How do I find a domme? (Full Version)

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ABeric -> How do I find a domme? (8/6/2006 10:08:30 PM)

Hi, I'm 20 years old, just been out on my own for a year, and live in Oklahoma. I'm all extremely new to this. However, I want to be a domme's sub more than anything else right now, and I'm feeling desperate.

I have no earthly idea how to find a domme, or anyone - into this. I'm not having much luck making friends online and well, the upcomming events forum isn't showing much for OK or TX. Am I stuck in Vanilla land :( ?

If someone could just give advice on what I should do, that would be a big help :)



michaelGA2 -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/6/2006 10:10:37 PM)

all i can say is...good luck on your search...you're young and might find one quickly or it may take months...maybe years to find one. i've been searching for over 10 years...again, good luck and welcome to CM.



formenteralady -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/6/2006 10:40:27 PM)

*shakes head* man Oklahoma, the buckle of the bible belt....but fear not thier's actualy an active s/M scene in Dallas hwere i live, and i know thier are some in Austin, and Houston, as well as some of the smaller towns.       I'm willing to bet Oklahoma City has something, check yahoo groups, and google your intrests and oklahoma city, and see what you can't come up with.  Fear not, thier's kinky people in OK...i worked at a porn store in Dallas long enough to have helped quite a few kinky Oklahoma couples stock up. :D



michaelGA2 -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/6/2006 10:42:27 PM)

having moved from OKC to GA, i know there's an active group out there, just can't recall the name of it. maybe Yahoo has something on it...or Google.



MzMinx -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/6/2006 10:45:02 PM)

Be yourself ....  that is the best advice ..... then work out how to meet people  and   show them  who you are ....

If you cant meet people in real .... chat with people online, in groups,  such as the forums here ... the more people you have friendly contact with  the more chances of meeting people who will enjoy you for you....  and  then the more chances you have of finding ones who find you special ....

I  would also  suggest   adding  more to your profile...  you are more than a kink *smiles* .... even if it appears the most important thing  to you right now.... remember  people can only see what you show them ... not  what you think they might see .... so  in your profileinclude things   .. like wht peopel notice about you .. what makes you special.. what you love doing ...  what type of person you seek and why .... what you offer

and  take advantage of what ever real life opportunities you have of meeting people in safe ways ...  *smiles* ...

good luck in your search



LordDarkPleasure -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/6/2006 10:50:32 PM)

First, depending on how many people you dated before, I'd say do not reject that vanilla world like you said ;)  the main reason for that being that finding that special someone is one thing, having that special someone is another.  make sure you know how to date a lady, kinky or not.  I'm saying this because I heard more than one woman complain that some guys into BDSM just restrict themselves to trying to find the right person that they never get the basics of interpersonnal relations.

Now, Collarme is a tool.  You might find the right  person, but you might not too.  But since we have that tool, why not use it correctly?

So first if I were you I'd recheck that  profile of yours its importance is very similar to a CV.  I took a look at it and here is what think from looking at it:

1- No pictures
great I don't know what you look like.  Is it because you're ugly?  are you even serious about this? at least there is no pic of your cock.... and yeah it's true you haven't been on for a long time.

2- Actively seeking... anything that moves
great, someone who's desperate...

3- Text:
I'm looking for someone in AB/DL 
what the hell is AB/DL?

for friendship... or more
cliché! oh well it could be worse... wait, is that all? whoa that guy is an open book! I know everything about him! except maybe... how long you've been interested in BDSM, how experienced you are, or.. well who you are.

I sound mean, but many will really think like that, and my goal is to really just give you some pointers.  Give people a reason to notice you, buddy!



MissAbby -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/6/2006 11:02:17 PM)

Hello ABeric,

Good luck on your search. 

I googled Oklahoma and BDSM.  Here is a link to some Oklahoma organizations.

http://domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/wwwdir/db.cgi?db=org&uid=default&state=OKLAHOMA&view_records=View+Records&ww=on

Here is a yahoo group that focuses on Oklahoma and nearby states.
http://www.centralbdsm.com/

Oklahoma People Exchanging Power
http://www.opep.com/

Oklahoma City's Adult Playground:  Twisted Events
http://www.twisted-events.com/index.php

Tulsa Dungeon Society
http://www.tulsadungeonsociety.org/main.html

Tulsa Uniform & Leather
http://www.tulsaleather.com/welcome1.htm

I'm not sure of the quality of these links, but it's a start. 

As to the Domme question, here are some threads about that. 

http://www.collarchat.com/m_58979/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#58979
How do I find a Mistress?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_338489/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#338489
Finding a Domme

http://www.collarchat.com/m_30125/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#30125
10 Steps for Making a Good First Impression

http://www.collarchat.com/m_227865/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm
Guidelines for finding a Mistress

***

Best of luck!







DoctorDubious -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/6/2006 11:30:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ABeric

Hi, I'm 20 years old, just been out on my own for a year, and live in Oklahoma. I'm all extremely new to this. However, I want to be a domme's sub more than anything else right now, and I'm feeling desperate.

I have no earthly idea how to find a domme, or anyone - into this. I'm not having much luck making friends online and well, the upcomming events forum isn't showing much for OK or TX. Am I stuck in Vanilla land :( ?

If someone could just give advice on what I should do, that would be a big help :)



Hey Hey A.... and all gentle readers,

Grab a notebook,
read a whole shitload of Domme's profiles,
and take some notes on what they say they want.

Use those note of "domme-wants"
to see what desires of theirs that you can
honestly fulfill....

Be yourself,
but, if you really want to submit,
base your profile.... honestly....
on fulfilling the main requirements that
you have discovered many of the Domme's ask for.

Don't throw up a million barriers,
don't whine in public like some do here....
and don't come across negative, needy, or nutty.

After your profile is written in an honestly-attractive
way, then politely, gently, and "subby", approach a few,
demonstrate in the email that you actually read and understood
their profile.... and give a hint as to the kind of man you are.

Speak honestly on the forums.

That should work as a start...

DD
PS.... also, moving to a palace of perverts like LA
might be worth considering.... this place is full of
wonderful kinky people..



carolsea -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/6/2006 11:39:13 PM)

Also found these on thebdsmeventspage.com

Erotic Electric SIG
www.bdsmlife.net/sig/E-stim/index.html

Oklahoma
House of Darkwatch
groups.yahoo.com/group/darkwatch

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
LiNK (Leather in Kink) Oklahoma
www.link-oklahoma.com

Pansexual
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
NLA Oklahoma City
colight.com/nla-okc

Pansexual
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Oklahoma Dominant SIG
www.bdsmlife.net/sig/okdom/index.html

Pansexual
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Tulsa Dungeon Society
mybdsm.com/pages/TulsaDungeon

Pansexual
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Tulsa Uniform And Leather Seekers Association (T.U.L.S.A)
tulsaleather.com

Leather/levi
Tulsa, Oklahoma



Jasmyn -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/7/2006 12:15:57 AM)

LDP
 
AB/DL  = adult baby/diaper lover ...



mons -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/7/2006 2:46:24 AM)

greeting dear
 
i must say it might be your age. some may disagree on this one but i had wonderful submissive write to me and then i find they are younger then i would train but i am sure just as your a submissive at twenty there are some dommes who are a littel older and hey they may speak with you, one thing be as real as possible and write with sinerce thoughts and wishes for what you want and need i do iwsh you luck i am sure you will find someone.
 
mons



thetammyjo -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/7/2006 9:54:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ABeric

Hi, I'm 20 years old, just been out on my own for a year, and live in Oklahoma. I'm all extremely new to this. However, I want to be a domme's sub more than anything else right now, and I'm feeling desperate.

I have no earthly idea how to find a domme, or anyone - into this. I'm not having much luck making friends online and well, the upcomming events forum isn't showing much for OK or TX. Am I stuck in Vanilla land :( ?

If someone could just give advice on what I should do, that would be a big help :)


No offense but whenyou feel desperate for a partner that is the worst time to be looking for one. That desperation is either going to drive people away or attract people you may not really wish to attract.

First thing is to find groups in your area -- and no, don't expect them all to post on this board, you will have to really look to find things. But I know they exist because I've met folks from Oklahoma at other events around the USA. I'd look for munches first. Also plan and save so you can travel when you find an event.

Second, do some reading, not online but offline in books. Depending on the attitude of your libraries you might find something but I'm betting you'll need to use Amazon.com or an online place like Greenery Press or KinkyBooks.com or Daedalus. Look for reviews of books and read them before you purchase them -- books are an investment and unless you have a good deal of money you want to make wise choices. Even though I write fiction, I recommend non-fiction over fiction for people starting out. If you search for threads on books on this board you will find many.

Third, get to know yourself. I try not to be ageist -- I got Fox when he was 19 afterall -- but from what your OP says you need time to figure out who you are and what you are looking for. The move you know about yourself, the better you can represent yourself when you find a potential partner.

Getting to know yourself also, in my opinion and experience, means not limiting yourself to finding "The One". As you go to events and learn, you might find people who you want to just play with at a party or try out a new activitiy with. As long as you are upfront about just wanting to try things out I don't think you'll be viewed negatively especially if you keep sexual contact out of the experimenting and playing. Combine sex with it and you run the risk of being seen as "only in it for the casual sex" -- not a good move for most of us.

After you've done all of this then you may have to make a decision about where you live. Sometimes we have to move and change our lives around to achieve certain goals. Every place you live will have pluses and minuses. When you know how much BDSM is a part of you, then you can make a decision that includes access to BDSM events and groups in your choice of where to live.

Yeah, this may take years. As much as it feels like you are desperate for a dom right now -- consider how much better it may be when you've spent the time in self-growth and can find better partner(s).



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/7/2006 10:41:37 AM)

Welcome to the boards, ABeric. I am assuming this means Adult Baby Eric.
I agree with much of what has been pointed out here.
You say you want to be a Domme's sub more than anything. However, I look at your profile and I immediately read a boy driven by his fetish. And that seems to be all there is to your interest in this lifestyle. It is good to be honest about your need, but how much of a need is it? That is all you talk about, and being an expert on Diapers is the only BDSM related interest showing on your checklist.
Being brutally honest, I have to tell you that this type of play might be acceptable, and even fun, on occasion with the right Lady or Ladies. But being an AB in diapers, and being fed does not a D/s or M/s relationship make. This is actually a lot of work, even for a scene. Some Ladies are not opposed to it for the occasional play time, but what else do you offer in submission? I haven't seen anyting else. Even your chosen screen name indicates that this is how you view yourself.
There is lots going on in Ok. Get to some munches, and do some reading regarding the all encompassing aspects of a D/s relationship. It is much more than the play, and it certainly will not be driven by your fetish needs, which seem very strong.
Stay here at the message boards,, and start working on figuring out exactly where you might fit into things. Right now, and this is not so unusual, it appears you are seeking a Domina to feed or serve your fetish. You are not really seeking a Domina to serve.
Be patient. It will take some time and education on your part. You need to decide how flexible you can be, and that will only come with time.



BBBTBW -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/7/2006 10:44:18 AM)

Hello Eric,

YES there are some lifestylers in OKLAHOMA.  I am one of them.  I have recently disengaged my profile here on collarme because I am considering stepping away from the lifestyle.  It IS VERY difficult to find real time participants here in this grand ol state.  I have been seeking a slave for over a decade.  I have attended some of the functions from the various groups and I never will again (but that is just me) I have a whole set of issues with most of them as do a few other people I am acquainted with.  We had considered starting our own group but decided it was a bad idea because of the main reason...racism within the other groups.  

I do have to say your particular desire might play a very LARGE part is your inability to find a DOMINANT.  I, for a time was a keeper/Mommy of an AB and although it was positive for the most part, it was a LOT of work and definitely more than I am willing to do at this point in my life.  I do wish you good fortune in your search and encourage you to check out some of the groups, you definitely won't encounter the issues I did and that might make for a posititive experience for you.

Ms Loren



popeye1250 -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/7/2006 10:50:39 AM)

Stand on a street corner downtown with a big sign;
"WILL WORK FOR BEATINGS!"
See what happens.
Maybe you'll have a Mistress stop before the Holy Rollers or the Cops do and start hitting you with their Billy Clubs.
Hey! Maybe it'll be a sexy FEMALE Officer!
("OH GOD! HiT ME AGAIN, SUGAR TITS, PLEASE, PLEASE!")



LaTigresse -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/7/2006 10:54:33 AM)

or as benji once suggested, check the sofa cushions



popeye1250 -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/7/2006 11:03:56 AM)

Or, move to Texas.



LaTigresse -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/7/2006 11:45:43 AM)

We all know the Iowa dommes are just big fakes anyway![:D]



CuteIrishM4F -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/7/2006 11:47:34 AM)

ABeric,

Don't give up. i don't intend to! Good luck on your search.

althalus



MHOO314 -> RE: How do I find a domme? (8/7/2006 2:39:06 PM)

Domina's 'R us?



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