PerhapsitsFate
Posts: 42
Joined: 11/30/2004
Status: offline
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~explanation~I was considering introducing myself here, and what to say, when alot of emotions seemed to pour out while reflecting about exactly who I am. This doesn't say it all, but it gave me an outlet and hopefully others a view into my soul.
Who I Am....
I wanted to write an introduction here, and during my reflection I've found that I cannot put it into just a few lines, so bear with me.....
I am naturally submissive, I have lived as a lifestyle submissive, but found that for me I prefer BDSM being something I do, rather than something I am. I don't judge others for their choices in the lifestyle, but this is merely the path I have chosen to walk at this time. What the future holds for me I don't know, I am following my heart at this time. I have developed the ability to Top, though I have always hated the term Switch. My switching ability was developed to fulfill fantasies of past partners, and I've found that not only do I enjoy it, I am quite skilled, though I am happiest when I'm allowed to give myself totally. I love and admire the beauty of a true M/s~D/s relationship. The silent knowledge each has of their roles, and the way they do not have to constantly strut or prostrate themselves, in turn, to prove they are who they know they are. I am fortunate, having know several long time lifestylers, to have mentored at their feet, and immersed myself in their knowledge. I am proud that they took their time to show me the old ways and the right ways... you see... though I living my lifestyle, my way, at this time... I am in fact well trained and given the right situation I am one that someone would be proud to have serve them.
I am a workaholic. Driven and aggressive. Uncompromising about the level of perfection in myself and my employees. I love my job, having searched for my professional niche for many years, I've found that hospitality is my home. I love finding that one extra step that makes someone's stay in my hotel positive and memorable. I am always at work, if it is after 8am or before 9pm, and you ask me where I am, the answer will generally be the same... work. I'm demanding, as one of my employees told me just today... "you're a hard a$$".. but she doesn't know how I feel every time I have to scold, reprimand, deny or even fire someone, that I cry when I am alone. It's not my nature to be mean to anyone, but it is my job to see that the desk runs perfectly, and that everyone else is happy.
I am the cynic. You cannot say to me... "TRUST ME".... you have to say..."Let me prove myself to you". I once had the faith of a child, blindly giving, and more often than not being hurt. I'm damaged goods, my heart and spirit broken nearly beyond repair. I am the one that met the one... after years of looking at people through eyes shadowed with mistrust, but he gentled me and won my heart, in record time. He stripped my soul bare and stood me in front of a mirror, not liking the person I saw there, I begged his forgiveness. I promised faith in him. He then tore me apart piece by piece. I AM LOST. I still love him, because of the connection of our spirits, but I hate him for how he has worked to destroy me. I am a fool.
I am the one you can whisper your deepest darkest fantasies and fetishes to, without fear that I would pull away from you in revulsion. Beyond things that are illegal, immoral or overly dangerous I will join you eagerly on the path of your desires. My eyes reveal my soul, thus the reason I am scared to look deep into your eyes soon after meeting. My forwardness and aggressiveness is bravado... and faced with One who exudes who he is, I am demure and shy. I am faithful to myself, you and above all us. You see I said "myself" first, for I finally learned, after many years of losing myself after every break up, that I must take care of myself. He called me selfish, because he told me he was leaving me, and I cried for him not to go.
I am tactile. I need to feel you. I need to kiss you. I need to sense your presence.
I am opinionated and intelligent. Not afraid to share my thoughts, though I have paid over and over again for my mouth. I'm sassy and love to laugh. Preferring a tickle fight over a verbal one. I am spontaneous and seek to find the things that make you smile, and exploit them. I'm determined to become the best person I can possibly be. I am evolving and learning every day. I am a work in progress.. and I am ok with that... knowing that if I quit growing I become stagnant and less of an asset to the people in my life.
I am a girl. I have terrible car problems often. I am afraid of snakes, spiders and most bugs. I will stand in a room calling for help rather than walking under a spider on the doorframe. I am girly... I love makeup and high heels. Dressing up just for the pleasure of it. I love sexy lingerie, not just for the person I am with, but for the way it makes me feel. I don't like to take out the trash and will wheedle my way out of it almost every time. I am a wonderful cook and love to show off. I am an auntie, and still wonder at the depth of the love I have for my niece and nephew. I am "mommy" to my 11 year old toy poodle, Princess. I am the oldest of 4, and I love my siblings, even if we are all stubborn and often fight over silly things. I am a believer in true love and fairy tales. Despite disappointments, I still ultimately believe that love at first sight is real and that soulmates do exist. I am searching, praying, believing
I am who I am, one line, phrase or thought cannot possibly define who I am. The only one that even comes close is... I am EVOLVING.
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Who I Am... bear with me... it's a doozy - 
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RE: Who I Am... bear with me... it's a doozy - 
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