered many rationalizations and excuses. Once his marital status was pointed out responders made assumptions that his spouse was aware and may have even condoned his pursuit of an on-line relationship. The "Better Bottoming" thread was given no such benefit of a doubt. No one asked if she had inadvertently failed to give the original author credit.

Because it is illegal, should the "Better Bottoming" author been reported to police? I don't think anyone suggesting that, but I don't think even the author would expect her to suffer any consequences. But if someone had Lazlo's wife cell phone number and she was referenced to the post? I not suggesting EITHER are appropriate to report to anybody.

I just wanted to point out inconsistencies. It's a great catch phrase and I find it amazing that it's used so often in these threads - DON'T CONDEMN! or "You have no right to judge!" Someone else's differing opinion is NOT condemnation. Someone pointing out inconsistencies in moral beliefs is NOT judgment. But, for example, when a person posts in the messages a complaint about the lack of 'honest' doms and in their profile they are married and say they need to keep the relationship 'discreet'; I think that is incongruous and that hypocrisy shouldn't be ignored. Having these two message threads occur coincidently as they did, facilitated the opportunity for a similar incongruous comparison.



darkinshadows -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/16/2004 11:49:07 AM)

quote:



Because it is illegal, should the "Better Bottoming" author been reported to police? I don't think anyone suggesting that, but I don't think even the author would expect her to suffer any consequences. But if someone had Lazlo's wife cell phone number and she was referenced to the post? I not suggesting EITHER are appropriate to report to anybody.



Firstly, No. The author of 'Better Bottoming' should not, but maybe the plagerism and the person responsible for such should be. In reply to Your second, well... My two best friends (at the time, this is in the past)... had a relationship together... He was single, she was married. That is their choice... They chose to be together, then expected me to lie to her husband and support them. This I would not do. I was not about to run of and inform Him, but I was not going to be a party to something that meant I would lie.

The difference between the two posts You are referencing to is this. One is a first contact, a simple & honest question. Has never been, to anyones knowledge, on this forum before. He cannot be 'judged' purely on the fact that He claims to be married. The other post by a person, warned about their actions before... repeat 'offender'... a self proclaimed person of artistic talent, pulled up on the same actions before.
Therefore, that isn't about people judging another... the facts were already there, plain and simple.



EStrict -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/16/2004 12:10:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Cheating can only occur when deceit is involved.

To those who excuse, or rationalize their on-line activity as merely a distraction or even erotic foreplay before being physical with there at-home partner; do you keep your office door locked, or switch quickly to another site if hear your partner approach? Are you embarrassed about it? If your relationship is open that shouldn't happen, should it?


Once his marital status was pointed out responders made assumptions that his spouse was aware and may have even condoned his pursuit of an on-line relationship. .



I didn't look at his profile before my first reply, so I wasn't aware he was married. When I did see it, I asked him if she knew, but I don't think he ever answered. I agree with you that if you are *sneaking* around you are ashamed or afraid of the other person finding out... if you really believed you were doing nothing wrong you wouldn't do things like that.

As far as the Fire's comment on judging,, I don't know why people have such a hang up with the thought of being judged. As I mention quite often, to *judge* is to form an opinion based on the known facts. If you fear being judged negatively, make sure you let *all* of the facts known and/or don't ask for opinions on a public forum.



darkinshadows -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/16/2004 5:29:06 PM)

quote:

I don't know why people have such a hang up with the thought of being judged.


There is nothing to fear, but fear itself...

The word judge originates from the Latin judex , 'one who speaks the law'... from (jus)... 'law/right'... therefore it in essence means... to form an opinion on what is right Vs. what is not.

And I quote...

quote:

to *judge* is to form an opinion based on the known facts


But this poster is being 'judged'... not from an informed opinion or known facts... only on the fact that He is married. Not that He is cheating... but because it is just 'assumed' that He is.

Why do people not just respond to His question... and if they suspect that He is cheating, either contact and ask, or just leave and not answer? Why can people not just focus on the initial question instead of conducting a witch* hunt?

*edit for spelling mistake




Mercnbeth -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/17/2004 8:00:24 AM)

quote:

the difference between this post and the other posts mentioned is that infidelity, whilst not great... isn't illegal, like plagerism.


beth did a little research about this; not sure what state or country's legal code you reference, but in the great state of California, adultery is a felony and is punishable by a $1,000 fine and/or one year in prison.

If you copy somebody else's protected work, you could get sued and have to pay the owner the amount he or she actually lost because of the infringement, or $10,000 for each time you violated the owner's rights, and pay his or her attorney's fees.



darkinshadows -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/17/2004 9:00:39 AM)

I will conceed that in some countries or states, adultary is illegal. But that said, in some states and countries, having anal sex is illegal... kissing someone in the street is illegal.... for not wearing the right garments is punishable by death. But the reality is that none of this... including adultary is relevant to this post.

A Man asked peoples opinions about an online relationship, not for His 'alledged' adultary. People are assuming He is commiting the act. But there is no evidence to hold this up. If people feel strongly about something, then why not start a seperate thread on such instead of placing personal attacks and accusations (both of which are not allowed by the collarme.com rules) based not on evidence, but on assumption? I conceed that judging happens... but as said before... judging is an opinon based on known facts. But what has occured here, is that the original question has been lost.



perverseangelic -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/17/2004 9:55:01 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: dark~angel
But that said, in some states and countries, having anal sex is illegal...



Neither here nor there, but at least in the US, anal sex/sodomy is no longer illegal anywhere.

Lawrence v Texas



Mercnbeth -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/17/2004 10:35:17 AM)

quote:

Neither here nor there, but at least in the US, anal sex/sodomy is no longer illegal anywhere.


Absolutely correct, until June 26, 2003, 14 States, Puerto Rico and the military had sodomy laws until the ruling in Lawrence v. Texas.

Apologies for that over site.

These however are STILL on the books:
- Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown - if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)

- Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because, "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."

- The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

- Kentucky, "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." An amendment to the above legislation: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses."*

Marital infidelity however, although not enforced often IS against the law in many countries and some US states. In ALL US states marital infidelity IS grounds for divorce. Since 1992 in many states, the infidelity definition has been expanded to include internet relationships. It may be the only real thing about internet relationships.

quote:

A Man asked peoples opinions about an on-line relationship, not for His 'alleged' adultery. People are assuming He is committing the act. dark~angel


It is with the above perspective that I made the assumption of adultery. If Lazlo was planning an on-line relationship with his wife while separated, or at work, or in another room - again, my apologies.

I still don't see any attack in any post by anyone, just opinions being discussed and debated. Lacking the experience and therefore the necessary skills, make it impossible for me to comment on 'on-line' domination, but I'm sure there are a number of experts that can and should post and help him. Maybe they have taken your suggestion are aren't due to not wanting to contribute to someone in a cheating, albeit assumed, situation.



darkinshadows -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/17/2004 10:47:14 AM)

This is true within the USA... but not other provinces or countries.

However the Lawrence Vs. Texas incident only allows anal sex between consenting adults to be legal as long as it is in private. If in a group setting classed as 'public', a person would still be libel for prosecution(for example a public play party).



perverseangelic -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/17/2004 11:23:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: dark~angel

This is true within the USA... but not other provinces or countries.

However the Lawrence Vs. Texas incident only allows anal sex between consenting adults to be legal as long as it is in private. If in a group setting classed as 'public', a person would still be libel for prosecution(for example a public play party).



"Public" (at least as far as most free speech and freedom laws) is defined as available to unrestricted public access. So sure, you couldn't have anal sex in a club. You could at a play party of friend with restricted access on private property of any kind (this includes a rented club room)



darkinshadows -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/17/2004 12:11:51 PM)

quote:

You could at a play party of friend with restricted access on private property of any kind (this includes a rented club room)


Yes, as this would be considered 'private'... unless you have paid to attend in any form, then that can be seen as a type of prostitution. The people that make these laws make sure that there are loopholes to get their conviction.



Lordandmaster -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/17/2004 4:28:04 PM)

Capslock Dom says:

I HAVE A GOOD IDEA WHY DONT YOU SEND HER OVER TO ME AND ILL PUNISH HER FOR U?

DONT EVER ASK FOR HER FEELINGS BITCHS WILL ALWAYS USE THAT AS AN OPENING TO WINE AND WINE FOR THE REST OF THE FRICKIN DAY.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lazlo

I have recently acquired an online sub. I am a fairly new and inexperienced dom in need of some advice on the following:

1) Interaction: where is the line drawn between sub and dom when it comes to a general conversation can you ask about their day, their feelings etc.
2) What about assignment ideas
3) Ideas for punishment when dealing with an online sub.

Any help would be appreciated.




Nvernilla -> RE: New Dom - Please Help (12/17/2004 8:28:41 PM)

Well I dont do online situations like this but if you have no thoughts of your own or instincts are you sure you're cut out to be a Dom? ...Mike



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