quote:

The Perfect Master – Misconception and Resolution *,** [/quote

Hi Eric. You two wrote an insightful essay exhibiting a deep understanding of what it takes to succeed in a d/s relationship. Hopefully, my thoughts will compliment the insight you've shared. I have addressed four subjects below.

1. Self Control.

There is a popular phrase/concept on the internet. It's been around a while and I've noticed it is often used as a justification to break off a relationship. Namely, I'm talking about the saying, "to control another you must be able to control yourself". It seems to me that this is a widespread example of just the problem you describe in the essay you introduced as the topic of this thread.

In its most basic form, sure. Who can argue with the logic of this popular saying? To control another, one must first control oneself. Sounds lofty and wise, doesn't it? However, holding a dominant to this standard is a sure-fire recipe to fail! That's how wise it is. No one can fulfill this standard. We all have our foibles, imperfections and things we would like to improve within ourselves. Masters included. Frankly, reading what submissives who quote this philosophy say online and listening to them in person I often get the feeling that they want to keep a kind of escape clause handy. And this is a good one! For the submissive who wants to fail in a relationship, who wants to end a relationship, "you must control yourself before you can control me" is a sure-fire winner.

Interestingly, in a face-to-face discussion the dogma I describe seems to wither rather quickly. Apparently, even the people who cite this phrase understand (below the surface) how ridiculous a concept it is when one attempts to apply it with a broad brush. In flesh conversations, people citing this theory are quick to abandon it when I respond with an "oh, come on". Online, however, the concept of the necessity of a master exercising perfect control over himself seems to have more lives than a cat, and more groupies than Elvis.

2. Humility.

You mentioned humility in your essay. A very important trait to have and to exercise is humility. Have you noticed, the absence of humility often indicates a shortage of wisdom? And have you noticed a shortage of wisdom often creates insecurity in self-styled dominants? And have you noticed that this insecurity often inspires these "dominants" to bluster? To attempt to overpower through self-assertiveness and a self-righteous approach?

3. Using the slave's talents.

My girl is exceedingly intelligent and exceptionally well educated. I like that kind of woman. My girl has knowledge, insight and no small measure of wisdom. Virtually inevitably, before I make a final decision regarding a significant topic I will command her to share with me her thoughts, insight, knowledge, feelings and preferences about the decision at hand. I make my final decision, set our final course, with the benefit of my slave's talents in hand. I've found this a great boon to my goal of being "right", setting the best course, making the best decision in the vast majority of instances.

4. Commitment.

It seems to me sometimes that some of the submissives who talk online feel that they have fulfilled their commitment to the master and to the relationship when they obey his commands and serve his will. Not so! To fulfill her commitment to her master and to the relationship a slave must stick with her master, yes, and even support him when he is wrong just as strongly and just as reliably as she does when he is right.

A master who has talent and ability will do what anyone does in every endeavor in which they succeed. As things progress, we will measure our progress. We will remember the original goals and reasons that went into making a particular decision. We will recall the decision and the plan we set out to enact. We will evaluate whether our plan/decision is accomplishing its goals. This is the same thing we do in any endeavor, business, sports, and yes, in relationships too. During this phase, the wise master will again command feedback and input from his slave. He will alter the course as it seems best upon reevaluation.

The reader should understand that when I say the slave must support the mistakes of the master, I do not say she has to like the results of his errors. I do not say she must follow blindly, like some automaton. I say there is a time and place and method for her to have input into her master's decision making process. I say these times, places and methods are fluid and recurring, they are not static or limited in opportunity. But I also say the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. And, it is the whole (the relationship) which is the embodiment and fulfillment of the dreams and aspirations of both the slave and the master. And, to succeed in the whole it is necessary to put that success above all other things. Including, master's mistakes.

So in the end, the relationship deserves the slave's support for the master - even when he is wrong.

Postscript:

You are welcome to print or save this post for your own use. Please do not copy it to any public or semi-public forum (including email groups/lists) without my express permission. Thanks. All rights reserved. (I write this postscript because after-the-fact someone wrote to me to inform me that they had copied a prior post I wrote to another list. So, I thought I'd better clarify what my preference/policy is regarding use of what I write.)

B. (the male half of MemphisDsCouple)

(in reply to DarkdesiresNYC)