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Birthdays and Ds relationship -- any connection? - 8/4/2006 7:21:04 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Well, Fox turns 26 on Monday. He didn't want a big to do so just a few friends over Sunday night then dinner with the family at new steakhouse -- boy loves his red meat.

Ever since I've known him which is since he was 19 he's been worried about growing older. He even used to say to me "You won't want me when I get too old" which for him was around 25 I think. He based this on the images and ideas he had seen online that always (in his memory) showed tops/doms wanting much younger slaves.

While he doesn't make such comments anymore about how I'll reject him for his age he did roll his eyes and say "please don't remind me" when I said "Hey, just think soon you'll be starting the second quarter of your life".

I know we talk about ages people perfer for their partners but how many of us worry about our age and its effect on our relationships?

I'll confess that I loved turning 30 and I'm looking forward to 40 though I do think about how much I've accomplished and haven't accomplished. I don't think about it in terms of my relationships other than what might be a good balance in terms of ages. I figure someone wants me or they don't.

I'm also wondering if the age thing weighs more heavily on the bottom/sub/slave/pet partners than on those of us on the other side.

What do you all think?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/
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RE: Birthdays and Ds relationship -- any connection? - 8/4/2006 7:24:43 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I do and I don't worry about it (I recently started a thread on this, below titled: What Happens to old slaves and Masters?, and am not, btw, trying to hi-jack, it's just encouraging to me to know many are apparently thinking about these things). I started it when I found out my dad had gone to the hospital for having heart palpitations when he was driving. He will most likely be fine (he is healthy as a horse otherwise), but it got me thinking about aging in general.

My answer: As long as I was with a person I could truly feel I'd trust with my very life, well then - no worries. My only fear is that I will make some drastic error in judgment as far as that goes (and it might have something to do w/my personal history, since I seem to have done that once already in my life. I really did think my judgment was right the first time, in my marriage, regarding my choice of partner, and it turned out to be horribly wrong. I truly had no trouble picturing him sticking me in a Nursing Home somewhere, and forgetting about me, if I were ever really sick or inconveniently aging. But that is over now). But, I am in (grief) counselling, and trying to rid my head of all of its garbage along that line, and the accompanying trust issues - and plan to move forward with optimism (and hopefully, dead-on good judgment).

I wish you a long-lasting and very happy relationship (and Happy Birthday to your partner Fox, too)!  

- Susan  

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/4/2006 7:48:44 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Birthdays and Ds relationship -- any connection? - 8/4/2006 7:59:37 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
I'm also wondering if the age thing weighs more heavily on the bottom/sub/slave/pet partners than on those of us on the other side.


Not sure about that. Whilst helen seems somewhat hyper-aware that she is approaching her 25th (Awww a mear bairn... well from my point of view at least). I have a Domme friend just a few years older than me who seems to think she's 'past it', 'over the hill'.

Not much I can say, because I really don't identify it as a problem. I don't feel much diffrent than I did 20 odd years ago. A little slower paced maybe and sure as hell more mistakes under the bridge that I've learned from, but my outlook hasn't changed. If someone else has a problem with my age, it is their problem, not going to let it be mine.

I maybe an old dinosaur but baby I still got it.... now I just need to remember what 'it' actualy is


_____________________________

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And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: Birthdays and Ds relationship -- any connection? - 8/4/2006 8:07:15 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Hey...he and I have the same birthday!....I'll trade him ages though...lol.



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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Birthdays and Ds relationship -- any connection? - 8/4/2006 8:28:27 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		For me it makes no difference.  Doug keeps track of my age and if I am asked when he isn't around I have to figure it out.  I stopped celebrating birthdays at 16.  That was my monumental birthday because I could get a drivers license in this state.  I could already buy alcohol....so 21 was a non birthday..etc. 
I've never been much of a person to want to be the center of attention.  So, no gifts thrill me.  I can buy myself what I want.  Parties eww.
Aging, well that doesn't matter anyway.  It would to me if there was something humanly possible to fix it.  Since it is out of my hands I have to go with the flow.
I am just happy I am with someone I love and someone who loves me to age with.  We will take care of one another.

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RE: Birthdays and Ds relationship -- any connection? - 8/4/2006 10:45:16 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Since all but one of my relationships has been with someone at least a decade older than me, and usually 2 decades or more, the age difference and how that will affect the relationship and change over time has always been something of concern to me.

For me, I have learned to simply accept it.  I understand the risks, I understand the likely possibilities.  We form the relationships that we form and we do what we can.

On the other hand, my older partner has had problems with being secure with it- thinking the same things as Fox in that I'll eventually get bored with him and that he'll just get too old to be useful or enjoyable any more.  Luckily with time and commitment shown together, those worries usually are allayed and only occasionally crop up now.

People do change as they age and go through stages of life, it is certainly not unwarranted to be concerned about what that might do to the relationship.  But, as with anything, time together will be the best proof.

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RE: Birthdays and Ds relationship -- any connection? - 8/4/2006 1:02:53 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		OK.....I'll finally admit it in public...AARP has sent me an application to join.  After feeling that my life must be over, I decided I either would kill myself or live it out till the end, as the being I was created to be.

Now, it doesn't hurt that His Highness is a few years older than me (hehehehe).  But, I must admit, something IS different in these older years.  Just admitting I am in my "older years" bothers me greatly.  I still think of myself as 29 even though my eldest will be 29 this year!  (Quickly counting on my fingers how many "anniversaries of my 29th birthday that would be".

On the other hand, our relationship seems to be thriving, even if we don't play as often as many of the young-uns.  If we play twice a week, that would be normal.  Ever other day of the week, it's just pure unbridled sex.....the best of my life


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Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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RE: Birthdays and Ds relationship -- any connection? - 8/4/2006 1:05:18 PM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I just got AARP in the mail today too...hehehe...I guess that tells my age right there.

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.


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RE: Birthdays and Ds relationship -- any connection? - 8/4/2006 1:31:50 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I know we talk about ages people perfer for their partners but how many of us worry about our age and its effect on our relationships?


Okay, I'll be the party pooper here. While I love my life, and the age I am rarely bothers me, I do worry about the effects aging will have on my relationships in a mostly play kind of way.

I want to do strenuous bondage, want to kneel for however long a dominant wants me down there...Ooops, joints just aren't as flexible as they used to be, so I guess we go with milder stuff. This is just an example but you get the point.

Now, at this point in my life it's not a huge thing. I'm relatively young and hell, a yoga class will help, at least until arthritis sets in. (Dang, runs in the family!) But, yes, I do think about it, and occasionally get frustrated. I just don't want to be 80 when I finally meet the person I want to settle down with for the long term.

I don't want him to have no memory of how I once looked in fishnets, and how my breasts still looked firm once, (without the help of a rope bra).

But these are things I have little control over so, by and by, I accept them. In general I am happier, healthier, sexier, than I have ever been in my life. I'm not unhappy to be 47. I am happy to have youth done with. No more aggravation over that annoying time of the month, or pregnancy. No more angst about what you are going to make of your life.

There's a freedom at this age you generally don't get before you hit 40.

All in all, it's good. Very good. But I won't sit here and lie, and say I don't wish time would slow down a bit. I have so much living yet to do.

Guess I'll just take my grandma's example and keep living forever...She's almost made it to a hundred, and she's all spark and fire, bless her.

quote:


I'm also wondering if the age thing weighs more heavily on the bottom/sub/slave/pet partners than on those of us on the other side.


I think there's concerns on both sides. Older subs worry about being useful, dominants worry about not having the stamina, or health, to maintain the status quo. Let's face it, we live in a society where age is not revered. It's natural for us to have concerns.

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RE: Birthdays and Ds relationship -- any connection? - 8/4/2006 1:36:09 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50

I just got AARP in the mail today too...hehehe...I guess that tells my age right there.


That really mean's nothing.  When I was 18 I was a member of AARP.  Seem's age really isn't an issue with them...I'm sure you could push it.  The discounts I got on travel was worth it to me.

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RE: Birthdays and Ds relationship -- any connection? - 8/4/2006 5:29:30 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
The biggest age threshold I've experienced has been going from 38-41. In these three years, my body has really changed.

I get tired more easily. I have more aches and pains. My muscles do not recover as quickly from exercise. My libido has dipped. All these physical changes transcend the passing of a birthday, and act instead as a daily reminder of my own mortality curve.

25-38 I still pretty much felt immortal. I just had to cope with hair loss.

My observations pretty much correspond to what I see in professional atheles. You don't see many operating at a high proficiency at age 38, much less 41.

Aside from the phsysical, I am really lucky to have two women who are very into me. Needless to say, that really helps my self esteem.

In general, I think aging concerns plague women more than men --- and the concern is compounded by men's general preference for youth.

In the end, I think aging says more about what we think of ourselves, life's inevitable destiny, and our own well adjustedness to reality.

I don't see much tie in to being a top or bottom.

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RE: Birthdays and Ds relationship -- any connection? - 8/7/2006 12:59:40 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Well, we went bowling this afternoon for Fox's birthday. Ok, not a Ds or SM thing but I asked him what he wanted to do on his day off and his birthday and he said "Take you somewhere" and thus bowling.

He beat me!!!! He had never beaten me before in bowling. He beat me in both games. I told him that turning 26 must have improved his bowling game and he just laughed and said "No, I think you let me win, Mistress" and I said "No, I just sucked today" which is the truth by the way.

Regardless in our contract we have a clause that says that if he wins any game that we play I spank him the points difference. So on top of his spankings for his birthday I'll get to give him 30 extra tonight.

Damn, I sucked today at bowling. My father would be so disappointed. (Father was on a bowling league for years and I did the high school league a LONG time ago).

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Birthdays and Ds relationship -- any connection? - 8/7/2006 1:22:30 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I was looking for someone that I could eventually grow old with. I wanted a dominant that did not shy away from an aging woman and was looking for someone to grow old with too. I do not worry about my years so much because I figure there will be someone that wants me for my personality, intellect, kindness, and submissiveness no matter how many lines I get on my face. I was looking for that person that could try every conceivable way to annoy me so I can smile and say "Yes Daddy" while I ignore his attempt to scare me by threatening to do his Bob Dylan imitation in the middle of Costco. You know.. those general things that your partner in life does.

There is something magical about forming a relationship and feeding a relationship that isn't based completely on the genitals and the calendar in which a person is born.

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Birthdays and Ds relationship -- any connection? - 8/7/2006 1:25:03 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		This is something that I think can matter a great deal...... or very little.... ........and the chronological age is not as significant as *stage in life*. Most importantly, it is entirely dependant on the people concerned.

The last person I had a live-in relationship with was 20 yrs younger than me.  It was *stage*, rather than age, that caused difficulties. It needn't matter at ALL, but I'm very aware now that it CAN matter. 

We are still dear friends and I don't envisage that changing but we make better *friends* than *lovers*.

agirl







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RE: Birthdays and Ds relationship -- any connection? - 8/7/2006 1:38:07 PM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		All of your replies are going to depend on the life experience of the posters. For those in fulfilling long term relationships, of course the age thing will not matter too badly since they are there for the long haul and understand the aging process while going through it together.

For those who are single and have not yet accomplished all their goals towards finding a relationship, the age issue is probably more definitive. I know that I hardly thought of my age at all until very recently.

I had spent the last 8 years with someone 17 years younger than myself and strangely, the age difference did not bother me, it was other issues.

Now that I am single again, the age thing is bothering me only because of the stupid assumptions and comments that people make. I am guessed younger than my years when met in person, but online, women over 40 are placed in a strange category of limbo, not the youthful prize nor the old bag, yet.

I personally believe that age is but a number, but face it people, our society is based on youth and ageism is still rampant, so you need to hold yourself in high esteem, even if those around you do not.

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RE: Birthdays and Ds relationship -- any connection? - 8/7/2006 5:31:00 PM   
MissAbby


Posts: 36
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Chicago suburbs
Status: offline 		As a novice Domme in My thirties, age doesn't worry Me.  I'm looking forward to being older because I equate it with more experience. 

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B. Simpson

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